When hubby thinks its ok to put work first.....


New Member

When hubby decideds to put work first, this means that :
1) He travels a lot
2) Works until very late
3) Is constantly on the phone even when he is with you
4) Even when driving, he is typing an email on his phone

Now that we are preparing our wedding, it also means that:
1) When i go gown fitting, he is standing outside the shop. on the phone, all the time
2) No time to go prepare GDL. He came to shop to pay with his parents, and delegate most of the things to his parents
3) No time to sort out bridal car or settle mc
4) No time to do the schedule
5) No time to go bank and change new notes for ang pao
6) Will be travelling for work 5 days before wedding, but will be back 3 days before actual date
8) Honeymoon cannot exceed 7 days, because no time, he need to go back to work
7) No time to...... no time to.... no time to.... a lot of things

When i try to talk to him about it, we always ends up in BIG fights. He thinks i am too demanding, and thinks that i cannot be " the woman to support the man". He also says that career is most important for him because he wants to lead a better life in future. He also says that his friends wife all very supportive of husband to work hard, and never complains, so he doesn't understand why i am like that.

The truth is i am trying my darnest to be as patient and understanding as i possibly can! I try and try and try.... each time we fight, i feel so heartbroken because he cannot understand that what i ask for is so simple. I just want him to pay more attenetion to me, when he is with me! Not to bring his work along during dinner, movies or other dates.

We keep fighting, and even more so now that our wedding is drawing near and there so much things to do! Its our wedding, once in a lifetime, i feel so robbed of this entire experience because he places work first.

I'm tired. I don't want to fight anymore. But neither can i walk down the aisle as a happy bride too. I know he loves me.... but am i sharing this love with his job? Is it even comparable? Is it just me... or .... ?

Any one sharing the same experience, or anyone can offer suggestions?


New Member

To me, this is a small problem. Learn to be independent. It is not a bad thing that he is working hard on his career. Usually men are not interested in wedding stuff. If you are excited and happy planing and doing the work, just do it..don't have expectation of your other half and end up being disappointed.

If you cannot cope with stress of wedding preparations, how to be ready for marriage where there are lot of issues such as household chores etc etc?

Just look on the bright side!


Well-Known Member
trust me, this will not be the last fight if u continue with this expectation into your marriage. Realize and recognize the guy u r marrying. Align the expectations together. No point fighting it. If u can't, forget about this relationship.
"i feel so robbed of this entire experience because he places work first. "

If he doesn't hold a proper job, he where got $$ to pay for your wedding and honeymoon?

You want him to place you as 1st priority, easy lah. Ask him to quit his job, then you pay for everything ok. ;)


New Member
y grumble now only when u r getting married.. he is like this when u 2 r dating.. apparently he provide something that satisfy ur needs at that time. am i right?


kk, it shows that to him work is in the first place and u are in the second place.

If u love him then have to accommodate this, if not then it's better to remain as a friend


New Member

Honestly to me, I hate the way your husband is doing all this. Marriage is such a happy event and i feel that both party should share the joy and instead of you being handling all this items.

Seriously you should think about it, anyway,i do not know how he behave during dating period. if he is the same, you should accept the way he is now.


Active Member
hi kk,

u guys should keep the affair as simple as possible since he's so busy... and when u finally settle into married life, get urself as busy as possible, get a career. dun confine urself to playing that "supporting" role anymore...

well, dun get "mad", get "even"


New Member
KK, my husband is similar to your HTB .. he's a workaholic.

when we got married, he didn't take any days off because he had just joined the company. for that entire year, he didn't take any days off except for when i delivered our first gal (he took one month leave to help me). we only went on our 'honeymoon' last year - after having two children.

he had gone on an overseas work trip barely a week after i have been discharged home from the hospital after delivering our second gal. i was nursing a c-section wound, handling a newborn and a 15-month old. he was gone for two weeks, came back for the weekend and went away again for one week.

he has, on occasions, left me to bring the children home - when we're out together - because the client is having issues and he needs to rush to their office.

he works through his PDA when i was in the hospital, when he accompanies me for check-ups, when we're out for dinner, etc .. he's constantly checking work emails.

he even works on our vacations.

i know it's hard especially when it seems like work is more important .. but you have to understand that perhaps the job he's holding entails that kind of commitment. if you think that you're not getting enough attention now, what happens once you start having kids?

anyways, the husband has not taken any days off this year and has been forced to take some time off by management so we'll be going on vacation soon ..


Active Member
"Even when driving, he is typing an email on his phone "

Is a no no. no only endanger you but also the other road user.


New Member
To me, no issue too. My hubby also work very hard but datz becoz he wants to provide the best for both of us and our future. We will be having our AD nxt yr march and right now, busy with reno stuff. But as he is constantly busy with work, i do most of the planning and coordinating. I tink itz fair since he's the one paying for most of the stuff. Well, if he has no time for you, mayb u can occupied urself with other stuff to keep urself busy and happy. But most imptly, try not to be angry at him but instead treasure every little time u hav wif him. Dun waste the time quarelling. =)


New Member
KK: There is always a bottomline to how much one expects and gives to their partner and vice versa. You might want to find out why is there an urgent need to be checking emails all the time? Perhaps that missing out of not replying can lead to the loss of deals, monies etc? MArriage is jus the start of leading a live together as one, and thus, you might have to adjust what you are feeling now; it is not gonna to be a one-time thingy of your HTB getting busy and putting his work at the 1st priority. How about you take up some courses, going out with friends etc to keeping yourself occupied? What matters most is the quality time and not the quantity..


New Member
Hi KK,

I am in a similar situation as you. My bf also put his work as his priority. Always work very long hours, have to go for biz trip for 1 week every month, keep sending his email on his blackberry even when watching movies etc. He has no time to go tour with me at all since he started work 2 yrs back. There was once where he was posted oversea for a project for 3 mths and I went to find him for a mth. He was always busy with his work so I just keep myself occupied.

At times I also feel rather neglected, hoping that he can spend more time with me and give me more attention.

But I tell myself to be more understanding. I believe it is good that a guy is amibitous and work hard in a good career. I know that all his hardwork is for a better future. So I just console myself in this way.

When he is busy, you can spend time with yr friends and family. You can also take up a hobby to keep you occupy. Spend quality time rather than quantity time together.


Well-Known Member
Everyone needs a balance. Many of us can be really busy because of biz needs but one needs some proper time management. Most of the time, workaholic loves going that extra mile in the expense of all their private time. It isn't everyday, that we need to respond urgently to our customers or fight fire.

The guy needs to reflect on this. Not saying that he should reject calls etc. Its more of him learning to maintain some level of balance.

Maybe, he can read up more on 7 habits of highly effective people. But beyond that, one could not expect our spouse to put work aside. It is unreasonable to expect that.


New Member
I have the same thought as most of the forumers: is he like that b4 or only during this wedding preparation period?

As much as we gals like our HTB to spend time on the wedding preparation, most guys can't really be bothered by how the wedding event turns out cuz it's gonna be YOUR dream wedding that he's fulfilling... not his...

Most of the things that you have listed above can be done by yourself, so if he is working hard to give you a better life after marriage then I dun think you should harp on it so much.. This is the best time to learn about compromising, isn't it?

Rather than reprimanding him on taking time away from you, b4 you go out with him the next time, tell him that you would be very happy if you could have his undivided attention for the next hour or two so that you two can spend some quality time together. That way he may be able to manage his time, eg. telling his client "I'll call you back in an hour".

OTOH, if he has always been like this since day 1, then perhaps you should consider if you could withstand this kinda treatment for the rest of your life cuz I assume that the amount of work (massive phonecalls n emails) are required of him for his job.


Active Member
think the nature of his work is very impt here... there are some jobs out there which the common employee will never understand unless u've been in the job itself. there's jobs that require realtime trading, negotiations and deals have to be put together within 24/48hrs. then the next one comes along, and the next, and the next... not forgettign that it can be worked thru 2-3 timezones due to the different country of domicile of the contracted parties... and yup, it can translate of hundreds of thousands or millions lost...

some jobs just dun offer u the luxury of time like others, and u might not even be able to take leave becos u'll lose all the hard work putting things together over the months/years...

end of the day, depends on the nature of the job.


Active Member
sometimes it's really beyond control, perhaps cupid made the wrong match, perhaps in a more laidback country, the union could work out... it's really hard to say.

one thing i do realise is that some ladies may hold onto unrealistic expectations of a pretty dynamic guy with dynamic career, yet they'd expect the guy to be totally devoted to them in a 24/7 manner... gonna tough to work things out in this case. of cos, i'm not saying the TS is such a person, but i've come across ladies of such expectations...

so the impt element here is the managing of expectations, and balancing it with the possibility of a brighter, less tumultous future in finances. if attention is what u need, then u have to find guys who would have alot of time to give u that... best are guys who never need to take their work home, nor work with different timezones... then perhaps u'd be able to get the balance u seek in a union.

good luck!


Well-Known Member
no doubt, work nature is an important consideration.

But many guys actually love being a workaholic. I would say MANY are not really going to lose millions over a missed call. They may lament on how busy they are but they actually enjoy it. It has more to do with guy's nature of the hunting role. They enjoy working hard for the family. And complains they spouse is not supportive and understanding to that.

We need to understand ourselves better to communicate them with our partners. Everyone has unlimited needs and dreams but we don't just expect our spouses to understand them. The couple must really sit down and align these goals and not EXPECT support in ways miraculously. As in any relationship, communication and understanding is key. This seems missing in the TS's relationship. But just expecting the other to prioritize based on their needs and wants. With a mutual understanding and strong foundation, one would spend much lesser time fighting over them. The foundation is not there yet. Time to catch up and build the much needed roots for your future.


New Member
it's not the least surprising for most ppl that the phone still rings during dates, and even on leisure trips...

obviously, this issue doesn't just materialise just bcos of the wedding preps....
it has been a long-standing problem for u, and is going to get worse after wedding, unless....

u quit ur misplaced thoughts on "Am i sharing this love with his job?"

so for me, i also think that it's like a totally wrong match....


Active Member
Actually I think most people exaggerate the importance of their phone calls..

Yes, if you are in a highly time sensitive job when a missed calls would caused you thousands or even millions of dollars, you will need to pick up a call.. but really how many in that kind of job..

When I am with my ex-wife or ex-gf, I normally don't pick up call .. I will at times reply a message or two.. I call that respect.. Even when I am with my children, I don't pick up calls - I believe in giving time to the people around me when I am with them.

I have told my important client and colleagues - if there is anything important and I did not pick up a call - please send me a message.

I was once on a verge of closing a multi-million deal and waiting for a client call for clarification.. but the girl friend called and I went to meet her instead. I did not give up a business deal for her - I thought I would manage both at the same time.

In the end I managed to make the call and close the deal just before meeting the girl friend. In the worst case scenario I could possibly delay the closing of the deal by a couple of hours or a day or so. Or I could have told the girl friend that I was not free and wait to close the deal instead. But I believe in giving time to the people I love so I chose to manage my own time.

When people tell you that they are busy, they are actually telling you that there are things that are higher priority than you at the point in time. For me, I would always make time for my loved ones - be it my ex-wife, ex-gf or my children. But if they tell me that they are busy, I don't demand or sulk or question if they love me less. I simply move on to do my stuff..


Well-Known Member

"When people tell you that they are busy, they are actually telling you that there are things that are higher priority than you at the point in time."

don't quite agree. most of the time, this is what the gal perceives. i.e. When he is busy with work means work is more important than her. Same with hobbies and everything else. In the example u have given, mostly its simply because this chap doesn't know how to prioritize and is expecting that somehow gf or spouse can understand. And they are making the phonecall more important than it really is. It is important not just for the biz more so for the person. They enjoy being busy and feeling important. Something that not many are honest enough with themselves about.


Active Member
SM, not everyone has so much flexibility in their work hours and nature, and in turn could enjoy the flexibility in time management.

Even my CEO has time for golf, daily run and regular pilates aside other non-work activities, really don't see why some people have to be so constantly doing their work even when they are driving!? I hope this is not a permanent situation for TS' bf.

In general, I believe that there is a time for everything.


Active Member
"When people tell you that they are busy, they are actually telling you that there are things that are higher priority than you at the point in time."

I actually agree with this statement but think it is alright that work or whatever it is takes a higher priority at certain times. For example, during work hours, work is on top of our priority list. Now that technology has enabled us to time-shift easily, it is inevitable that we have to do our work outside the office during non work hours from time to time. But it is not so OK when one is ALWAYS attending to work-related calls and email when spending time with the partner, family or friends.

Overly responsible in one area can mean totally reckless in another area. Doing email while driving is one example, and I don't think it is anything worse than drink driving.

What kind of work requires you to even have to answer email when you are driving? Perhaps it would be better to hire a chauffeur so that you don't cause a road accident.


New Member
i see it differently....

only the receiver will know if the phonecall is an important biz call or not - and, it's sorta too assuming that the phonecall is not-so important than it really is...
or that, the partner is expecting foolishly that there shld be undivided attention during dates - aka 'no biz calls'.

if TS's fiance has to attend to several calls per date, eg. like 10-20 minutes, to clinch a deal over the phone....
she could well be the party who decide on a supposingly pleasant or potentially unpleasant evening... if u get what i mean.

unless, TS's fiance is on the phone every single minute throughout their dates....
then i can kinda understand her frustrations and deep down inside - if they can't manage each other now, then they shld really reconsider the marriage.

as a matter of fact, it is purely TS's line of thoughts on having much 'undivided attention' from a busy fiance....
and honestly, herein lies a lack of GOOD level of understanding plus independence for the longest time.


Active Member
"unless, TS's fiance is on the phone every single minute throughout their dates...."

Haha, hope this is just an exaggeration. When in the office it is NOT every single minute that we are doing our work (See, we are on Sgbrides!), how can one be on the phone every single minute throughout their dates.

But I do agree that "if they can't manage each other now, then they shld really reconsider the marriage". Things won't automatically improve all of a sudden after marriage takes place.

As for "undivided attention", I thought TS has mentioned that she likes more attention paid to her, not undivided attention.


Well-Known Member
Vios, its not really a assumption but rather an observation that many people are more than eager to pick up their mobiles the very instance it rings. Regardless on how important or not these calls are, one should really work towards some balance and not excuse it as working for the future. Frankly, its bad time management many times.

Anyway, the marriage is heading no where with 2 completely conflicting expectations fought over instead of communicated with empathy. Lack of much needed communication and perhaps maturity between the couple to work on their differences.


New Member
"I just want him to pay more attenetion to me, when he is with me!"
"Not to bring his work along during dinner, movies or other dates."
"i feel so robbed of this entire experience because he places work first."
"am i sharing this love with his job?"

doll, 'more attention' can't be specifically defined, as it meant differently to one and another...
so i had to assess the intention behind her post....

a part of which, my suggested scenario is purely intentional - otherwise so, i can't fathom the unrealistic expectation of having zero interruption during dates...
given the fast-paced biz environment.


New Member
yoz milo,

i do take note on the impt aspect of balancing between work and r/s, however there's nothing indicative in TS's post that her fiance is not well-balanced...
in truth, i winced when i read through her post, esp. the list of 7.

yes for all couples, there ought to be an act of balancing as well - for work and dates - as long as it's reasonably managed and understood for both...

just that i don't agree with the stance that the phone calls are not all that vital because of one's eagerness, or the body language whatsoever...
not to us, but it may be important to them.


Active Member
"When people tell you that they are busy, they are actually telling you that there are things that are higher priority than you at the point in time."

I was saying "at the point in time".. of course it does not mean that work is more important than gf or wife.. But if you are working and during working hours, obvious that is the priority in the normal circumstances.. unless something exceptional happens at home or outside of work.

But I agree wholeheartedly that people pick up calls when they should not be.. especially when it is after office hours.. a lot of things can be delayed to the next day ..

For me, I decline to pick up call except from clients (and they don't normally call me after office hours) after office hours as a matter of principle.. If someone needs to talk to me urgently they would send me a message and leave a voice mail..

There are many times people would leave things to last minute and then call me for approval after office hours... i intentionally don't pick up nor approve so that they will learn not to leave things to the last minute.


Active Member

"typing email while driving" - this is not balance leh..

Although at times I did this as well with the laptop beside me.. when the traffic light is red.. I would reply email.

this is bad, and I don't normally do this unless is necessary. I don't even like to pick up call when I am driving..

Email while driving is really too much lah.


Active Member
Vios, while we can understand that from time to time work does eat into our personal life and we do give allowance for that, I don't see anything wrong to want our partner to enjoy the time he/she spends with us and feels relaxed on the dates. If he/she is CONSTANTLY talking on the phone or typing/reading email, it will surely affect the QUALITY of the date. Worse if this happens on MOST or even ALL dates. Whether we mind or not can be another story.


Active Member
"just that i don't agree with the stance that the phone calls are not all that vital because of one's eagerness, or the body language whatsoever...not to us, but it may be important to them."

If you answer all phone calls and read/reply all email indiscriminately on all dates, you can't blame others for perceiving that these are all not so important. If you pick and choose a bit, they naturally think that the ones you pick are important and urgent. Human nature lah.


New Member
yea, i don't even wanna mention the email-driving part cos it is plain stupid than anything else....
this part, i don't approve.


New Member
doll, hence requires the act of balancing...
to which i can concur.

at times, if really need to pick up urgent calls - i do see a need of understanding from the other party.

and for certain jobs - other than directly from customer's offices, it's better to pick up calls from unknown numbers than not...
cos it may lead to unimaginable percussions.


New Member
pretty essential that we shld understand the nature of our partner's job scope, and learn to manage/adjust.
rather this, than to create friction for every freaking thing in regards to work or biz phone calls, etc...

like what TS is currently facing.


New Member
Your hubby sounds so much like my hubby but we are already married for 3 years. So there's no turning back for me now..lol

I was the one doing all the preparation for marriage, I was almost alway alone when going for fitting.

It all depends on you at the end of the day, can u take this kinda lifestyle? You must know that even after having a baby (Just like my situation now), he will still be like this. Sometimes it can be furstrating.

If u think u can't take it and there's no point toking to him, just postphone the marriage.


New Member
Hi KK,

Actually, if you think your hubby is capable and career-driven, do you think he may consider being a boss of a company.

My hubby works only 3.5 days a week. He determines the direction of the company growth and delegates his staff to execute them.

There are a lot of late notice tasks to attend to, of which his staff will gladly help him out.
It is because of diligent staff like your hubby that my hubby can have a peace of mind and spend more time with us.

I'm sure your hubby's boss really appreciate your hubby's hard work.


Active Member
well just to add, there Are certain jobs where u Can't leave it to the next day nor a few hours, nor even a few minutes later... it can involve alot of money, and it can also involve Life... it's just that unless u're exposed to such environments, it may never ever cross your mind that 1 missed phonecall could translate to waves of repercussions...

tat's why i'm interested to find out what the nature of her bfren's job is.

i think for pple who only need to work within their work-hours, it's quite a wonderful luxury... for those whose dealines are in weeks, it's a luxury... but there are jobs where u have just that 10-minute window to make a decision, sometimes shorter. there are jobs which are heavily dependent on a decision there and then. obviously, these jobs also mean a higher income and value.

looking at it another way, if i was one such individual and i try to spend Alot of time with my wife, it's only normal that i get alot of calls when i'm with her due to the extended period i spend with her. it's hard not to receive a call for an hour, and not follow-up a call with subsequent calls, when doing deals and negotiating. where Information is key, Time is normally the factor which makes the Information worthless, therefore Time is Key too. IE u would die die buy a property in 2005 had u known today's property market, wouldn't u? now tat's in Years... translate that info into a Key Info that loses its key and expires in 20mins.

anyway for KK, i think she's expecting his Personal attention to some jobs that can easily be delegated. when your time is worth More than the costs of delegating it out, u'd normally delegate it out.


New Member
yes, i think it's really dependent on the HTB's job. the husband has such a job so i can understand how important it is for him to not miss a call, etc .. like powder mentioned, a missed phonecall could translate to waves of repercussions like a client not being able to do trading which could lead to loss of millions of dollars - who's going to be answerable when that happens?

i think some people are just better suited being with partners that work 9-5, 5 days a week.


New Member
whereby a missed call doesn't involve trading or deals on these instances, it may involve the support for logistics/operational/etc to the customers, which would translate to potential costs for both parties, if not answered.

i'm always receiving calls from customers and my staff right up to 12am on certain days - from outings to Home...
my wife understands that i gotta interrupt her talks when the call comes in...
there were many occasions that i've had to momentarily stop my shower or leave the cinema to attend to calls.

hence, i do not discount the possibility that the phone calls including unknown/unfamiliar numbers are not important, and good thing is that, my wife understands.


Well-Known Member
Think everyone have given a pretty good and all rounded advise here.

in the nutshell,
some of us pointed out on issues on the guy side and others on the TS side.

To me, both have issues that they need to reflect about. I tend to agree with SM on the point that most busy people are making their calls more important than it really is. i.e. poor time and priority management. And of cos, there are really jobs that requires such reactivity as mentioned by Powder & vios. BUT, replying email while driving is clear OFF THE CHARTS regardless how important it is!

It is also true that TS reactions and expectations are somehow not exactly understanding or reasonable to her partner as pointed by vios.

Lastly, points are brought up about the couple's compatibility.

I'm wondering if the TS is still reading this thread? Or is her pride too strong to read it with opened mind? Care to respond?


Active Member
Milo, good summary haha

I believe it is more an issue with managing expectation than compatibility? This situation won't go away even if one changes partner/spouse as today's work life has become such that we need to keep up to speeds on things, and technologies are ensuring that. It's up to individuals to manage a good balance between work and personal life. And everyone has a different balancing scale to work on.

I personally don't see this as a problem as the bf and I do that on our dates or phone calls. At times we had to postpone our dates due to work or other commitments, or cut short a phone call. It's reality. Anyway, can always meet another day or call each other up again.


Active Member
yeah, it is all about managing expectation.

Email is a productivity tool but there has been too many abuses.. you know, the more email you reply the more it will generate.

I can sit and reply to email 24 hrs and it won't stop. So nowadays, I won't reply unless it is necessary.

And we are becoming slave to technology and suffering from information overload.

We update our facebook and twitters, our blogs and then more.. and then we plug our ipods into our ears to shut out the world.

We only have this much time a day and for me, when I am with my loved ones, I would try to give them the attention - no phone calls or other interruption unless absolutely necessary

Some of the things in this world can wait.. even making money can wait... but the time that you have with your loved ones may be lost if you do not appreciate it enough.

So while you have it, make time for your loved ones. But if your loved ones are busy, try to be understanding..


Active Member
"Some of the things in this world can wait.. even making money can wait... but the time that you have with your loved ones may be lost if you do not appreciate it enough. So while you have it, make time for your loved ones. But if your loved ones are busy, try to be understanding."

Love this!


New Member
Bravo to all the dedicated staff and their understanding partners.

My hubby is often appologetic about these late notice tasks he delegates.

But he is also concern about his staff's welfare.
If the tasks impose too much onto their family time, he will employ more staff or do the tasks himself.

Because he believes a person with enough rest and a happy family will give his best to the company.


New Member
my htb is also kinda like a workaholic. he owns his own biz, bt its a small one so he's always trying to make ends meet. he's always on the phone too, and he'll be workin(thank god he works from home) till after midnight, and then waking up early again.

we're planning our rom nw, and his workload was taking a toll on our rship(with so many things to get ready for rom and new hse).

abt a mth ago was the 'peak' of our quarrels, main bulk of it him being a workaholic.

i dnt wanna be guilty of making him lose any projects so i dnt nag so much. last mth i sat dwn and had a heart2heart talk with him and finally sort out anything. i told him why im feeling this way, and how i felt the need to have his attention for the rom bcos its once in a lifetime.. and how like he wsnt spending enough time on me..

i found out we were both heading the same way, just taking diff paths..

me: i want a happy marriage. to me, that means understanding and spending time with each other. and when he spends his time at work, i felt that my target of having a happy marriage is being threatened..

him: he sees money = happy marriage. with increasing bills for ROM + hse + furniture etc, we need more money. it just so happens that business is picking up nw and so many projs are coming in and he wants to take them no matter how tired he is.

so doesnt that mean that we both wan a happy marriage for each other?

sometimes, just have a talk will help alot..


New Member
"sometimes, just have a talk will help alot.."

I disagree with this.

Having a talk but without any change action to make things better is not gg to be beneficial to the r/s in the long run. It's just him hearing your complaint and you are complacent for that moment. This complaint will re-occur and the quarrel will take place all over again.

Anybody who plans to get married def wants to have a happy marriage. But it's the effort that one put into making the r/s work that is the lifelong skill that we need to pick up along the way.

In your case, both of you maybe working towards a happy marriage but you are not providing each other with what the other want.
1) You are not giving him the understanding that he needs to work to get $;
2) He's not giving you the time and attention;

End of the day, both of you will likely feel so exhausted with not getting what you want and end up quarreling all over again.

Knowing what both of you need in the r/s (comfort, $, presence, service, etc) and making effort to have time to provide such needs are 2 different things.

Think on this.


Well-Known Member
I think what Judy meant is it helps in the sense to better understand and appreciate each other intentions & pov. We don't always need actions or corrective plan between the couple for every communication made. Sometimes, its simply to understand pov of our partners. The processing could pretty much be internal, changing the strong views and expectations that we might have initially.

But I do agree and understand your point. i.e. when issues needs to be addressed, talking alone isn't enough. We need the commitment and cooperation to follow-thr with the needed follow-ups. i.e. its not some hugs and feel good session, thats it.