Who Pays For Customary? does the guy side pay for everything??
- Thread starter leejeslyn
- Start date
HI Jeslyn, my husband and I are sharing the cost of the wedding dinner. He bought the wedding bands. THe rest are not that expensive, so I didn't keep tabs who paid for what. My ILs offered to pay fully for wedding dinner but my husband didn't like the place which they were thinking off, so we went off to do our own thing.
xinyi_reiko
New Member
Hi Jeslyn,
Me and my hubby share all the costs from wedding to our new house to renovations. Except for engagement ring and wedding bands.
Since we are building the future together, both of us should work hard together for it. Not one-sided.
Me and my hubby share all the costs from wedding to our new house to renovations. Except for engagement ring and wedding bands.
Since we are building the future together, both of us should work hard together for it. Not one-sided.
Hi Jeslyn,
I think most couples these days share banquet.
I didn't share "equally" with my husbnad. It's more of a loose arrangement. I paid much more for deposit than husband cos I wanted to accumulate points. Whoever pays for rest of the dinner depends on whoever needs more credit card points at the end of the day - to maximize exchange of stuff using credit card points. It is not a 50-50 split, if you understand what I mean.
We didnt take up a bridal package, but doing it alacarte. Husband bought me my gowns. My parents bought him his suit and shirt and shoes. Husband will be getting the flowers for me. I will be paying for make up and photography. I paid for some wines, he will be paying for other wines. There is no 50-50 spilt. Just whoever liaised with the person, that party will pay.
Sometimes, guy's parents will pay fully for banquet. My ILs offered to do that, but my husband didn't wnat cos he had a place in mind for our wedding dinner.and my ILs didn't want that place.
I think most couples these days share banquet.
I didn't share "equally" with my husbnad. It's more of a loose arrangement. I paid much more for deposit than husband cos I wanted to accumulate points. Whoever pays for rest of the dinner depends on whoever needs more credit card points at the end of the day - to maximize exchange of stuff using credit card points. It is not a 50-50 split, if you understand what I mean.
We didnt take up a bridal package, but doing it alacarte. Husband bought me my gowns. My parents bought him his suit and shirt and shoes. Husband will be getting the flowers for me. I will be paying for make up and photography. I paid for some wines, he will be paying for other wines. There is no 50-50 spilt. Just whoever liaised with the person, that party will pay.
Sometimes, guy's parents will pay fully for banquet. My ILs offered to do that, but my husband didn't wnat cos he had a place in mind for our wedding dinner.and my ILs didn't want that place.
hmm... we paid for the whole wedding and house renovation on our own though SO paid more than me as I am earning lesser than he is....
It is not exactly a half half situation as he earns twice as much as I am earning and so, it works on who can contribute then contribute... but we share the cost....
Only the engagement ring is bought solely by him...
It is not exactly a half half situation as he earns twice as much as I am earning and so, it works on who can contribute then contribute... but we share the cost....
Only the engagement ring is bought solely by him...
xinyi_reiko
New Member
Hi Jeslyn,
I am following abit of cactus_79 style. Like I paid deposit for banquet (earn points.. hehe), he paid for BS, PG, VG.. Something like that. Quite closed to 50-50 spilt.
Is there anything wrong with that??
I feel is ok to share ba. Good and bad times, the couple should go through together.. Anyway, both of us are financially independent.
I am following abit of cactus_79 style. Like I paid deposit for banquet (earn points.. hehe), he paid for BS, PG, VG.. Something like that. Quite closed to 50-50 spilt.
Is there anything wrong with that??
I feel is ok to share ba. Good and bad times, the couple should go through together.. Anyway, both of us are financially independent.
simplyserene
New Member
Hi Jeslyn,
My boyfriend and I are also splitting the costs loosely. He paid for the engagement ring himself as well as the deposit for the BS. I paid for the restaurant deposit. Our AD is next yr but we're not taking any chances and are planning as if we're the only 2 who will be paying for everything.
His aunt whom he's very close to has been hinting that she wants to pay for the banquet, but we're not sure if we wanna let her do that.
Anyone heard of other relatives apart from parents paying for the dinner?
My boyfriend and I are also splitting the costs loosely. He paid for the engagement ring himself as well as the deposit for the BS. I paid for the restaurant deposit. Our AD is next yr but we're not taking any chances and are planning as if we're the only 2 who will be paying for everything.
His aunt whom he's very close to has been hinting that she wants to pay for the banquet, but we're not sure if we wanna let her do that.
Anyone heard of other relatives apart from parents paying for the dinner?
me & my bf were intending to pay for our wedding expenses entirely on our own so i was tinkin tat we will keep the ang baos collected to pay for our banquet. i told my parents about this last nite but they insisted tis is not e way to do...
if like tat how are we gg to pay for the total cost of the banquet??
if like tat how are we gg to pay for the total cost of the banquet??
HI s'rene, if your parents and ILs are okay with the aunt paying, I think it's okay. But it seems strange to me... cos the invitation card will acknowledge parents, and not aunt. The chinese wording actually means that parents are paying (the guy's side) and the guy gives gal's side tables, so gal's parents' name also appears as 'host'. Where the couple pays for themselves, their parents name also appear out of respect. This is my understanding.
Hi Jeslyn, usually the guy's parents will "give tables" to the gal's parents. It is assumed traditionally that the guy's parents pay for the entire dinner. The APs from the "given tables" will go to the gal's parents.This is expected. In my parents' case, they will be returning me the $ cos they understand that we are paying for ourselves. But they will be returning the $ secretely and not let anyone know.
i told them that we will be paying entirely for oursleves without e help of parents...but they seem dun understand...sianz...
anw, if my parents requested eg 5 tables from my guy's side out of 10 tables (total no. of tables needed for gal's side relatives) how do we differtiate the ang baos?
anw, if my parents requested eg 5 tables from my guy's side out of 10 tables (total no. of tables needed for gal's side relatives) how do we differtiate the ang baos?
Hi Jeslyn,
I think parents' understanding will help alot. Not to worry.. hopefull yyour parents see your POV soon.
Your parents' friends/relatives will prob hand over the APs to your parents' directly. This usually happens to the bride's parents' guests. If not, the APs will have handwriting behind. Also can differenctiate.
I think parents' understanding will help alot. Not to worry.. hopefull yyour parents see your POV soon.
Your parents' friends/relatives will prob hand over the APs to your parents' directly. This usually happens to the bride's parents' guests. If not, the APs will have handwriting behind. Also can differenctiate.
Hi Jeslyn,
For my wedding, thou my PIL pays for everything (including wedding dinner, HM etc etc) but we still took up a loan frm GE so that most of the small stuff which dun costs much comes frm us
It reali depends on hw u communicate with ur FH on who to spend on wat as cash flow issue can be very annoying in marriage preparation
For my wedding, thou my PIL pays for everything (including wedding dinner, HM etc etc) but we still took up a loan frm GE so that most of the small stuff which dun costs much comes frm us
It reali depends on hw u communicate with ur FH on who to spend on wat as cash flow issue can be very annoying in marriage preparation
janicachan
New Member
my ILs did not pay a single cent for my wedding. all r from me n my hb.
My parents & ILs also nt contributing any monies towards our wedding except for some jewellery that they will be giving us as gifts.. The rest are paid by me & hb.. We have a joint account which we contribute monthly & all exps of our wedding will come out from this joint acc.. I am contributing slightly more for our wedding joint acc as hb is paying more for our hse reno & furnishing..
Just go with any arrangement u n ur FH feels most comfy with..
Just go with any arrangement u n ur FH feels most comfy with..
jan4january
New Member
my wedding spending all from me n hb. my dad paying for the wines at the banquet n dragon phoenix bangles, plus my hse electric appliances. my in laws? two gold chains and a set of used plates n bowls.
hi jeslyn
that really have to depend on indvidual.
some couples date a long time and both of them save together.
some guys pay all cos they think its their responsibilities.
some split cos guys dun have enough savings and by the time the guy save enough, the woman old liao.
girls always at disadvantage side. best is get a guy who got some savings or else its like we get paid to get married.
that really have to depend on indvidual.
some couples date a long time and both of them save together.
some guys pay all cos they think its their responsibilities.
some split cos guys dun have enough savings and by the time the guy save enough, the woman old liao.
girls always at disadvantage side. best is get a guy who got some savings or else its like we get paid to get married.
Hi
Didnt really jot down who paid for what.
All i know is dat HB paid for most of d renov & furniture, & stuff for AD, customary etc me chipping in as well, though small portion as compare to his contributions.
Bridal package = HB
Banquet = HB (out of d total tables, d collection from 8 tables as given to my parents as part of d PinJin)
Photography = HB & me
GDL cakes etc = HB
MUA = me
Didnt really jot down who paid for what.
All i know is dat HB paid for most of d renov & furniture, & stuff for AD, customary etc me chipping in as well, though small portion as compare to his contributions.
Bridal package = HB
Banquet = HB (out of d total tables, d collection from 8 tables as given to my parents as part of d PinJin)
Photography = HB & me
GDL cakes etc = HB
MUA = me
littlebride2008
New Member
Hi,
For my case, my hubby paid for everything except wedding band we share the cost.
Other than that, Solemnisation, Wedding Banquet, BS, HDB he paid for them.
For my case, my hubby paid for everything except wedding band we share the cost.
Other than that, Solemnisation, Wedding Banquet, BS, HDB he paid for them.
tell_me_more
New Member
My HTB pay for everything, coz i don't have much saving
. HTB pay for wedding band, banquet 70 tables, pinjin, bridal package, honeymoon, renovation, etc. He even gave me some money to buy dress, blush on, lipstick and watever i need 2 bring on AD.
My mum gave me some money also, hehe so actually i earn money from there, hahahahhaaha
Oo i'm such a lucky gal.
Thanks dear & mum
My mum gave me some money also, hehe so actually i earn money from there, hahahahhaaha
Oo i'm such a lucky gal.
Thanks dear & mum
winningeleven
New Member
Me and my wife are both paying 50-50 for the total cost for the ROM cum wedding buffet which also included the rental of the bridal gown and suits and the rest of the expenses (photography, invitation cards..), after collecting the hong bao money, we also spilt into 2 so we can pay off the credit card bills that being charged for the wedding.
For the wedding bands, i the one who pay lor...haha, cause i insist on it!!
For the wedding bands, i the one who pay lor...haha, cause i insist on it!!
poseidon_gal
New Member
50-50..
not taking anything from both side parents..
siong..but we are happier this way..
not taking anything from both side parents..
siong..but we are happier this way..
we are not takin anything frm both sides parents too...esp my FH's parents they appear uninterested in helpin their son out but yet hv so many comments here & thr...damn pissed!
even for guo da li to my parents, it's oso me & my FH who is getting all e stuffs...
most of e stuffs we split into 50-50
even for guo da li to my parents, it's oso me & my FH who is getting all e stuffs...
most of e stuffs we split into 50-50
sillycouple
New Member
nowdays its v common most things are done by the couple themselves. all costs for wedding are shared by the couple, equal or not depending on each couple's arrangement
for us we are using the ang pow to cover the banquet. so my mum will not take any ang pow. its only right she take the ang pows la but since she not taking, we intend to give her more pin jin. for eg. we estimate 1k for cost of 1 banquet table n if my mum request for 8 tables, we will give her 8k pin jin to compensate her for not taking any banquet ang pow.
afterall our parents raise us up, its only right they hv the ang pow money. they deserved it!
for us we are using the ang pow to cover the banquet. so my mum will not take any ang pow. its only right she take the ang pows la but since she not taking, we intend to give her more pin jin. for eg. we estimate 1k for cost of 1 banquet table n if my mum request for 8 tables, we will give her 8k pin jin to compensate her for not taking any banquet ang pow.
afterall our parents raise us up, its only right they hv the ang pow money. they deserved it!
his_fairlady
New Member
ya, sames goes to me. we share everyting half half except for the wedding band htb will pay by himself
vivaliciousviv
New Member
hmmm....
can sb advise me the ang baos collected how to distribute??
WE intend to use the $$$ to pay off stuff la, din really earn a profit or wat..sianz...haaaa...
or actually the tables given by my in laws to my parents thE $$$ shld b given to my parents for the 15 tables??? please email me!
[email protected]
thanks!~!
can sb advise me the ang baos collected how to distribute??
WE intend to use the $$$ to pay off stuff la, din really earn a profit or wat..sianz...haaaa...
or actually the tables given by my in laws to my parents thE $$$ shld b given to my parents for the 15 tables??? please email me!
[email protected]
thanks!~!
kylie_wedding
New Member
I think now its quite modern. Me and my hubby paid it together on the deposit and then use the red packet to foot the remainder.
We share most of the expenses.
Its my wedding and i wanted it to be nice, so i didn't mind forking out extra from my pocket to get things for my big day.
We share most of the expenses.
Its my wedding and i wanted it to be nice, so i didn't mind forking out extra from my pocket to get things for my big day.
pompompurin
New Member
50-50... except he pays for engagement ring. i'm happy this way, his parents have no say in anything, except for 4 dian jin ba.
my ROM is also paid from our joint acc. But now our AD will be in Oct this yr, and due to my health problem, my hubby dun let me work. Then my FIL going to borrow $$$ from Bank to pay for the banquet. But the problem is in the 1st place, we wanted to pay the banquet thru the ang baos we collected and thus, both my mum and PIL agree to pass all the ang bao to us and my mum did not request for any table. Now since FIL is coming out with the money and my mum did not request for any table,can my mum keep all the ang bao which she receive? My PIL insist that all the ang bao shld be given to them and my mum and us shld not keep a single cent. Isn't this very unreasonable? By right wedding banquet shld be paid by the guy's side and yet since we are paying on our own and my mum is so willing to give in by giving all her ang bao to us. My hubby is so "xiao shun" that he dun even dare to disagree with his dad. I'm so furious over it and feel that my mum is bullied and "eaten" by them. Really feel like calling off the whole wedding.
Hi Tan, it's quite a touche situation you have there but pls don't make any hasty decisions.
It's true that the guy's side (traditionally) pays for the banquet. However, it also depends on the arrangement that is agreed among the 2 of you, i.e. for me, fh gonna give me xx no. of tables (as this is considered my 'pin jin') and if i need extra, i'll fork out my own. in your case, instead of asking that your mum keeps all the angbaos she receives (sounds a bit like the Malay custom here except the bride pays for her side and the groom his), perhaps you could discuss with your fh/PIL how many tables are 'given' to your family? then anything collected from those tables are for your mum to keep.
*hugZ* all the best
It's true that the guy's side (traditionally) pays for the banquet. However, it also depends on the arrangement that is agreed among the 2 of you, i.e. for me, fh gonna give me xx no. of tables (as this is considered my 'pin jin') and if i need extra, i'll fork out my own. in your case, instead of asking that your mum keeps all the angbaos she receives (sounds a bit like the Malay custom here except the bride pays for her side and the groom his), perhaps you could discuss with your fh/PIL how many tables are 'given' to your family? then anything collected from those tables are for your mum to keep.
*hugZ* all the best
The thing is PIL dun wan to discuss abt the tables as both our family are big and they wan my fh and I to just settle the no. of tables ourselves which is good la cos if they just wan to give 10 tables to us, my mum will have to fork out at least 6 tables on her own. But now still wan us to pass all the ang bao to him.
Actually there are also a lot of problem to our wedding. In fact my mum is already not very happy with my fh side cos not only did they not want to come over to Ti Qing (they ask my mum to write on a piece of paper of the things she wan) and ask my fh to pass to them. My FIL and FH's grandma even say wan everything to be easy and simple. So I dun even have 4 dian jin at all and the pin jin,they even say just a small token will do.
The whole wedding is just like is my PIL who are getting married like that lor. Sorry, I know I'm bad but I really cannot help saying that. They insist we shift to their place after married but my FH room is so small that if we put a queen size bed, there will be not much room to walk. My place actually has a vacant room for us but now cannot stay here. Then everything my PIL also wan to give opinion and comment and wan us to listen to them. 1st is the banquet, where to held, what menu to choose, 2nd is the bridal package, where to sign, which package to sign. Lucky my FH is persistant in this field that he insist we choose on our own. So we actually went ahead to sign the banquet and the bridal on our own then tell them.
And today is the room problem. My FIL wanted to repaint the whole hse. So he ask us to choose the color we want for our room this morning yet after we choose, he still go ahead to paint the color he like. We got a shock when we got back and enter the room this evening (wat's the use of asking us to choose in the 1st place) then for the cupboard and the bed, my MIL insist we choose the color she like and the design she like and insist we place the cupboard and the bed according to her preference.
Now even my FH is starting to get fed up with his parents and promise me that we will move out to have our own hse within 1 year.
Just wondering what will my life be after the marriage and staying with my PIL?
Actually there are also a lot of problem to our wedding. In fact my mum is already not very happy with my fh side cos not only did they not want to come over to Ti Qing (they ask my mum to write on a piece of paper of the things she wan) and ask my fh to pass to them. My FIL and FH's grandma even say wan everything to be easy and simple. So I dun even have 4 dian jin at all and the pin jin,they even say just a small token will do.
The whole wedding is just like is my PIL who are getting married like that lor. Sorry, I know I'm bad but I really cannot help saying that. They insist we shift to their place after married but my FH room is so small that if we put a queen size bed, there will be not much room to walk. My place actually has a vacant room for us but now cannot stay here. Then everything my PIL also wan to give opinion and comment and wan us to listen to them. 1st is the banquet, where to held, what menu to choose, 2nd is the bridal package, where to sign, which package to sign. Lucky my FH is persistant in this field that he insist we choose on our own. So we actually went ahead to sign the banquet and the bridal on our own then tell them.
And today is the room problem. My FIL wanted to repaint the whole hse. So he ask us to choose the color we want for our room this morning yet after we choose, he still go ahead to paint the color he like. We got a shock when we got back and enter the room this evening (wat's the use of asking us to choose in the 1st place) then for the cupboard and the bed, my MIL insist we choose the color she like and the design she like and insist we place the cupboard and the bed according to her preference.
Now even my FH is starting to get fed up with his parents and promise me that we will move out to have our own hse within 1 year.
Just wondering what will my life be after the marriage and staying with my PIL?
Hi Tan, sounds like ur PIL are quite demanding in stuffs. Your FH listens to them all the time? I would imagine the more prob there might b after marriage ans staying with them. And after shifting in, might not be easy to shift out again...
but u are quite nice to not quarrel with them. I can't imagine if im in the picture..
Hopefully you can discuss things with your FH and work out some things. I'm sure you will still look fwd to marriage =)
Btw if u are not working means u have to face your PIL everyday ah?
but u are quite nice to not quarrel with them. I can't imagine if im in the picture..
Hopefully you can discuss things with your FH and work out some things. I'm sure you will still look fwd to marriage =)
Btw if u are not working means u have to face your PIL everyday ah?
Hi Tan,
pinkglove has a point.. if it may be difficult.. it might even be easier to rent a place outside (so PIL don't feel like you're deserting them for your own parents that sort of thing). Actually, the best person to deal with this will be your FH.. and he must be firm like the issue with the banquet and bridal studios. Jiayou.. and hang in there
pinkglove has a point.. if it may be difficult.. it might even be easier to rent a place outside (so PIL don't feel like you're deserting them for your own parents that sort of thing). Actually, the best person to deal with this will be your FH.. and he must be firm like the issue with the banquet and bridal studios. Jiayou.. and hang in there
Hi All,
I feel all of you!! The problems we are going to encounter is really beyond what I thought...
Your comments, experience, advice would be greatly appreciated!
I am from Taiwan and my bf is from Hong Kong but we are both living in Australia so we are in between traditional and modern thinking.
We are talking marriage and my bf has got the house (though hefty mortgage) car and ring.
Our parents are talking and please correct me but isn't it the groom's side who needs to ask the bride's side how much 娉金 they want? Then the bride's side, ie my parents have said eg AUD 50K. Is this outrageous or still the norm considering we are medium upper class and the groom is medium class family (it sounds horrible to class, but I just wanted to give everyone a picture).
My family are going a bit against tradition and this 娉金 is not for them to keep, rather they want this 娉金 to go to us to help us start a family. and In return, my family are also going to match the groom's 娉金 and give it to us.
Right now the issue is that the groom's side will pay ZERO 娉金 as they believe we are in the modern days. (but they are not modern enough to just let us pick any date and they still want to do the tea ceremony and other traditions etc). Major unhappiness for all around right now, can anyone offer any comments??
thanks in advance!
I feel all of you!! The problems we are going to encounter is really beyond what I thought...
Your comments, experience, advice would be greatly appreciated!
I am from Taiwan and my bf is from Hong Kong but we are both living in Australia so we are in between traditional and modern thinking.
We are talking marriage and my bf has got the house (though hefty mortgage) car and ring.
Our parents are talking and please correct me but isn't it the groom's side who needs to ask the bride's side how much 娉金 they want? Then the bride's side, ie my parents have said eg AUD 50K. Is this outrageous or still the norm considering we are medium upper class and the groom is medium class family (it sounds horrible to class, but I just wanted to give everyone a picture).
My family are going a bit against tradition and this 娉金 is not for them to keep, rather they want this 娉金 to go to us to help us start a family. and In return, my family are also going to match the groom's 娉金 and give it to us.
Right now the issue is that the groom's side will pay ZERO 娉金 as they believe we are in the modern days. (but they are not modern enough to just let us pick any date and they still want to do the tea ceremony and other traditions etc). Major unhappiness for all around right now, can anyone offer any comments??
thanks in advance!
moonsafarian
New Member
Dee Oo > IMO, it all depends on how involved both families are. For eg, the parents are to decide on having a customary wedding, most couples who agree to it, would follow through, meaning getting married on auspicious dates, GDL, an chuang, dowry, tea ceremony, banquet, etc.
Parents with offspring who are getting hitched, should have some idea of the financial status of their children, since i believe the couple has been together for some time, and both sides of the family would have gotten to know the couple and accept them as family members. Whether or not the dowry of A$50000 goes to you & your hubby is beside the point. Matching the A$50000 is also beside the point.
The issue is "can your hubby and his family afford the dowry?" if yes, all well that ends well. if no, then i don't quite understand why your parents would be asking for an amount that their future son-in-law cannot afford. I'm sure they have kept in mind that both of you will be the ones who join the 2 families through your union in marriage.
Every couple would go about planning their wedding differently. Sometimes we all can get so caught up in the whirlwind which may result in some unpleasantries along the way. It's good to sit back & consider issues carefully again. A wedding may take months to plan & execute, a marriage would take an eternity
Parents with offspring who are getting hitched, should have some idea of the financial status of their children, since i believe the couple has been together for some time, and both sides of the family would have gotten to know the couple and accept them as family members. Whether or not the dowry of A$50000 goes to you & your hubby is beside the point. Matching the A$50000 is also beside the point.
The issue is "can your hubby and his family afford the dowry?" if yes, all well that ends well. if no, then i don't quite understand why your parents would be asking for an amount that their future son-in-law cannot afford. I'm sure they have kept in mind that both of you will be the ones who join the 2 families through your union in marriage.
Every couple would go about planning their wedding differently. Sometimes we all can get so caught up in the whirlwind which may result in some unpleasantries along the way. It's good to sit back & consider issues carefully again. A wedding may take months to plan & execute, a marriage would take an eternity
flyingstar
New Member
wow...50k pin jin?! it's really a lot. even for me and bf, we started work for only a few years, also don't have such money to pay for the pin jin on top of the wedding.
me and bf are footing the whole cost ourselves, so everything is budget for us. it doesn't matter whether the family is well-to-do or not, because in the end if the wedding is just going to be paid by the couple only, there is a need to take note on the spending.
personally i think pin jin is a must, but it could just be a token sum to acknowledge the bride's parents for bringing her up. so totally no pin jin also cannot la. even a 2k pin jin is acceptable.
anyway i think just give and take - wedding is only 1 day but you still have the whole marriage ahead. good to start on a good note.
me and bf are footing the whole cost ourselves, so everything is budget for us. it doesn't matter whether the family is well-to-do or not, because in the end if the wedding is just going to be paid by the couple only, there is a need to take note on the spending.
personally i think pin jin is a must, but it could just be a token sum to acknowledge the bride's parents for bringing her up. so totally no pin jin also cannot la. even a 2k pin jin is acceptable.
anyway i think just give and take - wedding is only 1 day but you still have the whole marriage ahead. good to start on a good note.
