salsa_babe
New Member
@ Doll....that's funny. hahaha....
All wives have to 谢天谢地 liao..
All wives have to 谢天谢地 liao..
Would you accept your husband being a "buddy" to a female colleague?
- Thread starter glamour83
- Start date
miloice
Well-Known Member
"I don't believe that any woman can feel totally at ease with their husband being a buddy to a female colleague. Opposite attracts. This is the law of nature."
Similarly, no man can feel totally at ease being controlled, no matter how domestically conditioned he is. We need a balance and respect of feelings of both parties. The equating of spouse loving them as giving in as long as they themselves are unhappy or insecure about it is so unrealistic. But, in life, we see that happens so many times. Just because they are unsecure or uncomfortable, it deems as a right to dominate and control.
Relationships is never about a right in the very 1st place. Fighting over rights doesn't at all help build or maintain the relationship. Its about being understanding and flexible. Trying to respect and yet give each other the needed space. We don't own our spouses lives. They continue to be friends, colleagues and family to others. That doesn't change. The same applies for us. We don't close our cycle and life to restrict it to only revolve with our spouses alone. We creatively adapt and arrive at the new balance to remain emotionally and socially healthy and positive. It always takes 2 to tango. This new balance can only be achieved when both are committed and willingly to adapt and not force it on their partners.
Similarly, no man can feel totally at ease being controlled, no matter how domestically conditioned he is. We need a balance and respect of feelings of both parties. The equating of spouse loving them as giving in as long as they themselves are unhappy or insecure about it is so unrealistic. But, in life, we see that happens so many times. Just because they are unsecure or uncomfortable, it deems as a right to dominate and control.
Relationships is never about a right in the very 1st place. Fighting over rights doesn't at all help build or maintain the relationship. Its about being understanding and flexible. Trying to respect and yet give each other the needed space. We don't own our spouses lives. They continue to be friends, colleagues and family to others. That doesn't change. The same applies for us. We don't close our cycle and life to restrict it to only revolve with our spouses alone. We creatively adapt and arrive at the new balance to remain emotionally and socially healthy and positive. It always takes 2 to tango. This new balance can only be achieved when both are committed and willingly to adapt and not force it on their partners.
mum_of_2_girls
New Member
Hi,
I agree with Who?Me?. This also applies to women : married women shouldn't get too familiar with a man not his hubby.
This is respect for the one you love and to protect your family harmony.
I didn't impose any rules on my hubby but I guess he does respect my feelings. He always has lunch in a group, rarely one to one.
Send his staff home, rarely one to one.
If it became a constant need to send them home, he will reimburse their taxi fare.
Because he told me his family time is more important than sending all of them home. If Taxi uncle can do the job well, let Taxi uncle earn some money and everyone can reach home earlier. Win-win situation.
I agree with Who?Me?. This also applies to women : married women shouldn't get too familiar with a man not his hubby.
This is respect for the one you love and to protect your family harmony.
I didn't impose any rules on my hubby but I guess he does respect my feelings. He always has lunch in a group, rarely one to one.
Send his staff home, rarely one to one.
If it became a constant need to send them home, he will reimburse their taxi fare.
Because he told me his family time is more important than sending all of them home. If Taxi uncle can do the job well, let Taxi uncle earn some money and everyone can reach home earlier. Win-win situation.
mum_of_2_girls
New Member
Hi Glamour,
For your situation, I think I will befriend the girl and try and cheer her. That's all.
Before marriage,
My hubby used to have a depressed female friend who was going through a rough patch. She lost her job, lost her boyfriend, fail her exams, basically a horrible period for her.
She confided to my hubby. My hubby suggested we cheered her up. So I said ok and we brought her along for our dinner outings and also overseas trips with other friends.
She eventually cheered up and very soon managed to get a job. Up to this day, we are still friends and she has even introduce some business to us.
So everything ends well. So I think your case is not as bad as you see. Just go ahead and cheer her up.
For your situation, I think I will befriend the girl and try and cheer her. That's all.
Before marriage,
My hubby used to have a depressed female friend who was going through a rough patch. She lost her job, lost her boyfriend, fail her exams, basically a horrible period for her.
She confided to my hubby. My hubby suggested we cheered her up. So I said ok and we brought her along for our dinner outings and also overseas trips with other friends.
She eventually cheered up and very soon managed to get a job. Up to this day, we are still friends and she has even introduce some business to us.
So everything ends well. So I think your case is not as bad as you see. Just go ahead and cheer her up.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
I have a suggestion!
Why not Glamour's husband introduces his female doctor colleague to Albee for some of Albee's special sunshine?
Why not Glamour's husband introduces his female doctor colleague to Albee for some of Albee's special sunshine?
the both of you, don't be so freaking uptight... not all platonic friends or good buddies of opp. gender will end up in bed. as you thought that there are some chances of getting unwanted attraction, i bet there are also some chances of being too self-conscious. i'm shocked that this could be regarded as morally wrong or lack of respect to the other half... but i'm not speaking for a particular group.
it's fine to admire, likewise it's fine to reject. it's super turnoff-ish with a person who is always on guard, like he or she is the last species on earth, esp. when there's no need to.
it's fine to admire, likewise it's fine to reject. it's super turnoff-ish with a person who is always on guard, like he or she is the last species on earth, esp. when there's no need to.
sundownprince
New Member
rotfl. might as well ask scope to make friends with her and use some of his saviour complex to cure another ____ local. i'm jking btw.
tomasulu
a married man shouldn't get too familiar with a woman not his wife. full stop, end of discussion. anything else you say in contradiction to the above is wrong.
That seems to be too sweeping. And really, is there a right or wrong in just making friends, even with opposite sex?
It depends on what you mean by "too familiar". If it means getting into bed then yes, I agree with you... but if it just as friends, I don't see why we need to impose such a restriction.
The only thing I can agree is that we need to be vigilant and be aware of our friendship with the opposite sex..
How it will impact and affect our loved ones. And be acutely aware of the priority of our lives.
a married man shouldn't get too familiar with a woman not his wife. full stop, end of discussion. anything else you say in contradiction to the above is wrong.
That seems to be too sweeping. And really, is there a right or wrong in just making friends, even with opposite sex?
It depends on what you mean by "too familiar". If it means getting into bed then yes, I agree with you... but if it just as friends, I don't see why we need to impose such a restriction.
The only thing I can agree is that we need to be vigilant and be aware of our friendship with the opposite sex..
How it will impact and affect our loved ones. And be acutely aware of the priority of our lives.
albee,
What is even wrong with sending someone home? It is not about the money. It is the act of seeing someone home safely. Basic care and respect for an individual.
If it is not convenient, like send a group of people all over sg when each could be taking a cab or sharing a cab, then ok in the interest of time.. but not because it is a 1-1 of guy send gal back.
What is even wrong with sending someone home? It is not about the money. It is the act of seeing someone home safely. Basic care and respect for an individual.
If it is not convenient, like send a group of people all over sg when each could be taking a cab or sharing a cab, then ok in the interest of time.. but not because it is a 1-1 of guy send gal back.
miloice
Well-Known Member
There is nothing to discuss with individuals that just simply full stop and end the discussion. Reflects perfectly about them isn't it? What's the point to discuss. There is never a ground to accept anything else. Its my way or the highway. By all means, find that partner that do it your way.
But, the world doesn't spins around your way. Its never the end of the discussion. Its just the end for you. Not so for the many others themselves or married to someone who doesn't agree nor believe in such ideas.
But, the world doesn't spins around your way. Its never the end of the discussion. Its just the end for you. Not so for the many others themselves or married to someone who doesn't agree nor believe in such ideas.
i would opt to breakup/separate/divorce... as a guy/human/person/spirit/soul... not allowing me to mingle makes me no better than the hamster running around the wheels in the freakin cage...
btw, i dun think it's extreme of me if i choose to divorce, i respect Life & Freedom to Live above everything else... the day i allow myself to be controlled to such extent, is the day i Die in spirit. i have no use for my body... my wife and whoever freakin other human can keep my body for all i care... anyway u've killed and controlled my spirits.
what's right what's wrong... if u dun even fcuking live your life, being right is abso-fcuking-lutely useless. who cares?
btw, i dun think it's extreme of me if i choose to divorce, i respect Life & Freedom to Live above everything else... the day i allow myself to be controlled to such extent, is the day i Die in spirit. i have no use for my body... my wife and whoever freakin other human can keep my body for all i care... anyway u've killed and controlled my spirits.
what's right what's wrong... if u dun even fcuking live your life, being right is abso-fcuking-lutely useless. who cares?
sundownprince
New Member
i guess as long as her husband permits it and is happy its fine. on the other hand i have heard of many guys who are super posessive of their wives. so is it permissible for a guy to limit a wife's social circle but not for a wife to do so? and i am not saying that you do. freedom is letting all sorts of characters exist in harmony.
jz, don't understand your logic.
Who says it is permissible for a guy to limit a wife's social circle and not vice versa?
Each individual should be allowed individual space as a person regardless of the gender. Even a domestic helper will need personal space as well.
It is a valid concern if your spouse is unduly close with friends of the opposite sex.. but it has to be addressed. TS' has a concern. She should tell her hb about her concern and insecurities.. and together they can work out something acceptable.
But it is not healthy to impose a no-opposite friend rule. Or maybe for some couples if it is mutually agreeable it may be acceptable.
Who says it is permissible for a guy to limit a wife's social circle and not vice versa?
Each individual should be allowed individual space as a person regardless of the gender. Even a domestic helper will need personal space as well.
It is a valid concern if your spouse is unduly close with friends of the opposite sex.. but it has to be addressed. TS' has a concern. She should tell her hb about her concern and insecurities.. and together they can work out something acceptable.
But it is not healthy to impose a no-opposite friend rule. Or maybe for some couples if it is mutually agreeable it may be acceptable.
Seriously I don't understand what is the freaking big deal?
My best friend is a guy, and I go out with him all the time. Sometimes we go out in the wee hours of the night/morning when night air is cool and all around us is silent, just to talk. We hang out at playgrounds, jetties, wherever. My fiance is totally fine with it.
I am super close to my colleague, who is a married guy. He gives me lifts to the MRT station or home, and he's part of my lunch group everyday. There was once where we had an event at Pan Pacific, and we had to stay overnight at the hotel and share a room because the company did not book enough rooms. My fiance, and his wife, were all okay with it because they trusted us. However, last minute our boss was very uncomfortable with it and got us an extra room. Anyway, during that time, we would go to the pub together for a drink after the event ended. This lasted for 3 nights. If we had suspicious, paranoid and insecure partners, they would probably think we were out there screwing every night in the hotel.
My fiance goes to the movies, one-on-one, with his female colleagues. He loves horror movies and I hate them, so he goes to watch horror movies with others. He also sends them home after. So?
What's the point of controlling ur partner? If they want to cheat, they will cheat.
Anyway, I am one who firmly believes that platonic friendship is possible and very healthy, as it gives in-depth insights to the way the opposite gender is wired and allows us to get to know our partner better.
After reading some of the ridiculous inputs here, I am so thankful for my fiance. I will leave my partner if he ever restricts and controls my life, and he will do the same to me.
My best friend is a guy, and I go out with him all the time. Sometimes we go out in the wee hours of the night/morning when night air is cool and all around us is silent, just to talk. We hang out at playgrounds, jetties, wherever. My fiance is totally fine with it.
I am super close to my colleague, who is a married guy. He gives me lifts to the MRT station or home, and he's part of my lunch group everyday. There was once where we had an event at Pan Pacific, and we had to stay overnight at the hotel and share a room because the company did not book enough rooms. My fiance, and his wife, were all okay with it because they trusted us. However, last minute our boss was very uncomfortable with it and got us an extra room. Anyway, during that time, we would go to the pub together for a drink after the event ended. This lasted for 3 nights. If we had suspicious, paranoid and insecure partners, they would probably think we were out there screwing every night in the hotel.
My fiance goes to the movies, one-on-one, with his female colleagues. He loves horror movies and I hate them, so he goes to watch horror movies with others. He also sends them home after. So?
What's the point of controlling ur partner? If they want to cheat, they will cheat.
Anyway, I am one who firmly believes that platonic friendship is possible and very healthy, as it gives in-depth insights to the way the opposite gender is wired and allows us to get to know our partner better.
After reading some of the ridiculous inputs here, I am so thankful for my fiance. I will leave my partner if he ever restricts and controls my life, and he will do the same to me.
Me too. My hubby is totally fine that i went to watch horror movies & dinner with a married guy, just the 2 of us. My friend fetched & sent me home. Hubby trust me & same goes to my friend's wife who dun even met me b4. We trust & respect one another. Our marriage is still going strong btw.
tomasulu
Member
who said anything about controlling your other half? everyone has his or her definition on what's too-familiar. AB crosses my line on so many counts; but she may be morbidly obese so that's fine.
i don't define 'wrong' from a narrow moralistic angle. e.g., i know guys who LUVVVVV giving lifts to colleagues (esp female and pretty) after company events. occasionally is ok but when you do it habitually, you get called names behind your back. chee hong and gong dai come to mind? i go out lunch with female colleagues too. but i don't do it regularly with just one particular person, that'd be too familiar. why would you exclude the rest of your coworkers; what message do you give others in the office? it is ill advised even if the two is in a relationship much less a married guy and a female colleague.
i don't define 'wrong' from a narrow moralistic angle. e.g., i know guys who LUVVVVV giving lifts to colleagues (esp female and pretty) after company events. occasionally is ok but when you do it habitually, you get called names behind your back. chee hong and gong dai come to mind? i go out lunch with female colleagues too. but i don't do it regularly with just one particular person, that'd be too familiar. why would you exclude the rest of your coworkers; what message do you give others in the office? it is ill advised even if the two is in a relationship much less a married guy and a female colleague.
miloice
Well-Known Member
u have your definition, u live with it. You want to end the discussion, end it. Its your life. No one needs to agree with you either. Just others define their meaning as well.
Just because trust is abused by some individuals doesn't mean its wrong to trust. Friendship don't just exists before marriage. Does it mean we need to cut off ourselves literally from our friends simply because of marriage? No, we need to make some adjustments. There is lots of room for discussion. To understand ones comfort level and how space each needs.
u r so worried over names others give u behind your back. Here's one right at the face. Up-tight. As much as one cares about all these, one doesn't need to live a life fearing and avoiding everything to denial themselves in what they believe in and being true in their friendship. If one is truly this true and sincere in the friendship, that abuse wouldn't occur. But, well, friends might still fall in love. Nothing changed much about emotions.
Just because trust is abused by some individuals doesn't mean its wrong to trust. Friendship don't just exists before marriage. Does it mean we need to cut off ourselves literally from our friends simply because of marriage? No, we need to make some adjustments. There is lots of room for discussion. To understand ones comfort level and how space each needs.
u r so worried over names others give u behind your back. Here's one right at the face. Up-tight. As much as one cares about all these, one doesn't need to live a life fearing and avoiding everything to denial themselves in what they believe in and being true in their friendship. If one is truly this true and sincere in the friendship, that abuse wouldn't occur. But, well, friends might still fall in love. Nothing changed much about emotions.
i think if a couple are both in this sort of mutually-preferred isolated relationship it's fine... it's just not so fine if both are opposites and try to change each other.. ie a loner-wife trying to make her lotsa-frens hubby stay home in isolation with her 5days a week. it's like putting a shark in a small tank... the fella will die, no oxygen.
so if u're an extreme, u have to fine someone that fits, rather than someone who doesn't - and try so hard to change and cage him.
so if u're an extreme, u have to fine someone that fits, rather than someone who doesn't - and try so hard to change and cage him.
Maybe I should also go check if I can see my sister... heehee
Anyway, I don't give a flying crap what others are saying. I know I'm not doing anything wrong and I have nothing to hide. I'm not going to stay away from my buddies (male or female) just because someone may be gossiping behind my back.
Okay, knock off time. I'm going to be super nice to my fiance tonight now that I know he's also morbidly obese
Anyway, I don't give a flying crap what others are saying. I know I'm not doing anything wrong and I have nothing to hide. I'm not going to stay away from my buddies (male or female) just because someone may be gossiping behind my back.
Okay, knock off time. I'm going to be super nice to my fiance tonight now that I know he's also morbidly obese