Wives of pilots?

sidney93

New Member
strawclare - wow i really admire you, but once a month is better than nothing! trust is indeed very important.

my FH is a pilot too, i'm still trying to get used to his flying schedule, think it might get worse when we move into our new place and when we have kids. but we're determined to work it out!
 


jenpys

New Member
HI ladies,

Don think too much ya .....juz enjoy urself n feel proud of hving ur hubby ya.....

my hubby is oso a pilot too, hey gals out there, As a pilots's wife I thk..... we hv to b understanding, patient, lovely, control our temper, not to let them worry abt us n more....

Coz as a man its a nice job to be proud of it bt.... its oso a drangerous job for them too.... Coz if they cant fully concentrate on flying den anything could happen to ur man was tat rite?.....of coz we din want tis to happen to any1 of us ya.

ladies, always remember the good things rather den the bad thing ya......

n last (TRUST) is the most important...... without tat there will never b love!!

Ask urself? do u feel happy n feel wanted whenever he or she's around? if u do den make ur man feel the same way too. So whenever they r back from their flight u will oways b the 1st person in their mind to thk of n its oni u....

So ladies.....juz relax n get used to it.
whenever ur hubby is not in town, tat will b ur free time to do ur own things n learn watever u wan....

Den sometimes do give him a little surprises to make them feel gd n wanted after his long n tirring flight ya.
Last oways treasure his days whenever he's back in town ya.....
make them feel wanted so tat they will oways thk of coming back to their sweet home to c their lovely wife......cheers..!!
 

joyous097

New Member
Aries

You sound like a newly wed...I was like that before my kids come along...

With kids around, the whole relationship transform ...kids are overly pampered when hubby is home and discilpine is hard..thus disagreement starts.....
 

jenpys

New Member
hi Joyous,

yes. Im new here ya bt without kids yet!!

Btw we r planning ahead to hv kids later
so..... now I will enjoy every single moment when he's ard ya, Coz Both of us mizes each other so much hehe.....

mayb u will hv to advice me wen I hv my baby k mind sharing ur topics with me.......?

Correct me if im wrong ya n pls don get me wrong?
R u facing any problems now?
(with ur kids or hubby)?

Coz u seem to b stress n unhappy with it ya....?
 

joyous097

New Member
Aries

No unhappiness...

Bringing up kids, bringing out the best in them being academically and character moulding are so importrant to me...so kind of a tough challenge...

With doting dad who hardly see them, will surely feel heart pain when his precious one got discipline and drill when comes to study....so, you know at times, I would love the dad to be away and let me have space to teach the kids...
 

awakened

New Member
In courtship days, he was not a pilot. After getting married, he landed a flying job. Being the wife of a pilot was challenging. At least, for me. When he was not working, my schedules were planned around him. I had to be the 'xiao nu ren' or 'little woman'.

When he was working and had no time for me, I was expected to be the 'independent woman' who could move mountains. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the freedom I had and I never regretted my decision to marry him.

Until he cheated on me time and again with the stewardesses he was flying with.
 

awakened

New Member
Joyous

I'm sure you, like many other wives of commercial pilots, will be able to relate to the challenges of being a pilot's wife.
happy.gif
as if it's not challenging enough being a woman. Ha.

I was like Aries before I found out about the lies and betrayal. Ever upbeat, ever looking forward to seeing him when he's not working. But I guess that was not good enough for him. Then again, this is just my story, not intended to influence anyone.

I have decided to walk away and live a fuller life without him. I just pray for the strength to see through it all.
happy.gif
 

joyous097

New Member
Lyn

The feelings must be very lousy when you first discovered what had happened...

Am sure you have the strength to go on.Take care and I believe you deserve something better....
 

sha82

New Member
hi ladies... need some info as my fren's hubby is also considering this line.
I understand that pilots only fly a certain number of hours every month.. n often have 2-3 days off at a stretch... then why is it that many wives still say that they hardly see their husbands?
My friend has been trying to find this out for a while and when I saw this forum I felt who better would be able to provide this information than you ladies.. If possible... please do share your experiences on how much time your pilot husbands could actually devote to the family and how often they are away from home.. thanks very much.
 

lyndy

Member
That's y, like i said in my other thread, we have to take pre-emptive measures, instead of trusting blindly, much to the disagreement of some other forummers.

I've set some boundaries for him.

1) No clubbing/drinking with cabin crew
2) No dining out with cabin crew (dine alone if you have to)
3) Not allowed to step into hotel room of opposite sex, vice versa
4) No sight seeing with cabin crew (sightsee alone if you have to)
5) Give me a copy of your flight schedule
6) Use alternate handphones
7) Never turn off your handphone once you touch down - must stay contactable
8) Must answer my phone call at all times when not flying
9) No conversing with cabin crew unless neccessary to carry out on-the-job duty
10) Bring along your laptop & turn on your webcam in the hotel room
11) Inform me of your hotel and room number once you check in

He has agreed that the above boundaries are reasonable and not difficult to adhere to.

I've got other plans drawn out as well but dont think proper to be disclosed to anyone.

In short, i recognise the risk involved
let's just say, i'm taking a calculated risk here in letting him pursue his pilot aspiration, not because i'm self-sacrificing because that's the last thing i am, but because of my own well-being too.
 

ahrainrain

New Member
Hi lyndy,


personally ,i think having dinner and sightseeing with cabin crew is ok..as there are male cabin crews and captains as well..they will definately organise dinner and shopping trip together...but i cant accept a one on one dinner or outing..like going for a date meh?!

Most stewardess will not mess around if they know you r married..(but of there may be a few bad grapes)and most importantly,I always believe it takes two hands to clap... u dun have to be a pilot to start an affair..

and most pilots are smart enough not to mess around with cabin crews..if u r a "tryer",rumors spread very fast..and reputation will be at stake..take for example the latest news..

What do you all think?
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Lyndy, you are giving ideas to your husband for what he might miss out if he listens to you haha

Don't worry about sounding self-sacrificing. You are not. In fact, you sound out-of-the-world, you know, dreamy.
 

powder

Active Member
isn't it better not to let him go for the job? than to let him be a pilot-cum-monk?

my goodness, what fantastic display of trust and belief and all the strong foundations of a marriage. even pets are not so restricted.

but i guess it's a disease, women who marry and feel they have all the freakin right to impose such ridiculous set of boundaries. some women really should not get married if they can't even choose someone they can trust.

if u're gonna live your life so defensively, trying to protect yourself so much, u might as well dun live or dun marry or just be a nun.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
All the so-called boundaries laid down when the husband has not even passed the pilot programme?!

Pilot is a respectable profession. Don't begin to make it sound like your husband is so cheapo who wants to fly to get free sex or something. Don't you think your husband has more ambition than getting free sex from air stewardess?!?!

Before you accuse your husband of something he hasn't done or wouldn't do, start to look at yourself first, what kind of wife you are.
 
Poor hubby must eat alone, sleep alone, sightsee alone etc. Won't the loneliness make him more prone to outsourcing? LOL

*Sing: I'm so lonely, lonely, lonely~~~*
 

powder

Active Member
the day your husband/bfren rejects the amorous approach of other girls and say - "i love my wife/girlfren"... THEN u can be a proud wife/gfren. else there's absolutley nothing to be proud of having a faithful husband becos he is chained and thrown a full set of rules.

All Men in prison are faithful. (excludes homosexuals)

marry a prisoner while he is serving a 20yrs jailterm and u can be damn proud.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Now I am convinced that women are good at talking cock too leh lol. What kind of rules are that so easy to break.

Lyndy, if you want to be strict, be the strictest and insist that your husband wears a chastity belt and leaves the key with you whenever he flies. Oh, maybe safer to leave his dick behind whenever he flies. Who knows, someone may break the lock to the chastity belt lah.
 

simpleman

Active Member
lucky I am not a pilot.. i find the rules by lyndy ridiculous.. absolutely no trust at all.

Even with those rules, it is still possible to stray. In fact the hb will have more thrill to stray because the wife set up strict guidelines.. and the wife will be complacent cos of the rules.

if a guy wants to stray, all the rules are useless.

Just imagine the rule apply to other people like us:

1) No clubbing/drinking with colleagues/subordinate
2) No dining out with colleagues crew (dine alone if you have to)
3) Not allowed to step into hotel room of opposite sex, vice versa (OK this one I can accept to a certain extent but how do u enforece?)
4) No sight seeing with colleagues (sightsee alone if you have to)
5) Give me a copy of your flight schedule (OK)
6) Use alternate handphones (???)
7) Never turn off your handphone once you touch down - must stay contactable (OK)
8) Must answer my phone call at all times when not flying (OK except when cannot answer - in toilet, in meeting etc etc)
9) No conversing with colleague unless neccessary to carry out on-the-job duty - this one is absolute crap
10) Bring along your laptop & turn on your webcam in the hotel room - ha ha this one also ridiculous
11) Inform me of your hotel and room number once you check in (this is ok)
 

jenpys

New Member
hi,Doll (sgbabydoll)

Ur rite babe.....its all abt trust!!

I like tis....Pilot is a respectable profession. Don't begin to make it sound like your husband is so cheapo who wants to fly to get free sex or something. Don't you think your husband has more ambition than getting free sex from air stewardess?!?! Before you accuse your husband of something he hasn't done or wouldn't do, start to look at yourself first, what kind of wife you are

thx 4 saying tat....this is wat I thk so too.....cheers..
 

jenpys

New Member
hey powder (powder)

u r really POWER with words.....I like it!!

the day your husband/bfren rejects the amorous approach of other girls and say -
("i love my wife/girlfren"...)
(THEN u can be a proud wife/gfren.)
else there's absolutley nothing to be proud of having a faithful husband becos he is chained and thrown a full set of rules

Doll...u r power !!
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Aries, let's just say that if and when a spouse/partner wants to stray, no rules will be able to stop him/her. Straying is also not perculiar to one or some professions, I believe.

Give you a real-life example, my mom's friend's husband who is a cleaner, strays with a fellow female cleaner. FYI, they are already senior citizens. So, no need to be pilot or air stewardess/steward to stray.

By the way, Doll and Powder are two different individuals (Got some idiot accused us of being the same person).
 

jenpys

New Member
oOO.....doll

Of coz not.... u both hv ur own views ya

Ur hubby is flying too...? I thk ur hubby muz b v proud tat he can hv a v understanding wife like u...hehe

Anything else to share...!!
 

powder

Active Member
often in life... the more u try to control things or pple - the harder it will be. it's just the laws of nature, and it's human nature... it's why children still touch things when u tell them not to, it's why teens still do funny things when u tell them not to.

we must be really be naive to think that we can impose rules and have it followed as adults. and we must be really dumb to impose dumb rules to be followed... unless u have a dump person to follow it.

i think if u live in fear, avoid risks, want security, want guarantees, want things Your way... then u're really better off not living.

we should all try to be foreign-maids for 1 month and feel how overbearing and controlling some local pple can be. some of us have lost all respect for the living, and the choices pple will always have the right to make. we've basically lost the plot. and lost ourselves...
 

jenpys

New Member
Hi red_sky (red_sky)

Ur rite too.....same goes to me!!

I know some of my other pilot friends are also v faithful n its ture...
(It really depends very much on the guy,)
he must be strong enough to resist temptation and also, know how to cherish his marriage. As a wife we have to give our best supports too....
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Aries, my bf is not a pilot. Maybe you would think that since he isn't a pilot, it was easy for me to post what I have posted. Well, the truth is, cheating/straying is not something that can be explained by some lack of rules or conditions like what some women set in all naivety. So, why bother to set rules in the first place?!?!

Lyndy, a piece of marriage certificate does not guarantee you anything, what more rules.
 

jenpys

New Member
Oooic....well its ok

bt Wow...as a galfrd or wife u r so strong n understanding women ya..

In the begining, Im so afraid n worry bt times passes n I learned how to b more understanding
and so.....

I muz say, (worried) its a muz for every women to thk of it, bt do not gv any
( rules or conditions )to ur men coz the more u gv them the more u will make them feel they r unwanted n they will start to change...!!

Doll....I like ur style..!! hehe I feel so proud of u ya...
 

muzik_luver

New Member
Many things in life are just like fine sand resting on one's palm...the moment you clutch it, this fine sand will just slip through the fingers.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Aries, I have simple and positive outlook of life in general.

They say that "love is like a wave. Trust is the water". So, the foundation of a marriage or relationship is actually trust. If you can't even trust your spouse, you need to ask yourself why and how you ended up marrying someone you don't or can't trust.

Let me also paraphrase what Brad Pitt once said about his relationship with domestic partner Angelina Jolie - A healthy relationship is two independent individuals coming together to share their lives. This is what I always believe in too. You will enjoy such a relationship.
 

sha82

New Member
hi all.. just checking again if anyone has some info on my earlier post .. regarding the kind of schedules pilots have.. thanks!!!
 

japanese_doll

New Member
well said, doll!!
trust is the foundation of a relationship. By putting rules on the hubby, it will only make the hubby think the wife dun trust him, and this can be very detrimental to the relationship.

it takes two hands to make a strong relationship in a marriage. The wife wants the hubby to be a good man and not stray. But she must also ensure that she is a good wife who can trust the hubby and not put too much rules on him.
 

cuclainne

New Member
sha82, i don't know about your friend's hubby but my cousin, an SQ pilot, is very much a family man and spends his 'free' time at home with his wife and three kids. occasionally we would organise outings for cousins and if he's here in Sg, he would attend with his family. sometimes if he can't go out to meet us, he'll tell us to come over to his place instead.
 

sha82

New Member
thats great to know..
bt does he get quite abit of free time.. as in what i am trying to find out is how much time do they spend on average away from home... my frens hubby is not yet a pilot bt is seriously considering applying and is already working towards learning more about the technical aspects of flying.. so she just wants to understand if it means she will hardly get to see him at all...
 

cuclainne

New Member
hmm .. not sure exactly but sometimes when i do ask about him, it would seem that he's either just gone away on a flight or will be coming back in a few days.
 

awakened

New Member
Lyndy - if those rules were imposed on me, I'd say that they are not difficult to adhere to as well. Half of them can be bent and broken without your knowledge. Sometimes, when you pull a string too tight, it snaps.

Sha82 - Schedules largely depend on which airline the pilot flies for. And yes, typically, they do get 2-3 days off in a stretch. But, those off days may fall on weekdays and if the wife is a working woman, she will not be able to spend a lot of time with the husband. Also, it is not healthy to demand that the husband spends all his off days with you. The men need the ocassional nights out with boys too. These reasons and more, can possibly explain why some pilots' wives say they hardly see their husbands.

Doll - "Straying is also not perculiar to one or some professions, I believe." Totally agreed and may I add that straying is not gender specific too.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Sha82, maybe you can tell your friend to look into pilot's flying schedule after her husband gets enrolled in the school. No point worrying about it now even before he gets accepted. By the way, there will be a period of time he will be in Australia doing the course should he get accepted.

Lyn, I think these days with globalisation and more women in the workforce, anybody who wants to stray can stray easily. No amount of worrying can stop that.
 

joyous097

New Member
I think if a man want to stray, they will be...

We women has got lots to loose...

To me, bottom line,I must still have my cash in hand and he is there for the kids....if he is faithful(be it I know or dont know) , it will be a bonus....
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Joyous, I think you meant "lose", not loose bah.

But why do you say that women got a lot to lose if their spouse/bf strays?

Infidelity is not gender specific and when it hits a relationship, it will impact both parties.
 

joyous097

New Member
Doll

Yes, lose....sorri,type too fast...

See, we women, give birth, lost our youth,spending hours taking care of kids, worst, if give up our career and ended up nothing...

For man, the older they are , with financial stability, many girls will go nuts about them...what about we women...old and ??
 

powder

Active Member
if u feel the above is true, then u should live your life and make decisions with the above in mind. choose the right guy in the first place, do more thinking with your head and not your heart etc etc

when u can identify a 'problem', why can't u identify a solution? why can't u live with some aniticipation and be more pro-active in ensuring that these problems dun become as big?

run thru the threads and see for yourself why women lose out. it's not so much of being women, it's more of personal choices and poor decision-making in keeping up with the joneses.
 

joyous097

New Member
Powder

I think different people live differently .If everyone has got similar thoughts, there will be peace in this world.

Just like Lyndy and Doll, they have different mindsets, but they are happy people...Bottom line, there is no right or wrong in life and I learnt to respect other;s view be it right or wrong....agreed?
 

powder

Active Member
one minute u lament that "women got a lot to lose if their spouse/bf strays"

then i tell u "when u can identify a 'problem', why can't u identify a solution?"

and u tell me "different people live differently" and cite lyndy and doll as "happy people".

is there something i dun get here? or are u brushing things under the carpet with wat u say? a minute ago u wanted to make women the victim and next u telling me pple have different thinking? u dun seem keen to address issues, but just to lament and shout them out.

btw, i know Doll is capable of being happy becos of who she is as a person. not sure abt lyndy, just didn't know that u know both so well to make that statement.

if u learnt to respect others, start by respecting Yourself. and stop believing that u're the weaker sex with no control, no choices, and set to be dumped once u're old. if u dun even know how to respect yourself and your right to a fulfilling life as an individual, i dun think u're very convincing when u tell me that u learnt to respect other's view be it right or wrong.

to me it's your way of telling me that nobody really bothers to listen to your view even if u made them in the first place. so it's better to talk abt respecting other's views.

btw, Lyndy being a "happy" person... is highly likely to end up on the opposite end of the scale. and oh, i so respect her view and shall watch her headed for disaster.

sounds horrible right? 'respect other's views' even if u know it's crap and then watch them fall down, like a spectator.

so No, i dun agree. i Will tell u if i think your thoughts will be your biggest failing and weakness. i Will tell u if your mindset will bring u a lifetime of unhappiness.

i dun know how to brush things off with similar generic statements.
 

lyndy

Member
well, i have identified a 'potential' problem.

which is why i have been pro-active in coming up with possible solutions.

what would you do, if you were in my shoes.

i used to be a truly happy person as an undergrad. when i had all the time in the world to r & r. i could spend the whole morning in the gym. then take a nap and head off to my club for a late afternoon swim. i could exercise for 4 hours/day & still more time to spare for more r & r.

these days, happiness come in short doses that never seem to last. i feel happy several times a day but there is no contentment.

problem - my job. but everyone else has to work too. except for tai tais.

but u see, money solves 90% of problems. Only 10% canot be solved by money.

i tell myself to count my blessings but life is short. my job will only make my life shorter.
2008 just whizzed past like that.

so i have identified another solution, that is to stop working after my husband's career is stable.

but with his 'career' comes that 'potential' problem.
 



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