Will you believe him again?

small_wish

New Member
It's me again. Hope I will not bore all of you again. I am super sian, super lost, don't know what to do and whether to believe him.

Hb claims to break off with TOW and wants to stay with the family. Still don't know why he wants to stay. Whether he really wants to reconcile with me or for the sake of the family or for the sake of protecting TOW (cos' he keep saying I will revenge TOW altho' I assured him numerous time I don't have time for such nonsense). But ever since the affair, the trust in him is gone to the extent that everything he does now, I view with distrust. If you were me, will you believe him again? I wish to believe but the sense of distrust is automatic. He has declared his deep love for TOW, I don't believe he will love me back, how can one switch between love so easily? If can, how true is such fiddle-minded love?

Finally met TOW last week. TOW is an irresponsible 25 yrs old who claimed have sex with my hb cos' my hb is pek che. Like that also can? Asked her what she wants when she has sex with hb knowing he got wife and kid. She said she didn't want anything, and didn't destroy my family since my hb is still back with the family. Like that also can? Confirm it is correct to hate TOW for being so irresponsible. What a disgrace to women!

Don't know what to do. Just typing this out as an outlet to vent my frustration since I don't want to worry my family with my problems, else I am going crazy soon.
 


miloice

Well-Known Member
at the end of the day.... what do you want to do next? To start all over again with him or close your heart?
 

thommy

New Member
"But ever since the affair, the trust in him is gone to the extent that everything he does now, I view with distrust."

You have already typed your answer as per the above.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
it takes time and commitment by both parties to rebuild on the lost trust. Naturally, u don't trust him anymore. That's a given.
 

shannat

New Member
i think from the way u speak, u seem to not want to patch things up with him..

-If you were me, will you believe him again?-
no one here can tell u, cos we r not u.
u cant trust him for now, it is only naturally.
but take time and think abt it, do u want to give him n yourself another chance?
if yes, try marriage counselling to rebuild this marriage and trust. it is not easy, but with no efforts taken, no results seen.
if no, then do what u need to. no use keep thinking whether what shld u do? decide on what u want, then work on it. if not, forever stuck in this situation.


just to share with u, for me, no i wont trust or believe in my hubby again, if he does this to me.
i am not the kind who would stay in an unhappy/broken marriage for the sake of the children or family. i believe that when both parties r not happy in the marriage, the children will sense it too n be unhappy. no point making all parties suffer.
 

nichie

Member
NO!!!!!...is the answer to your question...what the heck does he think he is....can suka suka have sex with another woman outside, blaming on you and then said he want to come back without any explaination, apology and remorse...how can you endure such attitude and treatment...leave him for good!...don't ever think of the stupid reconcilation thingy ok..the kid will understand eventually...you will also find peace and happiness...
 

nylek

New Member
hope... maybe you can do like what i did...

impromptu day:
ME: call her up and tell her the truth since u said that u don't love her and was lying to her...
HIM: ok
ME took his hp and dial her number since he has declared that he don't keep her number anymore...
TOW answered the phone call and sweetly responded: Hello!(very sweetly)
HIM: Hi XXXXX, sorry to disturb u!
TOW: YA (very sweetly)
HIM: I need to tell you the truth that i think i don't love you. FOr the months w u, whatever I have told you are all lies.
TOW got very angry and hung up.

HIM: ok she hung up le, you still want me to continue?
ME: no need! clear as water

2 minutes later, TOW called again...

HIM: Hello
TOW sounded very angry: Finished up what you want to say
HIM: Nvm, i got nothing to say anymore
TOW: NO! finished up what you want to say just now
ME signalling him to continue
HIM: OK... i mentioned i think i don't love you and have been lying to you in the past...
TOW: Then what the point of u telling me this, we already said not contacting each other anymore since then.
HIM: yes, we did say not contacting each other anymore
TOW: so why r u telling me this!!! If she's beside you, F*** U!
TOW hung up again

well, it did build up the basic small trust that he did not contact her at all. Im still taking Baby Steps though.

btw, i did this because all along i do not have a confirmed evidence that they r not contacting anymore, though i have made life v busy for him n track his loc via iphone but i need further affirmation.
 
ok i got it. you don't know what to do but you got the answer.

u don't trust him anymore since he had an affair.

before we told u to divorce him. now we still call u to divorce him.

in the end it will still be a divorce.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Jeff, at the end, she will still be stuck in the marriage that she refuses to let go citing the same reasons. And divert her frustrations more on TOW and justifying how right she is to hate her. It just goes on a vicious cycle even after TOW has be completely out of the picture.
 

small_wish

New Member
Dear all,
Thanks for your responses. I thought I am such a bored that no one will bother to answer me now.

I want to stay for the sake of daughter only. That's why my first thread I asked about salvaging marriage but failed terribly cos' he doesn't tango with me.

He keeps saying he will stay and he didn't go away. Same as what that TOW told me, she said she did not harm me since my hb still with me. But on the other hand, he does not want to hurt TOW. TOW threatened suicide and I reported police, police said threatening suicide to one person is considered harrassment. Then he denied to police in order not to cause trouble to TOW. Like that, how to believe him?

Nylek, your method doesn't work as he will not tell TOW he does not love her. He will not be mean to TOW. But on the other hand, he told me he will leave TOW and TOW also promised to leave too. Unbelievable couple right? TOW said she has sex with him just for because he is sian and pek che and she didn't destroy our family, but why then when he talks to her, she threatens suicide?

I want to give up for my sake cos' I really dont' believe. Yes, I know I have the answer, but I more want to stay for daughter's sake. That's why super lost and stucked forever. Super sian......
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
"I want to stay for the sake of daughter only"....
actually u know what you want to do. Just do it.

What are you lost about? If you are clear on what you want, why would you waiver and be confused by his drama? If you really want to hang on for your daughter ONLY... then you need to close your heart.

The only reason why u r confused is because you are bullshitting yourself.
 

thommy

New Member
Your mind is weak Hope.

He chut pattern a bit only and there you are, fluttered like a butterfly.

What's there to procrastinate since you already know the answer?
 

powder

Active Member
Nylek, good luck to u. keeping a bird in a cage doesn't mean the bird loves u freely and stays with u freely. u gotta live with the fact that when u breathe your last breath before u die on your deathbed... u will never know the real answer to why your husband stays with u... whether it was Love or Forced.
 

powder

Active Member
Hope, same shit, different day. your daughter will hate u in another 20yr' time... pls take note. she will have to live with the burden of a guilt that u have conveniently placed on her becos u lack the courage, not becos u sacrificed.

u are in denial, and u are lying to yourself.
 

powder

Active Member
u are so far up your own web of lies an denial that it's not even funny anymore. your state of mind has been unstable for awhile... it can be seen by how u always need to cover-backside with every paragraph, like in other pple's threads. this thread is the classic - http://www.singaporebrides.com/forumboard/messages/5/1521681.html?1282898056

constantly making references to other pple's advice to cover your own ass. even before other pple say anything... even in this thread u are doing the same.

u will not do anything, so i know it's purely to vent. and if it's to vent, pls show some humility... enough of the "i'm doing it for my daughter" bullshit. u think u're the only parent who loves her children?

everytime u say u're doing it for your daughter... i'm feeling the fcuking ache and burden she will feel when she's in her 20s... u'll be the mother that never let's her goal, and lay the whole fcuking guilt trip on her in future. u'll be the mother who constantly lays out the sacrifice u made for her... which she dun fcuking need.
 

nichie

Member
Hi, hope

Actually you don't have start a mew thread to ask for opinion because you are singing the same tune again as the old one....I am staying for my daugther ONLY...ok...then stay and don't whine here...
 

simpleman

Active Member
Goodness me..

I thought it is something new - a new thread with a new Hope. So this is just a thread to vent? OK.

But then, since given a new thread - we can also vent right?

You have already decided to stay in the marriage (against all our advices), presumably for the sake of your daughter (against, I have advised that it is NOT necessary good for your daughter) - but you have chose to ignore the points.

Yes, you stay for what you think is best for your daughter.. so what is the bullshit now about him. He can chut whatever pattern.. I thought your heart also no feelings.. so, what is there to ponder or be sian about?

You are the epitome of self-denial. I suggest you give yourself 2 tight slaps to wake up.

ONe last time. If you really love your daughter - end this marriage. Otherwise, you may continue to moan, groan and vent.. and we will continue to respond as well.
 

kittenpie

New Member
Hope,

some people would listen to anyone. what others tell them they would believe, and they would be easily swayed by anything

whereas others cling to their beliefs staunchly, and never hear anyone out.

apparently, you belong to the second type.

contrary to what others say here, i do not think that you are weaving a web of lies to wrap yourself in. you could be grieving the loss of your relationship right now, and healing takes time. and rather, you are fixated on a very fixed set of beliefs and way of thinking, to the exclusion of considering alternatives.

in other words, you are very STUBBORN.

some people have pointed out that you are very SELF-CENTERED. i agree with them on this. if in the course of your life, you had bothered to reach out and make friends with others, you would surely have come across some who have problems in their lives. if you had attempted to help them by counselling them and thinking of solutions for them, i can bet you would have a very different perspective on your plight now.

if your stubbornness had served you fine in life, if you were leading a fulfilled and happy existence now, by all means continue to be stubborn, because your stubborn approach has yielded you tangible benefits.

but your deep sense of unhappiness now signals that your stubbornness is counterproductive in your life now, and may even be destructive. your husband is a problem, but your STUBBORN APPROACH is an even bigger problem. if you cannot acknowledge this, you will forever be mired in this unhappy state of mind.

on the other hand, if you are willing to change your APPROACH to life, you can triumph over EVEN the problem of your husband now. think about it. realise this.

for a start, ask yourself questions. your stubborn way of thinking is getting you no where and is in fact filling your mind with toxins. so start to think differently.

if you repeat to yourself that your daughter can only be happy with you and your HB staying married and living in the same house, then ASK YOURSELF the following questions and challenge yourself to ANSWER THEM:

(1) what will happen if I do the opposite - divorce + stay apart.

(2) will my daughter change her mind and her heart when she sees the situation unravelling?

it is funny - just because you are stubborn and one-track-minded, you ASSUME that your daughter's opinion too is STATIC. you think that just because she says that she is happy that the two of you are married, she will be happy ONLY and AS LONG AS you are married. do you realise that not everyone is like you? people are dynamic, the way they sense things, the way they respond emotionally, the way they think - change. stop projecting your one-track-mind onto your daughter.

also, ask yourself this question about when was the last time you were happy and carefree. many people who respond to you point out that they find your situation unacceptable. being the stubborn woman that you are, nothing that anyone says here means anything to you. in your perception, other people's experience don't count. you only care about what you think and feel. in that case, let me ask you to ask yourself - when was the last time you were happy and carefree? think deeply about that moment. and then compare to your state now. is your state acceptable. is it all worth it?

no one can live in prolonged state of hatred. your reaction now is proof of my point. go figure.
 

ajumma

New Member
Hope,

can i suggest u take a step back from this, live apart fr ur hb for a while, and wait until everyone has cooled down before u make a decision? when u have cooled down n separated urself fr the situation for a while, all the answers to ur questions will become clearer to u.
 

xiao_nu_ren

New Member
I agree with all their lashing out at you. You have control over your own life. No point keep going through the cycle and never stopped whining. Does it bring you anywhere?

Do you know, you are not the only one whom have a hubby whom went to have sex with another woman cos he's 'pek chek' or 'bored'. I had one too! That was last yr that he did this. And, the girl whom went to bed with him, is much younger than yours. 22 yrs old.

However, do I hate her for it? Well, no. Do I want to revenge for it? NO! And did you see any posting of mine coming in and whine non-stop for it? Definitely, NO! Why?

I have 2 sons. I have control over my own life. I must be responsible for my choice that I made during the time when the affair was exposed. I chose to forgive him ad take him back. Since I'd chosen that route, I lay out the steps to build up our marriage again:

1) Stop checking his handphone and his whereabout. The fundamental of trust.
2) Start doing what a wife should do. Never even bother to burden myself with thoughts that he doesn't deserve to be treated like a king. I just have to do what a wife should do.
3) Start taking care of my own personal grooming. Too fat? Go for a diet. Hair to limp? Go for some treatment. Too dowdily dressed? Overhaul wardrobe.
4) I stopped asking myself why did he commit the affair anymore. It takes 2 hands to clap. If I hadn't been the pushing factor, he won't be pulled towards TOW. Rather than pointing my finger at him, I did self-reflection. I did wrong, change myself. He did wrong, point out to him. Don't force him. He's an adult already. Can't force a cow to drink when he's not thirsty right?
5) Educate the children well. Never educate the little ones to go against own father. Despite he was in the wrong. But he repented and did come back as he promised. Create a home for him. Warm and inviting. All guys wish for that isn't it?

Well, there's an endless list to what I had done over the past yr since the affair ended. I am being harassed by TOW right now. Same goes to my husband. We are both harassed by her. But at least I know, by her coming back into our lives now, doesn't make my hubby want her back at all. Instead, cos of the trust I gave to him already in the first place, he showed to me every single sms TOW attempted to send to him. All the reminder of anniversaries, all the reminiscing of their past rendevous. All has got no more impact on him. Why I trust him that he had not contacted her again? Well.... Becos, I chose to trust. And I know, I had did my part as he required. There's absolutely nothing more to fear.

Continue to be paranoid. It'll create more stress on him and onto both of your relationships. Build up your confidence towards him and your marriage, trust me, it won't be long before he knows that this is the family that he'd chosen to start right from the beginning. Good luck to you!
 

small_wish

New Member
Dear All
Not that I am stubborn. I chased him out of the house, but he refused to leave. He refused to leave but also refused to cut off with TOW. The ball does not lie on my hand. I am not being paranoid, I don't even check his hp or whereabout and I want to build up family but I don't see his sincerity cos whenever TOW cries or threatens suicide, he chickens out on breaking with her. So I have no security since he can soften to her every time they talk about the breakup. In the end, I did chase him out the other day but he refused to be out, even doing housework automatically. What can I do? If I know the answer, I will not have to subject myself to all your scolding here. I know I am getting nowhere just to pass one day at a time, but what can I do really?

I have no one to turn to as I do not want to worry my family. To me, my family excludes him already, so I know what I want, but things are not within my control. If only he can be firm like Chilli Queen's hb and have a total break with TOW. Problem is he doesn't, but at the same time, he still wants the family. If only he can be firm.

Not that I want to hate TOW. I told them since they did wrong already, please stop the affair. But TOW keeps threatening giving no peace to him and he is greatly impacted by her action, even to the extent of lying to police that she did not threaten commit suicide so that she will not get into trouble. I really don't know what they want.
 

gluttonish

New Member
In that case, why not just focus on building your life? Love yourself more, and focus on your own life. Meet up with friends (or you can just pick up your phone and call them if you have no time to meet them), read books, exercise, develope new interest and hobbies. There's greater to life than just marriage right?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
it doesnt matter what others went thr. We are not in her shoes reason again. She is stubborn. A fact she stubbornly refuse to acknowledge.

Hope, the decision to close the heart is no one but yours. It is in your court. You can be immune to his crap. He can insist all he wants, you do not need to comply. Everytime you kept saying that you have already given up on him. Then why are you so affected by him? AND WHAT ARE YOU SO CONFUSED ABOUT? You have decided to close your mind for a long time. That's why you only see one track. i.e. your tunnel view. You are trapped by your own perception.

How I wish I can win 4D, but things are not within my control too. Stop lamenting that things are not in your control. You have control over yourself. To differentiate between what is within your influence and what is beyond. Listen to sm. Slap yourself hard and wake up.

I have told you this many times liao. Probably one of the reason why your husband is so du lan about the marriage is because of this irritating trait of yours. Not saying that he is perfect and you are the villian. But you victimize yourself all the time but refuses to acknowledge it. You can get out of the situation. Stop feeding yourself with more bullshit excuses to remain 'out of control'.
 

kittenpie

New Member
Hope,

not that i am experienced in such areas such as Chilli Queen is ...

so i speak in rather generic terms.

generic though they are, i do not think it detracts from the good sense i am conveying here ...

so here i go:

you are whatever you think you are. if you think that the situation is out of your control and that the ball is lying in his court, you are right.

but if you choose to believe in the opposite - that you can manage this situation effectively, then you are also right.

whatever it is, you are right, it only depends on what you consciously choose to believe.

when you say that you are not in control, i beg to differ.

if you really throw him out once and for all, changing the locks and keys, do you think he can come back in?

how do you know if you have not gone to that extent?

for a start, you have got to cut out the negative words you use to describe the situation. words like:

"The ball does not lie on my hand."

"What can I do? If I know the answer, I will not have to subject myself to all your scolding here. I know I am getting nowhere just to pass one day at a time, but what can I do really?"

"things are not within my control."


start to use positive words to encourage yourself, positive words that inspire positive action, and start the ball rolling from there.
 

giantemu

New Member
think the husband is aware of her "weakness" as well- thats why he is behaving like this becos he knows at the end of the day, the soft spot is for the daughter.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
There are many things you can do if you are determined. If he refuses to move, you can move out of the house yourself. If this is not feasible, at least move out of the bedroom. If he is the joint owner of the house, you have no right to lock him out of the house unless he is likely to cause danger. But then if he is prone to domestic violence, you should have packed up and run away long ago.

Please, Hope, don't accuse me of encouraging you to separate or divorce. I am merely pointing out that you are not as helpless as you let yourself think you are.

Who says the ball is in his court? The ball is in your court as well as his. Why, you guys are playing in different courts now, that is, no tango.

If I were your husband and don't love you anymore, I will be doing exactly like your husband is doing - Bo chup what you ask or say, and live my own life.
 

vios

New Member
hey Hope

you know what you want but it is obvious that you are not self-reflecting at the same time. you want him to tango, so you shld try to remove all the hostilities and create some warmth back home, ie. chilli queen.

however to you, it is unimaginable because you kept seeing yourself as the victim and as a result, overlook the bigger picture. this is what everyone is trying to tell you.
 

powder

Active Member
got mouth, got hand, got feet, got body, got mind, got life, got daughter...

but ball in other pple's court.

i have not idea what u have been doing all these years... u are a follower thru-and-thru. u will not be a good leader for your daughter... your decision to stay will not be good for daughter...

many happier healthier minds here will do nothing for u.

if only u could understand May's post... it covers most of the fundamentals that form the person that u'll never be, even if u should be.
 

nylek

New Member
powder: perhaps i made it sound like i'm "breaking" him n TOW up? no i didn't keep him in the cage, he willingly wants to be keep in the cage. He proposed that idea of tracking him via iPhone. My first step when i expose his misdeed was moved out of his place and told him to leave me forever.

i just want to confirm that he is no longer in contact w tow before we start the recovery journey.

hope: i understand how u feel if ur hb still keep in contact with tow, or is not willing to tell tow that he doesn't want to be with her anymore. Look, he's not even taking first step to earn ur trust. I think u should re-evaluate ur decision of staying w ur hb.

the reason why i'm still meeting up my hb is because i still do love him.

Chilli Queen: glad that u have made up w ur hb.

actually, i think wife may not always be the push factor. My hb strayed because he doesn't accept changes in life and is too full of himself and greedy... He intentionally keeps me out of his lifestyle. I was ok with it because I respect his personal time. I read somewhere before, a happy couple usually tries to spend time together with each other enjoying recreational activities together and occasionally have own personal time. Well i would say i did that! I always ask him if he would like to join me (if not gals outing), but he doesn't. He admitted that he was taking me for granted. When I left, then he say he realise my importance to him and is now showering me with crazy lots of attention and care.
 

simpleman

Active Member
Hope,

The only thing beyond your control is to make him leave the TOW or the TOW to leave him.

All the rest is within your TOTAL control.
 

thommy

New Member
Now I know why Hope's husband is able to exploit her to the max.

Maybe you should change your nick to Hopeless instead.
 

small_wish

New Member
sm
That's the thing which is partly causing my insecurity. He sounds sincere to want to stay (whether for me or for my daughter, I do not care)and wants to leave TOW, but once TOW threatens, he chickens out. He is afraid TOW really commits suicide, which is the reason why I reported police. How can we live under constant threat?

I can do whatever to keep the family and keep the marriage, but if he is not firm, how are we going to have normal family life, to be in constant threats by TOW? This precisely is beyond my control. On the other hand, should I give up my family just because of TOW's threats? TOW is so irresponsible having sex with married man not thinking about consequences, I have a feeling that she is threatening just to make life difficult for us to make us divorce. Like that all the more we should not divorce. Everybody here only thinks I keep targetting at TOW for nothing, but it is really she is targetting at us to get her revenge.

To me, TOW is a total disgrace to women. How can do such things without thinking of consequences and now threatening for the sake of threatening? If she really wants to die, why she got angry when she knew I had reported police and wanted my hb to lie to police? Why would a person who wants to die bother about getting into trouble of harrassment?

DoLL
Maybe if hb is like that not firm, I should also be bo chup and live my own life only for myself and my daughter. I am doing already. I am totally ignoring him, treating him as invisible even tho he is at home.

Thanks for all your advice. Not that I am not listening. I am gauging which advice suits my situation. Thanks anyway.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Roti prata.

"I want to give up for my sake cos' I really dont' believe. Yes, I know I have the answer, but I more want to stay for daughter's sake."

"should I give up my family just because of TOW's threats?"

Flip flop flip flop. Although you said you have the answer. Fact is, you don't. You pretend to have the answer but you are just swaying by every little thing he does. You make your own decision and stick with it. If you need him to be firm, then demand just that and take nothing less than that. If you need him to be firm to rebuild the marriage, expect no less than that. It isn't giving up the marriage because of TOW threats. BUT BECAUSE YOU HAVE A LAME AND USELESS HUSBAND.

Get that right.
 

small_wish

New Member
I can do whatever to save the family, that's why my first thread asking on how to salvage the marriage. But if hb always scared of TOW's threats, we can never live normal life. Which is why I hate I hate TOW for the mess. All of you just think I am being revengeful. I only hate in my heart, but I didn't do anything to her. She hates and yet she threatens so as to destroy our family.

Yes, many of you ask me to divorce. But in such situation, should I divorce and satisfy TOW's intention? Why should I sacrifice my family just because of her threat? That's why I reported police to stop her from threatening. But hb chickens out. V v disappointed with him.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Hope, perhaps you are feeling the ripple effects of how badly your husband has treated TOW. She is taking revenge on your husband; you are not her direct target. As for you, don't have to show anyone how strong your marriage is by not divorcing. It's a facade. It's a lie. Even if you can act very well, your husband is the giveaway.

I am not too sure if it is good for you to treat him as if he did not exist. If you want him and the marriage, you are just doing everyone a disservice by ignoring him.

Unfortunately, whichever party wants the marriage more will do more to save it. You want the marriage more than he does. So you need to bite the bullet and remove the hostility in your attitude and even give him some warmth at home to want to go back to.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Anyway, u want your husband to be firm when u r not even firm yourself. No one is asking you to divorce. Just asking you for once to be firm with what you want.

Stop your drama flip flop. You rotti prata yourself and come vent on how messy and frustrated you are.

You are the kind of person that expects the world to be kind to you. Your husband is threaten by TOW. And you are blind to what an loser he is. Wake up. It always take 2 to tango. Walk the talk. If you want to tango then you need to start the dance.
 

small_wish

New Member
Milo
I told him that too. He is useless. Does that solve my problem? He is just not firm, I can't force him to be firm.

Is TOW any better?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Hope, it does. you need to wake up and realize things don't just happen the way you want. It doesn't. So, accept that and make your call and decision based on the situation and now things you wish for.
 

thommy

New Member
You divorce not because you wanna satisfy TOW's intention, you divorce because you have a useless husband.

If you don't wanna divorce, just live with it and accept everything that comes your way and stop whining about how frustrated you are cos that's the path you've chosen.
 

thommy

New Member
"He is just not firm, I can't force him to be firm."

He is not firm, you can't force him to BUT YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE FIRM (which sadly, you can't based on what you have typed here so far).

Do you see the picture now Hope?
 

small_wish

New Member
Milo
I am firm, that's why all of you said I am stubborn. I want my family, irregardless of whether hb loves me or not, I don't care. I only care because there is no sense of security and hb still subject to TOW's calls and becks. I want my family, this is my priority. But because hb is useless like that, I really want to give up. Is that flip flop?

doLL
I am not showing my marriage is strong. How can my marriage be strong and ends up in this shit? I mean if hb wants the family now, but only because he is soft whenever TOW threatens suicide, should I just say ok we divorce then so that TOW don't commit suicide? Why should I be dictated by TOW's threats.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
If you are OK that husband doesn't love you anymore, then heck care TOW also and if they still keep in touch. Can or not?
 

nichie

Member
He is not firm so you cannot blame the TOW because if he is, no one can threaten him. Does that also mean he is not sincere about coming back to you and he want to have the best of both world? I think its time for action not talk n talk...the cow won't come home...
 

small_wish

New Member
ok, so mean since I have such useless hb but my priority is to keep the family, I shall be bo chup about him and live my own life for myself and daughter. I am really doing that now, ignoring him. Ok, will continue to do so.

I know this mess can't be solved, that's why I only started this threat to vent frustration. Sorry to irritate all of you again.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Ignore him. Ignore TOW. Pay no attention to whether they still keep in touch.

Are you going to move out of the master bedroom? Feel free to stop fulfilling your spousal duties but the flip side of all the cold shoulder is that you are creating a hostile home environment for your daughter, which contradicts your original aim.
 

small_wish

New Member
doLL
Can.

I long did not expect his love for me already. I long bo chup and hack care about everything already, don't check, don't ask, treat him like invisible. Just that he suddenly told me can't leave TOW because she threatens commit suicide. That's why this round of drama and ripple in my life again.

Stupid lor, to believe he wants to stay and again be disappointed when he sways because of TOW's threat.

Thanks. I will wake up since he cannot wake up.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Hope, can you be a friend with husband? I think it is best that your husband and you are on friendly terms so that the home doesn't become a cold and hostile place for daughter.
 

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