Confused & hurt


I guess each and everyone of us will get to the point where you are now.

My relationship with my bf has been great until now. Things changes because of some issues he has and made me question if i really mean to him like what he used to tell me.

Sorry i couldn't comment much with the lack of information. Don't be too sad... cause what most important is.. how much u mean to yourself.
 
i can't stand he's into gambling! going those cruise ship to gamble! he says he gamble to release stress he hate me for stopping him!
 
learn to take the practical side of relationships, you are better off to find out his vice rather then after the wedding...dump him because you can't change a gambler overnight and sometimes never, save yourself the grieve and move on...
 
we are already married. i smsed him yesterday to tell him my dismay on his recent gambling habits and how i feel i been taken for granted in these few years. thought he feel some remorse, instead he told me to start making plans after selling the house few years later *sob* he told me to look for a better man. i don't know if he mean it or just being angry but i'm really hurt of his words. he said he hate to be tied down & restricted. he said i'm giving him stress. where did i do wrong?! i'm the one paying most of the household bills. i'm the one who took up part time job. all i hope is that he will appreciate me. i can't understand is there no way to relieve stress besides gambling? he's already in debts, no savings and in his thirties! I'm so glad we don't have any kids now. i can't imagine how will the children suffer.
 
spring, could he be addicted to gambling now that he is not in his right mind? My ex used to gamble alot too. And when he was in debt and lost himself in those gambling sessions, he dont even give any damn about me! All he cares is to find money to gamble some more. Forever TRYING AND TRYING to recover back what is lost.

But I am glad I let him go cos unless the gambler realised himself if not i dont know how ever to stop him from going to those cruise ship.
 
spring, you should think whether you can continue to bear this suffer. Let go earlier before u've got hurt deeply.
Is hard to make a gambler to change, only themself can make it..
 
spring, quit finding where u go wrong. The biggest mistake someone can do is stay in a destructive relationship clinging on silly hopes and struggling to find answers to who and what's right and wrong.

By doing so, u r just wasting your time. In life, there is no answers to everything and everyone have their own reasons too. There isn't a need to prove or agree with everyone and especially wieh someone u cannot continue to live with.

So, WAKE UP.
 
There is a chinese saying, "dog never changes eating shit".
Bad gambling habits are indeed hard to kick .... my only worries is your husband might borrow from loansharks and get u implicated.
 
Spring..

I agreed wif wedding_0809. Think for yourself now and start to plan your life ahead. It is lucky u dont have a kid, easier for u to make a decision.
 
thxs for the advice.. still stick with him. don't ask me why.i also dunno.he never apologise, i also never bring it up again.he still go to those cruises, just that now he will tell me in advance, not just MIA for the entire day.

sometime he really pissed me off eg. he earn more but i'm the one who contribute more in the household cos he say he got loans/credit cards to pay. i can tell you he incurred those debts are due to his gambling & his wrong investment.

i,too, have loan to pay too, but i can tell you, my loan is becos of him, but i won't go into details.

nowadays whenever we go out for meals & movies, we will go on dutch. if happen i pay, he just keep quiet until i ask for his share. i personally feel husband & wife no need to calculate until so clear, so sometimes i don't ask from him. however, if he pay, he will ask for my share immediately, if not, the next day.

i'm not expecting him to provide me but i feel as a man & a husband, he shouldn't be so calculative to me.

sometime ago, he joke that after the sale of flat, he should get a bigger share cos he pay more cpf but that's becos he's older than me, of course he got more cpf! fyi, our monthly cpf contribution is equal lor.

i try to see 'open'but can't help feeling that he's taking advantage of me! help, i'm starting to lose respect for him and i'm been really sarcastic to him lately. I hate myself becoming this.
 
spring, can't imagine next time our sg casino opens, i think you can buy him a tent.

Is very scary to be with a gambler.. cos in the end, besides losing him, you will have no savings and end up with debts (just like me)
 
spring,

do u think it's still worthed to stay clinging on to him? don't u think ur problems are just goin to get bigger and bigger?

do u even think the both of you are still like husband and wife, except for the fact that you're still living under the same roof? really, you should consider leaving him. sorry for being so straight.. but a leopard never change its spots. a gambler will always be a gambler. my BIL is an example. he's also in his thirties, been gambling since god-knows-when, he's already in a huge debt, but i don't think he's ever stopped gambling for even one day.. just think about it ba.. =)
 
Gambling is a serious addiction and if no help is being sought to curb it, could lead to serious repercussions. Have heard of countless stories of how it have broken up many families and driven many to suicide.

Our TV dun play the gambling ads everyday for nothing...if u still intend to stick with him, ask him to seek help immediately before it's too late

http://www.ncpg.org.sg/faq.html
 
spring,

if you just need a space to vent out, by all means continue. But, if you are asking for advise, then you neeed to act on them. Its pointless to come back pouring how miserable u r when u allow it to continue.

So, think carefully. If you only want listening ears, let everyone here know and we can forget about advising you. We can surely offer listening ears but do prepare the audience for it.
 
most gamblers will not change their habits its a difficult addiction to kick. have heard of ppl who even lie to borrow money from their friends and relatives just for gambling. have heard of ppl beating up his wife cos he ran out of $$ and his wife refuses to give him $ for gambling. u r lucky as both of u r not married. think again of how u wan to live your life in future. surely u do not wanna be paying for everything even his gambling debts .. and still need to quarrel with him all the time...
 
Hi spring_charm,

so, does he truly understand your worries about his gambling addiction or did you convey to him clearly?
 
u have a choice of how u wan to lead your life do nnot subcumb it to fate act on it to make it a better one.. if u cannot change a person then change that person. life is full of changes if u dun like your view .. move in search of a better view , no point lamenting and yet staying fixed hoping that the view will gget better cos rarely it does
 
My 2 cents worth of comments :-

If U r prepared to be in debts forever and listen to his forever craps excuses for being a gambler, then staying with him will be the only option since U can't bear to leave him..

If not, you will have to be hard hearted to leave him. It's really nv ending to be with a mind playing gambler.. It's really also emotionally hurting to be with one.. U wont even know he is with u becos of money or with U becos he loves U..

I have been there in the past and went thru it... It's tough but I feel that it is tougher to be in r/s with one..
 
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