Confused & disappointed

S

sad2009

New Member
I think my hubby is cheating on me but im not 100% sure of it! What do you think i should do? Confront him or act blur & spy on him 1st?

All started when i saw a msg in his HP from this lady X. I just happen to saw that msg while he was sleeping (HP kept beeping so i went to take a look) She mention to him about something which i have no idea & she said she miss him & ask if he miss her too!

I was shocked when i saw that msg & i didnt react on that spot as i want to see his reaction when he read the msg himself! When he saw that msg he just act as per normal & of course he deleted the msg & his sent msg (check his HP again purposely this time but everything got deleted!)

I got the lady's HP number & it was not a local number. After i check it out the number was from China! To my surprise he had been making oversea call to her as well!

I'm so disappointed in him! I still not sure what i should do next! Any advices from you people?
 


like Janey said, what do you want to do? some would rather act as if they don't know unless the husband show hand but then it might be too late.

i made the wrong move, i acted to fast, think what you want to do, maybe its a fling then he will forget.. mine was different, he was looking for long term...
 
To be honest i dnt knw! It just caught me in surprise never thought this will happen! I trusted him completely & never question about him before!

I thought we are a happy family! But now i'm the only fool to think we are! Maybe i'm not as attractive anymore, putting on weight after 2 kids & what make it worst i'm just a plain housewife!

I'm still hoping that i'm just overreacting! They are just friends & i should trust him & respect his privacy & don't ask or mention about this!

Janey what will you do if you were in my shoes?
 
hi, don't because of a message and let your world tumble down.

Is there a chance that your husband has contacts with a PRC women.

For me, whether he do it for one time or for long term, i consider it as a betrayal. But I would find out the truth first before jumping to any conclusions.

PM me, we can talk in private.
 
Before jumping into conclusion, could that msg be sent by mistake to your hb? My bf has received SMS advertising to call XXX if he's interested in Thai girls, etc.

Regarding the confrontation, personally I feel that you have to get yourself prepared for the worst. Are you ready to accept the worst (ie. end of marriage) and face up to the reality? What are you looking for in the result of your confrontation? If you're not ready for the worst, don't be rash and think of what exactly are you looking for from him - his acknowledgement? His apology? Also, what's the possibility that you're able to forgive and forget about the whole thing, and not let it haunt you again?

Personally, I wouldn't be able to accept that and when I confront, that would be the end. So twice think before you confront. The consequences after the confrontation would be more of an area to look into...
 
to know the truth doesn't mean need to confront.

Sometime u need to know the truth to make some decision.

don't think too far i.e divorce or forgive him.

Make sure is there such a thing before u think of the consequences.
 
Perhaps you could drop some hints to him that u know what's gg on.. eg tell him that ur fren's husband is seeing a china gal n ur fren is v upset abt it and monitor him thereafter..

If he stops the contact, then I'll suggest that u forget the whole episode, ie if you can forgive and forget.

If he still carries on, then u must think what u should do..
 
it's pretty much as you have suspected, if it were a spam, he would have commented right away...housewives are always in a losing position since they are dependent on the husband...since the lady is in china there's no way for you to spy on..i'm quite sure she must had been working here before..either as a hostess or a street lady, you best get checked for std...and the best way now is to speak to him about it....
 
well it's a good chance that it's wat u think, but before u go jumping up and down...

could be an ex-gfren now working a short stint in shanghai or something, and being alone in a foreign country... have alot of time to look back and perhaps garnering some emotional support from him.

but of cos dun jump the gun...
 
Had a gd talk with my hubby & finally knw what happening! I had chose to give him another shot & hope things will work out! I'm trying to put the past behind us & move on! Just want to thks all of ur posts as all of u had been very helpful!
 
sad 2009, i have a friend pretty same story as finally got divorced today. statred with ph call from china woman.

if u r keen in the story .... i will start
 
sad2009, if you have decided to give your relationship another shot then i think there's little point of you listening to teria's story .. it'll just keep you in this spot instead of moving on.
 
cuclainne thanks for your advise. I thought of that too but if by listening to teria's story will keep me in spot then i'm just deceiving myself that i had moved on! I tell myself i'm strong enough to handle this!
 
It's good that you decided to give him a chance and work on your marriage. Hope everything will work out well.

However, i believe you do understand that it takes two parties to rebuid a marriage. Are you sure your husband is determined too to stop the affair, or he will only be more careful now in hiding the affair from you?

Call me sterotype or whatever, those China women are VERY good in keeping the men hooked on them. Sometimes the men do know that they want their families, but just not having the will-power to stop the affairs because the China women know all the tactics in giving tender/loving/care and sex to the men, which sadly is not something the women here very good at...

I am talking from personal experience, as well as other real stories that i knew first hand from personal friends.

Just want to alert you in case you are still being cheated on unknowingly, and later the hurt will be even more. Of course, it also depends on what kind of wife you want to be. If you choose to REALLY move on with 100% trust on him, then do not dig further for anything and just move on.
 
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