Singaporebrides | Weddings 101

April 2012

What Women Really Feel On The Way To The Altar

Ever notice how songs and movies depict how happy women seem when they are planning for a wedding? That’s the imagery we’ve had since we were little girls. Guy flashes ring, girl screams “Yes!!”, crowd claps sportingly, they kiss and hug, and live happily ever after. Nothing about hesitation or anxiety. Perhaps that’s why we wonder if there’s something wrong with us if birds don’t chirp in our paths and bells don’t ring like in the Disney movies.

“I do”. The two simple words that usually go hand-in-hand with happy tears. Two simple words that long to be said to the right guy and can feel so good when finally muttered. The same two simple words that can cause turmoil in a bride-to-be’s mind.

Four women share with us how they really felt in the time leading up to their wedding. Nervousness? Anxiety? Apprehension? Sure. Is that all normal? You bet your sparkling new engagement ring it is.

“GEEZ, ARE MY FEET FEELING COLD?”

Loretta and Sunand spent four of their five-year dating period apart; she was just starting a business, and he was overseas pursuing a Masters degree. They chatted every night and when they started talking about marriage, everything felt right. The couple shares that their core values were similar but at some point, they both had their reservations about the approaching wedding.

“On one occasion before our wedding, Sunand started to worry about finances, and a few weeks before the actual day, I wasn’t entirely sure if marriage was the right way for us – what if we weren’t meant for each other?” asks Loretta.

The couple have their families to thank for their support, and are grateful for the pre-marriage workshops they attended. With the help of both, they were better informed to take the leap and recently celebrated their second wedding anniversary.

“ARE WE MISSING OUT ON ANYTHING?”

Entrepreneur Aelina Senitro, 36, and IT Analyst Derek Ngo, 35, tied the knot after a 10-year courtship.

“We were each others’ first loves,” says Aelina. “Although marriage was something we both wanted, I couldn’t help but wonder if we were missing out because we never dated anyone else. And also, of course I wondered if we were too young to get married, and if he would change after marriage.”

The happy couple share that, 10 years and two kids later, they are still the same goofy, playful and loving couple that they were when they were teenagers.

“I’M MARRYING MY BEST FRIEND.”

Dawn Ow, 33, a Media Buyer, and Air Force personnel Christian Wong, 35, dated for a total of 12 and a half years before deciding to be together forever. Having been through their share of ups and downs, Dawn now feels like she’s marrying her best friend.

“I’m over the moon marrying Chris and am really looking forward to a new chapter together. I believe that love is also a decision. Saying ‘yes’ is a huge decision if you take your vows seriously, it’s a sign of commitment, not tradition. Everyone can be faced with fears and temptations but we all have the power to decide if we want to deal with these issues or to walk away from the relationship that we’ve built together.”

“I SAID ‘I DON’T’.”

Sometimes, for whatever reason, the moment just isn’t the right one, and you just can’t cough up the “I do”. Management Associate Yvonne Foo, 35, is probably one of the rare ones who did not squeal with glee when a shimmering ring was presented to her. She was 25 when her boyfriend of two years got down on one knee after a special dinner by the seaside at sunset. “I panicked and didn’t know what to say. The setting was perfect, here was this guy I supposedly loved, and there were all these people cheering us on. I felt so pressured to say yes but it just didn’t feel right. I didn’t feel I was ready; I was only 25!” So she ended up saying “I don’t know” instead.

Her then boyfriend respected her wishes and the couple continued dating. And when he popped the question again three years after, Yvonne was ready. The pair has been blissfully married for five years. “Thankfully he did not give up on me!” she shares with a grin.

A wedding is for a day, but a marriage is for life. So it’s only natural that we worry if we’re making the right choice because the rest of your life is a long time to be stuck with the wrong person. So take a good look at your relationship and speak with your partner if you have any glaring issues that bother you, and try to work it out. Also, look out for marriage preparation courses you can take – you’ll find out so much about each other, and be nudged to address issues you have never even thought about.

Remember that marriage only marks the new beginning of your lives together, so even if you don’t agree on everything (which you probably won’t), you’ll have a long time to learn about each other and to give and take.