Hen do you know to call it quits in marriage? Why is it so hard?

[happyxin]

Hi,

I am contemplating a divorce.. But many things are holding me back.

1)Have 2 kids. Having come from a divorced family myself, it is my greatest wish to be able to provide for my kids a complete family.

2)Apart from the crap, I know in my heart I still love him.

Anyway, in summary, our marriages has been plagued with much difficulties from the start, and we have both put in effort to try to get things going. However, recently, our rs has been plagued with much unhappiness mainly due to

1)I cannot understand his need to flirt with other ladies. For the past year, from simple searching of (pretty & single)internet ladies to befriend, to seriously trying to date a lady.

I am not a wait and see if i can catch him red handed kind of person, cos I believe, infidelity does not start when they go on the bed. So I confronted him straight away, everytime when i got to know and ask him why he did what he did. Initally he will deny but after showing "evidences", he will then admit that it is only in the name of "fun".
Which flabbergasted me, cos why does a married person want such fun?

And it is not as if I am not readily available for him. More of he always reject my advances and affection.

I told him I feel hurt from the collective acts but he doesn't do anything to assure me or comfort me.

and till date, he has not apologise for his actions or behaviour. leaving me to heal the hurt myself and he carry on like nothing happened and only lament that I do not trust him.

I am trying hard myself to heal nad move on, but how can i "just trust him" when he himself doesn't want to help build back the trust? I still catch him chatting and cooing up girls, and inside me, there's not so much anger anymore but more saddening and disapponted. its like he is so ready to give the attention to others while i have to plead him to look my way.

2)Him spending most of his free time gaming and having the wrong priority.
eg:, just on thursday, our elder gal was to go for an enrichment class that she expressed keeness. He promised to bring her there. But when it was time to go and we were running late, he keep asking us to wait for him till he get his gaming stuff "right" before he leave. His game had a one day maintainence and when it was up, he was all over it.
I have understand his need to play game, even to the point, give in/give up cos he will game thru out the night and sleep thru the day, leaving me to deal with work, kids and chores.
anyway, i just told him, "your clock is slow, we are already late and we haven't had dinnner. can't your game can wait, is it so impt? we are running late, and all of us are ready to leave." note: while i was preparing to leave, had been reminding him to ge ready and he keep saying ok.
then he just retort me with "then I am not going". to me, it was really irresponsible behaviour. i got mad and told him since his game is so impt then go have a family with the game.
My gal wanted daddy to bring her there, and we lingered at the door for awhile, with me thinking what i should do. if i should just leave, will i worsen the sitaution? then he came out and shut the door on me. i was so upset with his behaviour. and later on, he sms ask me to stop picking a fight with him and stop accusing him. But i didn't, did i?

on fri, he left the house without informing what so ever, and he is not back since.

I didn't call him to on fri cos i saw him doll up and went off but he didn't bring anything "essential" like his specs or charger, which means he will come back.

on fri night, he didn't come back and i was really very hurt and I think maybe it is time for me to move on. I feel very neglected and betrayed. Have tried to communicate with him but he will say either brush me off or turn angry on me, saying i don't trist him.

I did not call/sms him the entire fri cos he will turn around and say i check on him and question his whereabouts and doings, not trusting him. so i let him be and have his space. am i right in that?

However, till now, he has not called nor sms nor ans my calls or sms. frankly, as much as I feel hurt and angry with him, i am worried for him as well. could something had happened to him or is he just throwing tantrum or trying to get back at me or something...

I wonder if i had been too soft hearted all these times or am i asking for the impossible?

softhearted as in i took him back despite him cheating on me when we were dating and eventually married him.

last time when we quarrel, he will always fly into a rage and even to the extend of smashing things. And i will just quietly move away and even packed up his mess after that. then there was an incident, somewhere in the beginning of the year, i could not take his bahaviour anymore, i started to throw things his way too and i told him, i am not about to clean up for him anymore. since then he do try to curb his temper. it shows he does know how to and want to improve right?

and then there was his late night gaming and waking up only in late afternoon. neglecting his work and family. used to nag him but I came to a pt I just let him be, though i have communicated to him nicely, harshly, nag; thou I understand gaming is part of his live but he cannot live like that, it is not right, isn't it?

Anyway, am very very hurt with the events that had happened the past few months and his not returning just makes me feel so shit about myself.

and i was thinking i should make a police report if i still cant get him..its been almost 48hours.. should i?

anyway, i feel very very torn.
from the things he did and does, maybe i will be better without him. less emotional and mental agony, after all, the kids are still young, 4yo & 1yo and I am young too, 26yo. i still have a long live ahead of me.
am thinking am ijust feeding the monster in him or am i really asking for too much? i have suggested counselling before but he did not want to go.
But I do love him, and now am worried for his well being.

can anyone share your experiences or give any advices? ty....

 

[luckymandarins]

I do not think I have any constructive suggestion towards your marriage and I really feel sorry for ya plight.

But if I put myself in ya position...
My top most priority is Faithfullness during dating and especially in mariage... I do not condone cheating and infidelity. Would not even forgive anyone who ever cheats on me during courtship... much less marry the person. You took the risk and unfortunately he is starting to get itchy backside.

How many times... can you forgive a cheating person? Do you want to live your life in doubts and fears that he might be chatting up with any lady/ladies this very moment or meeting them for fun (may or may not be sexual)...

You love him... DOES HE LOVES YOU now?? If he does he would respect you, be responsible and not be a jerk doing things that HURT you often. Worst is... he is rejecting you and ya affection!!

What about the kids? Does he loves them at all...?? Spend quality time with them? Is he a doting and responsible father?? Judging from what you wrote above... I seriously doubt he is a good one.

He is purely selfish and irresponsible.
He got no respect for you and the sanctity of married life by searching actively for gals to have fun with.

I totally despise men who throw things/create amess whenever they are in fits of anger!
If he cannot exercise control over his temperaments then how do you expect him to control/curb his urges over 101 temptations and other stuff in life.

Gaming his time away which inevitably affects his work refects Irresponsibilty AGAIN!

Ya husband got all his moves wrong. His search for outside fun with other ladies and his need to game only reinforce that he is not contented with his current married state and thus all his irresponsible actions surface...

I may say you had been too soft with him previously that made him take advantage of you repeatedly even till now. Like what you said... feeding the monster in him. Now his inner demon is growing totally defiant and out of control demonstrated clearly in his actions and hurtful things he has done towards you and the family.

Moreover he is rejecting counselling...
DO you think he is forcing you to say the divorce word?

Loving a person is good. But this love MUST NOT ever be BLIND love! There is only this much a person can withstand and endure. You are young you & deserved 2nd chances.
Pls spare some thoughts to yaself and ya children.
I do not agree that inorder to keep a family together... one need to stay with a totally impossible to live with spouse!

I do understand you might be rooting for your husband and hoping to change him for good and pray things become better for yaself and the family. You can try... but when you need to move on... you NEED TO MOVE ON! That... only yaself will know when the determination/rationality in you over-rides your heart.

 

[itag]

Dear happyxin,

I sense your dilemma. It must be really tormenting between your love and the conflicts over this period. I have a few quick questions perhaps it may also be food for thoughts (you may not need to answer, just for your own thoughts).

Have you communicate with your hubby (and how) , what is your expectation and his expectation of the marriage and to the kids ?

Have you seen him flirting with ladies (and how) , and did you communicate your worries about this with him ? How do you define “flirt”?

With regards to his gaming , how frequent is it ? Quote “even to the point, give in/give up cos he will game thru out the night and sleep thru the day, leaving me to deal with work, kids and chores” , how frequent is this that you feel it is neglecting the family.

When did all this (the “flirting” , neglecting and gaming) happens? What do you think trigger it ? How did you cope with it currently? What is your ideal resolution / outcome that you desire ? If you leave him , how will you be cope, for yourselves and the children? Did you communicate these problems with someone else and did their suggestions help ?


From your post, your love for your family – your children , hubby and the marriage institution have bring you so far. Again as stated , this strength of yours is admirable. Please persevere to seek solutions. I believe, you have it inside your heart.

Lastly , no one can put themselves in "ya position" , do take a pinch of salt from the advice here and elsewhere. Most important, work the best for your own happiness. There are family service center that can render assistance for you and your hubby. Also seek solace possible from your family , and your friends too . They are one of the pillars that you may seek out too, at current / future situations.

All the best

 

[vios]

hi happyxin

to put it shortly, it is hard for you simply because you want to give your kids their dad but it is harder than what you wish as his life priorities are unfortunately misplaced.

Btw, i don't think that you are feeding the monster in him, but you've chose to marry the monster from the start (since dating days).

 

[luckymandarins]

IT(itag)
You do not need to be indirectly so sarcastic here!.
I am entitled to my own opinions too!
I do not need you to pass judgements on my opinions even if you totally do not agree with me...

As I already mentioned from the start I do not have any constructive suggestions to how happyxin should proceed currently... just offering her my perspectives (may be narrow minded and one sided in ya opinion of cos... ). Still my opinions after all! Pls be respectful!

I believed Happyxin has the intelligence and would exercise discretion in whatever she reads here.

 

[vios]

33, don't think IT(itag) meant anything like that... i believe you got him/her wrong.

relax lah...

 

[sgbabydoll]

IT: "Have you communicate with your hubby (and how) , what is your expectation and his expectation of the marriage and to the kids ?

Have you seen him flirting with ladies (and how) , and did you communicate your worries about this with him ? How do you define “flirt”?"

I believe that Happyxin has already done all the above and more before coming to the forum...I guess she is here to find out what more she can do.

 

[kennyg7]

26yo is very very young. Does anyone here believe love in a b/g r/s or it is just the needs.

Missing and it is already 48hrs? Not a single call or message from him, what had happened? I do tell my mum even i go reservist. Falling in love is easy, to maintain a marriage is harder than going back to school, leave alone thinking to have a happy marriage. During courtship, bedding with other woman/man, i think i don't think it is cheating as both still single but after marriage yes. Living till this age and being a divorcee, i think the way to maintain a happy marriage, the woman and man must do their part as a husband and as a wife. Frankly if either part is not doing their role, i think it can't be call a marriage.

 

[happyxin]

Thank you all, for your advices.

I was about to make a police report on sunday afternoon. as it was past 48 hours. then the police ask me if I had called up all his family and frens that I know. And he asked to try calling first.

-Found the lady he went out with on fri, she invited him for her company D&D and parted ways after that. she claims she did not know that he did not go home.

-On sat evening, his aunt managed to get him on the phone and they chatted. He told her he is with fren and she asked me to go home. and she tot aft some pep talk, he would, but he didn't and she was surprised that he still did not return.

-Called up another lady, whom said she had not met up or seen him but will try to help me locate him as of late, he has been calling her up and asking her to meet up. After she put down the phone with me, she immedaitely sent her an sms and he replied almost immediately.
She forwarded me the sms:
She: "Hi, waht are you up to now?"
He: "HiHi, been running around? What's up? wanna meet me?

"

So told the police my findings and police sent me home, saying since he responded to someone's sms, meaning he is still well and sound, so cannot lodge case. come back again in another 48hours.

So i know he was avoiding me. He did not want to talk to me.
I feel so silly for being worried that something happening to him.

He came back eventually on sunday night. Till now, he never spoken a word to me. Like i am transparent.

He did play with the children, what he is best at. I used to think, men who loves kids cant be that bad after all.
however, i feel it is also becos of his playful nature that he find it hard to resist "distractions".

I confided in his aunt and his aunt just asked me to drop the issue and not pursue why he did not come back and where he was and all that.

But I feel it is a spouse responsibility to protect, clarify and assure his/her partner.
I am sure he will want to know what happen if i was the one gone missing, isn't it?

His is a chaming guy i must say. He cheated on me but he was remorseful and truly show that he repent when he plead that i take him back.
It tookk me awhile to accept him too.
During these 5years, caught him flirt with online gamers before but stopped when i knew about them. I will also dropped it and move on.

He was jobless for almost 1 year and started work since April. We were both happy, or i tot we were happy. Have a new addition to the family, and he started work, cos he been feeling down on being a "nobody" and penniless.
But i have alwasy been there encouraging him and try to settle all the financial issues cos he was really broke and could not get anyone to help him.
shortly after he started work, he found out about facebook. that is when the troubles starts..
I didn;t know he was trying to date another gal, flirting with her, cos all is still well. I send him and received him to and from work, never doubt he will do anything funny. we were happy, or it seems so from hide sight. Define flirt in the manner that he talked to her the way he talked to me, with endearments and sweet nothings. But i found out very shortly after a week of him courting her. I confronted the lady, and she was apologetic.

BUt he was not. He say it ia all in the name of FUN. In his definiation, if he doesn't bed the gal, he is being loyal. Then I asked him would it be ok if I follow in his footsteps, doing what he do, he kept quiet. at the end, he just say "yeah lah, yeah lah, it is all my fault".

I have been hurt and upset but also move on.. giving him my best and carry on.

He has always been an avid gamer. but i have seen him a workaholic but he can be quite lazy by nature, i must say, his drive in work doesn't really last long. he has never held a job past 6 months. 6 months was the longest.

He had been quite ok managing gaming and family but it's like period of it. then he will go back to the no night no day gaming, then i will have too remind him.

I do admit we have communication problem all along. I can't seem to get him to talk to me about serious issues. he will flare up or just bush me aside. Last time i will be angry and blast back but as time goes, I wjust keep quiet and move away. cos Am very very hurt that he doesn;t want to talk things out nicely.

 

[happyxin]

Just like initially i will nag him to part take in the house work, slowly i have also fade away. if he doesn't do anything, i will just have to do them.

To me, marriage means staying exclusive to my spouse. Why should i want to try to ge another's attention when i should be contented with my spouse? and to bitch about my spouse in front of the ladies, not men only ladies, what is he trying to achieve.

I met up with a counsellor before cos it was getting too much for me to bare, as of late, he had locked his phone up, so without code, cannot see anything.

we used to browse thru each other's things before but ever since he expanded his social circle, he is highly guarded with his phone.

The counsellor told me my hubsband doesn't seem to be ready for marriage although he is 8 years my senior.He is not ready to put down his "single live" for a "mariied live". I was quite upset when she threw me this statement. so she suggested couple counselling which he has rejected.

anyway for his sudden disappearance, for whatever reason/s, how now am i to trust that he will not do that in future? What if i say something not pleasing to the ear only and he disappear again?

anyway, he came back in another shirt and socks, emaning he has left his shirt and socks at the place he was staying. and the shirt that he wore was his favourite.. so is he going to go back there again? or is it just that the clothes are not dried? But if his jeans, washed(can smell) and can dry in time, why not that short sleeve shirt and socks?

Now I really don;'t know why i am staying on this marriage...
I really really hope to work things out but seems like the odds are against me....

sorry for the long post...

 

[the_giving_tree]

happyxin, from what you have described, you seem to have married a bum and a jerk, or to put it nicely in the counsellor's words, he's not ready for married life. I don't think you can change him; the change must come from himself. so, you either accept him as he is and stay married or find your own happiness by moving on with your life with your kids.

 

[muzik_luver]

Hi Happyxin
Quote:'marriage means staying exclusive to my spouse' Unquote
Totally agree. I personally think this should apply to courtship as well. Don't think anyone would wanna stay in a relationship whereby the bf/gf is a 2-timer.
If a person flirts, I guess it is generally acceptable as long as he/she does not have a gf/bf. For a person who likes to flirt, it may be a tell-tale sign that he/she has a roving eye.

Reading from your posts, can't help but emphathize with your predicament. The way you painted your hubby certainly gave a strong impression that he's both immature & irresponsible (pardon me for being blunt here). Was about to ask if he's actually younger than you are and realised that he's already 34 yrs old! He really needs to grow up...and fast!

Utimately, this is your marriage and you'll need to make the tough decision on the right course of action to take. What we can offer is only our own perspective/advice. If you are indeed comtemplating the divorce route, do think through carefully 1st. Do what's best for both you and your kids. Btw you're still very young....you have a full life ahead of you. Don't let it go to waste by leading it unhappily.

Good luck in your decision

 

[letgoo]

Hi Happyxin,
My situation is a bit like yours. However, we have no kids.
My hb also used to like to play games throughout the night. I always let him be cos I always felt that being attached to a computer, at least he is at home. After repeated request from him, I even join in his games.
However, despite me trying to give in, he has recently got involved with a girl. He stopped his gaming, skipped work to meet her.
I got hold of some evidence and confronted him. Asked for a divorce, but he pleaded with me to give him another chance.
I did. Still he maintain contact witht he girl claiming he cannot just let go like that. I lost it again and again and we quarrelled so very often. Now he "seems" pretty determined to end the r/s with her. I don't know. I am keeping my fingers crossed.
Divorce is never an easy decision. I do feel I might be better off alone. But I still cannot make myself to let go....

 

[happyxin]

Hi letgoo,
i also join him in his gaming. but i realise we cannt always spend the time gaming away right? no other things done? he also dun want to do the things that i enjoy when i try to spend time to do the things he enjoy...
at least he has given you the assurance and even better tell you about her decision. mine never admitted to flirting. and when shown evidences, he reluctantly and defiantly say its just for fun and no harm... no harm??? ...

He still has talked to me, i talk to him. he will reply with "yeah.. no".. never even look my way...

sms him about me having had arranged for marriage counselling, he also never reply...

Faith,
i used to nag and remind him to put his games aside for some time with the kids, and to help with some housework. initaiily will quarrel over these as well. but have changed my approach to just remind remind him, and i do see he make conscience effort althou little. so thus i feel he does understand and want to make things better.

Should i really just let him have harmless fun?
Sometimes, he makes me feel that it is wrong of me to seek clarifications and assurance. are spouses suppose to love, cherish, protect and assure each other?

 

[vios]

Hi happyxin,

at this point of time, it's more absolute that you shld realise you've chosen to marry him and all his bad stuffs since dating days. It is obvious that you've made a bad choice in building a family with a M.B.A gamer.

What's next? Instead of asking him to go for marriage counselling and reminding him of his priorities (which it is highly unlikely), why not reaffirm what exactly do you need from this marriage? And can he fulfil those needs?

Actually, it's plain simple... you chose to accept his obvious flaws (gaming, flirting, bad work attitude, lack of anger mgmt) when you married him, and now you are still harbouring the theory of "love,cherish,protect and assure each other".

It's self-defeating, really....

 

[sgbabydoll]

Happyxin is in a one-sided marriage, in summary.

 

[bbbear]

happyxin, letgoo and i hv some similarities.

my hubby gets addicted to games, tried to know gals online and begged and cried for a second chance after i tried to leave him. all the details in between, i feel that both of you gals hv already spelt out some of them.

we dun hv kids - actually i was prepared for them, untill he broke my trust. although we're back together again i just don't feel the same hope for the future anymore. i wish for a break up so that i can pursue a life with less emotional baggage. h/vr i always feel alot of 'emotional blackmail' from my parents and his.

if you were single, happyxin, there's actually a clear direction to you, me and letgoo. but its not.. there are kids in the pic...
seems that im not alone in such bizzare behaviour.

 

[m28]

happyxin,

i can understand your frustration..your faith and beliefs in love has been challenged, although you try to live with what you cannot accept in the name of love, it causes you grieve..

You're absolutely right in your beliefs of what love should be and yes, this marriage is indeed doubtful. I suppose this is the objective perspective you're looking for..

You can either choose to let go of what you believe love should be and feel or you can let of this pain - namely in the form of this other person you now still call husband..otherwise, u will continue to be trapped and unhappy.

U want a complete family for your children but its only when we are happy ourselves then can we bring joy to those ard us. If you're not happy in this marriage, it's not neccessarily a good environment for your growing children either. So your happiness shd always come 1st, the rest will follow..

You love him, but my dear.. there is no way that one person's love can sustain a relationship, you have experienced this and know.. You wrote here bec you already know you want to do something abt the situation.Take one step at a time..

I cannot understand this thing abt men who has lost the love but just refuse to do you right by ending it. My husband was one of them, maybe he didnt want to hurt me further, maybe he was protecting me against the trauma of life without him. I decided to take matters into my own hands, i gather evidence and file for divorce, i did not give him a chance to reconcile, as his was also repeated betrayal. In the end, i guess he was relieved he did not hv to make any choices..

I was given this same advice when i was in somewhat your same position.. "Consult a lawyer, find out your rights.." With some practical information on hand, i was less focused on my emotions and had a better overview of what my options were..

 

[avery_l]

happyxin,

tink i was not alone as well. my situation is like urs. remember at times when we had heated quarrels, he can mia, switch off his hp for the whole nite. come bk then say he is wif frens. I found out he chat n flirt with gals online. when confronted, his excuse is his frens came over to use his com. Ask him to ask his frens out to verify, he can't or keep on delaying. From there i knew he is lying. 2nd time find out, he revert bk saying din trust him look thru his things, i was heartbroken, i wan him to say he was the one and he admitted to his mistakes and no MORE next time but ended wat i heard is he accusing mi back to just shut mi up. Being a couple to mi shoulld be transparent to everything not hiding this n tat. I din realise tat all along during dating he is flirting online till we live 2gether. I find out the 3rd time tis time I use another soft approach to make him guilty of wat he do. It works, it make him tink bk. After 3rd time, i thot i can c him trying to make up there would not be the next time. But i was wrong, i found out the fourth time but all was purely online flirting not meetups. To mi, either 1 it has already hurt my inner self-esteem wic tink he din understand and tink it is harmless. So I become tired and easly irritated, I would delete all chat programs he dwnloaded each time to purposely let him know on com and notebook. Once when we are watchin tv 2gether, he switch on the notebk and i can c his face veri irritated and angry when he saw I delete his things. When I purposely look him in the eye, i expect him to say sumting, he din and acted normally in split second. I din say anything as well. Sumtimes, I try to come to terms now to make myself not reliance on him. Wonder if i can really muster up my courage to leave him one day if anything happens. It is hard when u treat someone as ur main priority and someone din treat u the same.

 

[bbbear]

so what is it that makes married men want to still look out? if they feel that there's something better for them out there, then why don't they let go instead? are they holding on to us in case the cheap thrills out there back fires?

 

[sgbabydoll]

He does not leave you because you allow him to use you as a safety net, a cushion or even a piece of doormat.

 

[winterglee]

I strongly recommend women to read this book "Why Men Marry Bitches: A Woman's Guide to Winning Her Man's Heart" by Sherry Argov's.

After reading, I just feel we can't be over accommodating, etc. I hope you will find it useful

 

[kickapoo]

happyxin,
If i were you i will file for divorce.
If he want to save this marriage he going to do it by changing his old ways and ''hong'' you back. But if he don't ever care about you filing for divorce ... can forget this marriage le. You are 26 still got a long long way to go . Don't make yourself and the kids suffer for a 'useless dad.(sry, but don mind i say)' and sad to say he is already 34.

 

[whyisme]

LOL.. I hope tis game which u all been mentioned isn't maplestory. Hmmm... sumhow, I was engrossed in this game too & kinda like dun bother abt my kids & hb. I admitted tat I played tis game & noe guys in order to spite him as He had been ignorin me & nt botherin abt the family's matters. Kinda like a tit for a tat bk to him. Till one day I finally realised is pointless to carry on like tis, I gave up the game.

But nw is my hb who is super engross wif the game. Engross till he kept knowin little gals as young as 16? He is 34. & the best part after i confronted one of the gals den I realised he's been bad mouthin me. IMAO & nw he wans a Divorce stating tat he canot tolerate me anymore as he felt tat other gals are much better den me. DIVORCE OVER A GAME? Not tinkin of the 3 kids. He keep deny tat it was NOT bcos of the game, which was clearly shown.

I canot take it anymore, almost every nite, we both havin quarrels over the game. I finally muster my courage to give up tis whole so called marriage & file for divorce instead. My elder daughter had been affected by our quarrels v badly. I really feel the pain for her.

4 years back, He had an affairs wid my GF. Den asked to return. 4 Years ltr still the same. I dun wan tis 4 years tingy to affect my life & my kids.

 

[mayimayi]

Hi Geraldine,

i play maplestory too.
a lot of people around me divorce and also broke up because of this game!

Sad to say, i was one of the addicts who neglected bf and friends because of it.

Until i realise i got to move on and start working, then i quited the game.

i duno which server are you from, scully we know each other... 0_o

 

[findingnemo]

Happyxin,

It is difficult to change a person, especially overnight. It is hard for you to change him. He will change only if he wants to.

You must consider carefully about D since you have kids. He still plays with the kids and all kids like their fathers to be around. Do you want to break up the basic family structure? Why don't considering maintaining the current structure bcos of the kids.

On your part, try not to base your happiness on him. I know it is hard but can still try. See your kids as your everything. Have your life revolved around them.

Who knows, one day he may see the difference in you and start to get close again. Men are like that, the more you try to hold them, they more they move away. Once you let go, they start to come back.

But of course this won't work 100% of them time. Try and see how.

 

[sg_love]

Patient with love, understanding and communication... with Love may help...

 

[otelle]

Its not only LOVE that matters in a marriage. I guess its also the commitment to keep the marriage going.