How to overcome this?

U

unhappybtb

New Member
Can anyone guide me how to overcome the unhappiness from my past?


I am a BTB and AD in 4mths.

I love my fiancé a lot and I really want to do my best to overcome my past as I want to have a healthy r/s and marriage with him.

I was badly mentally assaulted from my previous relationship. Although it has been years ago, but I still couldn’t let it go. Memories of pain come and go and could only bring me to fear and tears. He had utterly ruined my life during that time and it took me awhile to stand up again.

I am just a normal gal. I am not career minded, nor expect to earn big $$. I am just someone who had a job where I worked as my passion. I am not a workaholic but the work commitment often draws me to several overtime or even overnight work.

When I was at my peak in my career, I was thrashed down by him~ everything down into bits and pieces.

We got into big arguments whenever I need to work late. How late is late? How many of you out there work overtime at work. Official time-off at 6pm~ he will be unhappy if I leave work at 6:30pm. It got worse every time if my hours drag longer as late nights started to pour in eventually when deadlines of projects draw nearer. Speaking to him was helpless as I got backfired every time, claiming that I was defensive. I do not understand why my explanation about my work background can be defensive.

The arguments grew bigger at each time. I do not know if its still consider an argument as it ended up only one person shouting, and the other taming down the other party. During then, I thought of nothing but tried my best to pamper him with words as thought I could have neglected him with my work. Threats were thrown in while I was at work. I broke down and cried in front of my clients, bosses and my juniors. I felt disgrace and ashamed. I had shown them my incapability and emotional aspect of mixing work and personal together.

I went into depression shortly within that 2 months as this goes on… I got hell from him not only with work matters, but also other personal matters. Nothing was right to him. I ended up in hospital 3 times in total and I remembered once he was there cursing and swearing at me when the paramedics were there to calm me down. I lost my job eventually. I had failed my company tremendously…

I rested at home before I started my job search. But there were no peace for me. If I don’t work, he would make another hoo-ha that I have too much free time. I really do not know what I should do. I can only search for jobs towards his preference, which is sales - I am not any salesperson as it had never been my cup of tea. He sees good earnings and commission out from it, and wanted me to go for it. He’s nuts, but I’m silly, I obliged and my depression went deeper.

Thoughts of leaving him did flash through my mind after all these encounters. But before I could speak out my mind, I was threatened… that he would harm me and my family if I ever leave him. I relented as I was helpless.

These were like a cycle~ never ending till months later. Just one fine day, I supposed I was waken from my senses, I brought up my courage and walked out from him ever since. I had enough from him but my courage limits me to a level as fears from his threats never leave my mind till now. He said he will not harm me, but will plot and wait for the right time to do harm to my love ones. I’m lost to what he said and will do. Will he ever do anything of such? He knows where I stay, and at times, I will feel paranoid as if someone was stalking me.

At times I wanted to contact his friends as none of them know about all these. In front of every other, he appeared to be Mr Nice, but at their back, he is a totally different person. It seems to them that I am a bad person who had dumped their pal, coz none of them ever know how thrashed I had been. I hope to contact them, to warn them to keep a lookout, not to have another victim like me.

How? Anyone? What can I do to relieve myself?
 


Move on. If he stalk you, report him.

And share your fears with your partner. Don't hide everything and live in fear.
 
scary..report to police that you have such threats..his threats are sms?then show to the police

u can live better w/o him
scary...

this man i find is just a coward...he only threatens those weaker than him..no sense of shame
 
I had moved on. In fact happily settled in another r/s. But bad memories just came to n fro to haunt me. It was a bad trauma which I want to totally erase off or rather be cool bout it when I think of it.

My htb is aware of this and we recently just spoke bout it as I had a break down recently. Its not only the fear, but the trauma he had brought to hurt me. Think that was my most most down period in my life.

I couldnt bring myself to forgive him for all the pain he brought to me. But... I want to end this... maybe with a open heart, everything will be relieved. But how can I go about it? I have been wanting to talk to his friends... do you think it helps?
 
There is nothing to forgive. Its about letting go. He is nobody to you now. So, don't hold on to the strong emotions. Have nothing to do with him and channel your energy on things that truly matters to you. i.e. your future. That is in your hands. For sure, the past hurt will haunt you. But you can take small steps to let go and recover. It starts by cherishing what you have now.

Each time, those memories will continue to bother you but less and less through time. There is no need to avoid it. It will flash back in your mind, just learn to deal with positively with your current happiness.
 
His threats were verbal and its been years. I doubt the police able to do anything now. If he gonna do harm or if I ever see him on the street near my home compound, I will sure to report him.

Then another thing... he still keep my photos in his friendster(friendster was popular then b4 facebook), I happened to log in to friendster after all these years, check out on his page, and saw my photos still up there which is really disturbing.
 
Like I said, its the past. Why does it bother you so much? If he isn't harrassing you, what's there to report? Report him if he really stalk and harrass you. If no, then build on your new life.

In a way, its yourself that is not letting go and allowing it to haunt you. There is no need to react to the memories. It will be there, you can only recover from it if you choose to. Stop looking at things to hold grudges on. But on things that matters to you. The more you use your positivity to handle it, the better you get in coping with the past. The more you allow it to drag you and make you feel lousy, the more you will subconsciously allow it to linger.

Whatever hurt he has done to you, its bad and cruel. But, its the past. What is the present? Putting it bluntly, you are self victimizing yourself but blind to it. You are doing onto yourself the same hurt repeatedly by refusing to let go. Its no longer him that is hurting you. Its you allowing your memories to hurt you continuously. That cruelty is self inflicted. Stop torturing yourself and look ahead. The more you see it as his fault and you being totally powerless to move on, the more you cannot move on. Empower yourself. You can surely get on with life. It is within you to get over him. Not him.
 
maybe u just gently a message in frendster
that you wish ur photos to be removed..
coz it has been years..
no point..

if he refused...nothing u can do abt
at least u still try..
he is nobody to you now..like milo say..

forget it..same as u cant stop pple's mouth from talking...pples hands n legs from action..
 
Milo~ how to let go? I want to.. but how? I'm unhappy now and I really want to break myself free from these. I can't afford to have another break down again, its just gonna hurt my current r/s and this is unfair to my fiance.

I'm working hard to build my current r/s. But I totally lost it when me n my fiance quarrelled over other matters and I broke down with memories of that jerk haunting me. It was really frightening when I see my hard work of forgeting bout the incident gone to drain.
 
I already mentioned that. Don't expect magic to fall upon you and suddenly you forget. Stop wasting time trying to forget. You will never forget. But, you learn to deal with it. That responsibility is with you.

You need to realize every relationship differs. Conflicts is normal in any relationship, you will definitely have them. But, he is not your ex. You should learn to handle your emotions and conflicts now. Do you fall down and be reminded that you fell each time you walk? No, you become confident in walking now. And you can laugh about it and how silly it was when u fell. It doesn't mean it wasn't painful at all to fall. It still is and will forever be. Similarly, you become confident to cope with your emotions and relationship. It has nothing to do with your past anymore. It is NOW, this man, this relationship, this marriage that you are working on. And it will have its issues, just deal with it and be confident with it.

Believe in yourself and your partner. In the nutshell, it is the lack of faith and believe.

Don't be disappointed with yourself for remembering. There is no miracle. Step by step, you will progress. Till a time, you will not realize you have been running such a long distant with your partner. That's the day, you have completely recovered from it.
 
Another thing, if its affecting you psychologically, seek professional help. No one can help you if you don't take the step to request for it.
 
dimpxtt~ no.. I do not want to text him or do anything that triggered him to contact me. I had deleted all his photos, dumped all his things away, deleted his contact no and even changed my contact. I just dunwan him to get close to me at all

Milo~
yes, I admit I hold grudges on it. And you're right...I am prob the one who is hurting myself, not him. Ok, now I'm able to see this from another perspective. I thank you Milo.

There's no miracle, but I wish there are.

I spoke nothing much of these to my peers, coz i'm afraid I will dwell further. Even when I did, I am always cool on the front. I nv really share my deep emotions with my friends coz I dunhv anyone I am comfortable to confide with. I saw the ugly side of human beings~ hypocrites / 2 headed snakes.

I've been holding to post this thread since last year but often gave up after typing halfway through. I dun dare to face it nor dunno how to handle should anyone reply to my post. But ever since I broke down recently, I think I need to get this right.
 
Psychologically side- I think so far still ok right now. I did call the hotline for help when we were still together as I began to hurt myself physically like pinching and biting myself. Lucky I was sober enough to recognise my deeds and adjusted my thoughts accordingly. Hotline din help eventually as it took them weeks to return my call. ha~
 
unhappybtb,

what i think u need to do here is to process your thoughts and feelings about what has happened in the past, then to integrate those experiences into your identity now. You need to make sense of your feelings, to know what is permissible, what is okay to show and reveal, and what is rightfully yours to show. Once you start to 'learn' from your experiences, you are ready to go.

Go look for professional help.
 
hi unhappybtb,

for me, being about to talk about it is the 1st step to recovery. But everyone is different. If it applies to you, talking to your partner or close trusted friends about your thoughts probably help you to deal with it over time.

Even being able to share over it in a forum like this might help.

And its important that there is no miracle. As painful as it is, it is important to mould the person tomorrow. Without the painful lessons, we will not realize what we want and need in life.
 
Hi unhappybtb,

don't be unhappy and you really need the courage to get over it. I had a similar past as well. Somehow, I didn't trust men anymore. I was totally turned off by the sight of men and eventually even started a relationship with a woman and the relationship lasted 2 years. It only ended because I knew there's nothing wrong with my sexual orientation. It was just that I needed love then and I couldn't trust it with a man. I've since got over and the funniest part was, I found a man (who's my hubby) who is a gentle giant (big in size but tame and kind and gentle type), similar to the personality of a woman which I can accept! LOL!

Anyway I read your post:
"At times I wanted to contact his friends as none of them know about all these. In front of every other, he appeared to be Mr Nice, but at their back, he is a totally different person. It seems to them that I am a bad person who had dumped their pal, coz none of them ever know how thrashed I had been. I hope to contact them, to warn them to keep a lookout, not to have another victim like me."

You know what? This type of people...they are the same! In front of friends and family members, they are really nice and that was how we got attracted to them in the first place. My ex bf's friends had no idea about his behaviour and emotional blackmail too. There is really no point warning others by the way.

You were really strong in ending the relationship so don't let this affect your current relationship and future marriage life. It is entirely possible to get over such past. I've gotten over mine. Work on your relationship with your fiance.

Anyway, that ex bf of mine, I believe, was probably so ashamed that he would even pretend not to know me after so long. Somehow, this type of people behaved in this manner precisely because they don't have the guts. That is why they are trying to terrorise us so that we give in to their whims and fancies. That friendster thing..perhaps he just didn't have the courage to see the pics again and delete them?
 
unhappybtb,

the more u try to forget things - the more u remember. so actually why not just accept them as part of your past, embrace that it made u stronger for who u are, and Be Ready for a New Life.

take good care...
 
life goes on after a bad breakout

i have lots of knocks n bruises..along e way

do wat u want now and tresure wat you have now..
if you find tat sthg is not right, run away..dun dwell deeper and deeply..
dun waste time..

time is not on us women's side..
 
Hi all

Thanks for your great advices. guess I do really need time to overcome this.

Milo~ I not really the person who can talk things out with any friends. I don't trust them, coz too many had been bitching to me bout their other friends. Me n my partner does communicate healthily on problems and issues in life. Tho he does know I am bothered by this incident, he doesnt know how deep my scar is. I don't want him to worry too much. He had already bearing alot from me.

Powder~ I agree with you. The more I gonna think, the more tiring I am. I do not know when my New life will appear. Gonna learn to relax now.
 
"he still keep my photos in his friendster(friendster was popular then b4 facebook), I happened to log in to friendster after all these years, check out on his page, and saw my photos still up there which is really disturbing."

His Friendster account is probably left there without maintenance. That's why the old photos are still there.

Agree with what Milo and Powder have said. Let your past be past.
 
denise80

I found a gentle man too but he's not a giant, just tall and lean. Dotes on me till I will say too much...

Thats great for you to have overcome your problem. I hope I can... No! I believe I can & I know I can. I just need time... 1 yr 2yrs... 5yrs.. I know eventually I will.

I am struggling with another thoughts. Since having his friends in my Facebook account does create a stir in my mind. Maybe I should just delete them off so I will not brood much further to 'complain' to them. But in my another mind set, Wanna keep them so they will be updated with my life, hopefully they gonna share with him how happy my life is without him. Woman being woman~ this is just sooo a woman's behaviour. =)

If I gonna see him now, my immediate reaction would probably turn n run away... but I wish there's one fine day, I can go up n smile to him. When this happen, I know I have recovered.
 
doLL

Hmm.. his friendster acc is still active coz have seen new photos uploaded and new friends added. If I dun remember wrongly, friendster does auto post when the user last log in and it stated either within 24hrs or 1week.
 
well u have abit of the 'older generation' syndrome going there... thinking too much of the past and tapping into it.

one of the Greatest Skills in Life... which i Personally feel is Very Very Crucial... is Learning to Let Go. milo has repeated that to u a few times... this is something that ALOT of local pple have problems with - therefore they have problems all the time. especailly when it is coupled with a ä¸ç”˜å¿ƒ / ä¸ç”˜æ„¿ element in it.

u'll need to build up this portion of your strength in order to live a happier more satisfying life... of cos the down-side is that most pple think that i'm a very cold person... most pple may take months to grieve a death, i take maybe 3days to a week? i dun do serials-dramatic reactions... i dun starve and grow a beard simply becos my gfren/wife left me... i continue to live life becos there's only 1 life and it's made up of time... hours and mins and seconds... dun waste them over things u cannot change.

learn to Accept bad things as much as u want Good things...
 
I didn't tell my fiance bout the photo. He knew my photo were there when we just dated and wasn't really happy bout it. If he gg to find out that they're still there now, I think he will be very uncomfortable with it.
 
"If I gonna see him now, my immediate reaction would probably turn n run away... but I wish there's one fine day, I can go up n smile to him. When this happen, I know I have recovered."

unhappybtb, it seems you are trying to prove something to him, like you are better off without him. Do you think he cares? And why do you care about what he thinks of you?

I know I have gotten over my ex-hb and ex-bf when their opinion about me does not matter to me anymore. I am happy with my current life and I prefer to keep it private from my ex-es. And I am happy that they seem to have moved on with their lives too but I don't to know the details.
 
unhappybtb,

pls dun be one of those who spend their time reading and making conclusions via FB/Friendster... it's not only irritating, it's also a huge waste of time...

i hate it when pple tell me abt other pple via their FB checks... seriously, have coffee and catch up, checking FB isn't the way to live life...
 
unhappybtb

as much as you and fiance are unhappy or uncomfortable with the FB pics, he actually has the rights to upload it cos it's how it works, isn't it? nothing you can do abt it, as you're not his gf nor even a friend.

not unless there're some degrading or offensive comments.

in the meanwhile, you should be glad that this life lesson allowed you to meet a much better guy who treats you properly..
 
I still don't get it. Is there a need to dig out and mention to your partner about the photos? If he finds them, so be it. You are not the account holder and nothing you can do about that. If he is seriously concerned about that, he needs to learn to deal with the fact that people has history. There is no way to delete them away. Period.

About not trusting your friends because you hear them bad mouthing other people. Well... it depends what's bad mouthing. Its very typical amongst women and lunch kakis to talk about anything sensational or juicy. But only for karpo sake and having some interesting topics to talk about. I do not take any of such conversation seriously. Because, its mostly gosships and half truths. Good entertainment value to laugh and suan about. But, thats about it.

I'm not going to be concerned and worried who is talking behind my back. I can assure you, others will talk. Others mouths, we have no control and its totally none of our biz also. As long as they are not spreading deflamatory rumours about you, its really OK.

This is one thing you ought to think about. It is in your personality to be overly concerned over matters that isn't important to your life really. And because you place so much emphasis on them, you are always affect by it.

Look at your social circle... its limited by your self-imposed fears. And hence you need to bottle up everything. The more you do that, the more i affects your emotions and u have your vicious cycle that you cannot break away from.

In fact, you can never break free if you are unable to see open. Accept things that are beyond your control. Let it be. Focus on things that matters and you can positively influence. That is how you could turn the situation around. Not siam this siam that, worry this worry that. Sure to blow up with stress you accumulate inside. The right kind of filtering is needed. You remain clear of what is happening but only focus on what matters.

Actually, I don't know if my advise would even help. I couldn't influence a bit my ex to see more open. Nor my mum. But, with my wife, things are easy to understand each other. We influence each other positively. I guess it boils down to the deep rooted thinking each has. If you seriously want to live less stressful. You need to change the mindset to really let go. Learn to laugh at your situation no matter how bad it is and focus only on how to make the best out of it and never on how miserable it is for you.
 
unhappybtb,

after reading the thread, may i ask if you are the type to get easily flustered, upset or of generally nervous temperament?

it seems that he got a hold over you in the past because you are easy to trigger emotionally. you walk around with a big and ostensible button stuck to your forehead, called "Emotions", and anyone who wants to get a piece of you can just help himself and push it. you lose your presence of mind when confronted. you are also very insecure. you believe that other people can trespass into your life anytime, on their whim, and destroy your world.

what im trying to say is - from your description, you are neurotic, paranoid and insecure.

you are strong if you believe you are. you are weak if you believe you are. do you remember the story "Three Little Pigs". what is your emotional state of mind made of, straw or brick? he is nothing but a huff of wind. the crux of the issue is, how strong you are within.

is there no law in Singapore? it is people like you with your irrational, exaggerated belief, almost faith, in the ability of others to hurt you without repercussion to themselves, that allows such people to run amok. if truly threatened, you can always turn to the police, so why fear for nothing?

close this chapter. most of us have ugly secrets or unsavory past that we are ashamed of, which we will not confide in our families and close friends about, which we will even take to our grave. you are not the only one, so get over it.
 
could be some bits of her personality but from the way i look at it, she seems to be suffering from a deep-rooted sort of memory trauma that results in fear and insecurity..
 
I really dun understand...

You said it has happened years ago...you have moved on. It's verbal threats and it was years ago. If he really wants to do harm to you, he would have done it already.

Why are you allowing this past to affect you till now? Shouldnt you have noticed that it is affecting your life? You shld have gotten some help to help you overcome this and not let this drag on for so long.

It was not an ugly past. It wasnt like you have done something so shameful.

You will continue to be trapped in this if you cant let it go. That episode could have long gone from his head. Do you think he still care that it is still bothering you?

As for those photos, well, there is really nothing you or your partner can do. What's the point of getting unhappy about it?
 
doLL

When I mentioned "If I gonna see him now, my immediate reaction would probably turn n run away... but I wish there's one fine day, I can go up n smile to him. When this happen, I know I have recovered." From this sentence, I am not trying to prove anything that I can live better without him, just wanna say, hope there's one day, memories of his deeds to me gone to no fear and I am able to open my heart to be brave to face him / to face my past. And if I am able to do so... it means I have recovered from my past.

It doesnt matter to me how he's been living his life all this while. When I mentioned earlier that I wanna his friends to be updated on my status... probably this is the way to boost my confident? or maybe to prove that I am really much happier. I dunno. My subconscious tell me this but dunno whats the reason.

Powder

Nah~ I am not those who sits there and check others FB/Friendster acc unless they're my close friends / family members with new updates of photos. I have moderate healthy lifestyle... dinner with fiance everynite coz we're staying together, play and tease each other n tease our puppy. Watch tv or chill. On weekends, will bring pup out/ visit his or my family/ meet friends/ out to the sun (no sports)/ cook for him or nua at home. No time for FB during personal time but occasionally does log in to post status or read some others on first time. When I said moderate lifestyle, it means it can get better

Vios

Yup, probably I shouldn't be bothered by that photo. My heart feel much lighted after posting here. That photo~ he can have it n dwell on it if he likes. I wouldn't know what he gonna do even if he nv post it there. I mean, he has my photos, even not at friendster, its still in his PC.. I shouldn't care much or less should he wanna burn them, kiss them or anything. As long so far I know, no harm been done to me. =)

Yes, I've grown up from this lesson, to open my eyes bigger to see this world.

Milo

I do understand pple gossiping behind pple's back as entertainment. I do so too. But what I encountered with my group of galfriends, they bitch n backstabbed one another, I watch their every steps and think it was scary. It turned out quite ugly during then. To think of it, I share my problem more to my guy friends as I do not have much gfs. I just couldn't click with many~ no common topics.

Your advise definitely helps. By posting here already helps a wonder. I feel more comfortable sharing here than sharing to my friends. At least for now, I am not ready yet.

May

I am not sure if you're right about me 100%, but I do feel insecure and no confident. I am not paranoid in any other matters, but when it comes to this, I am.

I am not sure how strong I am, but I know I have strong will, not sure why but I just feel I am. I used to be a perfectionist, but as I grew, I knew it not gonna work to keep myself happy always, I had toned down alot. When I want to achieve something... I will make sure I will do it, and get it right. But when come to this, its my weakness point, maybe I need a longer time.

Maybe becoz of my insecurity... I had fallen deeper dwelling over it. Now I want a wake up call. And I am feeling the sun is rising soon, I hope. =)
 
vios

"could be some bits of her personality but from the way i look at it, she seems to be suffering from a deep-rooted sort of memory trauma that results in fear and insecurity.."

I was admitted to the hospital 3 times coz of him and in my life, i have been healthy. It coz of him, I suffer from anxiety attack and it relaspe again lately. It has never happen after since he vanish from my life. And now it happens, everything flashes back all at once. I couldn't help but linking all these back to its begining.
 
Not only that, other health issue problem arise which might be caused by those attacks too. But these are minors as they're not affecting me much if I am able to take some precaution.
 
hi unhappybtb,

change your nick lah. u r all lovey dovey with your partner what.

You are not alone about finding it harder to confide in such friends. For me, these group aren't even my real friends. We don't need a big amount of good friends but few that are mature wiser ones that will be there to offer the listening ear when u need it. The few really close friends, we are very real and frank with each other. Nothing much that we don't really talk about.

Actually, in my lowest period of my life. I didn't want to talk abt it either. During the entire wake for my dad, none of my friends even knew. Some don't even till now. Only my colleagues knew from the admin assistant.

It was ironic that I have been supporting my friend dealing with her dying father suffering from terminal cancer that I ended up the one grieving over my sudden lost instead. This is life. When it was eventually her turn, I was there to offer the support and condolences as well.

Why I'm skeptical if advises really helps... basically its easy to identify and agree with what is said. But, it takes more than just talking to invoke progress and change. One needs to believe and reflect enough to realize the need and urge to change things. If you want to move on, you surely can master the determination to do so. The weak willed are basically lacking the drive within to really want to get out of their vicious cycle, it is more of the state of mind. And they will forever cling to their way of thinking that is so strongly deep rooted in self misery.
 
unhappybtb: could it be a pre-marital issue? Fearing that your HTB might turn out to be this way?

Forgetting and leaving the past behind are 2 separate issues. Moving on doesn't imply that we forget whatever has happened, but refers to leaving it behind us. We can't change whatever had happen, but more towards looking into the future. You are happy with your fiance, like what you mentioned, hence why let it affect you. No one except yourself can help you move on. What is your fear? Fearing that he might come back for you? This past happened years back, there is no reason for him to come back for you now... right...

We change based on what we went through in our lives... No point dwelling on the past as in how you used to be in the past, esp when you know the old you are gone. WHy not accept the new you?

As for the photos on his friendster, I would say, there is realli nothing much your HTB and you can do about it. Moreover, he is the account holder, leave it to him and let it be. Who cares about the misleading information so long your HTB and you are firm with your r/s right?
happy.gif
 
Milo

ha~ I regretted using this nick also. But I even I changed, the username still remains rite?

I missed my guy friends... they're my poly mates and we've been thru quite a fair bit over the years to our graduation. I am like a boy to them... we fought and argue many times and thrashed things out openly and frankly. Whoever need help, no one will missed out to help. But as we grew, everyone starts to get busy with work/ families etc, we meet less often. Esp for me, after knowing my fiance, I tend to meet friends less often.

He is a lil protective towards me coz he thinks I am clumpsy and dunno how to take care of myself, he will be worried if I ever head home alone late. Therefore, he usually stay out late when I out, just to wait for time to fetch me home. I dun really feel comfy with him loitering out there but it happens only few times coz now, he will always be there to meet my friends.. now my friends also his, his also mine. Just that things changes a little, my guy friends tease me lesser with him around... so things still a little rigid here n there. But I am happy that he is happy to meet all my friends.
 
unhappybtb,

I see you here lamenting about what has happened to you, and how upset/lost/helpless u are. But I don't see you doing anything about it, but whine and lament more. Perhaps what u really wanted here is for us to give you a pat, sayang you, sympathize with u so that u feel that lots of people care about u? If that's the case then of course no need to solve your problem, just bring it everywhere u go and there will be a bevy of people expressing their sympathies and giving advices.
 
Dear BTB,

You have found a loving husband and stepping into a happy new life soon. I am happy for you
happy.gif


From the way you said about your previous relationship, you seemed to be haunted by his past actions; his words are still at the back of your mind. In fact, maybe some small actions from anyone trigger a thought about the past and bring u the fear and trauma. I am not sure how badly u were traumatised by the past....

If you are very affected by it which makes u uncomfortable and uneasy, i would suggest you seek professional help. Maybe a Psychiatrist will help you to find out the cause of the trauma so that you can hit the bull's eye and move on with your new life.

Seeking a professional help does not mean u are "sick" or "unwell".. it is just to help you to feel better. People who cares about you will understand. If you love yourself enough, u should go ahead with the help too.. you may want to consider doing it for the sake of ur marriage too.

I suggest you have a good talk with hubby on this. I am sure he loves u enough to support you in anyway.

Take care.
 
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