i am 30 years old this year, and have been with my bf for 2 years plus. we have talked about marriage, but he insists that we should not get married until we have enough cash to buy house, savings, wedding etc...that will be another 2 years more. my concern is, i am not young anymore, and i don't wish to give baby only when i am in mid thirties.. and babies dont come easy as you age... if i wait for another 2 more years, and ends like breaking up with them (for unforeseen reasons), then it will be too late by the time i got to spend time looking for another partner..what should i do? my family has encouraged me to break up with him, since he is not willing to settle down with me..
What should i do?
- Thread starter newhope
- Start date
susanna_low
New Member
You do seem to be easily swayed by the comments from others. That shows how uncertain ur r/s is and u are talking abt a lifetime marriage.
Marriage is not juz about finding a partner to hv babies or a roof over the head.
What if ur bf has health issues and able to reproduce or having some serious finance issues, are u still going to stick with him for life??
If both of u are serious into each other, the qns tat will be pondering is how to turn ur dream into reality. There must be a mutual savings plan and also both of u r willing to work hard to save up the $$. Shorten the length of waiting, work on the budget for a wedding/hse etc.
Marriage is both responsibility and it doesn't fall only on the man's shoulder.
Marriage is not juz about finding a partner to hv babies or a roof over the head.
What if ur bf has health issues and able to reproduce or having some serious finance issues, are u still going to stick with him for life??
If both of u are serious into each other, the qns tat will be pondering is how to turn ur dream into reality. There must be a mutual savings plan and also both of u r willing to work hard to save up the $$. Shorten the length of waiting, work on the budget for a wedding/hse etc.
Marriage is both responsibility and it doesn't fall only on the man's shoulder.
in the first place would u guys be in the frame of mind to settle down? leave out the finances for now first... if answer is yes, then i do think earlier is a little more advantageous given the age, so i'd more or less agree with your thoughts.
firstly, i dun really think housing would be any closer in two years, but u'll definitely have more mooola as long as u're consistent with savings.
no doubt money is impt, but if u really wanted to be toghpether, u can do without some of the financially-crippling elements. i did without a wedding and housing.
firstly, i dun really think housing would be any closer in two years, but u'll definitely have more mooola as long as u're consistent with savings.
no doubt money is impt, but if u really wanted to be toghpether, u can do without some of the financially-crippling elements. i did without a wedding and housing.
mum_of_2_girls
New Member
Hi sad gal,
For women, the age 35 is a very important number.
I already know I want to be a mother someday that's why I started dating since late teens.
This will give me more time find Mr Right.
Well, the guys are lucky. They have more time to find Ms Right.
Life is unfair indeed!
Hope your boyfriend can be understanding. The age factor is more important than the money factor. Money can be earned and saved but you can't turn back time with age.
You don't have to be really rich to get marry and have a baby. You can live with your parents 1st. There are also cash gifts and baby bonus from the government to help the parents.
You should do fine with a bit of planning.
Think about those women who go through IVF etc just to hope for a baby, more money needed for all these tests and surgeries.
So it makes sense to start early.
For women, the age 35 is a very important number.
I already know I want to be a mother someday that's why I started dating since late teens.
This will give me more time find Mr Right.
Well, the guys are lucky. They have more time to find Ms Right.
Life is unfair indeed!
Hope your boyfriend can be understanding. The age factor is more important than the money factor. Money can be earned and saved but you can't turn back time with age.
You don't have to be really rich to get marry and have a baby. You can live with your parents 1st. There are also cash gifts and baby bonus from the government to help the parents.
You should do fine with a bit of planning.
Think about those women who go through IVF etc just to hope for a baby, more money needed for all these tests and surgeries.
So it makes sense to start early.
tomasulu
Member
my experience says if a guy wants to marry you, he will notwithstanding his circumstances. many couples got married and stayed with their parents while waiting for their flats. not ideal but you get my point i hope.
assuming he is over 30, why hasn't he saved enough to start a family? he would have at least 5-6 years of working life under his belt no?
assuming he is over 30, why hasn't he saved enough to start a family? he would have at least 5-6 years of working life under his belt no?
I do agree that if a guy wants to marry you, financial status should not be the barrier holding him back. You guys can go with a simple wedding by inviting small groups only family and close friends. Is he an egoistic guy who goes for perfection to fulfill his man ego? Or did you share with him that you wanna have a princessy dream wedding which he felt its difficult to achieve?
There are many reason why one is not ready to commit to marriage at one point, you may want to find out more.
Give yourself some thoughts... do you want to marry him coz you really love him? or you just want to get yourself off the rack soon to upgrade yourself with a title 'Mrs' coz of the age?
From what I've read in your post, it seem to me that if he can't fulfill the marriage within your time frame to settle down, then you will alight anytime and hop onto another guy that comes along. If this is love~ can this r/s be given up so easily?
You mentioned you are afraid that by waiting for another 2yrs, there might be unforeseen reasons and resulted the r/s to fail. So if he really does propose and marry you now, aren't you afraid the marriage might fail due to such unforeseen reasons? What worst if you have kids that come along... that will be a heavy burden for both of you.
I guess now you shouldn't be worry on whether you are in time to have kids... whats more impt is if both of you are in same frequency to settle down now or later, and if he is really meant to be your life partner. If he's not, move on and search for the ONE.
I'm 32 this yr, just got married months ago. Whether or not we can have our own children, its still a qns mark. We are sure its not any age issue if we can't as there are many many factors being involved. Whats more important to us is to have a healthy marriage, good health & good lifestyle. Children~ just gotta work double hard or triple harder for it. They are gifts from God and shall be a bonus when it happens.
There are many reason why one is not ready to commit to marriage at one point, you may want to find out more.
Give yourself some thoughts... do you want to marry him coz you really love him? or you just want to get yourself off the rack soon to upgrade yourself with a title 'Mrs' coz of the age?
From what I've read in your post, it seem to me that if he can't fulfill the marriage within your time frame to settle down, then you will alight anytime and hop onto another guy that comes along. If this is love~ can this r/s be given up so easily?
You mentioned you are afraid that by waiting for another 2yrs, there might be unforeseen reasons and resulted the r/s to fail. So if he really does propose and marry you now, aren't you afraid the marriage might fail due to such unforeseen reasons? What worst if you have kids that come along... that will be a heavy burden for both of you.
I guess now you shouldn't be worry on whether you are in time to have kids... whats more impt is if both of you are in same frequency to settle down now or later, and if he is really meant to be your life partner. If he's not, move on and search for the ONE.
I'm 32 this yr, just got married months ago. Whether or not we can have our own children, its still a qns mark. We are sure its not any age issue if we can't as there are many many factors being involved. Whats more important to us is to have a healthy marriage, good health & good lifestyle. Children~ just gotta work double hard or triple harder for it. They are gifts from God and shall be a bonus when it happens.