How to split wedding banquet (&etc) costs btwn bride & groom?

[waltine]

Hello to everyone! (this is my first post)

What is the etiquette for splitting wedding costs between the couple? This includes wedding banquet, attire, vendor hire... everything except wedding rings which will be a gift to each other, from one another.

We do not have parents to assist with costs. So in-laws will not be involved in the arrangements.

95% of wedding banquet guests will be mine. lol. Yah he has a small family.

He is not Sgrean, and comes from a culture where brides pay most of their wedding costs. After I put together a spreadsheet of costs, he has offered to pay 60% of our costs.

My mother thinks he should be paying for 80% instead. Or else I should take all the ang pow instead of using it to defray the costs of the wedding. Is that a fair call?

We're both working people now earning our own money, he earns more than me, we don't have any help with the costs, and the wedding banquet is basically treating my family. So, I think 80% is asking a bit much.

However, I want to know what is done 'out there'!? What should the groom be doing, expenses-wise? What about the bride? I am the only one in my generation in my family tree, so don't have anyone to share notes with about weddings.

Thanks in advance!

 

[september]

I nt sure abt his and ur culture. But for me and my hb, we hv a joint account and each of us will put in equal amt in monthly which is used for things for our new house to wedding. Certain things that he shld pay like wedding rings and treating his 'brothers' it is his own $$. My own $$ is on medi/pedi, my facial, my gift and treat for my jie meis etc...

we used the ang pows to pay our banquet. it is modern time le...no really such things as who shld pay more or wat lor.....it is really up to individual.

for ur case, I think u shld be glad tat he is willing to pay for 60% since u mention his culture is the female side pay most of their wedding cost. What ur mother think is nt so impt, coz u r the one who is gng to live with him in future. wat is ur thinking is more impt.

 

[sweetpie87]

Hi WL,

Seems like your FH is either Caucasian or Indian, if I may guess correctly. Still, if his culture is fully paid by bride, I guess it's great that he's helping you to pay 60%.

I agree with Diana as of using the ang bao money. Anyway it will be yours eventually so why not use it? Still, as Chinese usually does, you should let you parents keep their share as agreed. Then it will likely not cause any conflicts I believe.

 

[zsw]

Hi WL,

I agree with Diana. For us, we split everything equally even the customary stuff which the guy is suppose to cover, we split the cost. Except for the proposal ring of course.

And we will use the red packets to offset whatever cost incurred. But personal things like mani/pedi, sisters' dresses I will pay out of my own pockets. and since he not asking his brothers to specially wear a particular type of shirt or pants, he doesnt need to spend the money on them just red packets.

But like Fiona mentioned, if your mum requests to keep the red packets, better talk to her first and see if she's ok to let you keep. Else better to set aside your budget for all these.

 

[cysta]

I agree to splitting up the costs else it's quite tough on the guy!

Told my mum that the banquet and stuffs will be paid by me and HTB so we will use the angbaos to offset the banquet.. In worse case scenario, if she's unhappy, I'll just "bao" a big red packet for her out of my pocket lor coz my mum at most will only invite 2-3 tables of ppl?

Btw I'll pay for the wedding band coz he paid for the proposal ring.. =)