What to do?

Married for 7 years, have 1 kid.

Recently found my wife was cheating on me. She cried and begged for my forgiveness. I called her lover out and beat him. And the lover promised me they won't see each other again, I knew that's not possible since they are colleagues.

Anyway, I found they were together again weeks later. I was out of rage by that time. And later my wife told me, they had kept connection with each other for 1 month after I found out. She said she is willing to live with me, although she realized she did not love me anymore. And she said she also did not love the other guy now, because that guy refused to divorce for her.

I did everything I could to save the marriage. It does not work well since my wife said there is no chemistry any more. But it gets better since she is not asking for divorce now, she asked for divorce or separation everyday for like a month since I discovered the affair.

Now I send a few text messages to my wife everyday, she rarely replies them, if she do reply, the message will be: "Ok" or "ttyl". And never pick up my call during working hours. We sometimes still make love, but she wont let me kiss her.

The worst thing happened to me I think is, I completely lost my confidence. I cannot focus on work nor life. Sometimes cannot sleep whole night. And I am keeping wondering what is going on her side. Although she said she would not do anything like that to me again. And I cannot check on her anymore because that will only push her away from me.


New Member
since she's no longer with the other party, she has gotten over the guilt and you apparently.

with you accommodating her now, she's in the dominant position.

i know how hard it is to get over another person no matter how mean she is; so until then you will continue to feel very lousy.....best wishes dude..


Active Member

gotta learn to let go... instead of chasing after toys u once owned and wanna keep. there are so many women around, why hanker n be stuck with just one when this one obviously not into the relationship anymore...


Active Member
it's tough to see pple stuck in 1 relationship, 1 person for a long time when the whole dynamics are no longer there... sometimes chasing after reasons that u may never know...

an important life-skill... is to learn to let go, and see things in a lighter n more 'zen' mode... it can really help us re-prioritise our life to do the things we can, and not chase after things we cannot control.


"I completely lost my confidence."

Chase back your:
Confidence + Self esteem = Possible reconciliation (there is no other way)


New Member
I also like that. 1 new born, husband commit affair while I pregnant.
He say he does not love me anymore, but he know he is not possible with the mistress.
So I cannot wait for him forever. I move on with my BB.

I read a lot of affair thingy after I start my separation.
Ppl in affair is in a "fog" state. They are deeply in love with each other. No matter what harm they have caused, they will use excuses eg not in love with the spouse anymore, meet their soulmate etc to justify their mistake.
Because cheater is selfish.

For the betrayed spouse to do, you cannot make them stop. The affair have to stop by themselves.either stop by one of the party, or feeling die off by themselves.

So what most important to do, u move on by Urself, let her continue her blur state.
Because u cannot wait for her forever, she will forever be like that if u are at her side all the time.
Let her know u will/can move on Urself without her, be successful,happier without her.maybe she will come to realize " what the hell am I doing" later. Or even nv realize.
But u must know, u cannot force her or wait for her. U never know when she will reach that state or maybe never.


New Member
Get evidence of her unfaithfulness n file for divorce.
Check with a lawyer on the steps u need to take... Best to ensure u get the child custody.