Woes with my hb family

jn1234

New Member
Milo
I read the forum but as I am not divorce lawyer, marriage counsellor etc, so I don't claim to be "expert". So I don't talk in everything. Unlike few of you who make your presence here day in day out, always claim to be expert and always think those against you are wrong and you are very right. And also coming to forum only to boost how creditable you are, how good is your life, how rich are you, how blissful in your marriage life. Big show-off!

So you mean if I don't talk in the forum, I have no interest? Can't there be silent readers? So you expect all the forumers like few of you to come in every day with comment? What is the purpose of opening your mouth for everything? You are so expert in everything that you have comment in everything? Lame.
 


miloice

Well-Known Member
"I m nt gg to respond to Powder regarding tis issue anymore."

Yes, i would agree its best so. You did more than speak for yourself. At least in this thread, u were suggesting others to ignore. You may have started it as only a feedback and other threads, but u surely went beyond that here. Anyway, let's respect that decision to close this incident.
 

blueprincess

New Member
Hi Milo,

I m nt trying to change powder's tone or choice of words. I m juz speaking up for myself cuz i think his latest post sounds threatening n d accusations r unfair.

I m nt gg to respond to Powder regarding tis issue anymore. Nt gg to give him a chance to put me down again.

Anyone can say wat they want. I will juz keep quiet frm now. It is Powder's latest reaction tt i feel is threatening.
 

jn1234

New Member
bp
Pointless to argue with this type of 大男人who thinks he is always right. He makes a mountain out of molehill when he thinks others is wrong, but when others point out his mistakes, he simply cannot take it.

Milo, I keep quiet since powder's Sep 09 12:03 post cos no point to keep on engaging in something not relevant to TS' issues, but based on his Sept 12 11:57, powder is the one who likes to instigate argument and cannot shut up his big mouth on something irrelevant to the thread.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Does it add any weigh or credibility. Come on. Get real. Look at your behavior in this thread. What was that for? To dig at powder isn't it. Just admit to it. You don't need an expert or genius to read that. Only need someone frank to tell u straightly.

Not as if u weren't given the space and room to pull back from an ugly incident but you just couldn't let go and need to dig.

No point suggesting others are here day in day out when u were silently waiting for opportunities to get back at powder. Your actions and words backfire at yourself big time.

Your suggestions that only experts should contribute and talk on the topic is so lame. What's your expertise in this thread then? flamming?
 

jn1234

New Member
Milo
I already said a few times I want to stop but he just goes on and on. Didn't I keep quiet until he goes on again?

Please also take a mirror to reflect on yourself. You are just afraid to go against powder else he will come bombarding you with profanity.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
lolz.... r u that blind? what's the main disagreement and dispute in this thread? Don't tell me u didn't read it. Once again, u shot yourself on the foot.

Lady, it doesn't work trying to instill emotions on my pride.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
"I already said a few times I want to stop but he just goes on and on."

just a reminder on how you 'said' you 'wanted to stop'.

"I better let go, before Powder come attacking me with harsh and sarcastic words again. Better go do better things than wasting time arguing with him here. Bye!"

Be honest with yourself. That's why the mirror is for you.
 

jn1234

New Member
Milo you are powder the second? Didn't I say I will stop? Or you go non-stopping just to add your post counts to show you are able to dispense advice on every issue to add "creditability" to your advice? I don't need your so called creditability since I don't claim to be expert like few of you do.

Reflect on yourself. How many times you all divert from the issues of the thread? Can't you all have more sensibility and 怜悯之心 to TS than sprouting profanities and sarcastic remarks or trying to show off how good you are when TS is already stressed out with problems?
And you all just go on shooting TS with sarcastic remarks, TS not experienced like you so end up with such problems. Always diverting off the topic to boasting how big is your car, how fat is your pay, how big is your house, how blissful is your marriage?

Anyway, I really wish to stop. I rather be a silent reader to learn from some who really dish out good advice than pretending to be expert to comment on every situation like you are really an expert.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
You stopped by pulling a quick and dirty one. Thank you but no thanks. I don't need the validation from someone that has repeatedly shown inability to rationalize and discuss. So, you tell me how sincere you were about wanting to stop.

"Rather be a silent reader", DO IT THEN, who's stopping u? Actions speaks for itself. Look at the mirror, what does it tells you? You the victim? Actually, the more one close up, the less they are able to really engage in open discussions. It will forever never be in your comfort zone to discuss and disagree openly.

Thank you for insulting everyone that spent time sharing sincerely. Jokers like yourself read it as show offs. Personally, I used many references that I see relevance for the person to understand better the context. More so, than others. In a way, I have revealed some details of my personal life which made me vulnerable to trolls that come in occasionally to pull a fast one. What's there to show off in reality? We are all walking our unique paths. We share and learn altogether. Those with the closed minds will perceive the sharings with motives that no one but themselves have. If someone comes in and tells us how shitty their lives is, does kissing and sayang helps? Why not point out, many others lives sucks too. We empathize but not just to make the TS feel good. But, others can make something out of it, so can they. That's show off? Well, its consistent with the logic u have displayed thus far.

Reminds me of how those criticize FB as a tool for show offs when they are the very jokers that cannot stop reading others status updates and wall.
 

jn1234

New Member
Hello Milo
Yes I tried to be silent reader, didn't I stop responding since powder's Sep 09 12:03 post but for nothing he asked BP and I to apologise to him in his post Sept 12 11:57. He still insisted he is right and we are wrong. Why should we apologise?

You are v biased always siding powder.
 

jn1234

New Member
"Victim" is the term you coined on me, I didn't claim victim. As I said, why open your big mouth to every TS? Only those who claim to be expert do so, so you are discrediting many hundreds or thousands forummers here who are silent readers? I only see a few regulars like you who open big mouth on every issues, but a lot of them only comes in on and off. You are faulting all others as well?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Are you not able to speak for yourself? Do you need people to take sides? Seriously, read properly. Whose the one faulting others?

I spoke of those that see others as show offs. People specifically like yourself. Don't lump anyone else together. Do you think everyone that doesn't voice out as frequently have the same mentality and rationale as you?!? You have very serious selective reading to your own convenience.

u don't claim victim? Your actions spoke of a different story. Just at this thread alone....
"I better let go, before Powder come attacking me with harsh and sarcastic words again. Better go do better things than wasting time arguing with him here. Bye!"

Do you particularly read your own statement with a different tint or are you blind to the obvious? You viewed whatever comments and response he is going to give as attacks. What was your entire intent coming into the thread only to dig at powder? That is not an attack?

Personally, I don't think BP needs to apologize and I have already mentioned that. He can demand, she need not comply. For you, would you? lolz. You knew you were just instilling trouble from the very start. So, don't over with all the bullshit.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Back up with grounds than more allegations... Let me remind you....

"bp & powder, I believe u both have made your points pretty clear about your views already."

BP, you cannot really stop his language. Its enough to voice out once or twice. No point repeating over it. You can surely bring it up to the admin, I'm sure you probably isn't the 1st. It is up to powder to heel the feedback or not. We are not the owners of the site nor do we have any authority to change another person's tone or approach. Likewise, powder can demand an apology, but you need not comply either. Moving forward, i would suggest, to focus on the topic at hand rather than historical disagreements. Its pointless to be bringing back these and argue in every thread. MOVE ON."

Was there any agreement with powder at all? None. I factually highlighted the points on why its pointless to go on disputing. Both have made clear their stand. Assured BP that she can escalate to the admin, she probably isn't the 1st one that have done it. Also, that she need not apologize even though it was demanded. Moving on, better to discuss more on issues at hand than bring back the historic dispute in every thread.

WOW... I 'took' sides. Thanks for further confirming on how selective your reading has been. It has been amazingly consistent yet, you are completely blind to it.
 

blueprincess

New Member
Milo, Jenny, can we close topic now =)

yes yes, I know I can't stop his language, that is why I am no longer gonna say anyting. I can't control others so I'll just control myself and keep quiet or ignore his posts.

let's stop here yah? =)
 

powder

Active Member
bp, u only have problems with my language and sarcasm, am i right to say that?

ok point taken. i'll respect that when i am addressing u in Your thread, i think that's fair enough rite?

if i happen to be in other threads and using sarcasm to drive my points, or profanity as a means of emphasis - pls Do Not make it your vigilante movement to stop me. Besides, i dun employ them all the time... they take up maybe 10% of my posts... it was just your obsession in catching me that made it look like i'm always doing it.

do note that your use of "we" in some of your posts suggests your subconscious intentions and betrays u.

Read your posts in this thread and be objective... u will realise u were taking Hits at me and asking others to ignore me purely based on my manner of speaking. only a few of u had an issue with it, and u make it seem like it's Everyone who had issues. u Made a stand for others when it was just u and jenny.

u are like the wives who found porn in the husbands possession and want everyone to cry foul with u.

oh, btw, the moderator has spoken to me last week already. i have made my stand to him Clearly... he will have to do what he will have to do.

the impact will not affect u becos u and jenny expect the forum to cater to your strawberry shortcake language when u appear.
 

powder

Active Member
jenny,

u're the type who knows u are Weak, Lousy and have Nothing to offer. thus your ONLY way of identifying and making yourself seem more impt and bigger than u actually are.... is by pointing out that others are not docs, lawyers, experts.

your points are moot, they are even stupid. becos u're never really gonna get a FULLTIME panel of Expert Advisors here in the forum... most forum runs by themselves. even motoring forum won't have fulltime mechanics to offer free advice.

your Biase is very obvious. u are nice to milo when he is in disagreement with me, and u will be 'angry' with him when he speaks on certain matters for me. that biase is obvious when u came in here just to penalise me on my language.

for that, i expected an apology from u and BP. i think it was unprovoked and unnecessary. u came in, gave me a punch, Then called me a bully, and punch me again before leaving. u think u have gotten away scot-free for the lame attempt. Until now, u still think i'm the bully. i have no idea what kind of principle u live in your world... but in my world, u're the low-life bully masquerading as a victim.

u were absolutely biased in this thread. it's Soooooo obvious yet here u are, using me to hide your wrongs. constantly bickering abt me, so that pple can forget abt u.
 

powder

Active Member
Milo,

sometimes... most times in fact. it is what we say here, do here, that will translate into actions for the person reading it.

i am an advocate for that, thus the way i post - i have my reasons. i always ask myself - how do i incite & motivate the person on the other side - to do what's best? how do i prep their mindset, take away their prejudice and make them take certain actions?

and then i will post.

without doubt, i know the MIL is being an ass sometimes, stubborn and all... and as u correctly pointed out - being all auntie abt it. BUT i asked myself - what would the auntie knowledge Induce?? - NOTHING actually, except to build up on doing nothing and to just blame the person. In fact i think it encourages TS to just ignore and perhaps they will distance themselves...

in 3-5yrs - how will that translate to the relationship for TS, her daughter with MIL, Husband etc...

this will be where i apply my thoughts before i post. my posts must have impact, and it must make the person on the other side see the point first, before i introduce the next action-inducing post.

i keep hitting on TS being wrong becos i NEED her to know how wrong she was for hurting the MIL First... only when she's in that Zone - can i introduce the next step.

many of u dun see this, will not see this, and will not be able to anticipate. not many have foresight nor vision. some of the ladies here can't see far AT ALL, so all they do is apply the 'hugs & consolation' style... that's all that they can do and offer. Nothing more. merely a support group for hugs...

i will not explain myself to u again. until such time TS realises how wrong she was - really at the point of Realisation... versus just knowing... ONLY then - can she effectively make the right kind of apology in the best way she can, to turn things around.

i hate it when my posts are disrupted by pple who think they are helping - but in actual fact, they are here to be petty and pick fights with me becos they are unhappy with me. So So shallow... they end up helping No-one but themselves. 2 pple comes to mind, i have asked for an apology, yet it became a 'demand'.

their ability to read is clouded by their need to get even with me.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
powder, on the contrary, the realization and understanding of mil context makes significant differences. When we can understand why someone is like this, we don't waste more time struggling to accept that and channel the energy to workaround instead of against it. I saw that in TS questions. Ok, i see the direction you are heading drive down the realization on how wrong TS had been with her actions and expectations. However, I can't help but wonder if it would be effective if the TS defenses up and hence shutting her from your comments in the 1st place. Its hard to have the right balance as its pretty much dependent on what the individual can take. What I have always suggested is for everyone to reread the message and context to see beyond the immediate reaction and emotions. See the context and motive. It probably help reduce some frictions and also give us new insights at times. If we are honest with ourselves, I do believe, many of the petty arguements that has taken place would be minimized. We don't see eye to eye all the time with everyone. Something expected in any forum. Folks with issues with that will always struggle with it.

BP, I have no intention to dig further on this. I'm sorry if you felt affected by it. It was Jenny groundless suggestions that I was addressing to and I had to clarify it was a neutral comment that focused on the facts and suggestion to move on.
 

simpleman

Active Member
I think that TS unrealistic expectations of the MIL have to be addressed. Why must MIL take care of her kids? And must love every kids of hers.

I can imagine that the MIL is extremely pissed with her and hence don't want to associate further with her.

The sooner she realize this, the better it is. I don't think an apology will help much. Yes, it is probably the first step but in the long term it has to be the realization of the expectations of MIL is unrealistic.

Till now, she is still questioning why love the grandson and not the granddaughter? You can't demand and expect others (even in-laws) to love your children to your expectations. Even parents themselves don't love their children in equal proportions.

And if MIL has other grandchildren from other siblings, then compare again the love? There is really no end to it.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
"And if MIL has other grandchildren from other siblings, then compare again the love? There is really no end to it."

agree... it will be no end with such MEANINGLESS comparisons.
 

simpleman

Active Member
Each one of us, as parent and later as grandparents - will likely to have bias and preferences.

For for the TS's MIL, the preference is very clear due greatly in part to their earlier falling out.

The only way of dealing with it is to ignore. I mean, if they love grandchild "A" - take it as a bonus. Don't care about grandchild "B" - just treat it as a norm. Why is there a need to insist that both must be loved equally? Can we extract love out of other people? This to me is an unrealistic expectation and the cause of her unhappiness and therefore will hinder her relationship with MIL.

If she wants to improve the relationship of MIL with her own daughter (ie grandaughter of MIL) - then she has to improve first her relationship with her MIL (although it may not have 1-1 relationship). If someone likes you a lot - there is a greater probability that they will like your children.
 

blueprincess

New Member
Hi Powder,

Yes, I only have problems with ur language and sarcasm. Other then that I know u give GREAT advice. Thanks for respecting that and I think it is fair enough too. Yes I will not stop u when you are posting in other threads. ok, this is a fair agreement.

Ok, to be fair maybe my words gave the wrong impression to others. I'll take more care when I type and not just use words loosely. Powder,there was never any malicious or bad intention to garner any support against u. I can assure u on that. And on this, I'm sorry if my posts here had made u feel upset due to my choice of words which made it appear like I was trying to incite anything against u.

this should be sufficient? and we shall close topic from here, ok?

Milo - its ok....let's move on! =)
 

powder

Active Member
milo,

i will address the only person i can address on this platform. any applications can only be thru the TS. the MIL won't be here.

if TS tenses up and rejects me, then i can't do anything abt it anyway. the rest of u have your inputs... doesn't mean she will listen to my take... i give my angle becos it is my angle... if she dun get it, then she won't be able to receive the next bit anyway. so normally i just stop... like how i did with BP.
 

powder

Active Member
sm hit the nail on the head. very precise, sharp and simple... this is something i wish i could learn from...
 

powder

Active Member
bp,

just dun apologise to pple for my language. nor tell pple to ignore me becos of my use of language. i have nothing to apologise for, and i dun need anyone to do so on my behalf, as if they know me. those who know me know i speak this way in real life... no pretences... my family, frens, bosses, clients etc. only kids get the exception from me.

i happen to know some of them longer than u appeared in the forum. we have no hard feelings when we argue or have differences of opinions.

just rem it is Your problem with it, not everyone has issue with using 'fcuk' for emphasis.
 

blueprincess

New Member
Hey Powder,

i was nice enough to apologise to you cuz u wanted it....and now u are rejecting it and saying such tings?

are u trying to make me look like a fool?

I think I have enuff of this forum.....
 

powder

Active Member
bp,

u need to mingle more and understand language and what pple are saying. u have a poor ability to decipher simple stuff.

i did not reject your apology, neither am i trying to make u look like a fool. u read words SOOOOOO poorly.

but now i realise it wasn't even sincere... cos u dun know where u did wrong, so let's leave it. u're not on my wavelength and we'll always have misunderstandings... let's not cross paths again.

i have no idea who u hang out with but the level of thoughts and communication seem to be non-english, or secondary. i am pretty sure uni students won't be misunderstanding me the way u do.
 

powder

Active Member
clark,

u're my biggest fan as usual.... everytime u appear and identify with the shallow pple, i just feel so warm and tingly and i know i am right immediately.

u can use the word 'fcuk' and these 2 girls will probably approve of it becos they can identify with your dislike for me.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
your point in plain simple english for BP, don't assume everyone has an issue with your tone and language. Frankly, I don't get this uni students reference at all. Its not true that BP isn't sincere, its just that she didn't understand what you are pointing to her. That's all. If she doesn't understand just clarify it.

BP, you want to move on than dispute on the wording right? If you don't bother anymore, I shall respect that. Take care.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
to her, she just wanted to close the episode despite not really comprehending what you were driving at.

So, when u replied, it actually further add to her confusion and frustration.
 

powder

Active Member
the uni student reference was the level of communication i was referring to... i wasn't making a fool of her nor being rude, was just being firm to tell her something which is factual... that the issue is Hers and Hers alone. but she went all ballistic and stuff... i have no idea how she reads and translates in her mind but it's so royally screwed.

if she dun bother, then dun bother... i mean, she's foregoing the whole forum due to me? or using me as the means to measure a forum?

from that alone - u know that she comes First to herself. Always. it's just a tantrum.

u can give in and coax, i won't bother. just trying to make a sort of scapegoat out of me with the low-level lamenting. she needs to grow up.
 

denise80

Active Member
Lol. Power, Ur post to bp missed one subject, that is 'I' dun apologise for my language blah blah and that's y she misread it. Besides u didn't accept her apologies gracefully and thus created further unhappiness, particularly with the sarcastic reference to her educational level.
A long time ago I already made my stand that I can't stand opal's and ur profanities. Looks like there r more who can't take it. Im just curious y can't u make a strong point without adding swear language? Ur intention might be gd but ur approach may not be suitable. It might just get pp.'s defenses up and all the more they wouldn't heed ur advice.
 

powder

Active Member
point taken, yeah i have no problems if u tell me the way u did instead of just using it against me. besides, my profanity is used more for emphasis which in my world, is pretty much a daily language. it would be rude if i said F U and stuff, but it's rarely direct and personal. no difference from damn, bloody, etc... so for the sake of your curiosity, and as i have said so often... it IS me and my usual language.

i'm actually surprised that pple take offence at the word used in emphasis, as compared to words like 'slut' or 'bastard' which Demean. but then again, i'm used to pple losing arguments and choosing instead to turn the attention on my use of french.

correction though, i didn't make a sarcastic reference to her education level, she's likely to be higher than me... in faxt most pple have higher academics than me in the forum, jus that it doesn't translate to ability to understand things better.

it is precisely her misreading that leads me to make that comment abt her wavelength.

anyway u can't stand me for my profanity, that's fair and direct. at least u didn't come in here and apologise nor pinpoint my langauge out of nowhere. that was what cheesed me off.
 

hays

New Member
The word fcuk really has little bearing to the point being driven by powder. I feel that some people give senseless and safe template answers just to sound right or being politically correct.But most of powder's advice really drives the message home.

Seriously I don't understand the big 'Hooha'. Most of my colleagues who are Aussies use it everyday not as a way to swear but to magnify and also emphasize the word like "that's a fcuking awesome sandwich!".

Instead of understanding the advice given, people take offense in the way the advice is spoken.
Says alot how some people people really deal with the problem at hand but instead they go lambasting you for your use of mere words..
 

hugochavon

New Member
I am sincerely sorry for all the commotion here.

I am grateful and thankful to all of you to spend your precious time and effort here listening and giving me helpful suggestions, sharing with me your opinions and experiences which allowing me to give a deep thought and reflecting myself here. I had decided to give up of the reconcilation as most already think it is almost pointless as I had already hurt her and useless to keep complaining why she does not love my daughter which she already rejected since the day I offended her. This should no longer be bothering me.

I can just said that i am really being naive to consider myself as "half her daughter" which she did mention to me when i married her son! She sounds so real and true!

In the first place, I am still pinning hope in trying to reconcile with my MIL which is the reason why I start the thread, after looking thru all the posts, it is obviously that everything is my fault + mistake which can't be forgiven at all. No matter what, like i mentioned when i posted my thread,"the kids belong to me, i will need to take full charge and care of them, it does not matter whether others care or like, they are MINE!

I guess most probably we will never be able to understand the position one stand until we are in one's shoe.

I admitted that during that time (2008) when i demanded my MIL to take care of my son is ridiculous and unacceptable, but I can still remembered i was feeling helpless and desparation got into me which is why i react so badly towards the entire incident. Of course, you will say that this does not leave me an excuse to be rude to MIL and hurt her, but in my heart, it never come across me to offend her. It is perhaps too late to say anything and apology is useless, she will never be able to accept me now and future. I just wish her all the best!

Anyway, all the message delivered to me are well received and useful.

Thank you all! Bless you!
Thread closed
 

simpleman

Active Member
Carol,

Don't get me wrong. It is not impossible to improve your relationship between yourself and MIL. However, it will take a while. An apology - is probably the first step.

The second step is to realize that she owes you nothing. How she wants to love your daughter is her perogative. I can't tell you how exactly to improve your relationship - but being sincere and real respect will go a long way. People are not blind, being really nice to people from your heart - they will feel it. It may take 1 year, 2 years or even 10 years.. but it is possible to mend MIL/DIL relationship especially in the beginning it was good.
 


powder

Active Member
carol,

i think u need to dig deeper and reach a sense of Realisation as far as MIL is concerned.

there are 3 stages of learning/experiencing... Realisation is the final stage - which is the kicker that kicks u into action After u have learnt the full extent of Any experience.

1) we Know, 2) we Understand, 3) we Realise.

many of the beliefs we have, the person that we are - we adopt mostly After we have realised something. as with your kids - if u Realise that they are your sole responsibility - u will Not expect others to help, but treat it as a bonus.

so same with MIL... i hope u can reach the point, and only when u reachthis point, would u be able to break the ice.

and yes, it can take years... but If u're really keen on your children having the presence of their grandparents... even if 10yrs later, your MIL can be there for their teenage years. it is Never to late to bring love back where family is concerned.

i believe time, coupled with realisation - will be your biggest aide.
 

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