What's on her mind?

[sianz81]

A gal had already rejected me in the 1st place because she has someone else in mind. Since then, we have become good friends in the past 2 months talking almost about everything. All along there are some problems between she and that guy...they are not bf/gf yet due to the reason that he do not want to commit because of some other issues.
Recently we have gone out on dinner/movie dates quite often as compared to last time whereby she dun even want to go out with me at all. Reason is because she dun want to give me false hopes. But how come now she's willing to go on dates with me? Is she using me as a substitute? She kept saying that she feel it's not right to go out with me but end up still accept my dates. What's exactly on her mind?

 

[cherielim]

@Sianz81: As far as it goes.. Ur in her friend zone.. No matter what, she will not be your SO (Sad to say) cause she feels that you are not the one.. Move on and DUN WASTE anymore resources on her. There's always a better girl waiting for you somewhere in the midst of the ocean.

All the best !!!!

 

[thommy]

yes, she is treating u like a spare tyre. dun waste anymore time on her.

 

[matka]

urm. Keep an open mind. Don't think too much into it. Go out with her, go out with other people as well. Nobody will really know what she thinks. Just appreciate the friendship.

 

[cherielim]

@Sianz81 : Perhaps give her a taste of her own medicine. Treat her as a spare tyre too.

Like what my guys friends are doing, give her your attention (make her believe you are there for her and love her) while looking for the SPECIAL girl. Who knows somewhere along the line, you may have unexpected returns.

 

[infojunkie]

"She kept saying that she feel it's not right to go out with me but end up still accept my dates"

maybe u're a stand-in for the guy...

maybe she's lying...

observe and try to pick up hints...

hint: "lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off"

 

[miloice]

she is keeping you with all the disclaimer to ease her responsibility and any guilt for leading you on. And you are the stupid carrot cake being leaded on. I have been in those shoes before. Don't bluff yourself.... you are clinging on and hoping for a miracle... the slighting sign that you have the hope.

Move on bro.

 

[ariel84]

"Like what my guys friends are doing, give her your attention (make her believe you are there for her and love her) while looking for the SPECIAL girl. Who knows somewhere along the line, you may have unexpected returns."

Wah Cherie, your guy friends are so dangerous. Why like to mislead people?

Sianz81, just carry on go out with her as friends. I don't think you need to mislead her that you care for her as the special one, just treat her as how you would a friend. In the meantime, do go out with other people too.

I feel she is just treating you as spare tire, so don't pin any hopes on her.

 

[cherielim]

@Ariel: Some girls are simply being unfair to guy and therefore must give them a taste of their own medicine. If she can treat TS as a spare tire and toy with his feeling, TS on the other hand can also do the same thing to the girl.

 

[susanna_low]

Maybe she just treat u as a normal friend or a "sister" just like one of her gal friends?

Don't think too much.

 

[infojunkie]

aiyah cherie, dun mess around lah... use the time to think of what u gonna say to ur EX tonite...

he's "THE MOST important thing to U now" leh

 

[miloice]

What's the point... just because a person is selfish, doesn't mean we need to be an ass ourselves.

 

[cherielim]

@Junkie: I am not messing around but feel that some girls ought to be treated like CRAP to make them wake up (just like me)

@Milo: Different point of view from you. When someone is offensive (like the girl) who constantly toying and making use of the TS, it is time to change from being a nice guy to a AxxHole and start playing the same game with her.

 

[miloice]

Just move on. No matter how one justify for reasons of being an ass, doesn't change the fact of what an ass they have been. Is there a need to go this low?

 

[sianz81]

Dun worry...I wun be an ass.

 

[infojunkie]

er, TS, u sound a little sianz leh...

 

[miloice]

to add... if the person is someone we really cared for, why would we turn revengeful? At most disappointed with the person but the hatred is something quite beyond me. Why would someone turn from affection to hate? It reflects a lot about the kind of love one has. One that is spiteful, possessive and judgemental, perhaps?

 

[sianz81]

Haha..no lah. I already knew it all along. It's juz that I cant control myself to stop caring for her. And I cant treat her as a normal friend. She was feeling quite down recently so I was trying to cheer her up by asking her out for dinners and movies. She was quite determined not to go out with me at 1st but the frequency has since increased and for her to accept my dates was not a difficult issue anymore. I am surprised to be honest so was just thinking what changes her. Could it be due to she's starting to trust me, starting to confide in me more and more or that could be other reasons that she herself dosen know. Although I told myself not to think much and only go out with her as a friend but I must admit subconsiously I am clinging on and hoping for a miracle... the slightest sign that I still have the hope.

 

[susanna_low]

Sometimes when u r lonely and just need someone to go out with and talk to and u just happen to be there...tat's all..
dun hinder too much hope.

 

[infojunkie]

well 81 (sorry, i dun like that S-word),

u can take ctrl of the situation n WIN her over

 

[jefferson_edison]

Sianz81. after reading some of the writing above. I should tell you something. Sometime love is unfair, you love her and she don't love you because she got another guy in her mind.

The question is : will that stop you from loving her? if the answer is "YES". and you think she's using u as a subsitute. then YOU DON'T LOVE HER AT ALL, or you don't know how to love a person yet.

To love someone is to give, rather then to recieve. To care for her, spend time with her, enjoy the every moment with her.

If you go out with her and you have this feeling that she's using you as a subsitute. then better not waste your time or her time to go out together, since you are not happy during the time you are with her.

Even if she got a Boyfriend so what? You can still go after her an prove yourself that you love her more. you care about her. you are willing to do everything for her. Some more that guy is not even her boyfriend, you got every right to go after her even if she rejected you a thousand time. prove yourself to her that you seriously want her. Even if you failed, and she stop going out with you, there's no regret.

 

[sianz81]

Well Junkie,

how can I take care of this situation and WIN her over? You must be kidding rite? Haha.

 

[infojunkie]

prove ur worth

 

[jefferson_edison]

To WIN her over take time, sincerity and lots of hard work. to help her when she's in need, to care for her, to accompany her. to show her you do love her.

1) to be able to help her, you will need opportunity when she need help

2)to be able to accompany her, first she must be willing to go out with you. and I see she did go out with you, so that's not a problem.

And to be sure you love her, do the above 2 without thinking you will be able to get her to be your gf.

 

[sianz81]

Hi Jefferson,

No, it will not stop me from loving her. She knows I'm trying very hard and even ask me to stop having hopes on her but I told her I just want her to be happy and enjoy going out with me...that's all.
She already knows that I care for her and understand her more than this guy. Yes, to love someone is to give, rather then to recieve. To care for her, spend time with her, enjoy the every moment with her. Up till now, I have not regret doing all the things for her and even if I failed eventually, at least I know I did tried to fight for someone I love.

 

[jefferson_edison]

Yes never give up. Persistant is the word

At least she know that there's a fool in this world that really love her from the bottom of his heart.

We'll never know what will happen in the future, but what you've done now will be the result of the future.

 

[miloice]

Loving someone doesn't always mean having to possess the person. One has to look at all the aspect. Frankly, we don't not just marry the person we love for there are likely to be more than one. The only one we marry is the one that we are so good together. Someone you know for sure, you do not want to live without.

Do what you need, but don't expect anything. If it doesn't work out, know when to wake up and move on. You can definitely keep your emotions for her and maintain that friendship.

 

[thommy]

since u already know what lies in store for u ahead, just don't complain when u hit a brick wall in the end.

 

[sianz81]

I am already hitting brick wall from time to time. Haha.

 

[karvna]

@sianz81:

Wake up! This girl is obviously taking you for a ride. She is going out with you because she feels lonely. Once she gets back together with the other guy, she will kick you aside immediately!

 

[jefferson_edison]

but that's the only chance he can go out with her and he is happy when he is with her.

rather then staying at home see pix pcc. go out with the lady he love is best

 

[sianz81]

Wah piang eh Jefferson...dun say till I'm likdat leh...my goodness...Hahaha.

 

[susanna_low]

feelings cant be forced...
no expectation = no disappointment

 

[jefferson_edison]

but stay at home pcc is also not a way to get the lady... in the end if he failed to get he can have the time to pcc all day.

 

[susanna_low]

eh..but then feelings can't be forced, we cant simply just accept someone out of "pity".

If I sense that someone I like doesn't have interest on me, I will keep a distance.

 

[jefferson_edison]

but then the lady agree to go out with him. he got chance. maybe 7% chance. (GST) but got chance.

if he is rejected, smacked on the face first round when he date her out, then he got no chance.. maybe the chance will rise one day and he eventually get the lady.

he mustn't give up lo.

Ting Yi you keep a distance from the guy that like you and you don't like meaning that guy got 0% chance.

Sianz81 got some chance, let's not dim the small glowing light in the DARK ROOM.

 

[infojunkie]

hey 81,

set a deadline for this one lah. no harm trying

 

[susanna_low]

For me I will see him as a friend lah especially when he has make known that he has a gf or have someone in mind. It is better that he is frank about it rather than to toy with our feelings.

Even if we did go out together, i will only see him as friend.

Hinder too much hope and put too much feelings in it, the person that get hurt will only be ourselves and if we over do it, it will only scared and turn the other person away. I prefer to let nature take its course rather than to ponder too much about it but then I m those who take things easy.

My relationships usually start off with being good friends first.

 

[ariel84]

Sianz81, you can try to win her but don't expect anything, or else you'll be really heartbroken at the end of the day.

I still think it's wiser if you just be a good friend to her yet at the same time, don't stop knowing other girls as friends. For all you know, you may meet another girl who actually suits you more.

She could also be sian that the other guy not committing and hence "use" you to make him jealous (to prove that she have other guys chasing her) - I'm just assuming.

 

[miloice]

"but then the lady agree to go out with him. he got chance. maybe 7% chance. (GST) but got chance."

Don't quite agree lah. Mostly, we are bluffing ourselves to hold on and cling on some hopes. Be honest with ourselves. If the truth is obvious, why choose to dwell on what 7% chance? Time is limited. Don't waste time on fruitless hopes.

Need to know when to stop.

 

[jefferson_edison]

I myself suceed through the mere 7% chance. my case is critical and very hard, tough but in the end, suceed.

hope he can succeed in the end. Well he got no target now. so She's the only lady for him and he is like loving her so much.

If he set a deadline, then he's like forcing the girl to be his gf. he must gradually make the lady fall in love for him.

 

[pinktweet]

Not sure why many of you criticise the gal. She already expresses her thoughts/stand towards TS and TS is asking her out as a friend. She is feeling lonely and bored, nothing wrong in going out with a friend on pure friendship right? I don agree with those who say that she is leading him on.

As for TS, he still ask her out cos he clings on some hope right? Well, he willingly clings onto this hope, cannot blame the gal to accept his invitation cos the gal already make clear her stand.

 

[pinktweet]

agree with jefferson!

 

[miloice]

Jefferson, the deadline is not on the gal mah. But this guy cannot be hanging on air forever and relying on pcc right? keekee.

Like many other guys, I too gone through this patch. One needs to know when to put a stop and move on. The forest is really out there.

 

[sianz81]

I dun have a deadline for myself. But somehow this deadline will come automatically.

1) If she is attached with that guy.
2) If I meet another gal in future.
3) If she ignores me, avoids me and stops going out with me.

Other than that, if I still maintain contact with her, I think I will still continue to care for her and treat her well.

 

[miloice]

sianz, yes. you need to keep your window open. Its tough when you heart is hanging there for someone else. If you need that closure to move on, you need to make that call yourself and not rely on her to finally ignore you. There is nothing stopping the friendship to go on and you cannot be just hoping.

Actually, even if she is attached, u still can woo her. What's important is to find someone that places you 1st and not as a stand in while she look for her horse. Don't be that bull taken for that ride.

 

[ichangeforyou]

well... guess most of us are telling the TS to take a balanced view of things else he will be hurt bad if it doesn't turn out well. Honestly have seen quite a lot of such cases, most of the time it doesnt end well. I m not saying its all the time but most of the time.

Well the TS should know when to stop... lest he gets hurt bad if it doesnt turn out well... the deeper he falls the more painful the hurt. Then again its a choice. Everyone has a choice ya.

 

[infojunkie]

there once was a guy named steve who kept wondering... and ended up doing nothing: http://www.singaporebrides.com/forumboard/messages/5/1042701.html?1246508801

i hope u can see it as a challenge and not give up without trying

 

[jefferson_edison]

sianz81 what are you saying? even if she got another guy you should not give up. no deadline. love is forever. how can you love her now and then after the deadline you don't love her anymore?

She got a guy? who care, that don't make you stop loving her.
You meet other girl in the future? that's when u met another girl, and if she's better then her and she still done love you, go for the second girl. Don't tell me the second girl also got another guy in the mind and reject you... then you got no way to go.

if she ignore you, avoid you and stop going out with u. solution... see pix and pcc... until that time then say bah, now just continue what you should do.., be nice to her.

 

[sianz81]

Well Junkie,

If I were to gave up, I would have already done so when she rejected in the 1st place. But 2 mths down the road, I am still trying and maybe things are moving on the right trend. The only thing is to tell myself not to be too naive and believe blindly that I got still got a chance. Now it's not a question of to try or not to try, it's a question of can and when I want to stop.