Facing anulment, broken heart

he has gotten a lawyer, called me today and demanded for the marriage cert in a very harsh tone. he says he needs to see me tomorrow bec he needs to speak to me, i think should be about the lawyer.

i told him i wasn't in singapore. and he was very angry. i guess he can't wait to sign the papers with me so he can be free ba.

guess, this will be the end of everything le. maybe i should thank him after we've signed the papers.
 


Move on. No point staying with this kind of useless guy. U can get someone more responsible and capable. Be patient. I wish for u that things will turn better for 2009!
 
responsible i'm not so sure,lost all trust in anyone le. but capable, definitely. at least i don have to support him anymore.
 
are you past the revenge stage? I know I have not, every now and then I have the urge to hurt the bastard for destroying my family. But everybody tells me karma. I don't have to do it by myself, he will get his just dessert. If I do it, I will become victim of karma. But the temptation for revenge is so sweet, especially when I know I can hurt him where it hurts most.

Strangely I never put the blame fully on my ex-wife. I blame all the immoral people in her office for leading her astray.
 
honestly speaking, i know i have not passed it.
i know its never easy to treat the people who hurt you nice. and to be kind enough not to bear grudges. i have tried, but every now and then when i think of all the bastard things he have done to me, i can't help but to feel revengeful and angry.

i tell myself its a blessing in disguise to have found out now than later. but saying is always easier said than done.
 
Move on with your life!
U have been with him for 3.5yr.
U will need about 3.5yrs to get over him.

It's a torture. But try to enjoy this torture.
Things will turn out better :-)
There is no easy way out.
 
he had the cheek to call me ytd to tell me we have 2 options now. one is anulment and the other is to wait 3 yrs for seperation before divorce. he told me the fees for anulment is higher and he needed my opinion to be fair to me bec he don't mind waiting for 3 yrs.

why should i wait for 3 yrs when there's a better option? i told him if i am willing to wait that 3 yrs, then i will sue him for adultery.
 
i support you whole-heartedly, Lost. cut it once and for all becuase he's not worth it.

I must say that you are handling it very well and when it's all over, you have a new life. doens't sound too bad at all =) went through some proceedings with a couple of my gfs and things can get really ugly.

make a firm stand and if he tries to sweet-talk anytime now and later, ask him to fly kite.

it's truly a blessing that you found out abt his other life and know what an ass he really is. Breakups are never easy, especially when you have lived with each other.

The feeling of lost will always be there but if you will to let it heal, it will go away
 
i've learnt how men will never appreciate women who stand by their side thru rain and shine, financially and mentally.

he will not sweet talk anytime now or later anymore.

his heart has completely,totally changed. totally heartless and cold now.

this thing will be settled before chinese new year. after this i'll just change my number and get on with my new life.
 
lost, you are brave, determined and strong-willed. Reminds me of my good friend who was betrayed by her ex-hubby 2 yrs ago, but she moved on swiftly, accepted the reality....

and now, preparing for her second marriage at end of 2009 with a wonderful guy. God does give a second chance to those, who WANT it and WORK hard on it.
 
Michael.... no surprise that you won't appreciate nice gals, cos' you're only in for the sex - your theory says, got hole can liao.

Well, you might want to try it with a male rat.
 
it's no better for me when he addressed himself as "Hunky"....

and "onegoal" sounds like "one hole", cos it's like his self-assumed speciality.

How ah?
 
Lost, it's not that men will not appreciate the nice things that women do for them.

It's that he has never loved you for the right reasons b4.

On your part, you loved him.

This is the kind of relationship that clearly won't work.

Doesn't matter.

Get him out of sight, and move on.
 
do u noe today he sent me a draft the lawyer has prepared for our anulment and when i read it, i was so upset and angry.

he said that i refused to consummate the marriage after our ROM and refused to move in with his mother only until we bought a flat then i would stay with his mother.

he said that i refused and turned him away when he tried to consummate our marriage with me and said that i gave stupid excuse like im tired.

he also said that i refused to stay overnight at his place and don't want to go out with him for any social outings or gatherings. and that i insisted on staying at my own house.

1st. he is the one who refused to let me go up to his hse bec he brought the gal home, everytime when i wanted to go up stay and also can visit his mum he would tell me stupid reasons.

2nd. he didnt want to bring me out anymore and we seldom meet up bec he always said he was meeting his colleagues or some stupid excuses.

He had the cheek to send me the draft and ask for my consent to sign???????????????????????

How can i sign this paper when all the things written are all that he committed and now he's pointing his finger at ME??

im the victim here, yet is he being fair to me by accusing me?
 
then now he's telling me honestly, he hopes we can anul and hope i can sign it readily bec he doesn't wish for his status to be DIVORCED.

he told me the other day he didn't mind waiting for 3 yrs. and he said he just said it out of a fit of anger bec i was very stubborn when i spoke to him.

so now im telling him, im not going to sign any papers that are not stating the facts bec i will not give up my pride for anything.
 
lost,

try to be calm and not be too overwhelm by what he is saying.

Just tell him that you wish to respect the "truth" .. unless you wish for a quick exit to your marriage where it is mutually beneficial for you to annul your marriage.

But forgive if I ask this stupid question? Did you consummate your marriage?
 
yes. but we have not gone thru customary before.

but if i were to tell my lawyer that i cannot annul already rite?
 
i seriously am at a diliemma now bec i donno which is the better way out now.

the lawyer told me i can sue for unreasonable behaviour.

im seriously LOST
 
Whether consummate or not.. only you and your hb will know.. if you two not staying together and both agree to annul then I guess it should be OK...

But is this what you want?
 
sylar,

Why blame all the people around your ex-wife. You should be looking at yourself.. don't blame other people for destroying your family.. if it was built on strong foundation, it won't be so easily destroyed. A little self-reflection will go a long way.. rather than trying to blame other parties
 
u see now, there's a 3rd party in my marriage and this is the reason for him wanting to anul.

but if i go ahead with his way, im letting him have the easier way out and i have to admit to all the things i have not done like not meeting him, not wanting to consummate, not wanting to move in with him, when these on the contrary are the things that he did and not me.
 
lost,

I know you may feel a bit short-changed but think of what is better for you.. forget about him for the moment.

If annulment is good for you then use that to your advantage.

You can have the draft amended to your liking and most probably he will have to agree if he wants annulment cos the alternative is divorce.. which is not advantageous to him.. use this fact as a bargaining chip
 
i have told him the only way i will sign that piece of paper is that he get the lawyer to edit the draft and state the actual fact. bec i don think its fair to point his his fingers at me. i have found my own lawyer today but i told him i will wait for his lawyer to get back to him if he is able to amend the draft, if he cannot then im sorry i will have to use my own lawyer and do whatever i need to do.

but is this really good for me if i just anul it? Should i just let him get away so easily? i think i need some time to cool down before i can think of what i really want.

my parents want him to apologise in black and white now about the things which were written in the draft bec they feel that its an insult to us.
 
Hi Lost,

Reading this thread is quite demoralising......a relationship can go sour just like that. I'm also in a similar situation which I am being "thrown" out of my hubby's life by him. Not sure how to solve it yet as I have kids.

But at least you have no kids and can really start your life afresh. You are just facing a nasty guy. Hope you can end this asap.
 
....also, don't sign anything that is not true. Good to have some legal advice before you sign anything.

Do not think that by annulling the marriage is giving him freedom to be with that person but more to giving yourself the freedom - free from this marriage responsibility.

All the best to you
happy.gif
 
your relationship also has a 3rd party?

u know why im so angry and am refusing to end this amicably like i did 2 weeks back?

bec he simply doesn't show any sign of guilt at all and doesn't think he's in the wrong to cheat on me like this, and is being very stuck up with me.

i really can't stand his attitude and i cannot take it lying down that he is still so happy about it and is shouting at me whenever we talk about this all the time.
 
Yes...there's a 3rd party involved. It's only about 4 mths and he is already drawn to that gal. Citing that our failure marriage has nothing to do with her.

He kept mentioning that the gal has the same frequency as him and they can communicate. He quoted us as having different thinking, different teaching (kids) methods, different frequency and hence unable to communicate.

He wanted me to continue living in the house taking care of the family like nothing happen till my kids are older. He doesn't want our kids to be affected. But he is not willing to cut-off ties with that gal. I'm very furious and hurt by his unreasonable "solution".

Very selfish......good thing I'm not financially dependent on him. I'm working. So right now, I am thinking of some options for him to choose if he insist on separating. He has to know that I have alot of family and friends support if he insist on leaving. He doesn't have any support at all. He would be ALONE with that gal. None of his friends and colleagues knows about this. He has that "face" problem too.

I can see that it's a temptation for him....the gal is single and definitely free from home and kids matters.

...understand what you are going thru....my hubby's temper is very bad too. He usually shouts and scold people that even his mother does not want to talk to him anymore (I'm staying with my mother-in-law). He felt that everything he says or think is right. Everyone else's is wrong. So even in this situation now, he still feels that he is not in the wrong. Just that he found a person who has the same frequency as him and he wants to be with her - so nothing wrong.

But if my hubby really wants to leave, the earlier the better. Even though I have my kids to think of but I would also choose the separation option if need be. I need to have a break too.....I've been tied down to my family for years. Everyday, 8-5pm is my working hours. The rest of the time and weekends (24 hrs) belongs to my kids. Due to my hubby's irregular working hours, this is the sacrifice I have to make but I'm ok as I always trusted my hubby and believed that he is working hard for the family.

So it's a very big blow to me when I know that he is leaving me.....

Anyway, that is my problem.....back to yours. I hope you can make a decision soon. Don't think about how happy he would be if you annul the marriage. Think about yourself. Would you be happy to carry on living like this? Or happier to cut off ties with him and live your own life?

Just remember don't sign anything that is not true, ok
happy.gif
 
Oh one more thing.....it's "normal" that his attitude is like that because he has already had a change in his heart. Can't expect him to still be patient and say nice thing you.

He can't wait to get you out of his life. Any nasty thing can just come out from his mouth. Don't take it to heart
happy.gif
 
he keeps calling me these few days and shout at me bec he is afraid i'll really file for a divorce and make him wait 3 yrs.

he told me ytd that his gf would wait for him and their relationship would only end up in a marriage.so i said happy waiting and good for you. he told me that he regretted marrying me bec of the abortion and he was a fool to do so.All the hurting things came out from is mouth last night.

he is like not himself anymore after i really told him i would not speak anything to him abt the divorce until i see my lawyer on thursday. he keeps teeling me he doesn't mind waiting 3 yrs but his main motive in calling me was to make me go for amicable anulment instead of divorce.

ur husband's attitude is the same as mine. he doesn't heed his whole family's advice at all and he only scolds everyone and tell everyone that they don't understand him. he tells them not to care about him,he knows what he's doing and he is not in the wrong. he's just being kind to me by doing this.

i try no to take it to heart, he has to say all the nasty things i do not want to hear on prurpose. sometimes, im fine and happy, yet, sometimes i feel so emo and down.. hai..i hope time can heal everything. i just can't wait ti see my lawyer tmr so i know what i can and cannot do now.

you must be strong too. u have kids, u have to think of them. maybe he will realise his mistake and come back to u n ur kids.i pray hard for u too..
 
its so hard to believe how 3 yrs of relationship can really become like this in such a short time. from lovers yesterday to enemies today.

he doesn't feel guilty or appreciative for all the things i've done for him. he said it out last night le. i feel so hurt. at least, if we break up in a amicable manner, n he's showing sense of guilt and all, things won't turn out this way today.

if ever he has to wait 3 yrs for the divorce, it's all bec of what he did. i believe in retribution. he will get his one day, god is fair.
 
he's really driving me crazy now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can't take this anymore.............................................................
 
You will build strength over time.....time is a much needed component here.....be patient with yourself. As long as you don't lose sight of what you want, you will get there somehow, anyway.
 
Hi lost, i think you are breaking down due to:

"its so hard to believe how 3 yrs of relationship can really become like this in such a short time. from lovers yesterday to enemies
today."

People change, circumstances change. Just that it hits us when least expected, that's why emotions go like roller-coaster ride. You only be really alright if you can accept that he is not in love with you anymore.

I do think you are rather strong based on your earlier posts, but still can understand from time to time, the fragile mode is turned on. Just bear in mind your New Purpose in life - that is, to lead a much happier life without him.

Takes some time though...
 
Hi Lost,

Thanks for the encouragement. I believe I should be able to live through it though it's difficult. I believe you have the strength and will too to pull through this difficult phase of your life.

My hubbby and I dated for 7 years before we got married and we have been married for 8 years and yet this happen. So nothing to astonish about for a 3 years marriage. When someone wants to change his heart, no one else but himself can prevent/stop it.

I believe this is an obstacle that God has given me. It's a challenge for me and I need to cross over. The good thing is that I have family and many friends support to help me to overcome this. You too! You have family support too.

I will pray hard for you too. Life still has to go on no matter what happens so why not choose to think in a positive light?

Take care and hope you have a fruitful talk with your lawyer today
happy.gif
 
Lost,

Hang on man... If u can hangon for 3yrs, u'll forget about him for sure. Dont worry, everything will come out fine!
 
ive spoken to the lawyer today le, we can only sign the deed of seperation and wait for 3 years to divorce. it will not be worth it to sue him for adultery bec we have no assets or children.

so i'll just make him wait.

he just called me last night to tell me he's very lucky now to have the bitch standing by him and supporting him and she will wait for him and they will end up in marriage.

he said if i die die want him to wait 3 years is bec i hope for a reconcilation, the percentage is 0%!!!!!!

he's really trying to drive me crazy and he is not letting me go mentally. why must he tell me all these things?
 
Just ignore him. He is trying to spike u. Dont fall for his trap. Time will tell if what he says is true. who knows he might be more eager than u to get it anulment instead of wait 3 yrs
 
ya..he hopes for me to agree to anulment so that he can be free earlier. but i told him i wish to respect the truth that we did consummate the marriage so i'll sign for the deed of seperation for 3 yrs before divorce.

the thought of him telling me all about him and her and how loving they are gave me a nightmare last night. i hope he can just leave me alone.


i just want to be me.
 
Hi Lost,

Ignore him....it's nature. Once a person changed his/her heart, they became bastard. You have done the right thing. If he ever calls you again to tell you how happy he is now, just tell him, "All the best, Don't have to waste time to update you on his status".

Otherwise change your contact. Have a good clean break with him. You can live a better life without him.
 
lost,

he's playing mind games with you, for his goal of an immediate divorce.
i find that he's pretty f**kup... don't have to resort to such petty words to get his wish granted.

just filter him away when he calls... just communicate through the lawyers.
 
i hope this 3 yrs will pass by quickly. i already stopped answering his calls and msgs le. bec he's really messing up my life by irritating me. i can't stand the thought of talking to him abt anything. we just cannot communicate anymore.

i must hang on strong these 3 yrs. just hope it'll be over soon.

yes he's a bastard. he's just angry i'm controlling this game. he just wanna say things to hurt me further. but i will not fall.
 


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