what should i do to make him stay?

troubledwife

New Member
I am married for 19 years and have 3 kids with my husband. We dated for around 3.5 years before we got married then.

5.5 years ago, my hubby asked me why did we get married in the first place as his friend asked him this question. We had some argument about my exs as he said whatever I said 5.5 years ago did not tally to at I told him before we gotten married about my exs. He said I confessed I did something with the exs but now I denied or even change the whole story, seriously some of the things happened like more than 20 yrs ago, how can we remember everything. We had discussions and explanations for months till it slowly died off and he did not mentioned anything anymore.

I do have a complicated history before I met with my husband, I had flings (before meeting him) and also have some complicated relationships with some guys. The complicated relationship with some guys even continued when I was dating my husband then. I did not break off with these guys and still go out with them as friends. As like what my husband said, I was selfish and I refused to give them up. He caught me like 3 times cheating on him but eventually on the last time he caught me, he was ready to let me go but in the end we made up and we got married few months later.

One month ago, he asked whether can we divorce as he had been thinking abt this since 5.5 years ago and feel that he was just a substitute for all the guys as I did not love him when I agreed to marry him. He said all the guys left me so I had no choice but to take him (the lousiest left). But me, even having a complicated past, when I decided to commit and marry him, I really did not try to cheat on him anymore. He said he don’t want to live in a loveless marriage and he is starting to hate me more and more as I cannot explain myself and my exs and what I had done with them and he thinks I am a serial liar. He said he cannot live with a liar anymore. He is afraid one day in the future any guy come, I will just leave him again.

I know I have a complicated past but I really did not cheat on him after we gotten married. There were exchanges of messages online with some of the previous guys during our initial years of marriage but after the marriage progressed and we have kids, I am fully devoted to him and the kids. Now I feel like my world is crashing down as he is very insistent of getting a divorce, he moved out of our room to sleep with the kids and said he do not want to talk to a liar anymore.

I tried to explain things of my exs and me and he said it's all lies as it did not tally to what he remembered that it was like and he said I am lying until today.

I am really troubled and at a loss as I felt that finally I am living a life I want with a man I love and now he wants to leave me… We even made plans to grow old tog and retire and travel around before all these happened… now its really like impossible.

How do I convince him that its love when we gotten married and I did not marry him due to pity or because he was the last guy there…​
 

ing1

Active Member
Do you remember what exactly happened between both of you 5.5 years ago? I believe the friend's question 5.5 years ago was just a trigger.

Or what could have happened recently that brought up the trigger again?
 

jhng

New Member
TS mentioned she had been married for almost 20 yrs, that leaves them (the couple) prob in mid forties? Could be midelife crisis? As in your husband could want to feel "desired" again (in another word, he wants to know if you have ever lusted for him at all, that is what most men mean when they say "love" when they first date the girl", just like your other exs make you feel). Though I want to say, seriously after 20 yrs of building a family together, this kind of thing not really as important...but...its a man thing.

I mean, as a man I can probably understand why he say "no choice left, so married the lousiest one". He probably know he is the "non-exciting, husband material" kind, which can be a good catch, but this kind of feeling doesnt feel good for the man at any age.
 
Last edited:

Lostsheepj

New Member
Being a guy, the person who has triggered this issue has to be his friend. I cannot think of any reason of why he gets so pissed with you only after 5.5 years unless he himself was deceived one way or another (I hope I am wrong but it may be another woman). If my guess is right, he must have confided in his friend who swayed him
 

Top