Witty, 'polite" insults wanted

[gracies99]

now i read this forum on and off and know that there's quite a number of witty pple here who are good at suaning pple.

here's yr chance to share your best witty, "polite" insults -

"polite" as in no foul language, no hokkien, can be used in the workplace without getting fired

 

[gracies99]

some context will also be nice if your insult is not self explannatory.

 

[giantemu]

I heard one which was quite sacarstic.

"has this piece of work been supervised by an adult?"

 

[xylon]

Sarcasm is not something well received by anyone. It may feel good to be sarcastic but it doesn't if you are at the receiving end. Being sarcastic will also escalate the situation and hardly do any good to improve it.

There is a chinese saying "Physical wounds cause by sharp weapons are easy to heal but emotional hatred from hurting words are not." 利刃割体痕易åˆ,æ¶è¯­ä¼¤äººæ¨éš¾æ¶ˆ

People will appreciate if you tell them sincerely what or where went wrong and are likely to respond in kind.

 

[powder]

witty sarcasm sharpens your mind n is very much an artistic way of getting to the point... it is like 'performance arts'... it uses the emotions u Feel, to create the necessary effect required to prove That point.

basically getting to the point with sarcasm can save us alot of time explaining Why...

as for wit, oscar wilde is a king of wit...

 

[gracies99]

actually sarcasm is an art of sorts - it brings the point across in a few words and depending on whom you use it on, prob will elicit some sort of wittism in response.

of course dun use sarcasm on someone who's the sensitive sort, or the oblivious sort, or the sort who dun understand sarcasm.

 

[clipperjunk]

for a childless couple, when some aunties ask why no baby yet, just reply..'we're having too much fun trying..'

 

[tomasulu]

telling the world you are shooting blanks is witty?

 

[tomasulu]

this thread is like trying to chat up a chick while touring a gulag - wrong place, wrong audience. never mind witty, humor of any sort is a rare commodity in this sunny isle. just look at mr xylon up there. the only folks less humorous than singaporeans work as nuclear scientists in pyongyang.

 

[ginasjm]

Agree with powder and gracies. It's art. That's prolly why i dun usually get my bosses' sarcasm. Clipperjunk's illustration is funny. In general, asians (including myself) don't understand sarcasm as usually things are taken too literally. It's like you need to add 'haha' or laugh it out to make it known as a joke. Dark humour is not in the culture. I reckon it's a culture thing.

 

[eneri]

We're not witty and smart, the education system here has conditioned us to think and react like robots. Most employees aren't knowledge workers, just efficient doers. And, such people take offense so easily when you throw dark humour at them! Boring...

A: Why still single?
B: I'm lesbian. Aunty, your daughter is so pretty! How old is she?

I got this remark once and this is how I responded

A: Your skirt is so short! *frown*
B: No, its not. Its my legs that are long. *smug cheeky look*

 

[gracies99]

tomasulu
u be surprised, there are many who has the art but dare not use it due to 'political correctness' and then it slowly dies out.

 

[moistfaucet]

witty never mean anything at all. it is just a way to shut the conversation.

 

[triquetra]

I agree. I think the the Singapore education system conditions people to take takes so literally that most are unable to comprehend sarcasm - unless they've been exposed to a class or 2 in Literature studies.

 

[missysee]

Interesting thread..

Lately I have been training myself to be fast and shoot back those aunties who definitely criticise my plus size whenever I met them...

Aunty : Aiyoh!! Why u still so fat? zek zek zek.. (giving a dirty look)
Me: "But I'm still as pretty.." or "same as u, it's in our family genes isn't it??"

Aunty : Why u never excercise?? why so lazy? (well as if they installed a 24hr camera on me)
Me: "I've never thought of losing weight.. Ain't I cuter this way?"

Coz I kept quiet for the past years and feeling unhappy..so decided to change strategy..

 

[mr_homelook_er]

entertaining responses. made my day

 

[giantemu]

- who needs enemies when I have frens like you

 

[yuene]

And in response to the above:

"...You mean we were friends in the first place?"