Advice needed: Staying near whose parents after marriage

A

altiora

Member
Dear all,

My fiance's parents live in Clementi and mine live in Yishun. We are looking for a flat and is deciding where to live, Yishun or Clementi, and we will probably be getting a resale flat.

Naturally, I would like to live nearer to my parents i.e. Yishun as I would prefer my mum to take care of my kids in future. Both my mum and mum-in-law have not voiced out that they want to take care of children, but my mum is ok with it if I need her help in future.


First consideration:
I hope that my children will be taken care of by my mother when we are working during the weekdays and visiting my in-laws during weekends. This is to minimise/prevent conflicts from arising during caring of children.

Second consideration:
A resale flat in Clementi is much more expensive compared to one of similar size in Yishun. I am not very willing to fork out the extra $$ just for the sake of accessibility. My fiance will be working in Sengkang soon, and Yishun is closer to Sengkang than Clementi.

Third consideration:
Many of my guy colleagues told me that it is better to stay near the wife's parents because the 2 women will become troublesome if they are staying too near. They cited examples of conflict arising incidents such as the wife not happy with in-laws are popping by too often or their parents always call them (my guy colleagues) to send them back from somewhere since they are living so near.

I would like to know if the points above are reasonable enough for me to explain to my fiance and for him to explain to his family? I do not want to sour the relationship between me and my in-laws but at the same time I hope not to live too near to them. I know there are older people who will assume that sons will live near them after marriage.

Thank you for your kind attention.
 


after reeading, like to Vote for Yishun for U for the following reason:
(a) Near to ur parents always better than near mil esp if ur mum wld help u take care ur children
(b) flats in Yishun cheaper. dun let housing mthly instalm be a strain to u. i used to stay at clementi for last 30 yrs, thou i like e place but very ex..
 
First consideration:
I hope that my children will be taken care of by my mother when we are working during the weekdays and visiting my in-laws during weekends. This is to minimise/prevent conflicts from arising during caring of children.

>> Hmm, you are assuming there will be conflicts from caring of the children. What makes you think your hubby will not have problem with ur parents caring for the children?

Second consideration:
A resale flat in Clementi is much more expensive compared to one of similar size in Yishun. I am not very willing to fork out the extra $$ just for the sake of accessibility. My fiance will be working in Sengkang soon, and Yishun is closer to Sengkang than Clementi.

>> You already have your answer, Yishun is definitely cheaper by at least 100k. There's a straight bus to Seng Kang too
happy.gif


Third consideration:
Many of my guy colleagues told me that it is better to stay near the wife's parents because the 2 women will become troublesome if they are staying too near. They cited examples of conflict arising incidents such as the wife not happy with in-laws are popping by too often or their parents always call them (my guy colleagues) to send them back from somewhere since they are living so near.

>> Nothing to do with staying near who... If your parents are those troublesome type. Even if you stay in Pasir Ris, they will still expect you to fetch them from Jurong East.

Actually, it all depends on whose parents are more understanding. If not, then it might be better off buying a neutral place... Like SengKang, although you will lose out on the 40k grant. Better the 40k loss then sleepless night :P

No matter what you think, we are still living in a traditional country. You can't just think of yourself and what you want. Go discuss with your hubby. Ultimately, no matter what are our comments, his comments / views are what count, doesn't it?
proud.gif
 
A better decision is made when both parties agree to it. What is your HB's opinions on this matter? Does he mind or does he has alternatives to what you are proposing?
 
Hi altiora,

Another consideration for you : Which Primary School is your children going to?

When I just got married I didn't think too far. I chose to stay in Yishun because it's in between both set of parents' place.

However, I have since moved from Yishun to Bukit Timah because of the children's school.

I had regretted that I didn't buy Bukit Timah area when I just married when prices were low.
No choice, now have to pay a higher price.
 
Yishunite sounds alot better than Clementian... so u should be a Yishunite!

but seriously, it's alot easier on the logistics to shift anywhere between yishun n sengkang... u might like to consider Thomson/AMK.
 
leave your FUTURE kids out of the discussion with ur hubby.

i dont think your in laws will be happy with this decision at all if u r already planning to create a distance between your kids and them

just base ur decision on economic consideration such as the flat's price, your husband's work place.
 
i think yishun is a pretty obvious answer, since it's cheaper and near your parents.

otherwise the best is just choose a neutral place like AMK or seng kang/punggol.

you will still have 30k housing grant if you are 1st-time buyer, so technically you only lose out on 10k for the grant should you choose a neutral ground. as a first home, it will be a good idea to choose somewhere you can afford. because after the wedding/renovations, your savings will be drained substantially.

so far all these are your opinions. how about your finace? what does he think of your mom taking care of your future kids?
 
Hi all, thank you for your kind input
happy.gif
He is ok with my parents taking care of the kids in future but he still wishes to stay in the clementi area.

I have expressed my wish that I would like to stay near the north, especially after reading comments on other potential areas (such as the mentioned AMK, Sengkang, punggol etc). Fiance noted my preference but we haven talked about the matter since then.

I am waiting for a suitable time, maybe in a few weeks' time as CNY was just over) to bring the issue up for discussion again. =)
 
i personally bought a place near my mum even though it is more expensive

reasons i used was that it was much nearer to his work place 15mins drive instead of 40mins, nearer to my work, easier for us to go back his house cos he drive and I don't. Better schools in this area(although he disagree on this point)
 
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