Anybody can give any suggestion?

H

happygal958

New Member
Hi,
i want to ask for your suggestion or advise.

The story:
my bf's sister is 20 years old (staying at outside of sg).
She is a very quiet type... i can hear only few words only from her when i was visiting their house.

She doesnt work, quit study because based on my bf's info, she cant study well.. Easily to get stressed.

So far, she helps my bf's mom to take care kids (something like childcare at home)

Then during last CNY, she was dating with 38 years old guy...
After few months, it mentioned that she broke up with him already.

Til recently i visited their house. I found out that her tummy is so big (looks like pregnant).
But based on her character and personality, really makes me on doubt..

After that i asked my bf but his answer is so simple "no la, she seldom to go exercise".
But it doesnt make sense for me since her body, leg and face looks very thin and slim.

After i persuaded many times, my bf's mom said that the period hasnt come for 3 months already. But my bf's mum believe that she's not pregnant cos she mentioned to her mom that she never do these kind of things.
Then i brought his sister to go and see doctor.
After that its confirmed that she has pregnant and based on him, it could be about 4 months already.

My bf's sister said that the father of the baby is her friend (just said A).
My bf and his brother called A and scolded him. But he seems blur about it.
The parents asked A to come over to their home to discuss. At the end A said "Just say honestly la, if it's mine then tell it's not mine"
Then the sister said that it's not his.

Finally she said that the father is 38 years old guy that married already.
While today they went to specialist, it checked that actually she has been pregnant for nearly 6 months.
It's impossible to do abortion already.

Now i dunno what should i suggest to them since the parents also blur about the next action.

1. proceed to delivered the baby and raise the kid by his parents (though i think this is the last option i will suggest since i pity the parents and the kid)

2. proceed to delivered the baby and voluntary give away for adoption

3. give away the baby to that 38 years old guy (with his existing family)

4. ask the guy to marry her and take care the kid

5. the guy friend (A) is very kind and willing to marry my bf's sister. But i dont think it's a good idea cos they are friends only, based on pity not because of love.

6.. open for new suggestion

if wanted to sue this married guy, is it possible to do so?
Or should we asked the money?
Or report the police?

If blood test only (not DNA test), can it be proven that it's his baby?

Thanks in advance for any suggestion
 


I would think that giving up for adoption will be the best solution since she's not working and raising a child is not cheap.

Can try contacting the 38 guy, to see if he wants to take care of the kid, but chances quite slim right? since he's already married, and this baby may ruin his marriage.

Don't think it is possible to sue him right? She's already 20 years old...

I dont think blood test is sufficient to prove that it is his baby...
 
My suggestion : Stop deciding for your bf's sister what to do with her child! Even in the list of options you considered, you are already putting your own personal decisions in them.

You can only offer advice and point out the pros & cons of each. Whatever decision is made by the gal and the man involved. Don't add your own favor to influence the decision over what you think is best for them. You seem to be trying to take control here. Since they are so blur, its time for them to learn to face the music and wake up from their dreams! Rather than feeding her the options, guide her to start thinking and exploring for herself to find HER (not yours) best solution out of the situation.

Teach a man to fish and he will never go hungry.

Some of the things u think about are quite ignorant. Call police? Do you think law enforcement is here to solve personal love affairs of others?? And blood test? Watched too much TV dramas? Sue him on what grounds?!? 2 consenting adults having sex. What is there to sue? Please....
 
On other point :

It is very alarming that your bf's entire family tend to sweep things under the carpet and bochap / denial until the point that they can no longer ignore. Its so idiotic that she can be 6 months pregnant and everyone including herself still can be so blur about it. You can expect them to deal with other problems in similar fashion too, denialing, ignoring and pretending its not there. Can you really live with people like this? Something that you should ponder about if you haven't started thinking.
 
wooh, milo is really stern. but i totally agree with u. 6 mths pregnant and nobody knows. classic. seems like they're all floating in their own world huh? just leave it to them to decide since they have their own weird way of thinking.

yellowrose: think u should focus more on ur relationship with ur bf than on his sister. doesn't really make sense to me that u r getting so involved. it's either u leave it to the 2 who are involved, else her parents can also decide for her. more ppl in the picture will make the situation worse. juz show encouragement, give proper advice when needed and give a listening ear. think this is gd enough..
 
Hi Jiening,
Thanks for your advise. Ya,i think cant check based on the blood test.

Hi Milo,
Im not trying to decide for her. Im not anyone at her family. But his mom ask my bf, me, the big family about the next decision.
I think she quite panic (after her daughter 5,5 months' pregnancy? *speechless*)

While my bf suggest to report to police since they cant find him. He has changed his phone number. his sister doesnt know his house or any other information (*again... speechless*)
Based what i see, her sister is very difficult to be speak out her mind.
My bf's family have to keep asking her about the details. But her answer is just so simple, short as if the questions is Y/N questions.
When the eldest brother scolded her, she freaked out and lock herself in her room.

She doesnt think about her next action, act as if nothing happened.
Maybe she knows that her family will find the solution for her.
For my bf's family thinking, she is always a little innocent girl and got bullied.
Hmmm... but i dont want to interfere their family affair. My part only give suggestions for his family's decision.

So glad that i wont stay with them if i married with my bf.
 
hi blissful,
yes i think so...

The family can be said that they are too believe in other people's words.
Now his mother ask around the big family, close friends. At the end, got scolded from my bf.

i tot they can find this 38 years old guy, but just found out from my bf that he has been disappeared since few months ago.

Haiz... it's ok la, i just see for the updates only lo...
Hopefully everything will be ok.

Thanks guyss...
 
Confront the 38 yr old guy. If the bb is his, he has to be part of the decision. He cant run away from that. See how it goes from there. Option 2 may be feasible too if nothing comes out of the above. What ever it is, the 38 year old guy must pay for the delivery and compensate her. Dont think option 1, 3, 4 and 5 are feasible
 
hmm... is thats the case, then most prob she will want to sit down and think of a plan for her child. maybe wat u can do is to analyze the situation to her, telling her the future she will have to face having a kid and keep her prepared. raising a child is definitely not easy, if she thinks that her parents will always be her fallback, then its a wrong mentality.

if need be, maybe u can refer her to a counsellor? i believe that will help and also to educate her further to start planning.
 
stern because this is a very serious matter and those that is suppose to think is relying of others to do that for them!
 
sigh... but this kinf of ppl really do exist in this world. needs ppl to spoon feed them. and there are ppl who is more than willing to spoon feed them.

一个愿打，一个愿挨
 
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