AD procedures

davlycia

New Member
hi gals,
in the midst of preparing for my customary next yr june...is confused over many things. my mum mentioned some things that we dunno correct or not....next help from u gals.
1. first thing in the morning, when FH picks me up from my place, got to do the tea ceremony first, cos mum says that once i leave the house means i'm already married out, tea ceremony to pay the "last" respect to my parents before i leave.
2. after which have to go back to FH place for the tea ceremony, cos according to the chinese customs, in-out of the house timing very important.
3. after tea ceremony @ FH place, den proceed to church for ceremony. but from my understanding, we will have to proceed to the church b4 going back to FH place.
4. during church wedding, we r supposed to have witness, so since my dad-in-law have passed away already, we feel that the eldest in the family which is FH's brother should be the witness, since he is also the witness during our ROM. But bro-in-law think other wise. he feels that since dad-in-law is the witness during his wedding, it is only fair that now my mum-in-law witness our wedding. (BTW, the other witness is my father, both ROM & AD)
there are so many dos & duns during AD, since we both r from diff background, he is a teochew & me a hokkian, he a catholic & me a buddist...his family a typical modern type, me family rather conservative, but mum is adopting a open mind so as not to make things diff for FH....so many things that his family dun know. Sometimes i really feel very tired having to run all these. Pls help!
 


tcflabby

New Member
Hi davlycia,

There are some similarities between your situation and mine. My fiancee family is catholic while mine is free thinker (more inclined towards buddhism). However both of our family are Hokkien.

Pertaining to your sequence:
1. Most couples nowadays perform the tea ceremony at the FH place 1st before moving to the girl's home.

I think your mum intention of having you serving tea at your home 1st is not wrong. Traditionally, tea ceremony is carried out at the bride's place first. This is because a bride can only go back to her family home 3 days after her marriage.

2. I will like to suggest that both of you then drop by the church for solemnisation, after the church solemnisation both of you will be considered married in the eyes of God.

3. Thereby proceed to your FH home for tea ceremony at his home.

4. For church witnesses, they don't have to be relatives. For our case we are likely to ask our close friends, so that our parents can remained at their seats to observe entire ceremony. But there is really no hard and fast rules here, just do what is comfortable for you.

I will like to suggest you confirm your date 1st and book your church, priest, hotel, bridal studio. Iron out the rest of the details thereafter.

Hope you enjoy your wedding process ya.

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Wedding is a day, Marriage is for eternity
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xocross

Member
hi davlycia

just my own personal experience.

like yours my mom insisted that we had to do tea ceremony at our place first before going to groom's side. that caused alot of unhappiness because groom's family felt we were not respecting them.

later, i discovered, it was only to serve my parents' tea... as a form of respect... before going to groom's family to serve tea... then returning to serve the rest of my relatives tea. =)

that made everyone happy. honestly, over this tea ceremony i nearly fell out with mom... and i was quite pai seh to visit MIL then. hee. =P

thank God it's all over!

so you might wish to clarify with your mom? or ask her if it is possible to serve them tea but the relatives later when you return home from FH's place?

as for who to be witness, i think it does not really matter as long as the person is someone close to your heart. =) my friend's parents' were divorced and he never forgave his father so his witness was his mom... someone precious to him.

if your MIL is comfy to be witness, then why not? =)

enjoy your wedding preparation process! =P
 

sbb

New Member
hi ppl, i'm also almost falling out with my husband over such tea ceremony leh.
haiz..
cos from what i know, hokkien style is tea ceremony at girls home first than guys.

but my husband felt i'm the one marrying over to their family so i should go over first.

i don kw whether to follow hokkien rules or teochew rules wor.

from what i kw, when the guy pick me up before gg into their hse, its to follow hokkien rules.
after gg into their hse, follow teochew rules.
 

mehmeh_lim

New Member
hi Jasmine,

I prob think since u're marrying ur HB who's a Teochew, u shd respect his. But i think the ultimate decision shd lie with his or ur parents. If they aren't particular, then go over to his before coming back to urs..

Otherwise, what SL had done is prob a way out. Just serve tea to ur parents 1st, then head to ur HB's before returning to serve the rest of ur relatives.. Dun let rules literally rule the way things are done, rules are set by ppl too..
 

auldreay

New Member
My FH is Hakka and his parents insist that we MUST serve the guy side tea first. So my solution is that FH fetches me, we go his parent's place to serve tea, head over to Fort Canning for ROM + lunch reception, then head to our temp place to rest. 2 hours before dinner head back to Fort Canning where we will have tea ceremony for my relatives before the banquet. Plus phototaking session so ensure everyone will arrive on time.
 

blueflower

New Member
also, will it be weird if the husband picks up the bride from the new flat rather than from the bride's house? hope to hear your advices. thanks!
 

waterjia

New Member
hi,
From what i know, cant have tea ceremony at couple new flat nor pick up the bride from the new flat.
But as far as I know, I do have a friend who do tea ceremony at their new house.
And if cant pick up from bride's house, you can do it at the hotel if the hotel permits.
 

tommychan

New Member
Hi everyone,
I am also not very sure of the procedure. I know that we need to serve tea to our elders. What should i do after that? I am not a christian. I was told that we need to eat eggs or tangyuan? Is this still exist nowsaday? Can someone provide me guideline for the AD procedure? Did anyone do the an chuan etc? Is there any pre-preparation needed? Thanks!
 

coleurs

New Member
i also just found out from my mom that i'm supposed to serve tea at home before going to in-laws' place also. my pils probably won't mind since they are open minded but problem is, i'm supposed to leave my house at 9.15am. how to finish serving tea before that, unless my relatives are willing to crawl over to my place by 8am or so.

now the whole thing is in limbo. mom quite adamant that must do it this way but say she will check with relatives if they can make it to my place so early. if cannot then we will serve tea when we come back. really headache.
 

lovelytulips

New Member
hi coleurs, i think if your relatives are very close to your parents, they will definitely make it by 8am or so. when my sis had her wedding, althought she only came back after 11am for the tea ceremony, some of my relatives were already there at say 8am to see her being 'married off'.
 

joxue

New Member
Hi coleurs,

During my cousin wedding, they served tea to her parents after they come back from the groom's place wearing her tea dress which is ard 11am-12pm.

some of my relatives were there to see her being "married off" too. But then most were ard for the tea-serving ceremony.

If u serve tea to ur relatives before going to ur in-laws place, u will be serving tea in ur WG? Then after that do u still need to come back from in-laws place wearing kua/tea dress? maybe u can check with ur mum again?
 

mrsyap

New Member
Hi everyone

Actually I am very confused with the procudures of who's going to whose house to have the tea ceremony first. Sigh.. my mum n father-in-law is quite a headache.. I am so scare when they are to discuss this customary thingy. When we planned for our ROM last year, my husband and I planned everything by ourselves.(One year ago we told them about our plans and they never mention anything about choosing dates or what) After we settled everything and it's like about less then a month to it, both of them scolded us, saying WHY WE never choose date etc etc.. -_-" Anyone can advise me in planning my customary?? THanks..
 

cactus_79

New Member
Hi Mrs Yap, it's not that confusing actually.
Your husband come to your parents' house to pick u up. Then you both go to your husband's parents' house for tea ceremony. Then you and your husband return to your parents' house for tea ceremony.


Some parents take for granted that choosing date is done by parents.. guy's parnets, also, some parents expect the traidtional wedding to take place if there si going to be a customary dinner. customary means traditional what....
 

roomfulofstars

New Member
I'd like to know - how come the bride is ALWAYS dressed in white for the very first part of the day? If you're going to proceed this with tea ceremonies? Coz I was thinking of wearing kwa for gatecrash then tea ceremonies. And then later wear the white at church so there's more "wow" factor mah. Hehehehe.

Has anyone ever NOT worn the bridal gown first?
 

cactus_79

New Member
Hi femme, my understanding is that some china chinese and some hongkong people wear only the kwa. It's only becuase of western influences or they want to get married in church, therefore, they wear white wedding gown.
 

cactus_79

New Member
Yes and No. My reply is going to be quite complicated so I'll try to do it in point form k...

(1) In Singapore, brides leave their home in white gowns. Generally. Only after they return to their mother's place, they change into tea dress, and some wear the kwa as the tea dress.

(2) In China and Hong Kong, there is an increasing trend that the "better off" brides wear white gowns or very very intricately designed kwas. The not so rich brides wear more commonly designed kwas throughout the day. It is by virtue of western influence that brides in China and Hong Kong start wearing white wedding gowns. It didn't use to be the case during our parents' generation.

My friend actually started gate crashing and tea ceremony in white gown, then had solemnization at Church at about 1030am still in white gown. She didn't have kwa. During dinner, she wore white gown for first march in, red evening gown for second march in.
 

hapimint

New Member
For my sister, when she got married, she also went out of our place in a wedding gown.... then she went to church... during the church reception, she changed into another light blue gown to take pictures... then went to her MIL place to offer tea...
Went to hotel, changed into a cheong sum and offered tea to my parents... then wedding gown again during the 1st march in for the dinner...
Then later 2nd march in, she is in her evening gown... she has so many gowns... haha....
 

roomfulofstars

New Member
Meaning there is no hard and fast rule?

I wonder if I could wear kwa for gatecrash then tea ceremonies. Coz I want to have my church before the dinner, and I thought of wearing the white at church and at dinner. Then change into evening gown later. So total 3 gowns.

Does it sound like a bad idea?

Also, how long before the AD do most brides confirm the banquet location? Is it 1 year? Her World Brides recommended 1.5 years.
 

cactus_79

New Member
Hi femme,

I guess there is no hard and fast rule - like written guidelines or law(!).

But in SIngapore, I've only known of brides who leave their parents' homes in white gown leh. ANd they ALWAYS change into another dress when they return to their parents' homes for tea ceremony.

Then again, I may not have seen/heard of enough weddings asnd there could be some brides who did what you are thinking of doing....

I don't think your idea sounds bad, but just make sure the pple around you are okay with it cos just to share, my mom wanted me to leave the home in pure white.. like a bride in white. She was quite against other colours.

I think most brides do it 1.5 years. Esp if they have a place and date in mind. Just to share, I paid deposit for my venue in June 2006 for an end-Sept 2007 date.Actually, the date I finally settled for is not our ideal date. Our ideal date had already been booked....
 

neoaix

New Member
Hi all

I had actually heard from my mum that wearing other colours of gown to leave parents home means its not the bride's first marriage... cuz i tot i wanted a light pink gown instead... but mum say cannot..
 

mrsyap

New Member
Hi cactus_79

Thanks.. now i can only wait for my father-in-law to go with us to select the date 2 weeks later.. after which i suppose he should tell me when to come to my house to talk to my parent regarding pin jin all those.. i am so scare on this day.. sigh.. it's so wierd.. hubby and me together 7yrs+ but our parents met each other only twice. once when we ROM and the other is when my mother-in-law admitted to hospital. It's so wierd.. now i m so scare of the day they meet up.. sigh.
 

kai9

New Member
Hi all,

There seem to be different styles and rules for different dialet groups.. Quite confusing thou...

How does Hokkien (Groom) and Cantonese (Bride) style of procedure be? Can anyone share their experiences on this?

Thanks alot. =)
 

twinkie

New Member
can i check with u gals, is it possible to change into another wedding gown when i am gg back to my inlaws house for teadrinking ceremony?

my HTB will fetch me very earlier in the day at 6-7am to his parents house. Its too early to teadrink so we have 3hrs to spare before relatives all reach.

we're gg out phototaking during this spare time so HTB suggest me to change to the shorter gown(easier for me to move ard) which i will also use my ROM later in the day as well as my first marchin.

Now I am wondering if I can change into a another different gown at all even before i return to my home?

Or if no rules that forbid me to do that, shld i change back to the original long gown before i return to my inlaw house or can just wear the short gown for teadrink.
 

girlstuff

New Member
Hi, i am having my AD next June.
My rough AD schedule goes like this:

1) Groom fetches Bride from Hotel's bridal suite (I am a foreigner so it is easier to treat the suite as the bride;s home this way)

2) back to Groom's house
3) back to hotel (gg back to bride's side)and rest...
4) In the evening, we will have ROM (before dinner) in the hotel functionroom, then tea ceremony for both sides of family

5) Dinner banquet.

Is this workable?? Any advice?
 

deillusioned

New Member
hi all,

may i know how does the changing of gowns go during the AD morning?

Bride wears WG @ parents hm.
Groom fetch bride from parents hm to his home for tea ceremony.
The changing of gown into kua happens @ groom's house before moving back to bride's parents home for tea ceremony?

Do the groom's parents come over the bride's parents place after that?

Or do they stay at home and get ready for dinner @ night?

Abit lost pls help
sad.gif
 

lslyn

New Member
BTBs, need some advice.
I'm having my solemnisation on AD and I wish to take some outdoor PS on AD too.

I'm just wondering is it possible to delay the tea ceremony in the morning till before solemnisation in hotel?

TIA
 

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