janie,
hey.. that is a very interesting perspective. and I say that you are almost like most of the female friends I know.. they tell me EXACTLY the same thing. Actually this is very interesting.
Just to let you know.. she is not all all materialistic.. you have read my blog.. she don't spend money.. even when I was out with her.. even on cheap things or she is acting so well to ask me to spend more?
Yes, I do know her "best friend". She talks about her all the time.. I met her before but her "best friend" didn't really know our relationship.
And yes, I am suspciious that she has bf/men outside.. in fact I am quite sure of this because I cannot imagine someone like her not to have one. But so far, I cannot find any evidence other than casual dates that she had.
By the way, she don't like me to pick her up and send her.. it is always my insistence. Normally she would say meet somewhere, but I always insisted on picking her up.. Yeah, maybe she is bluffing me?
I know that she is a liar.. but still that does not mean she is not a nice girl. She does volunteer work.. Imagine, spending 3 weeks in cambodia suffering.. I don't think any young materialistic woman would do that .. she did that to bluff me?
My blog is of course my innermost thoughts. They are conflicting at times, it has to be because we are always conflicting.
Self-denial? I don't think so lah. I know the outcome long time ago. I know we are far too different, two different worlds, age gap too big, I have 3 daughters, etc etc etc.. these are practicals that will impede the relationship. I know all these.
I don't lie to myself lah.. what for. I am very frank in my blog. But of course I am also a bit lost... I am also human after all.
Actually it is not a matter of xiao sa, I have no choice right? I have to be xiao sa, else what can I do right?
I am not saying you are wrong. Sometimes I wish I can introduce her to all of you.. you can judge for yourself.. but hiaz.. not important..
She did have a very troubled times during her teens - she actually ran away from home.. after her once when her father beat her very badly.. she stayed out for a few years.. at 15 years old.. she is quite independent.. done a lot of funny things.. smoke, etc etc.. but now she don't smoke at all.
I have her facebook, her friendsters, and many other things.. these things she cannot hide too much right?
But obviously she is hiding something from me.. this I am sure.. i am not quite sure what she is hiding.. but as a person, as a friend, she is wonderful .
Don't worry. I am not offended at all.
And yes, I know it won't work out lah eventually.. and the problem is as much me as it is her.
To tell you frankly, I am not hoping that something will come out of this. I am probably just prolonging it..
