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imcoffeelover
Member
how high an achiever are you? Sometimes its also what kind of expectations you have, whether they are realistic in the first place.
imcoffeelover
Member
It may or may not be too much to ask for, rather its whether its realistic to ask for that.academic qualifications, occupation, probably financially as well. of course, will love to find someone roughly the same, is that too much to ask for?
example(sorry if it sounds far fetch) lets say u are a director level earning 6-7digits per annum and you are looking for someone who roughly matches those figures and qualification. It would automatically strike off alot of people from the radar isnt it?
Furthermore, if you are already well to do, financially doing well and independent, is it that impt or crucial to find someone of the same level of qualifications, occupation and financial as compared to someone who doesnt do that well in these fields but can fulfill your emotional and psychological needs and wellbeing?
Hmm, do guys get put off by ladies who are better than them in those aspects, or am I thinking too much? I have talked to a number of guys, and occasionally it stops there, after just the basic introduction.
not the prettiest snow white of them all, but above average IMHO!
imcoffeelover
Member
Well... sometimes it maybe that they aint put off by u doing better in this aspects. It could well be how you put it across to them and perhaps what you converse about and how you make them feel
miloice
Well-Known Member
I don't see the relation. Do u? High achiever in terms of family relationships or career. Why does one even think career success have anything about finding a bf ?high achiever but cannot find a bf, why?
tomasulu
Member
not the prettiest snow white of them all, but above average IMHO!
Can't be.
It's a myth that most guys want to marry down. Achievements especially if they translate into more income for the family are welcomed by most guys I know.
What's true is that fat or ugly girls are universally dislike. With fat worse than ugly. You can't make up away fat.
Or you didn't hook up when you're younger and you are now the equivalent of a can of expired sardines. Spanish high end anchovies or ayam brand tomato sardines they don't matter. Put them on huge discount is the only way to get them out the door. Or more marketing.
buddhabar
Active Member
Hi TS,
I personally have a 2 good friends who are also in this "bracket", high achiever in their early 40s. A fashion merchandise director and a SVP in a bank. The reason for their singlehood is their mindset rather than high flying career. During their 20s and 30s when they were striving their career in the fastlane, I hear them commenting on guys though nice and charming, are way too "nua" and immature and the last thing they want is to "look after" such a BF. They were seeking for a more established and mature partner than themselves but failed to realised that at their advance career level, few men of our cohort matches to that other than those already successful who are also mostly married. In their 40s, they understand it's about seeking a lifetime companionship, someone who can hold your hand walking down the sunset and not about finding a matching ballroom partner for admiration. My point here, try to understand what you really want in a lifetime perspectives, and not try to match any guy to your pre set criteria. If a lady set her standards according to her career advancement, then what happens when she gets retrench? Don't be obsessed with others..... your choices will decide how you will live for the rest of your life. Bear in mind, although you are free to make your choices, you're not free to choose the consequences.
I personally have a 2 good friends who are also in this "bracket", high achiever in their early 40s. A fashion merchandise director and a SVP in a bank. The reason for their singlehood is their mindset rather than high flying career. During their 20s and 30s when they were striving their career in the fastlane, I hear them commenting on guys though nice and charming, are way too "nua" and immature and the last thing they want is to "look after" such a BF. They were seeking for a more established and mature partner than themselves but failed to realised that at their advance career level, few men of our cohort matches to that other than those already successful who are also mostly married. In their 40s, they understand it's about seeking a lifetime companionship, someone who can hold your hand walking down the sunset and not about finding a matching ballroom partner for admiration. My point here, try to understand what you really want in a lifetime perspectives, and not try to match any guy to your pre set criteria. If a lady set her standards according to her career advancement, then what happens when she gets retrench? Don't be obsessed with others..... your choices will decide how you will live for the rest of your life. Bear in mind, although you are free to make your choices, you're not free to choose the consequences.
verysadguy
Member
How old are you and do you want kids? Do you accept divorcees?
buddhabar
Active Member
You are blatantly direct, ain't you?
Dont think TS will response to that
Anyway, I think This question is only applicable to those above 40
why would any single lady below 40 even consider such options?
imcoffeelover
Member
You are blatantly direct, ain't you?
Dont think TS will response to that
Anyway, I think This question is only applicable to those above 40
why would any single lady below 40 even consider such options?
LOL... why u expose him!
evantheguy
New Member
To TS,
Sorry to be blant, it is hard. And if you are above 30, the high achiever pool gets smaller. If you are above 40, it gets even smaller. If you don't want kid, it gets even smaller. Successful man of the age(30s- late 40s) would tend to look for someone that is younger, prettier, full of energy and easy to relate with to start a family. Since they are successful, it is very unlikely that they will fall in love with another successful partner that comes with the 'man attribute'. To be realistic, your best bet would be the divorcees pool (late 30s-40s), or the 50-60 pool of single man which would be interested in your pool of 30s to 40s.
Sorry to be blant, it is hard. And if you are above 30, the high achiever pool gets smaller. If you are above 40, it gets even smaller. If you don't want kid, it gets even smaller. Successful man of the age(30s- late 40s) would tend to look for someone that is younger, prettier, full of energy and easy to relate with to start a family. Since they are successful, it is very unlikely that they will fall in love with another successful partner that comes with the 'man attribute'. To be realistic, your best bet would be the divorcees pool (late 30s-40s), or the 50-60 pool of single man which would be interested in your pool of 30s to 40s.
buddhabar
Active Member
Very true, according to our local Singapore statistic, only 2% of single lady got married after the age 40 yrs old, 98% will remain single if they are single at 40.
and this is regardless of childbirth .
verysadguy
Member
Look at the post by evantheguy. It's the same thing that I want to tell TS and i think it's quite true.You are blatantly direct, ain't you?
Dont think TS will response to that
Anyway, I think This question is only applicable to those above 40
why would any single lady below 40 even consider such options?
lonely_desire78
Member
Harsh, but very true.
Many men are quite predictable. If they have accumulated some wealth and achieved some success in career, they are less likely to want to find another person of equal achievement. Some may lament that older men look to have a young half and are therefore "lao niu chi nern chao". Realities are as such, younger or older men are more likely to find a younger half. Have we all forgotten the trend "not long ago" where men will look for wives from certain Asian countries? Its probably still happening, but it speaks much about the general outlook of the male population.
May be, its an Asian thing, but that's really the social trend in Singapore. Though my parents used to make this silly remark (no offense to anyone)... "Man who will look for an older woman will also likely enjoy being taken care of, instead of worrying over caring for the woman." Whatever it is, its important to cast the nets wide and far.
My views (which may not be absolutely right) are:
1. find a guy who is not too young, so that he is less prone to immaturity (though not always the case);
2. a guy with wealth and time is not necessarily a good find;
3. a fun guy is easy to find and easy to believe in, but more difficult to say no to;
4. boring men may make good husbands, but they are boring;
5. know the man and his friends and you will somehow know what kind of person he is;
6. If looking for fun guys, look for any rich and handsome one. And, not "rich or handsome one".
Just my humble views.
nudieposh
Member
agree 100%. i also have 2 friends who fall in this bucket too, 1 is a high flyer in e finance industry, another an entrepreneur. they have been telling me how they feel the guys couldnt match their status and their mindset is just uncompilable to them. how they very much like to chiong for financial success when they are in their 20s and 30s. however, now.. when all peers are settling down, they start to feel lonely when everyone had difficultly meeting up every fridays without fail for our usual girls night out. and i always give the same advice.. time.. when the time is right, you will meet the right one. some of them, met earlier. some later.
and now, 2 of my very successful girlfriends are happily dating. 1 of them is dating a man in his 40s a divorcee, and another 1 is dating a guy 7yrs younger then her. when asked, if you they dont their age difference and background.. they said, 'it's all about happiness that they found in their partner.'
dont give up, TS. when your time is right, you will meet the one most perfect for you. and live happily ever after.
drakengard
Member
well..when time is right, love will naturally drop into your lap. and it'll be so fast that you'll be wondering what happened exactly. Till then..enjoy life yea.
Well, if you give the guy the impression you're one-up them, no one will be interested. I'm afraid the fact that you identify yourself as a high achiever is itself a superiority complex. Make an effort to put your prejudices aside.
Swans, you can find someone your equal but that probability is not high now. Even if a man is not highly qualified or have a good job, perhaps he is great in other areas. Perhaps he's great at cooking, or takes care of the house, or love you unconditionally. Perhaps all he wants is a simple life and you'll never have to worry that he's heart is elsewhere. You are able to earn good money - nothing wrong with contributing more to the family that way.
End of the day, what do you really want?
Swans, you can find someone your equal but that probability is not high now. Even if a man is not highly qualified or have a good job, perhaps he is great in other areas. Perhaps he's great at cooking, or takes care of the house, or love you unconditionally. Perhaps all he wants is a simple life and you'll never have to worry that he's heart is elsewhere. You are able to earn good money - nothing wrong with contributing more to the family that way.
End of the day, what do you really want?