When why how?

[Infernolord]

This is a general question that i been asking myself recently.
Once again, i was ditched. I tried my best to savage it but fail. I actually do not know wad to do after sooooo many rs tat fail. I dunno wad is love. I admit i always do the "Right" things in a rs, giving in, compromising and learning to love and accept. All fail. why? Someone told me a rs, no right or wrong, others told me their interest of you dies off cos you reveal too much and i was also told by friend being a baddie cos sg ger dun appreciate.

The qns to ladies or anyone who think they know the logic. Aside from cheating, doing the wrong things and everything the couple did was right.
1. How do you know if you two are not compatible. From dating a weeks to few months. How do you know if the guy not trying his best ? How do you know if you are not just in the heat of that moment during quarrel?

2.Why do you think that a rs not gg to work out. Even the guy is willing to stay on to work it out. He never did any wrong to each other. they only quarrel over some small issues.

3. When do you give up ? For gers out there, when you choose to give up, u really can give up without showing sign of any regrets or sadness?

 

[verysadguy]

There are more things than love. If you keep on giving in, the girl would likely think that you are useless and feel insecure. There is no way to know what is right and wrong. The line has been blurred significantly ever since the internet era. Girls are ever more complex than in the past after they are educated and do not depend on guys anymore. There are no answers to your questions. Dating is a chore. Buying a wife should be the easiest way to cope with your failed relationship.

 

[meiji5]

Agreed with verysadguy.

Love is very complicated but if you must really find out the reason, you could probably begin with how you both started the rs in the first place. Did the rs start off mutually between you both or one side was more interested in the other party?

Compatibility is easier to view, do you both have the same interests, any similarities? If you have different views on a lot of things, then you know you are both not compatible. Quarrels are just as it is, quarrels. Sometimes it's done in the heat of the moment, sometimes one party is stressed out and the other is trying to find out what's the issue which becomes a burden to the one that is stressing out.

A rs won't work if the quarrels are frequent and over small matters. Imagine if it were a big matter. Did you both have more happier times together than bad times? No matter how much the guy wants to work on the rs, if the other party easily gives up that could mean they are not deeply involved in the rs as they should be. This could be due to many factors, work stress, friends, other parties, or even just falling out of love.

Giving up is difficult. A person will give up only when they feel that there is nothing much that they can do and it really tears apart their own character. You can continue to try as long as you want to work out the rs but if it compromises the person that you are and makes you into someone different, then you know that it's time to change. As for signs of regret or sadness, it depends on each individual. Some people are devoid of emotions whilst others are very attuned to their emotions.

But it all boils down to what you want to do. It's still your decision, if it can be salvaged and if you think this rs is worth it and you see a great future for the both of you, then by all means do what you need to do to make it work. But if the current situation and your future goals do not match, then I believe you will know what to do when the time comes.

 

[newproject]

This is a general question that i been asking myself recently.
Once again, i was ditched. I tried my best to savage it but fail. I actually do not know wad to do after sooooo many rs tat fail. I dunno wad is love. I admit i always do the "Right" things in a rs, giving in, compromising and learning to love and accept. All fail. why? Someone told me a rs, no right or wrong, others told me their interest of you dies off cos you reveal too much and i was also told by friend being a baddie cos sg ger dun appreciate.

You don't have to be a bad guy, but definitely don't be nice to people who don't appreciate it. Look up tit for tat strategy. Always playing nice guy is a real loser strategy not just in dating.

The qns to ladies or anyone who think they know the logic. Aside from cheating, doing the wrong things and everything the couple did was right.
1. How do you know if you two are not compatible. From dating a weeks to few months.

Typically there is a honeymoon period lasting several months (say at least 3 months as long as 6 ), if you quarrel frequently during this time you are probably not compatible since this is the period where things should be sweetest. If during this period one side threatens to breakup or actually breakups, definitely not compatible and you should quickly run away and save heartache and time.

How do you know if the guy not trying his best ?

Sigh this question is so sad. Why is it always "the guy not trying his best?" Clearly you bought into the girl's brain washing. Knowing your story I would say is more the girl not trying her best to treasure your relationship.

2.Why do you think that a rs not gg to work out. Even the guy is willing to stay on to work it out. He never did any wrong to each other. they only quarrel over some small issues.

If someone is willing to breakup with you over a small issue, let them. It won't last.

3. When do you give up ? For gers out there, when you choose to give up, u really can give up without showing sign of any regrets or sadness?

I really think you should be much more careful before you give your heart away . For the first few months in your relationship continue to evaluate her, if you do nice things for her does she appreciate it? Or does she take it for granted? If the later, it's a red flag.

Does she always threaten to breakup with you? Another red flag

Does she treat you with contempt? Another red flag.

Remember you are only in your mid 30s, guys have a much longer shelf life than girls... If the girl is also 30+, she should be desperate not you.

Guys even up to 40s still attractive... Girls past 30 or even 35 not so much....

 

[SadSmurfettes]

First of all, you're probably always chasing after the "wrong but same" type of girls.
That's where and why you always feel like even though you've done your best, it still didn't work out eventually.

1. Trust me, she'll know you're not "The One" if she's been in several other relationships before yours.
Obviously she's clear about the kind of man she wants or DON'T WANT and if he's "compatible", especially during a heated argument.
All those terrible "ex-es problem" just comes flooding back.
You might've wanted to stay & work it out, but to her, the "small issues" you're referring to were probably major issues that caused her problems with her ex-es.

2. Refer to answer 1.

3. She decides to give up, (i say it with a heavy heart now) is the moment she realizes you are the complete, sad reflection of her ex-es.
The problems, the arguments, the comparison between you & him/them.

Though i cannot understand HOW you'd assume that she gave you up without regrets and sadness.
She might have been reluctant to break up, crying her eyes out with her girlfriends, but then again, you, reminding her of her ex?
That is the LAST thing she wants in a new relationship.

 

[Staypositive]

Well,it's better to give up now then to give up when you are married.Some people do not need much effort before they found the right one but some have to go through trials before they finally found the correct one.thats life.do not be discouraged.stay positive.what is not yours will never be yours.focus on yourself for the time being so that you can better stand out in the sea of love.gd luck.

 

[Infernolord]

Thank for all feedbacks.

I really have no idea what right or wrong, love and like. When to give up or when to hold on.
Some can say i m stubborn, some say a true love need to hold on to a rs regardless time and quarrels.
Traditionally guys shld just immediately go and "hong" their gf back after quarrel. (which i did). However these days, friends are telling me to leave them alone, ignore them, they will reflect and come back."-_- which is very funny.


Some say u love a person, u find excuses for the person and expect nothing from him/love.
Other say it is both way, one dun appreciate then stop doing. Expectations are necessary.

These days, gers even come out with funny terms and names.. I like a guy, does not mean love. A ger can date a guy just as a frn, hang out with him, movie date and dinner/supper. But they are just friends.
A ger can talk to another guy about all their emotional issues and meet up every week cos she treat him as buddy.
Worst, a ger just need someone to hug, feel loved and physical but she dun love him. He is just a companionship.
The words friends/ companionship / relationship / buddies.. these days are very grey.

Sorry for all the confusion.. lol i am confused myself.
I want a relationship, but i feel my ex gf's actions and behaviors are just companionship but they always say want a relationship that is very serious & long terms but they are acting like they want every other guys attentions and loves too....

 

[SadSmurfettes]

Dear Infernolord, sorry to hear you're still in a dilemma..

I hope my previous post didn't confuse or upset you. I didn't mean it in a negative way.. sorry.
You sound like such a genuinely nice fella and it's terrible to hear your ex treating you only as a companionship.

She doesn't sound like a worthy person you should feel upset about over anymore.
There are far better ladies out there who might just be waiting to meet someone like you.
Time to move on to a better girl!

I have to agree with her that SOME guys are never gonna be boyfriend material, but she should have made it clear to you in the first place.
In your case, she was selfish because she wanted the best of both worlds with you.
But she is already past tense so stop brooding over her, okay?

Not every girl is like her.
Don't let your past relationships take up too much of your life & heart.
There'll definitely be someone else who'll come along & make you see that your ex was just a stepping stone to someone else better. *hugs*

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[newproject]

Dear Infernolord, sorry to hear you're still in a dilemma..

I have to agree with her that SOME guys are never gonna be boyfriend material, but she should have made it clear to you in the first place.

Infernolord sent me some more details on what is happening now, I think if you guys knew the details, even the most biased of you would admit this girl is never gonna to be girlfriend material for anyone. Really shameless behavior.

 

[miloice]

1. How do you know if you two are not compatible. From dating a weeks to few months. How do you know if the guy not trying his best ? How do you know if you are not just in the heat of that moment during quarrel?

2.Why do you think that a rs not gg to work out. Even the guy is willing to stay on to work it out. He never did any wrong to each other. they only quarrel over some small issues.

3. When do you give up ? For gers out there, when you choose to give up, u really can give up without showing sign of any regrets or sadness?

What happens after you guys argue? Conflicts are opportunities for couples to learn and understand differences.

Sometimes, it is not about not trying your best. The fact that you are trying so hard to please and accommodate, gives the girl pressure. When you are getting too serious and high in a relationship while she is still unsure, the pressure on the expectation will make a girl snap. The need to try really hard to accommodate, is a strong sign of incompatibility.

You seem to be stuck in this fixing mode. Relationship is not about fixing. You cannot fix a feeling, you need to relax and really enjoy each other company. Only then, can you guys realize if there is something special between the two.

 

[miloice]

Traditionally guys shld just immediately go and "hong" their gf back after quarrel. (which i did). However these days, friends are telling me to leave them alone, ignore them, they will reflect and come back."-_- which is very funny.

Everyone appreciates to be pampered sometimes, not just women. However, in a fight, it is usually the guy that takes the first step to make up. However, I don't agree with you that guys should just immediately go and 'hong'. Every person when emotional may not in the right state to communicate. Give space. Leave her alone. In any relationship, there is always a more dominant coach or guide. The one that influence the partner more. Are you been led by the nose by her? Does she even know how to manage her own emotions. When both are equally emotional and clueless, fights and conflicts just build up the resentments. You just giving in to coax her just grow that expectation that you will always give in.

How do you give any feedback to influence her ?

Give her space to vent and rant all she wants, what you need to do then, it really just assure her you are there but not going to fight her. Take time out. If you don't want to guide, then, find someone more mature that can take the lead instead.

 

[octobride]

Thank for all feedbacks.

I really have no idea what right or wrong, love and like. When to give up or when to hold on.
Some can say i m stubborn, some say a true love need to hold on to a rs regardless time and quarrels.
Traditionally guys shld just immediately go and "hong" their gf back after quarrel. (which i did). However these days, friends are telling me to leave them alone, ignore them, they will reflect and come back."-_- which is very funny.


Some say u love a person, u find excuses for the person and expect nothing from him/love.
Other say it is both way, one dun appreciate then stop doing. Expectations are necessary.

These days, gers even come out with funny terms and names.. I like a guy, does not mean love. A ger can date a guy just as a frn, hang out with him, movie date and dinner/supper. But they are just friends.
A ger can talk to another guy about all their emotional issues and meet up every week cos she treat him as buddy.
Worst, a ger just need someone to hug, feel loved and physical but she dun love him. He is just a companionship.
The words friends/ companionship / relationship / buddies.. these days are very grey.

Sorry for all the confusion.. lol i am confused myself.
I want a relationship, but i feel my ex gf's actions and behaviors are just companionship but they always say want a relationship that is very serious & long terms but they are acting like they want every other guys attentions and loves too....

Maybe it's just the girls you dated.
Find someone realiable and not flirty kind. and try to be friends for at least months before getting into a R/S with them!!

 

[newproject]

Maybe it's just the girls you dated.
Find someone realiable and not flirty kind. and try to be friends for at least months before getting into a R/S with them!!

Looking at all this and wondering what infernolord thinks 1.5 years later and now happily engaged .

Truly the key is finding the right girl and the right timing.

With that as a foundation then making an attempt , to "fight" for the relationship will work.

 

[newproject]

Looking at all this and wondering what infernolord thinks 1.5 years later and now happily engaged .

Truly the key is finding the right girl and the right timing.

With that as a foundation then making an attempt , to "fight" for the relationship will work.

Great news. He's finally off the market.

Please join me in ģiving infernolord and his beautiful bride our best wishes for a long and blissful màrriage.

"To infernolord, a man with more emotional endurance than anyone I know. It was a long, difficult road. Thank God we finally got here"

 

[BobbyMaroony]

This is a general question that i been asking myself recently.
Once again, i was ditched. I tried my best to savage it but fail. I actually do not know wad to do after sooooo many rs tat fail. I dunno wad is love. I admit i always do the "Right" things in a rs, giving in, compromising and learning to love and accept. All fail. why? Someone told me a rs, no right or wrong, others told me their interest of you dies off cos you reveal too much and i was also told by friend being a baddie cos sg ger dun appreciate.

The qns to ladies or anyone who think they know the logic. Aside from cheating, doing the wrong things and everything the couple did was right.
1. How do you know if you two are not compatible. From dating a weeks to few months. How do you know if the guy not trying his best ? How do you know if you are not just in the heat of that moment during quarrel?

2.Why do you think that a rs not gg to work out. Even the guy is willing to stay on to work it out. He never did any wrong to each other. they only quarrel over some small issues.

3. When do you give up ? For gers out there, when you choose to give up, u really can give up without showing sign of any regrets or sadness?

1. It depends. Everyone, guys and girls have a checklist that they accept and don’t accept when searching for a partner.

2. The willingness to stay is not the solution to uncompatibility.

3. Depending on how long the relationship is. Some girls that date to marry, will feel a little sad as we give in our best, in the hope that you will be our lifelong partners.