Advice?! An affair...

Why are married men so nasty to their wives ? Don't they realise how much hurt they inflict upon their wives by doing this ?
 


Do you think so ?
I've thought about it over and over in the course of the year and the result is : if I had known he will be like this, I would never have married.

Lost hope in marriage because it seems that there are so many married men who won't think twice to have an affair if they have a chance.
 
we lose hope everytime we hit a setback... it is part of the initial immediate feelings... learn to understand and manage that.
 
thanks for responding. Am still trying to manage the feelings but it's very very very hard. Especially, when you know so many men are like that... and it's so easy to catch up now with internet, phone, quickie hotels etc.
 
it's always been there even a decade ago... there are numbers to call to get a blowjob in your car parked in shenton way... or a quickie downstairs at boat quay. it's just that ignorance is a way of life in spore and pple are too self-absorbed in their own little world...

u dun have to be liberal to know that the world is more liberal and open in certain aspects. kids are experimenting with sex earlier so it's nothing new...

geylang has always been there since as long as i can rem... there is no way u can control movements, but u can certainly choose wisely.

and realistically, if u need to divorce BEFORE having an affair, then it's not as exciting nor likely to happen... so that is a moot point. sometimes it's just the kick n freshness n perhaps the fact that it's taboo... we might be too caught up in righteousness within the society, that we breakout and express ourselves in different ways...

both genders are capable of affairs... without the lady, the men have no vessels to penetrate, so in any affair, it's 2 genders.

u must also learn to manage your emotions if he is genuinely sorry for his mistake and error. if u can't forgive, then u'll just keep repeating... nomatter how sorry a person is, he will stop saying sorry if he has to keep repeating it.
 
Sigh...I'm on the same boat as you. The only difference is I'm a guy and she is married. Her only concern was the 2 children. Am still living in denial and hoping she will leave the guy and be with me. Worst case for me is, I'm not even Singaporean.
 
I feel so blessed for having such a wonderful husband. Why do married guys get caught up with this kind of situation. Things like this can always be avoided.

I do understand the saying "Love is Blind" but why get with somebody who's already married? there are so many wonderful Single & Unmarried men/women out there looking for a partner.

I mean, just think how you could hurt his/her family by being with him/her. Simply put your self on their shoes and see how that feels.
 
XL, I do have friends like you, but since you already broken up with him, I do hope that you will widen your circle of friends further and not end up with another guy who's married again. No matter how much nice words and all that. That's what "guys" are capable of, seriously. I'm a guy, thus i totally understand.

*I did teach some of my gals friends on what/how to listen for the key words when a guy wan to flirt with you or really want you to be their gf thru.. lolx..

Anyway, wish you all the best and if you need a friend. I'm sure we have tons of friends here willing to lend you a ear..
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Hi newbie here,

Dont judge me here , i just hooked back up with a ex. I hav my own family he has his own. Before now, he was also with another woman for 8 years! I dont know what he promised her, but this is what he said to me. He will never leave the wife for the kid's sake, EVEN though he loves her very much and is in a loveless and sexless marriage.

We fulfill each other emotionally and physically but we know there is NO FUTURE! No commitments, likewise I will never ever leave my family for my kids' sake, not for him not for anyone else.

If you want to get involved with someone who is married, DON"T EXPECT anything! Just enjoy the moment and live with the consequences!
 
If your husband finds out, he can petition for divorce on ground of adultery. When this happens, you have no choice, even though it is never your intention to leave your family.

Best is not to get involved with anyone who is married.
 
Thing about life is, although we know what is right from wrong, and sometimes make statements like" I will never do this or tht...." at a certain time in life, in a certain situation you will find yourself defying what you've said.

Some ppl will still step into a hole even when they know its a shit hole, cant help it. But for me, watever I do, dont blame anyone if I get karma for what I did, and I know I will be answerable one day for everything tht I do.
 
"Can't help it" is just an excuse...

We just have to live with the consequences of our actions.. some of the consequences are not reversible.

So don't push it to "Can't help it".. Everyone can. We all can. It is whether we want or not.

I am not going to judge whether it is "ethical" to get involved with a married man/woman. The thing is that you have to be prepared for the consequence of this "affair" being made known - not only to your spouse but also your children..
 
For those having extra marital affairs, have you ever consider what your lover think of you as?
I know married men who kept the loved ones while seeing the other women outside as dirt. You are not the only women outside the marriage.

However for yourself, can you take the risk of forsaking your whole family for a moment of folly?
Turn back before your spouse found out or perhaps they might even know about it just to wait to get a clean break. Don't wait for the day for the same thing to happen on u.
 
I don't think it is just a "moment of folly" - a moment of folly is maybe like a one-night-stand. But an illicit affair going on for months is not a moment of folly. The sweetness of forbidden fruits and the sheer ecstasy of being in a secret relationship is too addictive ...

They don't care much about other things - not spouses nor children. They will wake up (hopefully) when the affair is exposed and turns ugly. Then the sweetness is gone. Every little thing is bitter.

And don't give crap like for the children will NEVER leave spouse. You think your children will be thankful for you for this? This is just plain selfish and wishful thinking.
 
And once discovered, life will never be the same. The children will lose respect for the adulterer.

A man with pride will unlikely want to hang onto the marriage or he might playing the same game as well.

You wont be so lucky everytime, it takes only tt 1 time to be caught red-handed.
 
flipflapfly,
"fulfill each other emotionally and physically" ?? Can you get that from your husband? You do that to your husband，is he that bad to you such that you have to do that to him?? How would your hb feel when he found out? How would you feel if you were him??? Happy? Shiok? I mean I don't know what has happened in your relationship with your hb but I think such thing shouldn't happen.
 
""fulfill each other emotionally and physically" ?? Can you get that from your husband? You do that to your husband，is he that bad to you such that you have to do that to him?? "

it's abt unfulfilled desires hidden in the closet...

something a proper marriage cannot give.
 
Self-centred
The truth is an adulterer doesn't leave his/her children and spouse because he/she cannot bear the thought of losing them, messing up his/her own life and ruining his/her own perfect reputation.

If the claim is that he/she were being thoughtful about the children - then he/she would have exercised more self-control from the beginning. Everything else, just excuses.
 
"it's abt unfulfilled desires hidden in the closet...

something a proper marriage cannot give."
But with the damages you will be inflicting upon yourself and your family and the messed up state after that as the price to pay. Is it worth?
 
In this age of instant gratification - who cares about whether it is worth it or not.

Life is so tough and meaningless for many people that they will snatch whatever little joy and happiness there is - never mind the pain and anguish that will come later.

And very often you can undo the things. Just have to move on with whatever life has to offer.
 
to some, the desire can be so strong that they just hv to do it.

it is overwhelming... the desire to feel the warmth of another person to quench the thirst of the alienated soul. when the moment comes, they will surrender and grasp it.

that's for the emotionally needy ones...

for the clear-headed ones, they get over the wanting by finding something else to fill the void. something more interesting and meaningful than sex
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well, different folks, different strokes.
 
well, different ppl hv different needs...

the world will be a boring pl to stay in if it is made up of the same type of ppl
happy.gif
 
well junkie, i dun agree with u on "different folks, different strokes."...

i believe it's the need for "different strokes FROM different folks"
biggrin.gif
 
unless it's 'sporevirginbrides.com', i think we're ok with the rating. i wanted to call it 'mature audience' but that would be giving credit to some individuals...

anyway u start learning your strokes as early as 4yrs old nowadays... chinese strokes, breast stroke, back stroke... we stroke rabbit, stroke hamster, stroke dogs and cats...

what's wrong with stroking a cock? my fren has a pet duck and the feathers are actually quite nice to stroke... he puts a bow tie on his duck. but sadly by a stroke of bad luck, the duck died... they got hungry and ate it cos they were too lazy to tabao.

yes i'm talking cock... stroking a cock.

u can sing a song if u want... they go Hand in Hand.
 
yes its something that we cant find in our own marriages , sex, romance whatever u want to name it... the forbidden food is ever so tempting. and of course if your hubby is a good for nothing sob all the more the flesh and heart becomes weaker.

who will u grow up to hate more the father who did nothing but gives you trouble or the mom who gave you everything ( not material) but had an affair?
 
I hope ur children will never get to know your affair.

How painful it is to grow up in a dysfunctional family with a useless troublemaker dad and a mum who sleep with another man.

Do you want your grandchildren to be told that you are the cause of the marriage breakdown because of an affair outside?

Y nt you consider to divorce your useless husband and find a man who's worthy of your love instead?

Even if you want to love, love someone who's worthy of your love.
 
One of the reasons where people are cheating, especially women because it is an easy way out.

How to tell your hb that you are sick of him and that he is totally useless and you want to divorce him? He will most likely cry-father-cry-mother and ...

Women know that cheating is an almost unforgiveable act and a quick way out of a relationship. Most men would not tolerate a cheating wife.

Men cheat mostly for sex and more sex. But rarely because they want out of the marriage.
 
the desire to feel the warmth of another person to quench the thirst of the alienated soul

This is so very true and it's really very flattering when the opp sex shower so much attention on u while your own spouse has an bo chup and "so be it" attitude.
To be frank, I do get tempted subconsciously especially when u get to meet so many ppl due to the nature of work.

I really hate this type of feeling. What I will usually do is to keep remind myself that this is just an illusion and read through the threads in this forum over n over again. In fact I m in here almost daily since the days before I got married, become a mummy and also years into my marriage.

What's most scary is that if u been here long enough and read through the past threads, u will realise that the predicament of the forummers are very accurate and of course, people reap what they sow.

U guy rocks!!~~
 
i wonder why man cannot tolerate a cheating wife but woman can tolerate a abusive husband.... hmm... anyway

Ting Yi, life is full of stories.... never knowing what one chapter leads to, the twist, no closure, etc. Not being able to do what you want to, not being able to be with who you want to.

Divorce aside, unfortunately he is the man that I love. I am aged, I wont want to go around looking for another love. This man, we were once lovers, separated and now lovers again.

I DONT condone my doings, and I do know the risk and consequences of my actions. But I have found "happiness" once again, something that I lost for many years.
 
"i wonder why man cannot tolerate a cheating wife but woman can tolerate a abusive husband.... hmm... anyway"

don't wonder. You are only justifying and looking at your own context and then excusing it by labeling them as something generic. It isn't. Why should anyone tolerate an abusive or non functional marriage. Regardless of the gender.
 
But I have found "happiness" once again

Ee poh, hw long hv you been with this guy? The ecstacy of a secret rendezous, his charms, honey coated words. Don't you just find this happiness v unreal and more like a dream for something that doesn't belong to you? The bubble might burst overnight once he no longer find it a novelty to be with you and could call it off anytime just like in the past or with other women. A player will always be an player. If not, an ex won't be called an ex for nothing.

Can you accept falling flat down to the ground from the highest peak of your happiness or being treated like a piece of rag once the honeymoon period are over?

Don't jump from one shit hole to a deeper shit hole in the disguise of "happiness".
 
ting yi,

don't you get it? Most won't care about tomorrow.. Most don't know how to live a life and that is why they make themselves miserable.. so when there is a moment of happiness, they will give up everything for it - then to realize it is just transient.

True happiness will come from your everyday life.. not moments of joys that may evaporate anytime. then again, who is to say what is right and what is wrong. As long as you are happy with your life as it is - the "happiness" that you have found and you are willing to bear the consequences of your actions - you are entitled to do what you want. Only please don't give excuses - that is all.
 
Can it be because one doesn't love his or her mate enough? I mean if you love someone greatly you will not do anything to hurt him or her right? You will not want to lose the person should he or she found out your betrayal right?
 
It takes more than "love" to keep a relationship going. What you mean by not "loving" enough? Is there a limit to it. What is enough and what is not?

It is not a matter of loving enough or not. We can love more than a person at the same time.. especially the other person that we are loving now has something we want/need that is not present in the current relationship.
 


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