Why?

[_bb]

He decided to leave me and give up e 5yr r/s. We were supposed to get married next mth. Im sure there is no third party.

We have broke off for coming to 7 mths. I may or may not move on. I will still contact him daily.

I did ask for a patch or start afresh but he doesnt want. He asked what happened if we tried and failed again? What happened if he become the one that is unable to move on.

Can you guys tell me ur povs on e followings:

- Why does he only call me when I told him to
- Why does he only reply my smses and I'm e one always initiate to contact him

- I asked for my belongings and he told me he needed time to pack, its been weeks but no news

- Why is he reluctant or having fears to meet me? I asked him out often but he always reject me instantly or say lets see.. but on e actual day he will say he aint free..

I have been trying and praying hard to get back to him although many said he aint worth it...

 

[susanna_low]

My ex of 5yrs broke off with me prior to our ROM.

If not for this, I wont get together with my childhood friend and we are happily married for almost a decade.

He (my hb) is in fact the most caring guy that I ever met n luving him to bits.

However till now, my ex (including his family)do still keep in close contact all these years with the knowledge of my hb and before I leave for overseas, he still sms me asking me to take care.

Both of us agreed that we are not suitable as lovers but we remained as close friends just like siblings. Breaking up is the most option and there's no regret.

Why cling onto a relationship that is not meant to be?

Even if you have to be in a r/s, find someone who can really love you and treasure u.

 

[yesno333]

Sometimes a guy leave u maybe becoz he can't give u the happiness u want....so leaving u is painful but in the long run it is the better solution for both of u....Just move on....feelings will fade over time....eventually u will get over it...><"

As for why he is holding on to ur belongings...god knows...maybe losing u is one thing...but having another guy in ur life is something unbearable to him...?_?

Anyway i might be wrong....><"

But i have a friend who left the gf knowing that he can't give the girl a life she wanted...it was extremely painful for him to leave her....but becoz he loves the girl so much he walks out of the rs...the girl never did knows the reason.....but sometimes i guess it is for the best of both parties....><"

 

[ckgal]

maybe he don't have anymore feeling for u

 

[tomasulu]

Knowing won't change a thing. No matter what he said you'll promise to change or do better. The problem is not with him, he has moved on. You need to do the same.

 

[arsenal_84]

sometimes love just fades...
when ppl get too comfortable to one another, companionship can also become a mere friendship, that's when both parties must sit down and re-examine the whole rs over again.

tbh, you're not that important to him any more.
don't put him at the top of your priority when is obvious you're aren't in his priorities.

 

[denise80]

BB, from what I read, he has most likely lost feelings for you (sad but true and gotta accept it..I had that once too) and it's ur prep for marriage that woke him up...meaning, it got him finally to picture if he could live the rest of his life with you happily and he probably didn't see that with you. I don't know about you but you touch your heart and feel (instead of think) if he's the one? Sometimes we ourselves ain't very sure until things happen and we realise they happen for a reason and are glad they happen.

As women I think we tend to need an answer on why he's not interested anymore etc but sometimes we'll never get the answer and life has to move on sadly. Hope you'll stop torturing yourself by asking why why why and start to focus on what is happening now and the future.

 

[_bb]

thanks all for e sweet replies..

it will take days for me to type out the whole situation but to be honest, both parties have fault. I drove him away to a certain extend but on e other hand, he said super many hurtful things to me... so ya..

moreover he is now working in overseas, mayb its easier for him to move on.

at times he seems to care but he appeared not (maybe i think too much)

meanwhile i guess i need to do something for myself besides keep crying bah..

 

[_bb]

I know his character is, he will never befriend with the person he broke off. I ever saw how he treated his ex when the ex turned to him for help.

He did mention he and I still can be friends. He asked me to move on, telling me that loving someone doesn't need to be together..

When I asked him out for a meal or coffee, he will either tell me he aint free or whatever reasons, then tell me there will be many chances he and I will meet.. Not sure what he meant oso..

May I asked if he doesn't have feelings for me anymore, why do he still call me?

 

[scopefun]

You can choose to be my 104th girlfriend. ^.^

 

[denise80]

BB, ur man is probably 90% sure that he doesn't want to carry on and 10% of him is still too used to calling you but this shouldn't be mistaken as love or chances for a patch back - don't want you to feel too optimistic. Be fair to yourself - it's all or nothing. Mine back then will still take my calls etc but only to say he just wants to be friend - what nonsense. So I finally stopped calling altogether. ha ha four months later he returned again only to hear that I've moved on. Men can be this stupid at times but I was glad he made the move to say bye bye or I wouldn't have found my hubby. My situation is a little similar to Ting Yi's.

 

[yesno333]

Stop thinking with ur heart...just thinks with ur brains and it will makes it easier to move on...><"

 

[_bb]

denise80: Ic.. some did tell me i shld stop contacting him as it is very unhealthy for both of us, esp me. But I am unreluctant to let go.. We didnt manage to get together easily.. we had many difficult times and we went through thicks and thins..

 

[_bb]

yesno333: sighs..

Anyway Happy Valentine Day to All

 

[denise80]

BB, think of it this way...if it had been difficult for you two to get together and that u all had bad times, all these are signs of your incompatibilities and 'not meant to be'. Instead of seeing these as a waste of your efforts or that you to have been through thick and thin, imagine a great relationship that is not difficult to begin with, not difficult to sustain also etc....look on the brighter side!

When we find it hard to let go, we'll usually think of 101 reasons why we should continue the relationship. When we finally see things more clearly, we'll realise, it's gd to lose in order to gain.

 

[cococherry]

BB, seem like your man had lost his feelings for you and had also moved on. Sometimes they just couldn bother to pack yr things, returning it and not because of any other reasons. And also I do think he might be seeing someone or interest in someone else already.

 

[_bb]

denise: ya, am trying my best to move on. next mth is e big day.. i dunno how to break e news to my families n friends that in fact wedding has been cancelled.

 

[_bb]

chocolatte: yup perhaps he is just not bother to pack my things... he kept insisted he is currently not seeing anyone.. alright I believe.. plus he did mention if he is seeing someone, he will definitely bring her to show me so that my heart will 'die'....

life is as such.. e one loving e most is always e one left with heartache...

 

[cococherry]

life is as such.. e one loving e most is always e one left with heartache...
You will realize this statement of yours isn't that true when you have walk out of this sadness and met your future husband one day.
It's been 7mths, you should also move on happily with your own life.
it's pretty common these days that many couples break up prior to rom, many even annul their marriage months after rom. just let them know that both of you are no longer together if they ever bring this up. There's no need to further explain the reasons to anyone except maybe parents who love you.

 

[60secs]

Sometimes, u have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to

 

[_bb]

yest although it was a Vday.. but i had a worst one.

he didnt wish me as expected although i harboured a lil hope, hoping he will....

anyway he told a mutual friend how he is feeling... im not more den a normal friend to him now.... and if i still don't move on, he will choose to forgo the friendship as he doesnt want the r/s to be left hanging n dillydally...

how can he be so heartless....

 

[_bb]

i really thanks those who offered your comments.. thanks..

 

[hurtsomuch]

hugs. hope you will move on soon...

 

[_bb]

yes, i hope e day will arrive fast.. becuz i hav been not living well for 8 mths..

 

[hurtsomuch]

totally understand what you're going through... you will be fine!

 

[_bb]

yes, i will b fine.. one day..

 

[italianosportivo]

BB, if I can do it, so can you. You need time.

 

[_bb]

torn guy: yes, i will be fine one day. how have u been?

 

[_bb]

i know some of you may asked me what diff will it makes if i know e ans... but i will wanna ask...

Do you think my ex will regret for walking away from me which i had actually stood there n waited for him..?

i hate weekends since...

 

[deniseleezhenhui]

Maybe he will regret maybe he will not, it won't matter to his future and it shouldn't hinder in your future.

Please continue your life looking forward if not you will not be able to leave this rough patch.

 

[hurtsomuch]

when he started to feel regret, you have probably moved on happily already. it's his loss anyway... start walking, don't look back...

 

[_bb]

denise and hurtsomuch: thanks for e encouragement. Am getting better den what im expected. No urge to contact him since

 

[pasir_ris_beach]

BB, i understand how u feel. for the past 6 months i was like a living walking zombie. yes very painful to know the truth that my husband actually "left" me in 2009 just to start "a relationship" with another married woman. it was so heartwrenching but today i already moved on with my life whether i with him on weekends for his basic needs like washing and ironing clothes. that is all.. but he claimed to have woke up n realised that i m still the one he wants..blah blah , what haiz heck .. I already moved out with my kid since two months ago.

u can do it.. All u need is TIME to let everything heal on their own.

 

[_bb]

blur, i rem u.. i even posted on ur thread previously to encourage n support u mentally mths back..

im feeling much better den i had expected.. so yup..

 

[pasir_ris_beach]

yes, i remembered your encouragements back then. now life as a single parent looks a bit hard for me and for the past two years i had been raising my child singlely although i have the husband but most of time he is a absent father.

anyway we already stay apart for two months and there are no words that can describe my relief and i no longer show any sign of sadness compared to last year, very worst and humaliated by this other woman.. however she is really unsound mentally.. Jealousy n revengeful and constantly compare herself to me and other gf/wives of the guys she slept with while having affair with my hubby.. what a joke...

anyway i am much calmer these days although things can never be the same again.

 

[_bb]

blur, be strong, esp u still have a child. i know said is easier den done but we must protect our hearts

jiayou!

 

[_bb]

The day before I was very reluctant to contact my ex since he said harsh n awful things to me on Vday..

I was stuck. Im unsure should I give him a call or drop him a sms as he is the owner of my mobile line and I need him to call in to Singtel to terminate it.

Called him once, he never ans or return call. Dropped him a msg, he read but didnt reply.

Today I called him twice (9 hours apart), he doesnt ans or return call. He did online to whatsapp but he didnt bother to reply me. Hence I dropped him a msg to express my concern. Again he read but doesnt reply. So I asked why is he so arrogant for not replying.

Finally he replied - angrily. Two words from him: "I'm engaged!!!!!"

5 exclaimation marks are indirectly telling me he is fedup with 3 of my smses and 3 missed called in 48hrs.

Perhaps some of you may feel that indeed is my fault for bombarding him. My content of e 3 msges are: "Hi, can you ring up Singtel to see to the termination of the line?" But he doesnt want reply. Maybe some of you may feel I do keep bugging my ex...?

Seriously I wasnt angry when he gave me such a reply because I still apologised to him for being so irritating. I was that worried for him and say my prayer, telling the god to forgive and pardon his action as he doesn't mean it.

*my brain is laughing at my heart*.. :'(

 

[miloice]

" I was that worried for him and say my prayer, telling the god to forgive and pardon his action as he doesn't mean it. "

seriously, what sin has he made to need God to forgive him?

 

[_bb]

Perhaps being a buddhist, we believe in benevolent and karma.

I did nth much pretty wrong, he should not treat me in this mannered by venting his frustration on me. I mean, he should learn to put himself in my shoe. Did he spare a thought for my feeling? No he doesn't.. He isn't benevolent (to himself and me) to an extend.

At times he will lose his cool to everybody so long a person upset him. I dont wish he has any conflicts with his friends/colleagues if he happened to be with them.. (Eg of a karma)

 

[powder]

if i try see it from his angle...

u are finding all sorts of excuse to hold on to something that no longer exist... u are grasping on to straws when a miracle isn't gonna happen. whatever remnants or leftovers aren't as crucial as u make them out to be.

u can just throw away the sim-card and have a new card under your name... the costs of the line under his name certainly isn't gonna pose a big problem to him or u. u are just grabbing on to this as u find more and more reasons to link back to him.

u are not interesed in Why, becos it is already very apparent. u are interested to continue living in the past... asking Why is to allow yourself to pretend that u cannot let go becos u dun know why... that's why even if u know why, u will still ask Why.

u will find yourself revisitng past incidents to find what went wrong, u will engage forummers to help u revisit so that u can Relive the past... u will do this with many pple around u until they get sick of u.

u will pull in religion and say u believe this and that and ask more Why, then u will relink and say u wish him well and good and Still try to control the directions in life that he wish to take.

u will go on and on and on until u turn grey and old and u find yourself living in the past - in the future too!

well, it's your One Life... i'm not gonna tell u how to live it. but talking abt being a Buddhist and stuff... u should apply it to Your Life... Not His. he has let go and moved on, and u are chasing him trying to find ways to establish links n refusing to let go...

who's more Zen here?

 

[miloice]

whether he needs to be forgiven or not, karma or not, we don't play god to judge. You said that he needs to see in your shoes... likewise, have you seen from his shoes? So, who is the 'sinner'? You to decide who needs forgiveness? Its not about religion frankly. You are seeing things from your own perspective only. He doesn't share that perspective obviously.

 

[matka]

Hi BB, if I've broken up with you for 7 months and you still call/msg/contact me daily, I will feel irritated and extremely annoyed. Maybe 1 week okay, 1 month understandable or even 3 months. But it's been over half a year... I don't even talk to my friends every day, what more an ex?

If I were your ex-fiance, I'd just think that you're coming up with one excuse after another to talk to me. From your posts so far, it appears like that to me.

If the Singtel line is under his name, does this mean that he's paying for it? If so, then just mail him the SIM card and be done with it.

For your own sanity, you need to move on.

 

[_bb]

Thanks for you guys' comment.

All of you aint me hence you should not judge or assume (esp powder). Because I did not share and you dont know e whole story.

Anyway he did apologise and explain to me two hours later I sent him e msg. And he was expressing he would like to start afresh with me. Other than that, I have no further comment.

 

[powder]

"Can you guys tell me ur povs on e followings:

- Why does he only call me when I told him to
- Why does he only reply my smses and I'm e one always initiate to contact him

- I asked for my belongings and he told me he needed time to pack, its been weeks but no news

- Why is he reluctant or having fears to meet me? I asked him out often but he always reject me instantly or say lets see.. but on e actual day he will say he aint free.."

 

[powder]

"All of you aint me hence you should not judge or assume (esp powder). Because I did not share and you dont know e whole story."


says alot doesn't it?

 

[_bb]

powder, how you wanna think and say is up to you, i wont stop you and as I mentioned earlier, i have no further comment.

u dont have e full details of what was gg on everyday btwn us and u are judging on a post based on a few stated negative points.

i thanked you for ur comments and to me, most impt is e end result. we thanked you for ur concerns somehow.

 

[powder]

why delete? u can let it all out it's fine... was trying to offer u an angle which is why i posted...

----------
Posted by BB (_bb) on Wednesday, February 22, 2012 - 11:50 am:

it aint because u dont hav e full details whats was going on everyday.

never pretend to b smart, as in hokkien saying, kiang tio hou, mai gei
kiang. ^^
----------

----------
Posted by BB (_bb) on Wednesday, February 22, 2012 - 11:51 am:

perhaps u have a failed marriage, tt's y u are feeling imbalance after
that. ^^
----------

 

[_bb]

e reason of why i deleted my previous posts is simple - i shouldn't judge u or ur r/s because of what you had commented on mine, hence I feel i should remove.

if u think im being afraid of u or anything, den u are wrong.

 

[miloice]

Well... I don't ask god or anyone to forgive you. You are different and have your own thinking. I just point out to you he probably has his own thinking as well. When you ask for opinions, you get opinions. It will be based on the information you provided. its pretty common sense. isn't it?

 

[powder]

"if u think im being afraid of u or anything, den u are wrong."

huh?