What Friend Are For??!!

[jen02]

Just wonder what friend are for. When they needs our helps we are the one helping them. When it our turn for help they will ignore us.

This few weeks i been contacting close friend for Jiemei. I have 2 buddy who knew them since primary sch! It more then 10 year friend! I thought it should be no problem asking them. Know what! In the end only 1 agree! The other one keep finding all kind of excuse. She even ask me to call my mother's sister to be my jiemei! Am so fed up!

Then there is another friend whom just ROM 2 year back. On her big day, she asked me if i can be her witness. Without any thinking i agree. Yesterday i call her. Asking if she can be my Jiemei. The answer back is, now she is very fat and she don't know what jiemei sld do. She only agree to come for my banquet. Why she gain weight and can't be my jiemei! Damm excuses!

So far, now i only found one Jiemei for my actual day. Am so fed up. I could not even find anyone for my actual day. On times when we need help, then we will know who is the REAL FRIEND for us.

 

[jewelmelody]

Hi Haze,
I can understand yr concern. I guess some girls dread being jie mei cause afraid of troublesome and have to wake early etc. Another issue is they have such belief that not more <3 times as jie mei or else will left on the shelf. I think the most impt issue is to have close friend as helper on that day. It is better to have 1 jiemei whom render all her help whole heartedly than have many jie meis whom attend unreluntantly to fill in the gap due to obligation. If u have sisters or cousins, they can be yr jie meis too, not necessary must be friends though.

Last of all, be assured of yrself. Does not means having many jie meis make yrself feel better. I have a friend whom marry witout any jie meis helping her but still have her wedding proceed very well.

 

[lynn_c09]

Hi Haze,

I had the same experience, wen "she" need my help, I am always there for "her", wen we hv conflicts, "she" always used hurtful words on me. Once it was so hurtful that wen I reached hm, I cried while telling my HB, he told me nt to get too close wif her anymore.

Wen I told her the good news that I am geeting married and told her she's gonna be my jie mei, the one i/c of everything, she nv say anything. Until the date is near, she den backed out, said need to wrk. Ok, fine. There's nothing I can do. Thank God that I hv a grp of ver closed frds since pri sch, they helped me the most and did alot for me. Though, its weird that I hv 3 jiemeis, which is an odd number, I assured them its nt an issue to me, cos plus me is 4.

"She" came for my wedding dinner, she dressed casually, but I dun md, cos she disgraced herself nt me. But my 3 other jiemeis were ver angry wif her! AFter my wedding, we had a gathering, they cornered me, telling me to dress casually wen its her turn to get married. I told them, its nt me, I dress well nt to shame myself. I muz definitely dress well and go. They understood my pt of view.

 

[jewelmelody]

Does not seems such problem occure in the Xiong Dis as brothers are more 爽快 and usually go in a gang and are more united when helping the groom friend. However it seems such problems occur when gathering JIe Mei as woman is basically thinking too much of themselves and more 婆婆妈妈.
I thnk woman should learn to be as 爽快 as the brothers.
Anyway, we just have to accept that some pple are appreciative type while some are not.
After all, 一ç§ç±³å…»ç™¾ç§äºº. Haha

 

[wyy]

Hmmm

I agree with Jewelmelody....some have concern on waking up early, not to be Jiemei for more than 3times......

Haze,

I feel u can look sister/cousin to help.

I have a friend also face the same prob as yours. B4 her wedding many of her friends said they want to be her jiemei and when time is near all back out. Is sad but sometimes strange ppl are all around. No point be angry over strange ppl BUT confirm this matter will upset your relationship with her.

I dun face the prob as yours but having less or more does not matter. All you need is a trustworthy assistance to help u carry things (eg HP, angboa, gifts from relative etc).

I am talking from a practical aspect. Having less means your jiamei will get more $ from Angbao....hee hee

BTW, from another aspect, perhas your friend who back out is jealous or not able to come to a fact that her BEST friend is going to get marry....(just my 2 cents)

 

[wyy]

jewel.....

brothers also got prob one lor.....just that brothers want face dun noe how to reject onli.

 

[jewelmelody]

hi YY,
Is It? i tot brothers are more 爽快 mah.. usually they do enjoy such events as they can tekan the sisters and make more "girl-friend" Haha. I remember I once a Jie mei and the groom bring 6 brothers while I am one of the 3 jie meis only. Hahaha.
In my opinion, just get really really close friends to be yr Jie Mei. No point ask Jie mei whom only meet once a year to be Jie Mei and do expect rejections. The Jie Mei or helpers should be really close friends that share yr joy and be 义ä¸å®¹è¾ž on yr big day.

 

[wyy]

brothers have their own prob one lor.....just that we dun noe....heehee

one thing for sure if the groom got many friends, those guys will come help without asking. If the groom got not many friends (like my ah lao) then have to ask for help liao.......

For jiemei, of course to get close friends to help BUT is not a MUST to be friends, sisters/cousin also can......

One thing for sure having less is better than getting one who is unwilling.

 

[lynn_c09]

i ever seen a frd's wedding video that the xiong-dis consist of their gfs as well.....

 

[wyy]

Mrslynn....

like that funni lor

hahaha
at least the gf should be the jiemei mah

 

[lynn_c09]

Hi Wong,

I was shocked y they were the "xiong-di". Cos they were standing far behind, i was wondering y the "xiong-di" got long and curly hair.. As they cm nearer.... OMG, they were gals!! haha...

 

[wyy]

hahahaha

so funni......

My friend's wedding lagi funni.....her HB get all his cousins and friends to be brothers.

when they approach the door like gansters want to break in.......hahahaha BUT the Jiemei (inc me) is not that easy lor cos all are Engineer also rough one.....hahahaha

 

[lynn_c09]

For me and another buddy, we r both married, whereas the other two are nt, bt we will be be the jiemeis for one another until all r married. Tat's wat frds are for.

If parents pantang, den no choice.....

 

[wyy]

hmmmm...

agree wif you mrslynn....

alot of things in customary are for parents. I mean in this generation, many things are modified and simplified liao

 

[sevengate8]

Actually, it is depend on individual relationships with your friends and you must understand your friends also.

Some people are shy and they are not used to that kind of celebration.

I think we should put too much attention on xiong di or jie mei issue. The most important is they give you sincere wishes...everyone is happy will do.

Haze, Congratulation!

 

[sevengate8]

Actually, it is depend on individual relationships with your friends and you must understand your friends also.

I think we should put too much attention on xiong di or jie mei issue. The most important is they give you sincere wishes...everyone is happy will do.

Haze, Congratulation!

 

[lynn_c09]

Hi Wong,

My married buddy ever asked me if I mind, I told her I dun, its like a blessing frm a married couple, let's dun say abt divorce couple, no matter wat, we still wan a hao zhao tou.... I oso advised a frd who's gonna get married nt to get a divorced frd to be her jiemei. Nt that we look down on her, juz tat, anything happened, we muz be answerable to our parent and inlaws

 

[crazy_guy]

i did xiong di b4 for my 2 sch frens..we're very good pals, so once asked will sure give a helping hand..

i even help one of them collect n sent cakes, do up, send n collect wedding car etc...

 

[salsa_babe]

depends on how close you are wif the fren.

I ever helped a fren to do RSVP for her guests, source for flower basket for the flower girl..when she was away for her stage performances and only to be returned to Sg 2 days before her wedding.

I was sort of like a coordinator liao...prepared her gowns..in charge of the AB box..coordinated with the hotel mgr while she was having her solemnization etc etc.....

Most imptly...the bride must not be worried abt all these things...if not, she cant enjoy herself on her big day. It was tiring...but I was happy when she mentioned my name and gave thanks on the stage

 

[jewelmelody]

What is Jie Mei or Xiong Di?
The words literally means like yr kin sister and brother so they are pple whom know you very well to give you the best support and share the joy with you on yr special day. I know there are couples finding Jie Mei or XIong Di just to make up the Even numbers or properity's sake which I think is rather irrelevant. Hence I agree wif salsa to find helpers whom you already all along in close contact to give you a helping hand. Like what Crazy guy says, he even help send cake and collect wedding car for his buddy w/o being told and asked..

 

[jen02]

Hi Ladies,
Thks alot for ur advise.
My family tree is very strange. I dun have any cousin or any sister. Am the only Granddaugther to my both Grandparent. That why am so sad and worry abt my AD.

I have check with my FH. There will be more then 6 xiong di! I only have 1 Jiemei. I even asked my FH to cut short the xiong di, he said impossible. As very hard to tell them that can u dun be my xiong di.

Indeed, Xiong di is very support. My bf dun even have to speak out. One of my his fren wedding, my FH is the driver. That time every Xiong di said when time for my FH they will come and help.

For my friends, not one of them had done jiemei before. I dun understand. How hard isst for them. Even my only jiemei, she comment that she wouldn't do anything. Just stand beside me. That all! Am so freak out. The gate crashing, who gona to help me. As a bride i can't stand as a jiemei! Think of it, am so depress.

 

[jewelmelody]

I guess usually guys are more initiative and more straightforward and has that kind of 兄弟义气 which build up from NS days.
Whereas girls are more 婆妈.Yr gal friend has no experience in being Jie Mei and no clue what to do and perhaps she is the introvert type. Usually it seems girls need to be extrovert to be Jie Mei while hagging at the door with the brothers. The whole gate crashing thing is to make the whole event more lively. How about do away with it?

 

[cys]

Hi Haze

just a suggestion based on the current situation, you are upset with your friends because in your mind you have a fixed idea that every bride got to go thro' the rowdy 'gatecrashing' game and the more jiemei the better.

How about try to accept the idea of a simple and civilise welcome for the groom ? Do away with the 'gatecrashing' rowdy games. This way your only jiemei can become your bridesmaid. Your groom can automatically give the 'entrance angpow' to your mother after they open the door to welcome him.

 

[jen02]

Hi Girls,

Yeah, guy tend to be more friendly. I also tot of doing away with gate crashing, but my mum say if no gate crashing other may tink am cheap skate. My mum die die wan a gate crashing. I really duno what to do. Felt like knocking the wall. Hai!!

 

[miloice]

Haze,

ever thought of asking your colleagues and lunch kakis? Anyway, why get depressed? To be disappointed with your friends would be understandable reaction but to the extend of getting depressed is a bit drama in my opinion.

 

[jen02]

Milo,

I have already asked my colleague. Same answer is they not comfortable with it. Getting depress is i duno what to do. Almost all my fren i have asked. When i tink who can help me for the gate crashing.

 

[jen02]

Milo,

I have already asked my colleague. Same answer is they not comfortable with it. Getting depress is i duno what to do. Almost all my fren i have asked. When i tink who can help me for the gate crashing.

 

[wyy]

haze,

i think maybe can simplify. Perhaps can take on headache's suggestion?

If you really want gate crashing....maybe see if those siong di have gf lor....(not too sure this will work).

There is no point being stress over the gate crash matter cos is really that impt as compared to have blessing from friends and relative.

Somemore kakis and friends not comfortable is really no point to force them.....

One more thing to note,if you stress on this matter....later the guest list may be more stressful.

 

[jen02]

Wong,
Indeed. I never force them. Just felt disappointed. Each time they need me, i alway there for them. Even i cant make it. I will take leaves for them.
Maybe they not comfortable with it.

 

[honesty]

haze...it's like dat one lo...some frens will disappoint u at some point in your life. Dont say "everytime they need me, i'll be there for them" cos dat would mean u are frens with them expecting their returns. Then again, i understand ur disappointment, cos i have frens who disappoint me all the time..but that didnt stop me from being a great fren to the rest of my frens

Haiyah, i can also understand ur mom's request of having a noisy gatecrashing...she must be cantonese rite? Worse come to worst..if u really cant find anyone, i come and help u lah! Hehe...funny but i'm not joking la...think maybe some girls here in forum will help u too?

Any volunteers?

 

[jen02]

Hi Honesty,

Just now another 2 fren also regret my offer again. She need to pray to god. She say very rush and no time. HAI.. wat kind of fren i have ard me. Another one is bcos she need to work. Hai.. i wan to cry liao.

Really?! U willing be my Jiemei? I be so happy to welcome u! I duno what to say! AM so TOUCH! THKS A MILLION! I never expect someone will help me! AM really so touch!

Yes, any kind soul willing to help me? I dun mind giving BIG hongbao. =D

 

[goooogal]

I din know you can be jiemei when u're married?

I dun mind the big angbao.. hahaha...

 

[salsa_babe]

G~gal....married liao can oso be JM...as long as the bride does not mind

if G~gal be your JM, then I oso want kpo-kpo and join her liao

The more the merrier.

It is indeed disappointing to see that when you needed help on your big day, those so-called frens started giving excuses....this cannot, tat cannot. Pls! This is once in a lifetime thing! Dun understand ~

 

[lynn_c09]

Hi Haze,so hapi for u that the fellow forumers are willing to help u. Maybe u can email me, we can further discuss.
[email protected]

 

[rara]

hey!! if my jiemeis are in, count me in too man! provided i can make it lah

honestly, for my good friends, i don't mind at all helping in the search for service providers, planning and logistics on the actual day etc. a good friend's big day leh!

 

[simpleman]

wah you gals are so helpful hor..

 

[prada]

jen02, sometimes its like that hor? when u really need help, then you will know who are your true friends.

 

[september]

hmm....y does people scare being jiemei? in fact i njoy being jiemei so much tat on my wedding i can still tell my jiemei tat being the bride is so boring....wahahaha

 

[vvn]

diana,

and i remember some bride who was so bored in her room that she surfed SG brides... keke.

i also find bride very boring that day. AND i've never be a jie mei before lor!

 

[wyy]

haze,

they are kind soul around lor....

so many volunteer here......I will not volunteer cos i dun noe how to be jiemei...heeheee....and the onli one i done is not good lor....i spoil mood one....heehee

honesty,
sure or not....Cantonese like noisy gate crashing meh.....i canto but i dun like noisy lor.......

One thing very spoil mood one....when gatecrash sure will have some Kpo auntie always say " time is up liao...let the groom in if not the good time will be delay"

Chey...so many rules then dun play gatecrash lah....as if the jiemei dun noe the time...

 

[goooogal]

I think having jie meis add to the festivities and mood of the AD lor. For my case, my "gatecrash" was at my hotel room and not at home, so I booked hotel rooms for my jiemeis too and they came over to my room in the morning to tease my hb and his frens. We didn't have any kpo aunties or relatives around at all so it was just a bit of fun. Then we drove back to my ILs' house for the tea ceremony.

 

[salsa_babe]

my last JM experience was real fun.

We tekan the groom and the XD for an hr+....and the bride's parents (esp. the mum) were so happy...din even want us to end so early....but we were so exhausted. The groom's shirt was all wet

After tat....went home to shower and rushed down to hotel for the bride's MUA to style my hair and oso for rehearsal...coz I was the MC for the nite

 

[wyy]

wow....salsa...heng u not my jiemei.....elsemy ah lao will cry.....hee hee

 

[salsa_babe]

kekekek.....dun like that lah

must oso see the XD and JM fun or not lor. If get those sian sian ones...then it will not be fun liao

I rem hor...one of the XD...carried the money bag and dare not join in the fun....coz we were all very chor-lor. Pushed here and there.....but then he k-po lah...came in front to see 'show' and I snatched away the money bag when he was not noticing. He panicked liao

then it was another round of 'fighting' coz the other XD had to snatch back the money bag

 

[wyy]

aiyo.....

i scare liao....
me really bery lucky dun have u as my jiemei....hee hee

 

[goooogal]

Salsa... wah so scary leh.. luckily my jiemeis are all v civilised one!! Hahaha..

 

[salsa_babe]

hahahaha.....tat's how we made the bride's mum so happy mah.

the XD were so 'ä¸å®¢æ°”'....so we cant to. hahaha...

 

[jen02]

Hi Salsa_latina, mrslynn, RaRa,

Really u ladies willing to help me? Am really so touch!! THKS A MILLION!! I duno what to say, but really so touch! I never expected someone from here willing to come out and help me. Again THKS A MILLION!! *Hug*

Last night i had a nitemare. Maybe due to the stress am having. I also duno why those frens treat me this way. Am very sad and disappointed.

Ladies,
Will u dun mind to email me to discuss abt it? Do u have MSN?
My Email is [email protected]
MY MSN ID is [email protected].

 

[wyy]

haze,

i think if salsa be your JM....super fun leh but hor abit scary though

 

[jen02]

Wong YY,
I dun care. It my bf problem. Better to takan him hard. Haha! Once in a lifetime ma. Bring fun into my family too. =D