Don't enjoy Sex with his wife....was his ONLY reason for divorce

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miko2006

New Member
Don't enjoy Sex with his wife....was his ONLY reason for divorce

Yet another divorce involvoing Sex.......

No sex before marriage for them.

Everything was happy and loving for many years during courtship then married

After 7 years of marriage...both had many quarrel lately due to drifting apart ...Finaly he brought up, All along, He said he cannot inject intimacy into their sex life, AND wife has no sex appeal to him at all!!!

He never enjoy marking love with her

The wife did admit, it is always VERY VERY diffcult for him to relief during their sexual intercouse...that's why many times they just gave up 1/2 half...He did not relief at all...and then no sex for months...and maybe he is scare to initate and failed THEN MY FRIEND black face and his ego hit!!!

SO the longest time they never have sex is 1.5 years during their marriage!!!

After the hubby brought up the issue of seperation

They seperated for 6 months to cool things off,
wife hoping he will return ...

AND the marriage really cool off by her hubby...
Think he find ways to live on his own and is able to do without his wife already

CALL it quit finally and have the paper done with his lawyer, and told lawyer to contact her

WIFE beg for reconcile, change or seek help,
HE said no need... no other 3rd party involoved -wife confrimed.

My own friend, 2 already, both divorce because of not happy with Sex life?

OR is it an excuses? Please share......

Therefore I sincerely urge those who discover their sex problems before marriage to solve them first...YES, indeed it is a VERY serious problems after marriage!!!
 


miko, I can so see why u're still at the same spot after years. Why are u analysing failed marriages? There are so many happy marriages around. Why r u taking on ur fren's problems in the 1st place? Solve ur own 1st. At least ur frens knew they had a problem & came to a decision. Wat abt u?
 
To be honest, that is my beliefs as well. I do consider sexual compatibility as a critical factor in a long lasting relationship and that it should be confirmed before any marriage; as in premarital sex...

Now. What I'm keen to know...for the sake of argument...on how the views of the other group of people (be it religious or personal principles) that FORBIDS this kind of behaviour...

It would be interesting to understand the rationale behind it and how they attempt to resolve this sexual compatibility problem if it ever arises...

Any takers?
 
hi miko,

this problem isn't uncommon, just tat it's one of those things which, if u've not been open abt by nature, u tend not to bring it up or even have it as a conversation with frens... Sexual compatibility is Very important to most pple, except maybe they feared discussing or are not aware of it until AFTER the marriage.

1.5yrs isn't long, there are much longer ones and the marriage just sorta functions without itimacy totally. if either party is firm in requiring intimacy (most are), and if there are no other avenues, then i personally feel splitting up is the way to go. No hard feelings, but perhaps 1 party just wants a life filled with lotsa sex. some pple have very high sex drives and it's hard to curb, others have very low sex drives and it's hard to encourage... can be a disaster if both meet and marry. Unless some drastic decisions are made to address, so tat they can be together.

divorce should not be looked at with immediate disapproval, but with more understanding and analysis into why it is seeked as a solution.

so yeah, it's important to explore this aspect more truthfully. unfortunately not many feel open enough to be open abt this... some dun even know wat's the norm.
 
Do you think pre-marriage sex is important then? Rather than after marriage to have sex and found out that both are not sexually compatible, its difficult to maintain the marriage and ended up both party suffer.
 
tat's all nice to know, but i dun really think Marriage should involve abstinence from sex, even if there are other factors...

it's just one of those things tat's nice to say and nice to hear, but trying practising abstinence from it.
 
I would like to hear from u guys ...

It is really " no return " for this couple if it is a SEX problem and hubby voice out cannot inject intimacy anymore and see his wife at any angle of sex appeal to me...

they are in mid 30s only...

Hubby said never enjoy sex with her at all and
how live to old age with her???

Some of my friend told them, the fire can be brought back by she wearing lingeries and act more horny and sexier in bed...

Does it help BUT how to

they since split...AND hubby brought it up this topics and seal off the marriage

I feel very unfair to my friends, not given a chance to do better...

What else to do...pls share...
 
The source of the problem now is more on the appeal of the wife mentally to the husband instead of physical sexual appeal...

For a couple that are in love with one another. YES. Sexy lingerie and out-of-norm sexual activities might spice things up!

Note that I said : couple that are IN LOVE with each other...

For your fren's case...I sense that the love is already lost and that "mentally" the husband finds NOTHING APPEALING about the wife...physically and mentally...

No Victoria Secret's can help in this instance...

Despite what people says about men being superficial bastards and that we are stimulated by visual effects...well...we need to be stimulated mentally as well if the sex is going to be meaningful with our gf/wife...

If we're mentally repulsed by a gal; she could be the hottest gal in the world in the world's sexiest lingerie ...but it still wouldn't matter...

In your friend's instance...the love is; quite possibly, lost...
 
think there might be a slight misinterpretation abt men and sex... it's not a general rule tat just cos a naked girl in lingerie appears in front of a guy, tat's he'd get horny... seriously, if a guy ain't interested in a gal, he won't suddenly wanna bonk her in his senses. perhaps if he's high from alcohol/drugs then it's possible. u can put a pamela anderson in fron of me in her bikini etc, but i won't even get an erection... u need much more than just physicals... the mind must be interested in the first place. in this case, the mind is dead.
 
But I'm wondering if there is a possibility that the couple had enjoyed sex before marriage and yet after marriage, the gal no longer appeals to the guy anymore..?? Although both of them are still very much in love.. at least from what I can see when a group of us met up, yet the guy (a very close friend) confided that he lost interest in sex with his wife. Is this possible?? it's not that they never had premarital sex, yet that wanting has gone from the guy.. and if the guy had wanted his wife once, would he still "rekindle" this want again if he tried that get that feeling back again?? or would it be the case of once it's gone, it's never coming back.. ??

So is sexual compatibility just for a short while when it's just lust, or that it will span over long run in a marriage??
 
lychee...

I think the answer will be YES.
A man (or even womon) can lose interest in sex but still love the woman that he is with...
Sounds ironic, I know... but it happens...

Here's my chicken rice analogy...

You have access to the WORLD'S BEST CHICKEN RICE...
In the beginning you could eat it EVERY SINGLE DAY...3 meals a day...

But after sometime; despite you still loving the WORLD'S BEST CHICKEN RICE...you yearn for something different...

Make no mistake, you still love the chicken rice...but you just wanted something different...
Maybe instead of the white steamed chicken; it could be soy sauce chicken...it could even be changed into a fried chicken cutlet on some days...
Maybe you could add in some extra side dishes to enhance the overall appeal of the chicken rice...

Or it could also be that the chicken rice deteriote in quality...maybe the chicken pieces got too fatty or not enough effort gone into seasoning the chicken...the taste might have dipped in quality...

So even for the WORLD'S BEST CHICKEN RICE...you need to put in some efforts every now and then to spice things up and improve the quality of the chicken rice...Should your chicken rice remain the same or decline in quality; it's just common for people to not eat it...or worse...switch to Laksa...
 
it's better than switching to laksa altogether...

but Lychee, there's definite truth to what u said... at this point it's what both parties do to maintain, or find things to spice it up abit.
 
Mostly you have to look beyond the "reasons given" - in this instance - lack of sexual intimacy. SEX is not the only thing in a relationship although it is an important ingredient.

But when reasons are given for a separation/divorce - you really have to look beyond the reason - look deeper into the relationship and you may find other cracks etc etc. Reasons are just something people give so give the separation/divorcing a legitimacy - and it may not mean everything..
 
u guys are VERY right? I must say experiences do count for advises given here......

My friend did share for the past few years in her marriage, it is always SHE marking more of the efforts, hubby do play along BUT the harder one was her...

Finally she didn't know why for a past 6 mths ( i told u guys the drifting period ) she fights so much with him...on his time for her, she hanging out late with friends - no longer want to stay at home facing the 4 walls, she got some suitors and SMS found out by the hubby and was VERY upset leading to lots of quarrel Everyday, they have no common hobbies and hubby is always not in Singapore due to work, etc

On the part of the suitor, guess u guys will second me as I told her IF your hubby still love you HE will made efforts, not just by telling you he is upset, he would have made changes and fight back for your attention

During the sepeation the hubby tell her

to go find a new man, a better husband and father to be… he said
He can not be the one???

I see it like a Bomb...perhaps all along just waiting for his wife to come forward to light it and then exploded!!!

SO since exploded already, HOW to turn back ...

I better urge her to join me in my MOVING ON journey ... haiz SAD!!!!!!!!!!!
 
So long as chicken rice work hard to have different variety every now and then and with different promotion, lust will last longer?
 
The appetite will remains longer if there's variety...

Generally speaking, it's human nature to desire changes to their life...
That's called excitement...

Saying that, different people have different tolerant level to excitement as well...
Some people like to take roller-coaster, some people rather die than step into one...
Some people like horror movies, some people don't...
 
Lust (without love) usually lasts for about 3-5 sex sessions in my reckoning.. hardly beyond 10 unless you are some really great porno star who can conjure up magic for each session.
 
something like that...

You must love the chicken rice to begin with...
If you can't stand chicken then there's no way you'll eat it even if it's the world's best chicken rice...

Wah pianz...getting a bit cheem liao...
Starting to feel like Kong Zi, Meng Zi, Lao Zi...
 
hahaa...

now using chicken rice...
wait one more new nick with chicken rice coming..

Lust without love wont last long indeed...
some people no fish, prawn also can...
If can't find ONS, will go back to those prawns lor...
 
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