Woes with my hb family

simpleman

Active Member

I guess most probably we will never be able to understand the position one stand until we are in one's shoe.


I am trying to understand this statement. You are implying we are not able to understand you because we are not in your shoes? Understand about what? What made you think so? Just because we offer differing opinions does not mean we don't understand. If you can elaborate what we don't understand.

Junkie is right. You are a little 霸é“. I would imagine your tone and reaction to your MIL. And I think there could be one of the reasons why relationship is not ideal.

I would suggest you take some time to do some reflection.
 


powder

Active Member
haha sm, u picked that out... i wanted to say something, but tired liao... so used to pple using the "u're not in my shoes" theory...
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Carol, for a change. Begin your expectations from zero. Assume there is no relationship and obligation for mil to bond or help in anyway. When you build from zero, there is no expectation of half daughter or anything.

I don't know about you, this is something I have been emphasizing to both mum and wife. Start from zero, when the relationship build up naturally from basic, it much less likely to step on each other's toes. Forcefully putting 2 persons together from 2 different context, era and clear conflict of interest with all kinds of expectations, is prefect situation for a storm.

If you give up on the situation, you are still doing the blaming and not taking any responsibility. Yes, the tension and relationship sucks, but you can do something to progressively improve things. You have to start from ZERO not with the expectation that you are already somehow half way there by default.

You don't talk about how you wish this and that and expect to get there somehow. You got to put things into actions. The ball is in your court.
 

simpleman

Active Member
Junkie,

Well, "little 霸é“.." this is my way of putting it diplomatically..

Well I did not read her "deleted" entries.. but actually I have email logs of every post - even deleted after posted.. so theoretically I can still see it..
 

simpleman

Active Member
I think she is just self-righteous. And as parents that can cause her a lot of pain..

You know we can't influence too much how our parents or in-laws are behaving towards our children.. but as parents - we can influence how our children will grow up to be.

so everything we do, how we treat other people, how we treat our parents/in-laws will have a great bearing on how our children will grow up to perceive about human relationships.

I have heard million times many parents said that they are doing things for the good of their children when what they are doing are exactly the opposite. It is just what they think is good for the children. And unfortunately, parents don't necessary know what is good or best for the children.
 

powder

Active Member
i shall educate my children that i will not be expected to be the babysitter when they have kids... can't imagine babysitting with only another 20yrs to live... it's like going back to the 3rd cycle all over again... i'd rather pay for their maid. pay top dollar like 1k/mth... can gain back my freedom - Worth It!
 

hugochavon

New Member
HI all,
I think you all totally misunderstood me, at that time, i am merely asking my MIL to help to tide over a period (a week) while i get my maid, I NEVER EXPECT HER TO BABYSIT MY BOY forever or 20 years! I am not so selfish to expect the old folks to do that. I really found that all of you are trying to think yourself very great and I am the worse DIL or mother in the world.

It is ok as i don't need anyone to say me right, be it helpless or more than a little 霸é“... etc. Why must always the old folks right? Just to help also meaning i am expecting too much? Meaning i am asking for too much? You mean all of you never seek for help? All of you are so mighty can do everything yourself?

Perhaps, so be it, i am a totally loser. Serve me right and I deserve all these craps from my MIL. They are right to humilate me in front of my maid and they are right to do all sort of things to me only when i asked for help and just a moment of anger i ended up being blamed by all here.

Serve me right! I am more than a little 霸é“...petty, selfish, self-centered, and all the bad wording you name it.

Thanks, first time posting and ended up all these misery which reflect and flashed through my mind every min and seconds.

My kid will pick up all the bad things from me. I think this is what you all like to hear.
 

hugochavon

New Member
By the way, i deleted my post is not because i am scare or worry about the writing, it is because i do not want to argue as I know nobody will help me anyway. All are just never ending blaming, critizing and bad words.
 

infojunkie

Active Member
on Wednesday, September 14, 2011 - 2:37 pm:
Why must always the old folks right? Just to help also meaning i am expecting too much? Meaning i am asking for too much? You mean all of you never seek for help? All of you are so mighty can do everything yourself?

on Thursday, September 08, 2011 - 4:27 pm:
When my maid left, we seek for her help to take care of my baby a few more days while i look for maid again. But she declined telling us my PIL made noise of her always not at home, she told us that she need to take care of my husband's silbilg who is already 27 and 24 at that time. I was really furious and because of that, we had a heated argument, i am thinking, who need help more, a 3 months baby or those adults at home. Who can accept?

i find ur kind of reasoning very unacceptable, very 霸é“.
 

hugochavon

New Member
Ok Junkie, maybe everybody here will think like you, it is ok, i already admitted I am the worse DIL and mother in the world and of course not to forget, i am also very 霸é“.

I deserved MIL to treat me like that and that is logically.
I am not reasoning, i am just writing how i feel for your information.

我活该,è°å«æˆ‘没事以为å¯ä»¥å€¾è¯‰è¯‰è‹¦ï¼Œç»“果从头背批评一文ä¸å€¼åˆ°å°¾ã€‚
 

hugochavon

New Member
我ä¸æ˜¯å®Œç¾Žï¼Œæˆ‘之所以在这里,并ä¸æ˜¯è¦å¤§å®¶å¯æ€œï¼Œè¯´å¥½å¬çš„,我从头到尾真的很认真å‚考大家所给与的æ„è§ï¼Œå¯æ˜¯è¶Šæ¥è¶Šæ²¡å®Œæ²¡äº†ï¼Œå˜æˆå…¨éƒ¨éƒ½æ˜¯æˆ‘活该å—罪,我åªæ˜¯è§‰å¾—也许,å¯èƒ½è¿˜å¯ä»¥æœ‰è¡¥æ•‘的余地。

我真的很敬佩我的岳æ¯ï¼Œæˆ‘虽然ä¸è®¤åŒä»–对我女儿的æ€åº¦ï¼Œä½†æ˜¯ï¼Œæˆ‘从æ¥éƒ½æ²¡æœ‰å¦è®¤ä»–是个好岳æ¯ã€‚é“歉也é“歉了,当时她告诉我过去就算了,结果没有å‘生也æˆä¸ºæˆ‘的错。

如果我没有悔改之心,没有æ€è€ƒï¼Œæˆ‘根本ä¸ä¼šåœ¨ä¸¤å¹´åŽçš„今天还在这里写这些。这件事根本ä¸å¯èƒ½ä¼šæ”¾åœ¨å¿ƒä¸Šã€‚

越æ越黑,越读就越伤心。我认命了,一切都是我咎由自å–å°±å¥½äº†ï¼ ä¸€åˆ‡éƒ½æ˜¯æˆ‘å¼€å§‹å†™æ­¤æ„Ÿè¨€å¼€å§‹æƒ¹çš„ç¥¸ï¼Œæˆ‘çŽ°åœ¨è§‰å¾—è‡ªå·±å¾ˆéš¾è¿‡ï¼Œå¿ƒå¾ˆæ‚²ï¼Œæ¯”æ²¡å†™ä¹‹å‰è¿˜æ¥å¾—糟糕ï¼
 

infojunkie

Active Member
btw, 霸é“用在对的时候是优点,错的时候就是愚蠢。

尤其是在求人帮忙的时候,被拒时还敢回嘴骂人。。。

è¿™å«ä¸æ‡‚人情世故。
 

infojunkie

Active Member
忠言总是逆耳的说。。。

说实è¯æ˜¯è¦ä½ è¯šå®žé¢å¯¹é—®é¢˜çš„症结所在,这样å­æ‰èƒ½å¯¹ç—‡ä¸‹è¯ã€‚
 

hugochavon

New Member
也许你å¬ä¸æ˜Žç™½ï¼Œæˆ‘根本没有骂到人,也许你的ç†è§£èƒ½åŠ›æœ‰é—®é¢˜å§ã€‚我也ä¸èƒ½æ€ªä½ ï¼Œä½ åªä¼šæ‰¹è¯„我霸é“,还会什么。
 

simpleman

Active Member
Carol,

No one is saying you are the worst DIL or you deserve all the craps from MILs. We are just offering you another perspective that you are not seeing.. you are just blind to it and kept ranting that people out to belittle you and put blame on you. NO.

I asked you rather to do some reflection.

We are strangers.. you think we derive joy in saying things about you? Or we enjoy putting you down? No. We are just offering our perspective from 3rd party point of view. You may not like it but you need to think about it and reflect on it. Otherwise you stress out yourself - thinking the world is against you and ended up more unhappy than ever.

You are just not receptive to alternative points of view (we could be wrong) but it is still a different perspective. Don't have to be so uptight.
 

hugochavon

New Member
都被大家说æˆæ— è¯å¯æ•‘了, 就会ä¸æ–­è´¬ä½Žå’Œæ‰¹è¯„。 也许你们喜欢这样把别人的痛苦建筑在自己的欢ä¹ä¸Šï¼Œä¸æ–­åœ°æŠŠåˆ«äººè¯´å¾—一无事处很快ä¹ï¼ŒæŠŠåˆ«äººçš„自尊往下踩。
 

infojunkie

Active Member
ok你没有骂人,你åªæ˜¯argue而已。。。

那也很ä¸ä¸Šé“的说。。。
 

powder

Active Member
carol,

i'm just stating my stance on being a grandparent in future, dun have to take it as a dig at u. i prefer to use money to solve problems where i can... dun take it too personally.

é“了歉,也需è¦ç»™å¯¹æ–¹æ—¶é—´åŽ»æŽ¥å—,尤其是è€äººå®¶ã€‚ 如果几天当让好,但如果需è¦å‡ å¹´ - 我们还有选择å—?朋å‹ä¹‹é—´çš„误会比较容易解决,我觉得家人之间虽然是最应该,但有时也会是最难。你这样就认命?世上还有很多困难需è¦æˆ‘们去克æœï¼Œ 这么一点错则算什么?

有些时候我们在这讨论,是真个事情å‘生åŽï¼Œæˆ‘们有æƒåˆ©ç»§ç»­è®¨è®ºè¿™ä¸ªè¯é¢˜ï¼Œä½ å¬ä¹Ÿå¥½ä¸å¬ä¹Ÿå¥½ï¼Œä½ ä¹Ÿæ²¡æœ‰æƒåˆ©é˜»æ­¢åˆ«äººã€‚ä¸åŒæ„å¯ä»¥åˆ†äº«ä½ çš„看法或å对,ä¸éœ€è¦å‘å°å§è„¾æ°”。è¦å¼€å§‹æ˜¯å¯¹äº‹ä¸å¯¹äººï¼Œä½†æˆ‘å‘觉这里越æ¥è¶Šå¤šäººæ˜¯å–œæ¬¢å¯¹äººã€‚ 如果他们喜欢你,你说什么都行。 如果他们ä¸å–œæ¬¢ä½ ï¼Œä½ åˆ°å“ªé‡Œä»–们都è¦è¿½æ€ä½ ã€‚。。

åŽè¯­ç”¨â€œä»–妈â€ã€‚。。 å¯èƒ½æˆ‘用åŽè¯­å°±ä¸ä¼šè¢«ä¸¤ä½å°å§è¿½æ€äº†ã€‚

说了这么多,还是需è¦æ—¶é—´å’Œâ€˜ä½“会’去慢慢解决。全在于你个人的观念,æ€åº¦ï¼Œæ€æƒ³ï¼Œè¡Œä¸ºåŽ»å…‹æœã€‚。。是你è¦ï¼Œè¿˜æ˜¯ä¸è¦ã€‚如果放弃,åŽæžœç”±ä½ å’Œå­©å­åŽ»æ‰¿æ‹…。。。åªä¸ºäº†ä¸€å£æ°”。
 

jn1234

New Member
Carol
我已ç»è®²äº†å¾ˆå¤šæ¬¡ï¼Œå¾ˆå¤šäººåœ¨è¿™é‡Œæ²¡æœ‰æ€œæ‚¯ä¹‹å¿ƒï¼Œæ»¡å£ç²—言粗语,自以为很厉害,别人都是活该,åªä¼šè½äº•ä¸‹çŸ³ï¼Œè®©ä¼¤å¿ƒçš„人更伤心难过,我还ä¸æ˜¯æƒ¹ä»–们乱骂,他们就是这样的。你越讲,他们就细细研究哪里能攻击你。

他们应该学学Singapore Motherhood forummers, 那边的人比这里的人有教养。
 

jn1234

New Member
他们è½äº•ä¸‹çŸ³çš„è¯å’Œéª‚人的è¯è¿™ä¹ˆå¤šï¼Œè¿˜æ˜¯åˆ«å›žä»–们的攻击,他们永远认为他们是对的,你是错的,还是别回得好。
 

hugochavon

New Member
Jenny,
I came from SMH
happy.gif


Thanks, finally I found someone who can understand

I think i better return back to avoid being badly arrow and shoot.

Yes, this is my first post. I really and fully understand how these people keep finding faults and quote our posts, finally used every means and ways to so called "Shoot" at me without offering good solution.

我也到此为止了,你说的对,ä¸æ‡‚为什么大家都是人,åè¦æŠŠåˆ«äººè´¬ä½Žä»–们æ‰å¿«ä¹ï¼çœŸçš„很“Xæ€â€
 

infojunkie

Active Member
就别强求她对你女儿好就得了,没了那份想望就ä¸ç”¨é¢å¯¹ç€è¿™è®¸å¤šçš„ä¸å ªï¼Œä¹Ÿå°±ä¸ç”¨æ„Ÿè§‰å¿ƒæ‚²ã€‚。。

åå你看ä¸å¼€ï¼Œæ‰€ä»¥lor,怒气冲冲地。。。
 

jn1234

New Member
你没看到上é¢é‚£ä¼Ÿä»å…„è¦äººå‘ä»–é“歉,结果呢?Bpé“歉也被骂,ä¸åˆ°é“歉也被骂。
 

powder

Active Member
"都被大家说æˆæ— è¯å¯æ•‘了, 就会ä¸æ–­è´¬ä½Žå’Œæ‰¹è¯„。 也许你们喜欢这样把别人的痛苦建筑在自己的欢ä¹ä¸Šï¼Œä¸æ–­åœ°æŠŠåˆ«äººè¯´å¾—一无事处很快ä¹ï¼ŒæŠŠåˆ«äººçš„自尊往下踩。"

- yes, very common for pple to think this way, becos they dun have to change if they think this way. and they just need to assume others are deriving it from their pain.

if u have my life, u'll be so 他妈的 happy that u dun need to go forum to make others unhappy, in order to be happy. 我赚的,ä½çš„,å–的,åƒçš„,驾的,娶的,生的,都比一般人好。。。 我ä¸éœ€è¦æŠŠå¿«ä¹å»ºç«‹åœ¨åˆ«äººçš„痛苦上。
 

hugochavon

New Member
哈哈,真的很åŒæƒ…è¿™ä½ä»å…„,自以为自己是什么东西。
好是自己家的事,何必到处去炫耀。æ‰æ²¡ç©ºç†ä¼šè¿™äº›äººã€‚
è¿™ç§æ•™è®­ï¼Œä¸€æ¬¡å°±å¤Ÿäº†ã€‚
 

hugochavon

New Member
人å“好,有钱没钱都是好人,令人敬佩,å£å¾·ä¸å¥½ï¼Œæ€Žä¹ˆæˆåŠŸä¹Ÿä¸å›žå¾—到别人的尊敬。
 

infojunkie

Active Member
看æ¥çœŸæ­£è½äº•ä¸‹çŸ³çš„人是ç妮大妈æ‰å¯¹ã€‚。。

åšäººå…‰æ˜Žç£Šè½ç‚¹ï¼Œåˆ«è§ç¼æ’针活åƒä¸ªé¼ è¾ˆï¼
 

jn1234

New Member
Carol
There are many people in this world, and not all talk the same language. Some people are just mouthful of foul languages, some just can't read what you write and imagine they know best and can give the best advice and start shooting you once you disagree. Why? Cos they think you come in for advice, and they spent their precious time to advise you and you are obliged to listen to them.

你一旦得罪他们,他们就会åƒç‹—一样咬ç€ä½ ä¸æ”¾ã€‚我ä¸æ˜¯è¯´å—?上é¢é‚£ä½ä»å…„è¦äººå‘ä»–é“歉,结果呢?Bpé“歉也被骂,ä¸åˆ°é“歉也被骂。

Don't be bothered by them. You have enough issues to handle to be bothered by these people. Don't need to reply them. It is a waste of time and only invite more scolding from them.
 

jn1234

New Member
“i prefer to use money to solve problems where i can... “

“我赚的,ä½çš„,å–的,åƒçš„,驾的,娶的,生的,都比一般人好。。。 “

Boasting again. Big show off! Never think of the feeling of some of the forummers here is passing the days from hands to mouth. You got money so what? Money can solve all problems?
 

hugochavon

New Member
Jenny, 说的好ï¼

What is the point to show off, those who show off are those who need attention. Those who are really rich will usually stay low profile.
 

infojunkie

Active Member
大妈ä¸ç®€å•è€¶ï¼ŒçœŸæ˜¯ä¸ªå€Ÿåˆ€æ€äººçš„高手。。。

如果有人这也å¬ä¿¡ä¹Ÿæœªå…太愚蠢的说 *shake head*
 

ahyip

New Member
I've been following the thread this whole time, I seriously don't understand how some people read stuff.. A lot forummers have provide their perspective but instead of learning from it, you choose to read the worst out of it. I'm not saying that from powder's POV of the MIL's thinking is correct, but there's a possibility that she's really thinking that way, and in order to change the current situation, u have to know what the other person is thinking first before you can decide your next step. 知己知彼百仗百胜 right?

Jenny is obviously a shit stirrer. She only appears when someone shoot some negative comment at other forummers..
 

jn1234

New Member
Carol
No one can claim to have a worryless life, even billionaires have their own problems (except é‚£ä½çˆ±ç‚«è€€çš„ä»å…„). Sometimes you have such a big burden on your shoulder that you just need to pour out a little, but if you pour out here, you are only asking to be bombarded. But these people don't understand. They just continue their whacking on and on, even when you asked them to stop.

Stay cool, don't be bothered too much. Save your energy to think about your problems on hand.
 

powder

Active Member
jenny, typical of u to take things out of context to twist things around...

the full sentence reads "我赚的,ä½çš„,å–的,åƒçš„,驾的,娶的,生的,都比一般人好。。。 我ä¸éœ€è¦æŠŠå¿«ä¹å»ºç«‹åœ¨åˆ«äººçš„痛苦上。"
 

hugochavon

New Member
Junkie,
Now i feel more relax after i thought it over. Cos from you, only 蠢人 and 霸é“. So nothing special when you said all these humilating and hurting words.

Yiping,
I thank you for your feedback

I entered my post and forum not trying to start a thread for the fun of it. I seriously hoping that someone can provide advice and to be frank, I did dig into all post to listen what all had written.

Maybe you are on their side or maybe because I had never expected that this forum writers are all very good at putting salt into people's wound, maybe I am too weak to be here. Hence, this is a lesson to learn and I will be out of all these.

Let it be. I was very depressed over this thread whenever i read it.

Cheers
 

powder

Active Member
for those who live hand to mouth and Want to get out... u can surf my past posts... i have extended Alot of advice on how to get out of poverty, starting from the mindset.

key action here is - those who want to get out. i dun believe in being poor and lamenting how others are rich.
 

jn1234

New Member
Junkie & Yiping
Whatever names you want to call, I am used to it from this forum already. Uncultured lot of people, mouth full of foul language, minimum respect for people especially ignoring the feeling of TS already stressed with problems.

I have been reading and will not comment unless necessary. Why? Cos when I comment, it will be non-stop shooting from the regulars. So why bother? I only talk to those I wish to communicate to. So now I just want Carol not to take their negative remarks too hard, is there anything wrong?

Anyway, even if you think I am wrong to talk to Carol, it is non of your business. Since you all dislike listening to me, then just ignore my posts. Why read then?
 

infojunkie

Active Member
carol,

ä½ çš„attitude真是让人倒胃å£

唉,你婆婆对你冷处ç†ç®—是厚é“的了。。。

也罢,你好自为之å§
happy.gif
 

hugochavon

New Member
Junkie,
Doesn't matter what you said, as it will not bother me anymore. I just find that the more you write, the more 倒胃å£. My attitude 比你差一点啦, cannot compare to you
 

jn1234

New Member
Carol
No point continue bickering with these people. It will be no ending really. I am ignoring them also.

They just want you to admit they are right, you are wrong, and some even demand you to apologise to them.

I have said many times (but the narrow brains of some here just don't get it), when TS starts a thread asking for advice, different forummers give different some even opposing advice. Ultimate, only the TS knows his/her problems best. TS might not have written out long long stories to tell the forum their whole story, so what's there for forummers to insist they are correct and TS has to listen to them? Ultimately it is for the TS to read and decide for himself/herself, not for forummers to insist you listen to them. But those few people just insist.

So stay cool and ponder for yourself. You need to think through to help yourself, and not let others dictate what you should do.
 

jn1234

New Member
When you don't listen to them, all the scolding come out. See those "霸é“" and "ä½ çš„attitude真是让人倒胃å£". As if they are so good themselves.
 

powder

Active Member
milo,

this is precisely the point i was saying abt this whole thing... end of the day, nothing is helped, nothing is solved. the life-changing elements are not given a chance to have their effects on pple.

when u indulge pple in certain ways... they dun ever need to change. they seek validation of how right they are, but end of the day if no changes take place, nothing happens, and nothing improves. i guess it's Only on the deathbed, or close to death... when pple Realise things... this will be the sad moments in life, but u can't change them. they are called 'Regrets'.
 

jn1234

New Member
powder, Junkie, YiPing & whoever who share the same thinking

If you sincerely want to help TS, TS is already at a loss very troubled by the issues on hand. You should not add oil to fire by all the foul languages and sarcastic remarks. Isn't it better to talk in a nice way,心平气和,so when TS cools down then she can think better and decide better? Can't you see Carol is stressed out already? "first time posting and ended up all these misery which reflect and flashed through my mind every min and seconds. "

Why I keep pointing out about the languages is we should 以礼待人,而ä¸æ˜¯å°†ä¸€ä¸ªæœ‰é—®é¢˜è§£å†³ä¸äº†çš„人逼上更多痛苦深渊。I believe counsellors trying to help people don't talk the way you people talk. But a lot of you don't understand and end up bickering non-stop with me. Why waste time bickering rather than helping TS? So I rather only talk when needed to. Now I talk to tell Carol to stay calm and not be affected by all your negative remarks. This I also got attacked.

Haiz...
 


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