Will he give up on us?

zbabe

New Member
Hi, I am really feeling miserable and need some advice. Please give me your honest comments.

I am with my boyfriend for 1 year plus. He is four years younger than me, I'm 30 and he's 26. We are planning to get married next year. In the course of our r/s, we quarelled many times. mainly over small issues, and sometimes, over issues like how he handled things, his behaviour and the way he thinks ( I am always blaming him for being immature and insecure). I really dunno if its just me, or the difference in age/maturity is the issue. However, he is really really very responsible, faithful and treated me very well. He really gives 100% in the r/s. Many times, he thinks he is not good enuff for me and tot of leaving the r/s.

I am a sociable person and have many many platonic guy frens. During my r/s, I really minimised my contacts with them as I am aware my bf is not happy. He believes all guys are bastards. However, becos of this, many times, in order to meet my guy frens, I have to meet them without informing my bf or worse, once, I met a guy fren while telling my bf I am at work, and I got caught by him while he happened to pass by. Even today, he will bring this issue up.

Frankly, being more matured, you would think I am silly to do all these. I should just be more transparent about things. Even though there was nothing between me and my guy frens (just platonic and frens of many years), it really seemed to my bf I am doing something fishy and doing things behind his back. But, I really din want him to misunderstand, or I really dun want us to have tensions, thats why I left out the details. I just wanted him to be secure.

He says on many occassions, he suspected I did not inform him and went to meet other guy frens, but he just close one eye as he loves me very much. But honestly, there is nothing I did to betray him. I love him very much too.

Last fri afternoon, I was mad at him over some really minor issue and I did not pick up his calls on fri night. I was out with my guy fren (someone he knows as well) to watch a movie and went for some drinks. My bf came down to my place to give me a surprise and I even chided him over sms. he waited 2 hours and went home, very disappointed, he doesn't know where I am.

The next day, we had a big argument. I scolded him once again for being insecure (as he says I am uncontactable on fri night and dunno doing what behind his back). I told him I just went to catch a show with my fren. I did not mention the drinks part as he will be unhappy that I went drinking with someone else.

Just as things start to be better, he apologised for being insecure and wanted to believe and trust me, his good fren called him on Monday night, and told him that he happened to see me at the drinking place.

My bf ws furious. He called me up and asked me 2-3 times if I lied to him. I even said "No".(I'm really silly). He went to check up on me and found that I lied, and he says he doesn't trust me anymore. He says all along, he got blamed for being immature and insecure, but his suspicions over the months are confirmed by this fri night incident. I am not worth to be trusted. I am a liar. He doesn't know me anymore, he's afriad of me, he has no more confidence in us, our marriage or even himself to trust me again. He says he just wanna be left alone, ask me not to call him or look for him. He says the more I talk to him, the angrier he gets, he doesn't know whats true from me and whats not, and he even doubt if our r/s is real!!

I am really very very upset by this incident. I have cried on many nights, did not sleep and eat well...I sms him but he did not reply. I really dunno what to do.

What should I do? What is really our problem?? and is he giving up on us?? I am so afraid of losing him.. i feel miserable, I brought this upon myself...Will he forgive me? He has never treated me this way before. can we still get married? we have so much plans and goals, all these gonna end?
 


cuclainne

New Member
it's one of the worst thing you can do in a relationship - lie. you may think that you're doing him a favour but instead you're just feeding his insecurity. frankly, even though you are 30, i think you're not any more mature than he is.
 

applepie2

New Member
Nothing hurts more than telling lies! Trust takes years to built but may be damaged in just few seconds. U should be honest to him. Some truth hurts BUT is better than to lie/cover up and let him discover the lies himself.

Even if he dun want the relationship, u cant blame him, U reap what you sows.
 

march0311

New Member
lies will oni hurt pple. worst if it's someone you love...

if i am the guy, not to make u feel sad, but i may not return to you. no trust = no love = no r/s.
 

rubbishcow

New Member
zbabe,

I agree with cuclainne.

Hope you understand the saying of one lie will only bring another lie. That is when you use another lie to cover up the previous one.

Personally, I do not think that being 4 years younger than you, your bf is less mature. I took this portion from Wikipedia to back up the point whereby age is not the factor that affect one maturity.

"Maturity is a psychological term used to indicate that a person responds to the circumstances or environment in an appropriate manner. This response is generally learned rather than instinctual, and is not determined by one's age. Maturity also encompasses being aware of the correct time and place to behave and knowing when to act in serious or non-serious ways."

Being a couple, there are things which you have to be honest about especially when it comes to sensitive issue which you know that your bf will not be happy about.

Give him some time to cool down. If this is really the end of the relationship, move on.
 

poohbear80

New Member
If I were your bf, I will not be able to trust you too. Cannot lie lah.

I am getting married in 4 weeks' time. Abt 1 mth ago, I got my ex's help to drive me to my friend's hse in the West to pass her my church decoration thing for my wedding. (I stayin the east). We wanted to go down together to my friend's plc but my bf was working late.

I lied to my bf that I got a girlfriend of mine to drive me. He never questioned me though but I felt bad after lying to him. But later I told him the truth.

He wasnt angry but he was glad i told him the truth. He knew as much but he didnt want to ask
 

alcifertoh

New Member
Frankly I think he is insecure and despite the other things that he has done for you, are you able to live your life on the jailbird expectations he has of you? Or are you gonna carry on with lies and acting like a theif for catching up with your friends.

As of you, it's stupid to lie through your teeth just to avoid that argument. It's either take it or leave it for him as it's your lifestyle. Don't encourage such controlling nature of his to grow. What if in time to come he would get pissed over the fishmonger who you buy fish from just because he chatted abit more with him?

It's not tough to find a guy who can take care of a woman. It's just immatured to be controlling and also to think that lying will save the problem.

I see the same weightage of fault in the both of you. Just don't contact him at the meantime and see if he's able to sort his thoughts right. If you intend to be the one who'll be bowing to get him back, be prepared to live a life with him being the only male in your life.
 

sillywoman

New Member
Totally agreed with the rest! but just one more thing to add that is age does not equal to maturity!

Oh one more thing, you got to work on his insecurity! You always hve to show him & prove to him to assure him (by telling liars is not assuring him @ all)

Gd luck to u!
 

lovingyou

New Member
zbabe: Lies hurt regardless whether it is a white lie or otherwise. Your bf is feeling this way coz he cares about you, may I ask if he has platonic friendships with other gals or what was his past experiences with his exs? Histories in one past r/s affects the mindset and mentality of how we behave in our current r/s. The more you lie to him, the more you are betraying the trust that he had for you. Guys are quite smart at times.. esp towards the person they love, they have the 6th instinct as well. Trust is an important factor in a r/s and you are caught twice, this will makes him suspects you even more. Additionally, you didn't stop lying even though he had given you chances to speak the truth/come clean with him. Give him some time to calm down and perhaps you might want to talk about this issue with him. Assure him of your reasons of the white lies and promise that you will come clean with him from now onwards. It might be a little tough in the starting, but it will be worth the efforts eventually. However, you have to let him know that it is never healthy for a r/s if he keeps suspecting you as well. Personal experience, I did something wrong once, but my husband told me that he was happy that I have chose to come clean and we choose to let go of the matter and we had never talk about it again, neverthless, he still trusts and believe me in a lot of ways with of course some promises on my part.
 

alcifertoh

New Member
Actually TS can't help him much on the security part lah. He's just being a uptight turtle in shell just like gals who cannot take it if their partners are catching up with the opposite gender.

He can follow you along for the gatherings if he want to if your friend is comfortable with it. If not just shrunk his head into the shell. If you wanna walk out on him, you can do it anytime. And I believe he would justify to you that less contact means lower chance of possibility?

Not trusting all men is the childish excuse which I heard 10 years back from friends who are insecured or controlling over their gfs. Might as well get a chasity belt before the relationship starts. I think he will be very happy if you cover yourself up totally like the ladies in some arab countries.
 

zbabe

New Member
littlewoman,
he has 1-2 platonic frenships but he never meet up with his gal frens once he got attached to me. He himself claims he revoles his life around me. and when I told him I dun wanna do likewise (as we all need frenship supports and our own life), he thinks I really dislike having my life around him.

Of course, I wanna spend 24 hours with someone I love, but I also wanna have my own life and meet up with my frens!! They have helped me and supported me whenever I am in need, even before he came along. maybe he expected me to do what he is setting himself to do..

His previous r/s are all gals who are very emotionally dependent on him. In fact, he broke up with all of them cos he doesn't wanna hurt them. He feels he doesnt love them enuff to settle down with them.
And I told him, well, the reason u love me differently is because I am independent . and yet, I can't give him enuff security.

He says I am the one and only gal he wanna settle down with, and thats why after giving so much, he is very angry with me, and very dispponted. (for his ex gfs, they are the ones who gave more, and he is more bo chup). I guess he is not used to being in the more "hurt" position as he has never been like this with his previous ex gfs. They are the ones hurt by him.

He did tell me he needed time to be alone, sort out his thoughts and calm down. But this preiod of time is really torturing...I dunno if he will give up on us.. I really dunno what he will do, and I am really quite scared of losing him. esp over a silly childish lie...

I know I am at fault, but no matter what I explain now, he is too angry to listen. I really do know I am silly to lie, be it white lie or not, I was really stupid. I think I did that entirely to spite him as I was angry with him in the afternoon. Not very mature move though...

also, it is wrong of me to not disclose me meeting my guy frens, but I really tot I do that to protect our interests.

sigh..very upset now. I am very heartbroken..and I dunno how I can salvage this r/s.
 

powder

Active Member
zbabe,

the problem with living in a cage with a tiger u love... is that u dun know when the instincts will cave-in and the tiger bites u even if it loves u too. But then it's still ok...

living with a suspicious person who is constantly trying to catch u, is like living with a tiger that obviously love eating meat. it's worse than the 1st scenario above.

u dun have to hide, especially if u're so bad at hiding and u get caught so easily... then the hide-from-him path is not your route to take.

there's only 2 ways to stay with him... 1) u give up your frens, 2) u explain to him, let him know who u're with. obviously 2 is the best choice but it's also the toughest and takes the longest... i dun blame your bfren for being so insecure given that most of the guys your age are rather accomplished by now, whilst he prob haven't even gotten there yet.

just be honest, he's young but he's gonna stay young if u try to protect him from info that may hurt him but Shouldn't hurt him once he has the maturity to deal with it. u're just dressing up as santa claus cos u want the kids to contiinue believing in santa...
 

alcifertoh

New Member
Actually I don't think he needs a partner. He needs a pet instead.

In time to come if he never reflect on that part of his, he's just gonna morph you into what he wanted if you gives in, for the "happiness" you sought after.

What happened now is already the alarm for you both. The only way is both party realised what the screw up is and grow from there. Otherwise, it's just a timebomb.
 

lovingyou

New Member
zbabe: I guess that explains rather a fair bit over why is he being over anxious or paranoid of the r/s. Have you ever thought of what Hei Bee Hiam had suggested - to ask him along for some of your gatherings? But then gal, the perspectives of the 2 of you might differ if you are looking for a long term r/s; he hopes tat he is your top of the top priority and he is the one surrounding all your world whereas you beg to differ. Personally, I dun think this is healthy.. As in how can our world have no friends? Friends contribute to who we are today, if he really loves you, he has to understand this; to accept the old and the present you and not asking you to choose between him or your friends. This might leads to more future decisions; like choosing between your parents and him or being jealous over minor things.. You have to try to make him come to the terms whereby though he matters a lot, a couple needs individual time and space to oneself.
 

zbabe

New Member
powder,
I can't believe u got it so right...
He's really mainly insecure cos he feels he can't match up with those guys my age. They are all very well educated and accomplished. Even though they are my frens for many years, he can't help me sometimes suspect they are interested in me and have some motives!!

in fact, he feels he doesn't match up with me too...he earns half my salary and he's a dip, while I'm a grad. Our social circle of frens are entirely different as I come from a rather prestigious sch..! It doesn't help that my frens iniatially could not understand why I'm with him, they think I can find someone better.

But u know what, I can put all these aside and love him, and even settle down with him..I told him, I dun mind even if he earns 2-3k 30, 40 or 50 years from now, cos I really love him, and I can endure hardships with him. Thats why I am heartbroken when he says he doesn't know if our r/s is real ...I feel so sad!! I given up alot of other potential suitors and alot of time with my frens, and I even slow down my career so he can catch up and spend more time being more domestic. I even told him, I dun mind staying home and look after our kids while he works.

I really sad that an incident can ruin the whole r/s. Its true he puts in alot, but I have my efforts too..its just not fair when he tells me he doens't think out r/s is real cos of my lies...sigh..
 

lovingyou

New Member
zbabe: guess you can't realli blame him when he caught you red-handed not once but twice.. hmm.. we dun think over what we are gonna to say when we are upset...
 

zbabe

New Member
littlewoman,
yes, I agree on that possibility. he even says he he doesn't mind throwing away the money we already spent on our wedding preparations and being labelled a bastard.
very hurting...
 

powder

Active Member
well zbabe,

it's something where u either Dun think much of it, or u think Lots abt it... can't avoid if your characters are such that u're already thinking...

it's one of those things where there's really no fingers to point or blame. although i think he's being pretty insecure... i think it's normal at his age given the awareness and the pressures of a guy who probably wants to do well. Of cos, some guys will just be headed Down from here... think this is the killer age if u date someone older. the male frens u have and the guys he knows - are Two different worlds.

u just have to hold his hand and guide him thru.. dun hide from him. he has his pride and u have to be sensitive to that.
 

advisor00

New Member
To TS

Your guy is too immature and haven't reached a stage that he is open to mutual trust in relationships.

Get a older guy or one older than you!
 

zbabe

New Member
littlewoman,
yes, both...and the proposal ring he gave me ba..
he says he can consider those money wasted...
 

lovingyou

New Member
I see.. gal.. When did he say that? On the very day of the argument or? Hmm.. I guess he is jus being upset over the whole matter.. allow some time for him to get over the matter?
 

powder

Active Member
well thing is, it's probably blown up abit and he has the right to consider his position... and u have the right to convince him that u guys can pull thru this period. it isn't abt the wrongs n rights... it's more abt the fact that there's disparity, but given mental-strength, he would have the ability to bridge the gaps and be his own man in a couple of years... i'm sure u have faith in him, it's whether he has faith in himself.

some guys will just work harder, some will wallow. nobody is comparing and it's mostly his own demons tat's eating him, they manifests into worries n insecurities abt not being good enough for u. Whilst this may sound romantic and humble, but it's a fine line with a guy who simply gives up on himself and loses his self-belief.

i guess with u that belief is manageable, but in your world - he might feel small and that's something he's having difficulty coping. when u meet your frens, u are 'running into that world' which he is not ill-prepared to face, but it will be a matter of time before he IS a part of that world...

for me, there's no way i can live in a world where it's just me and wife n the world in the neighbourhood. whilst for some of my frens, there's no way they can imagine living in the fast-paced world of fast cars, condos and lotsa sophitication. u guys have to find your comfort within...
 

powder

Active Member
as an observer of the events... it's a misunderstanding. so it's really left to u to find time to explain the situations and why u withheld info... u never had the intention to cheat on him nor pick other guys, and tat should be made clear. but of cos u cannot possibly unchoose your frens and cut them off... the bonds have been built over the years and if any romance was in the works, it would have already happened... so i guess he just needs to understand that.
 

zbabe

New Member
little woman,
yup, he said it on the day of argument...
I am giving him some time alone now, just dropping some smses here and there (that dun require replies) to tell him I care alot...

powder,
what do u mean by it's blown-up abit..?
that's what I feel about his reactions as well, but then again, I am really in the wrong and u're right, he's in the position to decide what to do, thats why I'm feeling extremely helpless and hopeless...
I am ok with normal living powder, I believe more in happiness...
 

zbabe

New Member
powder,
from a guy's perspective,
is it really so normal to want to be alone and think about things ?
cos women just wanna talk and communicate but my bf just doesn't want to. He just wanna be left alone to think, and he says he just wanna work to numb his feelings, just work and nothing else.
Is this normal or he doesn't love me anymore?

if its u, will u forgive me?
 

zbabe

New Member
He says he feels moronic and a fool..
and he feels incompetence and totally lost his confidence, which is not who he is as he is a person with confidence...
is it becos he feels he hasn't been reciprocated ?
 

powder

Active Member
blown-up abit - saying that it went further than it should have. if both have kept some composure, it won't boil to this point.

for me i need At Least 2 weeks of time in my cave alone, i would not want disturbance cos i would really need to know wat it's like to be alone again, and if it's something that's better for both... tat's when i was dating. at those periods - breaking up/staying were the last things from my mine, it was just alone time.

how he feels is Valid, but not relevant in this context given that i'ts a misunderstanding and he's dwelling on a thought which is untrue cos u were not out with intention to cheat him.
 

lovingyou

New Member
Zbabe: it depends on individual i guess.. My hubby only told me that he needs to be left alone twice throughout our r/s. But when he said that, he meant it as well. However, the timing of the cooling period depends and differs as well.
 

zbabe

New Member
then, how and when would I know when he is ready to talk again?

powder, shd i still continue to drop him no need replies kinda sms to show I care?
 

powder

Active Member
well it's hard for me to give u the right thing to do, but personally would not want any smses nor calls... just wannat be left alone. no nice nice pitiful sms either... it makes it worse for me... it really irks me. But pls hor... this is ME.

with my wife i never had any quarrel tat escalated to this stage, i guess my wife and me are a great match. it's with the girls before that where i reach this stage... to be honest, i dun have this feeling for very long liao, so dun base on my feelings of anger (abit outdated).

for your bday, the best gift u can give yourself is to be Single for the day and savour wat it's like. Dun do the pitiful single thing... do the crazy shopping spending single thing... it's really up to u.personall
 

mypellia

New Member
zbabe,

To me birthday is just a born date. I'm not very particular to celebrate or not.

If I'm happy, everyday can be my birthday. Just relax and stay in happy mood if you could. Like what Powder mentioned, do something for yourself. Indulge in some "comfort" food and pamper yourself.

Just dun spend time alone and let your mind wonder or imagine this and that. Keep yourself occupy.

Takecare

:)
 

shirleypoise

New Member
He has as much right to throw tantrums as you do, so just give each other a break. This could be a good time for u two to think thru if this r/s is really what u both want instead of a by-the-way.

Lying abt gg out w friends is not necessary at all. U have to let him understand their importance in your life, guys or not. Unless he sees the point, you will be back to square one. Is this how you wanna live your life?
 

vios

New Member
zbabe: “He says he feels moronic and a fool..
and he feels incompetence and totally lost his confidence, which is not who he is as he is a person with confidence...
is it becos he feels he hasn't been reciprocated ?”

powder: “how he feels is Valid, but not relevant in this context given that i'ts a misunderstanding and he's dwelling on a thought which is untrue cos u were not out with intention to cheat him.”


given the fact that you lied to him because u felt that it would be in the best interests of this r/s, the latter part sounds as much as an extended lie to him.
Note the key point – <u>in his eyes</u>, you simply lied to cover up the first lie.

I also do think that the bf is rather strange on his line of thoughts – “all guys are bastards” – whether or not he feels inferior to your circle of friends, it looks to me that he could be naturally possessive because those comparisons can never end in our lifetime.

All in all, I really believe that there lies some gap from the onset. But due to lack of quality communicaton (in powder’s words, hold his hands and guide him thru’), it gets wider and his insecurity gets bigger.
HONESTLY, his outburst serves good for the r/s as it gets you to TRULY examine the main leakages.
 

vios

New Member
and yeah, stop the influx of sms-es and leave him alone to think things thru.
i believe u've had said enuff to him for him to process the whole issue.

as for sat, don't dwell on ur bdae's no-celebrations-with-him. cos that can't be as important as clearing his thoughts... at least for me.
 

powder

Active Member
well the good thing is that zbabe is definitely a Babe in her bfren's eyes, for him to feel this way... it's one of the 'curse' of wanting a really attractive gfren when u've got insecurity issues. it's like a treasure hunter who found his gold, and sits beside the gold - guarding it for the rest of his life, afraid there's other pple trying to steal the gold. end of the day, the quality of life doesn't improve and what's supposed to be the beginning of a good thing, turns out the very ending itself...

it's sad, but it's not the first case of obssessive, insecure behaviour. some pple spend their entire lives watching/controlling their partners... and they think it's very valid. and tat sums up their life...
 

vios

New Member
“I am so afraid of losing him.. i feel miserable, I brought this upon myself...
I really dunno what he will do, and I am really quite scared of losing him. esp over a silly childish lie...
I 'm not even sure if he still wanna continue our r/s anymore...
thats why I'm feeling extremely helpless and hopeless...”


oh ya, just highlighting some negative thoughts here….

from my experience, these negativities tend to be converted into a form of ‘feed’ for your bf – as in, if he decide to talk and sort things out, be sure not to promise him any damn thing so hastily such that ur intention is to just reconcile and satisfy his expectations.

u get what i mean?
 

vios

New Member
and in my opinion, this ever-present issue manifested at the right moment...
and in the right place - it's good that zbabe brought her problems here, esp. before the planned marriage which is next year?

BTW other than his insecurity and her lies, shouldn't we look at this as well?

"In the course of our r/s, we quarelled many times. mainly over small issues, and sometimes, over issues like how he handled things, his behaviour and the way he thinks ( I am always blaming him for being immature and insecure)."

Generally, women can be rather picky over small stuffs.. it's quite normal. But, i wonder if the blame part has accumulated a sort of fear in the bf - "the fear of losing loved ones" - as he might not have coped well with her constant criticisms.
 

zbabe

New Member
Dear all,

I spent some time doing self reflection and some thoughts on our r/s. I feel I was very emotionally unstable yesterday, and I am much better now, much at peace with myself...

Vios is right, I was really negative and unstable, and all I wanted was for us to be back together. But by doing so, the problem will only be buried. We really really need to solve the root of our issues and think about why this happens, the root of my lying. Is it because of him? or the problem lies in myself?

I've tot about it and I am glad this issus occurred before our wedding. It really forces us to relook the foundation of our r/s. Many times, couples quarrel, n they accumulate their displeasures. During my bf's outburst, I was very shocked that he thew out a lot of history events (some I feel unrelated and can't even remember), and he just vomitted all unhappiness he feels. Its really like a volcano eruption, accumulated, then an outburst. A lot of this, I attribute to bad communications, and burying of issues, not solving the root of it, thus causing a major event like this to uncover all the dirty history.

I agree I am a rather critical person. I am competitive and impatient, wants results fast. Maybe its my character and the way I handle my life, I am always aiming for the best. Its true I am a very bad communicator. Being more mature, I am ashamed, that I can't even communicate well with my bf, even though many times, he being younger, I do am able to read him like a book.

It is very important not to say nasty words to attack the character of a person (eg immature, insecure, etc), but to attack the problem/issue instead. That was my mistake, and it takes some growing up...

Sometimes, I feel I can be great in my studies, career, but when it comes to r/s, I am just primary sch level. I do need to grow up and learn..

I am more at peace with myself today. I am prepared to expect the best and worst out from this situation.
What is impt is to learn and grow from this experience. that is why some time alone for the both of us seems a very good idea. I thank my bf for being rather mature in this matter. Alone to self reflect, and very important to know what went wrong so even if the r/s ends, I am much more prepared for the next.

I feel trust can still be rebuilt. If I am willing to make changes, and he is willing to make changes (learn to trust), we can make our r/s work. The question is, it takes two to tango. I also think he can forgive me, but its a matter if he is willing to...
u can bring a horse to a river, but u can't force it to drink.

towards him, I have no control. What i have control is only myself, how I can improve and show him. But end of the day, he does have the right to reconsider his position.
If he comes back, its meant to be.
if he doesn't, then its prob not meant to be.

I dun expect him to celebrate my bday with me. yes, its just a day, everyday can be birthdays if u have ur love ones with u..
but i will still drop him an sms.

Thanks powder, for saying I am gold..=) I guess, when someone loves and puts in so much efforts, he will definitely be devasted.
 

lovingyou

New Member
Glad that you have sorted out your thoughts and able to be at peace with your feelings. It is never easy to do this but you managed to handle your emotions quite well in a way *thumbs up*.
‰Á–û!
 

simpleman

Active Member
zbabe,

Don't fret too much.. I have a feeling that he may call you to celebrate your birthday with you.

Or if he does not call..then just let it be.. it is only a day..

Trust is one of the highest form of communication. It has to be built and definitely it can be.

I have a GF who lies 10x more than you.. but over time and patience, I have made her understand and realize the benefits of telling the truth, even truths that hurt.

I am glad that I trust her now 100% (used to be only < 50%) because she likes to lie a lot.. but she has since become much much more truthful.. not only to me.. but to her friends, parents - each time she wants to tell a lie (say to her parents), I would stop her.. and let her ponder over it.
 

simpleman

Active Member
Not all guys like to hide in cave for long period.

I can't.. I can only hide a couple of hours or max a day.

I prefer to thrash things out after thinking through things..

A SMS or two is fine.. and if he did not respond to it.. don't persist.
 


powder

Active Member
zbabe,

your thoughts are well-placed, and i hope that he finds peace with himself... as much as it's not easy for him to come to terms that the frens around u are always gonna be a step ahead in life, i believe that it'll come to rest when he hits 30... cos tat's when things even out. so for that part u can Share with him.

from my Personal observation - the biggest Disparity in have/have-not between 2 s'pore males is 24-25 and 30-31. the 5-6yrs between is Very Very crucial in most cases Unless u talking abt careers paths that offer an almost guaranteed progression. Else, the character is developed from 23 onwards when out from uni and into working world... so Time MUST BE given for the development... this is also the period most guys are likely to change in character... this is when they come to terms with their strengths &amp; weaknesses, their dreams and goals etc... basically they Grow Up.

i think u've seen the changes in your male peers (of cos some Never change). so u'll need patience, understanding and be encouraging rather than questioning...

my personal view of boys growing into men.
 

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