How to deal with ex?

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supersparrow

New Member
Hi, i have an ex who is also my god brother. We broke up 2 years ago. Initially after we broke up, he still send me sms or msn me things such as happy CNY or happy bday. Out of courtesy, i will reply him "thanks" or "thanks, same to you". When he got attached to another gal, he stop sms me or msn me totally. We did not have contact in whatever sense for more than 1 and a half yr. During this time, I met my fiance and we are planning to marry in march 2009. However, this ex started sms me out of the blue again! and he had to sms me when i was with my fiance!my fiance knew he was my ex and ask me why he sms me, so i showed him my phone and we read the message together. it said "happy anniversary day". Then over the course of the past week, this ex started smsing me a few more times, about this day about that day. I love my fiance very much and I really look forward to marrying him. In fact, i cant wait for the day to come sooner! think those who have been brides before can feel my excitment, about the big day looming nearer and nearer. Because i cherish my fiance very much, i really don't want anything or anyone to come in between us. I am afraid my fiance my get the wrong idea that i am still in contact with my ex, when in fact i don't. I want to tell my ex to stop contacting me in any sense. But as he is my god brother, how can i do it in the most polite and gentle way so as not to cause him too much hurt? I only want to get the message clear to him that we are over, it's all in the past, and i am happily preparing for my marriage. Will it be better if i tell him over sms or face to face? How should i phrase my words so he gets the idea immediately?
 


Just tell him straight loh.

Theres no such thing as telling someone to leave you alone and stop contacting you without hurting him/her cos no matter how you phrase, it still gonna hurt.

If you tell him in a mild way, he might not get the point too.
 
Alot of my Exs also do sms me frequently. I do not let these text messages bother me at all.
Just mere exchanges of pleasantries... do not mean that they wanna more. Unless their motives explicitly spoken, then I will deal with it.

I actually got a soulmate Ex bf whom we used to keep in contact very frequently but we had to give up this friendship cos his current gf was so insecure of herself and hated our firm friendship. So our emails, text messages lessen gradually. Which culminates to 3 emails exchanges a year now for the past 5 years.

With regards to those ex whom I have no wish to even keep in contact yet they still sms me out of the blue... I simply ignore.

For me... What I will do is... I do not see the need to send the 'Do not contact me again' message. Seem kinda juvenile to me here. I will simply ignore their sms... pretty obvious here! After not getting any reply on their 3rd, 5th or 10th smses... this obvious avoidancce curtly refect ya intentions.

If there is a burning need on ya side to tell this ex off since ya husband-to-be is feeling insecure and might misunderstand this exchange of messages thingy. Do not need to meet him lah! Simply sms your ex and frankly tell him you are not comfortable with the frequent sms and u really have no time now since you are busy preparaing for your coming marriage. Any slow person will get this direct message.

U need to spare some thoughts for your current husband and yaself relationship. Just be firm and frank. Any friend will understand if they ever receive this sort of message.
As for this ex godbrother... no matter how mild or polite you may sound... anyone on the receiving end will not feel good.

Do just do what you have to do... fret not!
 
"But as he is my god brother, how can i do it in the most polite and gentle way so as not to cause him too much hurt?"

How about this :
"Hi, I cherish u as my God bro but need to be also careful of my spouses feelings. I think its not appropriate for you to continue SMS me every bday and anniversary occasion. Hope u can understand." simple straight forward sms.
 
if you make your stand well , i dun see how your htb will have any reaction.

you do not need to reply every single msg he send . slowly he will get bored and just drift away..
 
If he is your god-brother and he sends you SMS on your birthday, new year and such.. should be ok what..

You mean your fiance will be angry over this?

I don't see a big deal. I mean your fiance cannot be so petty right..

If I am your god-brother and you tell me not to wish you happy birthday because your fiance is not going to be happy with it.. yes, I will comply but I will not think much about this so called god-brother relationship? In the first place a bit weird.. ex as god-brother?

I mean even as friends we send best wishes.. so that is the big problem?
 
"happy anniversary day" refers to what anniversary? Not anniversary day or you and ex-bf together rite?

If not, I guess he might just be rekindling contact with you. Maybe he thinks simply that since you are getting married, you won't get the wrong idea from his smses.
 
god-bro? is that like a demotion after u guys broke up? how abt calling a fren a fren instead of all these funny terms when it's not even relevant to the frenship? it's just a popular and nice name to call him by...

anyway, it should not bother u if he's no longer of romantic interest. these things tend to only bother u if u have some remnants of the past left... else, no harm changing hp number and just keeping him on frenster/faceb
 
changing hp number looks like an extreme measure to me.. just because of an ex that keeps sending SMS.. just tell him not to send.. if you are really bothered.. else just ignore it.
 
hi all, thanks for all your advices. he was my god brother for a few years, then we became a couple for 1 yr. but we broke up in the end. yes, when he sms happy anniversary, it meant our past anniversary. as i did not keep in contact with him, i did not tell him about anything, so he doesn't know i am preparing for my marriage. my fiance is feeling abit insecure because he thinks that my this ex most probably just broke up with his current gf and is trying his luck to try to date me, hence my fiance is alittle jealous. initially i was thinking if my ex really insisted on meeting, i would meet him, to tell him in the face i am very blissful now, but meet him only with my arms around my fiance. but although i never reply any of his smses, for the past week he has sent about 10 or 11 already... i was hoping if i dun reply he might get the idea maybe i am not interested in talking to him or i have changed my number. why are some guys just so persistent? really getting on my nerves
 
because my fiance says he does not want me to have any form of contact with my ex, and i have agreed to do so for my fiance. so although i have received many smses, i have not replied a single word.
 
basket.. tell your fiance lah.. send a last SMS to him to tell your ex you are attached.. if need be, ask your fiance to be by your side when you send..

come on, guys cannot be so insecure right.. just sending a REJECT SMS also cannot?
 
I think ya ex is feeling lonely now, trying his luck and also didn't know that you have already been attached... so you really need to make it CLEAR to him.
Don't hesitate further if you are so turned off by his persistence. Message him that you are already attached to a wonderful guy and marrying ya fiance next yr and hope that he can congratulate you instead.

I told the above to two of my persistent suitors; while one kept his distance, the other one remained persistent. His persistence raged for 4 yrs... I refused to change my mobile number cos that would mean I am afraid of him.
So I simply ignore ALL his sms and calls.
Only in recent months I changed my mobile no. not because I am tired of his games... but I found a number I really fancy! Hahaha
 
this is kinda illogical... and i'll be honest, if u had wanted to make things easier - u would have done so by being upfront about something that's not even anything to require any hiding...

it's all these hiding and sneakiness behind things that are so UN-WRONG that makes pple thing u've got something to hide.

telling an ex that u're now attached doesn't sound like the kind of sms that u agreed not to send to your ex. i mean, come'on, have more wisdom than to just take things so literally in-the-face... be logical. just cos u agreed not to have any form of contact does not mean u can't let him know u're attached. else if die-die so strict, it doesn't take alot of intelligence to figure out that u can get a mutual fren to tell him... so u're not really having communication with him.

but if your mutual fren tells him that, and says it's becos yu're not supposed to have direct contact with him - trust me he'll come looking for u. cos that gives him the idea that u wanna contact him but disallowed by your current beau... and the Guy in him will appear again.

so honestly, u gotta set your priorities right. what isit u want? and pls lor... this kind of conditions like no more contact with your 'god-brother'... u agree, but u're saying now u dun wanna lose contact. u should not have to agree to your HTB's request in the first place... and if u feel so strongly, why can't u tell your bfren that u're gonna send him a reply that u're ATTACHED? as if your HTB will disagree..
 
(1) Tell your HTB that you intend to send that SMS to your ex to inform him about your current relationship

(2) Then send that SMS in front of your HTB

How difficult CAN that be?
Supersparrow...I don't mean to be sarcastic...
But you mentioned that you studied psychology as your major in your previous post...

Use what you have learn and applied it here...together with logic!
 
Supersparrow - why make things so complicated for yourself? Don't need to go meet him with your fiance. Since you have not been in touch with this godbrother of yours since you broke up, then isn't it easy to just ignore his smses? Anyway, this should not even be something bothering you.

If I were you, I would perhaps be more bothered with the insecurities my HTB is showing over smses from a man that I am not even interested in. But that's just me...
 
hi supersparrow

can i summarize your worries in my own words?

- Fearing for ex-bf's constant contacts
- Fearing for fiance's unhappiness over ex-bf's contacts
- Fearing that fiance would call off the wedding over ex-bf's contacts

So, the cue is to be honest with your ex-bf abt your upcoming marriage, right?
Then why don't you ask your insecure fiance for his brilliant ideas to achieve this target without telling the ex?

I don't see how this can be HAPPILY done without being upfront with both your fiance and ex-bf. Other than the suggested change of no.?
 
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