HTB not mature and sensible

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poohbear80

New Member
do u gals have encounter that yr HTB is not mature and sensible? As in, does he has a problem informing pple his whereabout.

mine somehow is... He has always problems telling people his schedule (to me, parents and even bosses). E.g. last sat, he is unable to saturday cos of a full day workshop we are attending. But he did not tell his boss till Fri night. Last min, they have to re-shuffle manpower as his office only consist of 4-5 people. And if he is working late, he don't inform me nor his parents.

He also don't plan ahead. I am getting very frustrated over his attitude. I have spoken to him several times over 2 years about his mindset. His dad also spoke to him but no changes.

How should I do?
 


Strawberry,
erm... so not well organise = insensible n not mature?????
I don't think is has anything to do with being mature anot wor... more on the sense of responsibilities. if 1 person is v responible irregardless to job or families i dun tink he will do this. be4 married he did informed u his where about/schedule?
 
hi strawberry,

such disorientation in planning is hard to change. Both parents and yourself have communicated with him for long enough to realize you probably will not see any drastic improvements on that.

ask yourself, can u live with that? Then, you plan your steps based on what you can and cannot accept. I have no advise on HOW TO CHANGE HIM. No one can. Only he can change himself.
 
hi piggy,

"be4 married he did informed u his where about/schedule?"

HTB = Husband to be. So, I think they are not married yet.

Strawberry,

Responsibility is one thing but if someone have been more or less alone all the time, i.e. working and doing things alone, he would find it difficult to adapt. To him, it would be REPORTING to u and parents like a kid.

Of cos, this isn't your intention. But seriously, the reason why he is resistant to it could be because he doesn't really believe in the need and use of informing. Frankly, this informing thing is not always as important as we see it. The MOST common reason is they are worried something bad has happened when the person goes MIA. But, if for 2 yrs, he is always like this, are you really worried everytime? Not quite... rather, we are just so frustrated for the no show, let down and inability to contact the person.

To share, personally, I don't like to commit on planning that I'm unsure about. I prefer to work on some rough planning and then be flexible about it. instead of just disappearing, setting the right expectation for you and parents should be more appropriate. All I can say is, this is something natural. Guys tend to do it. But, I do agree that its not a good thing and everyone and learn and improve from it.

When I OT, the question are always, how late, how long more, should I wait. Dinner plan how etc. Frankly, these questions are not appreciated at the moment when one is occupied and stressed with work. We cannot always predict how long it will take to investigate and resolve issues or how long the meeting will take.

Its actually a learning curve. One would need to learn to communicate the right expectation while the other will have learn to be flexible about it. No point placing so much hope and expectation when u know he is busy and schedule is likely to be impacted. I believe managing expectations is a 2 way thing because expectations can never be completely eliminated.
 
Men and Women think differently...
Stuff women think impt, men dun feel it...
and vice versa.

Dun try to change someone into another person.
It wont work at all and you wont feel happy too.

When men feel a need to be responsible,
they will spring into action without women reminding...
 
there are some influence of gender traits.
that is very true.

But... "When men feel a need to be responsible,
they will spring into action without women reminding..."

Not true. Every person differs. Some pple are just plain insensitive, irresponsible and individualistic. i.e. they do not think about others feelings at all.
 
strawberry,

for a start, if u guys have plans and he cannot make it, u should insist that he notify you. This is important to set his expectation right.

But when he does notify u, be understanding and quick about it. Don't call him upon receiving the sms and expect some complete analysis on the planning, discuss the new plan etc. Such stuffs are to be done AFTER the crisis and not during it.

Encourage him to take note of his appointments on mobile or computer with automated reminders. He will be convinced of its effectiveness when the situations do occur. Maybe a blackberry mobile will be a good xmas gift.
happy.gif
 
milo,
heehee thank for highlighting i miss the "HTB" keke..

Strawberry,
personally i do not like to report every movement of mine to my HB but if i work late or wun be home early i do let him know.. so i expect the same from him and the reason y i need him to do tt n i am glad my HB did as wat i requested...i tink it more abt the characters of individual like wat milo say " Some pple are just plain insensitive, irresponsible and individualistic

married life is v different from paktor so if now u cant std it u mus ask ur self can u std it in long term? if not break n look for some1 who is more suitable for u?
 
He doesnt need anything , he jus need a PDA phone to remind of himself the schedule and promised that he has make in the future. this type of person like to agree to all sort of things and like to juggle around activities. to him is an acheivement to do a lot of things in one day. dats why he also dun like to restrict into reporting or what . but a pda will serve as a reminder to what and how much time he can hold on to .
 
Cuc, I think the bf has a problem in keeping to time and schedules, including those of work. I think that is quite serious.
 
when it comes to work, yes i would understand it .. time is money la. but in a relationship, is it so serious to warrant a break-up? like that, am i being too lenient with the husband - he's always late.
 
Serious in terms of his career advancement but not necessary to the manager. He just needs to be given tasks that needs him to work independently mostly and the manager constantly chasing him for the status.
happy.gif
 
Milo is right. It's not just about keeping time on personal appointments. Your partner, family or friends can close one eye, but at work such a person may have difficulties keeping to time and also work schedules! Bosses, colleagues and clients would view this as incompetence or lack of professionalism. They are not obligated to be understanding as you inconvenience them in the course of their work. If he is even a little bothered by this level of forgetfulness of his, he would have helped himself by setting reminder on his mobile calendar.
 
I'm actually speaking abit about myself :p
I admit I'm a scatter brain. So, the Outlook calendar is very important. The next part is to get a mobile that sync well with my calendar.
happy.gif
 
wah lyn, u stalk me ah?
i come here sing song, u also follow ah??

yes milo, you are right abt my last sentence...
it depends on individual...
happy.gif
 
Actually, got software that can be installed in your mobile phone to synchronise with your desktop Outlook calendar. For example, pfingo (www.pfingo.com).

Actually, I can be quite forgetful over "minor" things. For example, I can forget that I had to get groceries for my mom after she told me to the night before haha
 
wah my boss is Milo identical twins...
if his phone can't sync with his outlooks etc...
it's as good as a dummy phone... :p
 
Serious anot depend on strawberry on how much she can tolerate. as she mentioned his HTB bad habit have caused inconveniency to his colig as well rite? also now it not abt late or din inform abt his schedule from wat i see his no future plannin is also a concern for strawberry...

actually irregardless of usin mobile or other means to remind ourselves u mus put in the effort in keyin in the reminder. the question is does strawberry HTB even bother to do tt???
 
of cos i saw the earlier post u first mah
think koi refer to the one u stalk her on the sing song part lah..

wei, better ciao here wait kena humtum!
 
tyra
u better dun ciao!!!

koikoi wrote:
" wah lyn, u stalk me ah?
i come here sing song, u also follow ah?? "

yes she's refering to the sing song part but she said im following her....

u better read properly!!

KO time!!
 
Hi guys

Thanks for the comments/replies.

Its not abt REPORTING to me. Its more of accountability. I always ended waiting for him for 2-3 hrs ...Yes hours. I dont mind waiting at times if he is busy. I am sure he can jus sms me to tell me he is being held up.

Maybe I did not explain clearly in my first posting. Even if he works late, he dont let me know. I am not trying to change him but changing him to be more reponsible.

My HTB is not forgetful. He jus do not want to inform.

Sorry that my posting is alittle off the flow. I am jus trying to reply/answer to those who has posted ur views
 
hi strawberry,

when I said 'reporting', I repeat that it is not your intention but its often HOW the guy would feel. Get my point?

And I dun quite understand the don't want to inform part. You mentioned that even in work, he doesn't want to inform his boss and colleages, that is pretty strange. I would understand the part of not calling back with one got held back at work. But to intentionally not inform his boss? HE is as good as sabataging himself.
 
ok ... time for mushiemaro

warning ! solution is LAME .

rather than you go the hard way .. why dun you go the soft way..

dont inform your whereabouts and make him worry about you. finally just tell him .

Dear i am worried and feel insecure everytime i dont feel your presence. can you just update me if you are outside or working ot. so i can feel safe at heart ?

haha .. but will backfired also becareful ..

no point reasoning out in this situation. i percieve he does has some gd points which u like or else u will not wan to marry him.. so magnify the gd and minise the bad.. to have a better marriage life.
 
I think he is just a bo chup guy living in a world of his own. This type of guy is the best being his own boss cos when you are the boss, you no need to tell anyone about your absence in office! Ha ha a future entrepenur in the making...
 
own biz also need to be answerable and responsible for the clients one leh.

Entrepreneur in the making... I think not.
 
own biz need to be answeable yes .

but like donald trump . u think he needs to be responsible ? .. they are so rich that they get bored and organise a reality show to take part .
 
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