Hi, I am really feeling miserable and need some advice. Please give me your honest comments.
I am with my boyfriend for 1 year plus. He is four years younger than me, I'm 30 and he's 26. We are planning to get married next year. In the course of our r/s, we quarelled many times. mainly over small issues, and sometimes, over issues like how he handled things, his behaviour and the way he thinks ( I am always blaming him for being immature and insecure). I really dunno if its just me, or the difference in age/maturity is the issue. However, he is really really very responsible, faithful and treated me very well. He really gives 100% in the r/s. Many times, he thinks he is not good enuff for me and tot of leaving the r/s.
I am a sociable person and have many many platonic guy frens. During my r/s, I really minimised my contacts with them as I am aware my bf is not happy. He believes all guys are bastards. However, becos of this, many times, in order to meet my guy frens, I have to meet them without informing my bf or worse, once, I met a guy fren while telling my bf I am at work, and I got caught by him while he happened to pass by. Even today, he will bring this issue up.
Frankly, being more matured, you would think I am silly to do all these. I should just be more transparent about things. Even though there was nothing between me and my guy frens (just platonic and frens of many years), it really seemed to my bf I am doing something fishy and doing things behind his back. But, I really din want him to misunderstand, or I really dun want us to have tensions, thats why I left out the details. I just wanted him to be secure.
He says on many occassions, he suspected I did not inform him and went to meet other guy frens, but he just close one eye as he loves me very much. But honestly, there is nothing I did to betray him. I love him very much too.
Last fri afternoon, I was mad at him over some really minor issue and I did not pick up his calls on fri night. I was out with my guy fren (someone he knows as well) to watch a movie and went for some drinks. My bf came down to my place to give me a surprise and I even chided him over sms. he waited 2 hours and went home, very disappointed, he doesn't know where I am.
The next day, we had a big argument. I scolded him once again for being insecure (as he says I am uncontactable on fri night and dunno doing what behind his back). I told him I just went to catch a show with my fren. I did not mention the drinks part as he will be unhappy that I went drinking with someone else.
Just as things start to be better, he apologised for being insecure and wanted to believe and trust me, his good fren called him on Monday night, and told him that he happened to see me at the drinking place.
My bf ws furious. He called me up and asked me 2-3 times if I lied to him. I even said "No".(I'm really silly). He went to check up on me and found that I lied, and he says he doesn't trust me anymore. He says all along, he got blamed for being immature and insecure, but his suspicions over the months are confirmed by this fri night incident. I am not worth to be trusted. I am a liar. He doesn't know me anymore, he's afriad of me, he has no more confidence in us, our marriage or even himself to trust me again. He says he just wanna be left alone, ask me not to call him or look for him. He says the more I talk to him, the angrier he gets, he doesn't know whats true from me and whats not, and he even doubt if our r/s is real!!
I am really very very upset by this incident. I have cried on many nights, did not sleep and eat well...I sms him but he did not reply. I really dunno what to do.
What should I do? What is really our problem?? and is he giving up on us?? I am so afraid of losing him.. i feel miserable, I brought this upon myself...Will he forgive me? He has never treated me this way before. can we still get married? we have so much plans and goals, all these gonna end?
I am with my boyfriend for 1 year plus. He is four years younger than me, I'm 30 and he's 26. We are planning to get married next year. In the course of our r/s, we quarelled many times. mainly over small issues, and sometimes, over issues like how he handled things, his behaviour and the way he thinks ( I am always blaming him for being immature and insecure). I really dunno if its just me, or the difference in age/maturity is the issue. However, he is really really very responsible, faithful and treated me very well. He really gives 100% in the r/s. Many times, he thinks he is not good enuff for me and tot of leaving the r/s.
I am a sociable person and have many many platonic guy frens. During my r/s, I really minimised my contacts with them as I am aware my bf is not happy. He believes all guys are bastards. However, becos of this, many times, in order to meet my guy frens, I have to meet them without informing my bf or worse, once, I met a guy fren while telling my bf I am at work, and I got caught by him while he happened to pass by. Even today, he will bring this issue up.
Frankly, being more matured, you would think I am silly to do all these. I should just be more transparent about things. Even though there was nothing between me and my guy frens (just platonic and frens of many years), it really seemed to my bf I am doing something fishy and doing things behind his back. But, I really din want him to misunderstand, or I really dun want us to have tensions, thats why I left out the details. I just wanted him to be secure.
He says on many occassions, he suspected I did not inform him and went to meet other guy frens, but he just close one eye as he loves me very much. But honestly, there is nothing I did to betray him. I love him very much too.
Last fri afternoon, I was mad at him over some really minor issue and I did not pick up his calls on fri night. I was out with my guy fren (someone he knows as well) to watch a movie and went for some drinks. My bf came down to my place to give me a surprise and I even chided him over sms. he waited 2 hours and went home, very disappointed, he doesn't know where I am.
The next day, we had a big argument. I scolded him once again for being insecure (as he says I am uncontactable on fri night and dunno doing what behind his back). I told him I just went to catch a show with my fren. I did not mention the drinks part as he will be unhappy that I went drinking with someone else.
Just as things start to be better, he apologised for being insecure and wanted to believe and trust me, his good fren called him on Monday night, and told him that he happened to see me at the drinking place.
My bf ws furious. He called me up and asked me 2-3 times if I lied to him. I even said "No".(I'm really silly). He went to check up on me and found that I lied, and he says he doesn't trust me anymore. He says all along, he got blamed for being immature and insecure, but his suspicions over the months are confirmed by this fri night incident. I am not worth to be trusted. I am a liar. He doesn't know me anymore, he's afriad of me, he has no more confidence in us, our marriage or even himself to trust me again. He says he just wanna be left alone, ask me not to call him or look for him. He says the more I talk to him, the angrier he gets, he doesn't know whats true from me and whats not, and he even doubt if our r/s is real!!
I am really very very upset by this incident. I have cried on many nights, did not sleep and eat well...I sms him but he did not reply. I really dunno what to do.
What should I do? What is really our problem?? and is he giving up on us?? I am so afraid of losing him.. i feel miserable, I brought this upon myself...Will he forgive me? He has never treated me this way before. can we still get married? we have so much plans and goals, all these gonna end?