Singaporebrides | Relationships
July 2023
10 Ways To Unravel Sexual Needs and Deeper Intimacy Between Partners
Want to bring your bedroom affairs up a notch? We speak with Hedonist to find out how you can talk about your fantasies and desires with your partner without shying away.
In the realm of human connection, sexual intimacy occupies a uniquely profound space. It is a delicate dance, a symphony of desires, and a reflection of our deepest vulnerabilities. Yet, truly understanding our partner’s sexual needs can be a complex endeavour, one that requires patience, empathy, and open-mindedness.
We speak with Jacqueline Kee from Hedonist, who gives us advice on how to elevate pleasure and explore sexuality unapologetically, as we explore ten ways to unravel the enigmatic realm of our partner’s desires, which can build a more profound and fulfilling sexual bond.
- Cultivate Empathy
- Communicate Authentically
- Embrace Active Listening
- Practice Mindful Exploration and Being Present
- Emotional Connection Matters
- Prioritise Consent and Boundaries
- Unveil Fantasy and Desire
- Explore Sensuality
- Education and Self-Reflection
- Embrace Unconditional Love
Empathy serves as the foundation for understanding another person’s experiences. Seek to understand your partner’s emotional landscape and perspective. Empathy opens the gateway to a deeper connection, allowing you to better grasp their desires and fantasies.
Intimate conversations about desires and needs may feel uncomfortable, but they are essential. Create a safe space for open dialogue where both partners can express their wishes, boundaries, and curiosities without judgment. Transparent communication helps bridge gaps and nurtures mutual understanding.
“If you find it hard to communicate your desires, one effective way is to learn your partner’s love languages and get fluent with it,” suggests Jacqueline. “Incorporate this knowledge as part of your foreplay and the more you tune into your partner’s frequency, the more fulfilling your sex life will become.”
Listening attentively is an art form that can transform the dynamics of a relationship. Make a conscious effort to absorb your partner’s words, body language, and emotions during conversations about intimacy. Through active listening, you gain insight into their unspoken desires, fears, and yearnings.
“Especially when it comes to having to discover each other’s differing sexual needs, be mindful that aside from sharing your fantasies, listen intently to your partner’s thoughts, wants and desires without comparing them with your past relationship experiences,” reminds Jacqueline. “No two people are the same and every relationship is unique. Even sexual needs can evolve over time! So release any expectations and keep your focus on the present. It’s all about enjoying pleasure without the pressure.”
Photo by Adrian Infernus on Unsplash Sexual needs and preferences can evolve over time. Regularly check in with your partner, exploring their evolving desires and interests. Mindful exploration invites a sense of adventure, allowing both partners to continuously discover new dimensions of pleasure and connection.
“Making time to be fully present can greatly enhance pleasure,” Jacqueline comments. “Ever heard of scheduled sex? Yes, while that might sound ‘unsexy’, the reality is, your daily commitments tend to pile up as you get older and being spontaneous may not be the best way to experience pleasure at its full potential. For instance, your partner may need more time to warm up to sex and without being in a relaxed state, experiencing something like an orgasm would be much harder to accomplish.”
“So try looking at scheduled sex like making an appointment to a spa day or hair appointment where you know that this would be a time to fully disengage from other stressors and look forward to enjoying a great head massage – pun intended,” quips Jacqueline. “You don’t have to schedule sex too strictly either. The idea is to set aside some time to show up for your partner, date them again and make a day out of it. Sometimes simply spending quality time with your partner outside the bedroom can do wonders and transform into something hot and sexy in the bedroom.”
Recognise that sexual intimacy extends beyond the physical realm. Emotional connection intertwines with sexual satisfaction. Deepen your bond by fostering emotional intimacy, engaging in shared experiences, and nurturing trust and vulnerability.
Understanding your partner’s sexual needs involves respecting their boundaries and consent. Prioritise consent as an ongoing conversation rather than a one-time event. Establish clear communication channels where both partners can comfortably express their boundaries and desires.
Photo by Yaroslav ShuraevFantasies are windows into our subconscious desires. Encourage an environment of safety and trust where both partners can explore their fantasies without judgment. Sharing and fulfilling each other’s fantasies can lead to exciting discoveries and heightened pleasure.
“One way to further spice up your intimate relationship is to inject the novelty of using sex toys,” says Jacqueline. “While sex isn’t the be-all and end-all between a couple, introducing different sex toys into the relationship can be a surefire way to keep that spark alive and allow a couple to unlock a new core memory and shared experience together.”
Expand your understanding of sensuality beyond sexual acts. Sensual touch, massages, cuddling, and intimacy rituals can enhance emotional connection and physical pleasure. Engage in sensory experiences that awaken and explore the entire spectrum of pleasure.
“There are many ways to explore sex, even without intercourse, as long as both parties are willing to keep an open mind without a sense of judgment,” says Jacqueline. “Contrary to popular belief that sexual needs are synonymous to intercourse alone, kissing, sexting, having a sensual massage, and many other simple acts of affection can be just as sensual.”
To better understand your partner’s needs, embark on a journey of self-reflection and education. Explore resources such as books, articles, workshops, and therapists specialising in sexuality. Increased knowledge and personal growth contribute to a more informed and satisfying sexual relationship.
Hedonist hosts workshops that can help couples get to know each other better in the bedroom. Better Sex Beyond The Bedroom is a fun, public workshop, while Couple’s Intimacy Workshop is for those who prefer a more private and in-depth session with their experts.
Love is the foundation that supports the growth of sexual intimacy. Embrace the beauty of your partner’s uniqueness, understanding that sexual desires are as diverse as the individuals who hold them. Cultivate an environment of unconditional love, allowing each other the freedom to express and explore their sexual needs without fear of judgment or rejection.
Photo by cottonbro studioWhat deters real sexual intimacy and how can a couple overcome that?
“Are you allowing yourself to be vulnerable?” asks Jacqueline. “Being vulnerable is not only attractive, it can help foster closeness, deepen connections, develop a strong trust with your partner, and take your relationship from a superficial one into something more authentic.”
“That said, letting your guard down to connect in a raw and open manner can be scary—and rightfully so—as you are stepping out of your comfort zone to share an important piece of information about yourself, and that’s perfectly normal!” advises Jacqueline. “Be patient and kind to yourself. Just know that it’s all part of the process. As a couple, make sure the both of you create a safe space, coupled with lots of reassurance and soon you’ll realise that the ‘discomfort’ will dissipate, turning this exchange into the most rewarding aspect of your intimate relationship.”
Understanding your partner’s sexual needs is an ongoing process that requires patience, empathy, and open-mindedness. By cultivating empathy, engaging in authentic communication, and nurturing emotional connection, you can embark on a journey of discovery, deepening your bond and creating a more fulfilling sexual relationship. Remember, the path to understanding is paved with love, acceptance, and a willingness to explore the uncharted territories of desire together.
Have a great (married) sex life!
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ABOUT HEDONIST
Hedonist is on a mission to elevate pleasure from good to great by empowering one to explore your sexuality unapologetically. A pleasure-centric store that enhances your pleasure experience by offering a wide range of high quality and body safe pleasure products from vibrators, bondage to lingerie. More than just a retail business, Hedonist specialises in organising events that are fun and educational, from hosting private parties for special occasions like bachelorette and birthday, to conducting in-house workshops and popups in collaboration with private clubs, fitness and wellness studios. After all, your pleasure is our pleasure! Hedonist has since been featured on Channel News Asia, Vulcan Post, Time Out and Honeycombers. For more information about Hedonist, visit www.hedonisttribe.com and www.instagram.com/hedonisttribe.
Feature image by cottonbro studio.
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