What do you normally do at night?

[blackpoisonousbtutterfly]

me and bf have a very big problem. that is normally in the day we have or own things to do. and only at night we are free. but at night esp around 9+ 10, all the shops are close alreadi and i seriously dun tink there's much we can do.

esp when he drive, it is even harder, bcos we cant go slack and drink. once in awhile movie is ok. but after that we seriously cant tink of anithing but just go home. and sometimes he will just go out and meet wif his frens and slack. resulting in me being abit neglected and drift further apart.

ani activies that we both can do after 10pm or so?

 

[cuclainne]

if you want to drink, then don't drive. each time we have visitors in sg, we would leave the car at home if we have the intention of going to the pub or having late dinner ..

 

[miloice]

The big problem isn't the lack of activities but the need for activities to stay connected.

 

[cherrygirl]

some suggestions ..
1) do jigsaw puzzles at his house
2) take up dancing classes together.. then have dinner after 10pm (after the dancing class)
3) go to the arcade
4) go ktv

 

[miloice]

Mostly after 10pm, I'm home online / playing games / watching TV with wife or simply pampering each other at home. Does it mean I'm having a big problem too??

 

[kessie83]

Prawn fishing!!! Chill out at some romantic cafes...
Altivo, Holland village, rochestor, bali villa, damsey. Go night safari, night time fishing, wATch vcds, can take up bowlings too.. night blading, there are so many things to do!!!!

 

[cherrygirl]

i think Milo's lifestyle is common.. my htb also like that de.. lolz

agree with Kessie on Prawn fishing..its fun but that time me and htb only manage to fish 1 prawn only.. sob.. cos the others play cheat by using their hand to catch the prawns!!

 

[kessie83]

wow piang.. Cherry, talk abt prawn fishing, there is one idiotic man who tried to scoop the prawns with his hand, he splashed the water and the prawn up at me while i prawning there. damn hell, i was drenched lor, that stupid idiotic man.%^&^$$%#$#^*(*()

 

[miloice]

I just don't understand why a relationship must have alot of different things to do together to sustain. The activities is secondary... the key is how you guys work on your relationship. If its drifting, it has nothing to do with the lack of activities. But the communication, interest and commitment in the relationship itself.

 

[vios]

I do think every couple needs individual time to do their own stuffs or be with friends, etc...
Out of the two, the person who ALWAYS feels neglected should not totally focus on the other half..

When there's time like that, it's either that the needy person re-look his/her life (as a whole) or find a more compatible partner.

 

[blackpoisonousbtutterfly]

i also have my own time and have to go and look after my mum, which i will only be free till quite late. i also do meet up with my friend, i have my own life too.

it's jus that he feel that since we both have nothing to do when together, then might as well, he just go out with his frens. it result in being drift apart as we dun realli have much time to spend tog, much last talk.

i didnt know which arcade still open till late? in the past we did went prawning, but bcoming more and more expensive -.- and also we did went for movies, hang out together wif frends and such. but seems to have stopped all that because he say i will find it boring hence i stop tagging along, because i dun do what they do. billiard, dota.

we're not married but staying together. and only have 1 laptop, so cannot game together. else if like last time, we always game together still ok. so now is really boring. and both of us are constantly arguing because we both think that we both are not spending enough time together and blame each other for that. sigh.

 

[cuclainne]

you don't really need activities in order to communicate or to spend quality time together ..

there's nothing i like more than cuddling up with the husband on the sofa, watching tv when our girls have gone to bed.

 

[cherrygirl]

hi butterfly , go learn pool? i also don't know how , so i get my bf to teach me.. at least we still can spend some time together although he laugh at my pool skills..

 

[snoopies]

Me and my bf always do pillow-talk. Spending time outside means spending more money...
We're just happy to cuddle at home to watch movies, pillow talk and sometimes with light drinking...
If we get bored at home, we'll just drive around to get some breeze, walk around malls, partying with friends on weekends but nothing still beats spending time at home.

 

[blackpoisonousbtutterfly]

snoopies: i agree going out means that it's waste of money. but problem with both of us is, when he is home, he will jus stick to the lappie while i will feel like sleeping. comfort of home =X

cherry: i got ask him teach me and got learn. but hor, he dun like to play with me. because he too pro liao. then he find me lousy. then feel that playing together is more of him entertaining me not accompanying each other. because he can 1 cue clear whole table -.-

cuclainne: trying my best to do so because always feel tired once i touch the bed. LOL

 

[miloice]

"we're not married but staying together. and only have 1 laptop, so cannot game together. else if like last time, we always game together still ok. so now is really boring. and both of us are constantly arguing because we both think that we both are not spending enough time together and blame each other for that. sigh."

This is the clue on where the issue is... There is no commitment to work things out as a couple. Instead, both of you are blaming each other.

if there is only 1 notebook, what is stopping u from getting another. But seriously, a relationship cannot depend on gaming for you 2 to talk and spend time together. What you need is simply commitment. Commitment to spend QUALITY time not on games or anything but on pillow talks and intimate time pampering each together. Time to seriously align your goals as couple. You don't grow nor maintain a relationship out of convenience.

 

[kahlen]

Play board games together?

 

[vios]

Hi butterfly,

gotta to understand that this co-habitation phrase is sort of a trial for the r/s... whereby the couple integrates all the habits (good or bad) and individual interests under one roof before the marriage.

Whilst you're at this stage, deeper communication for common understanding is very much needed... there's no point pushing yourself (if forcefully) to try to do something that he always likes, but not exactly your cup of tea.

For me, the Quality of Couple Time are actually the dinners. Perhaps, suppers in your case, since you two are facing daily late schedules.

 

[vallous]

quality time..fix dinners together..

usually after 10pm..my hubby and i would cuddle in front of tv...or switch on music ..have some light drinks..chats abt the day.

no need to deliberately fix something to do. Its more of unwinding both of yourself after a hard day at work and catch up on each other's lives.

maybe we are a boring couple..we are contented by doing nothing at home.

 

[cuclainne]

actually quite good living in sg because even after 9pm, although shopping centres and stores are closed, there is still the night-life and 24-hour makan places.

when i was staying with my husband (then-bf) in stockholm for two months, i got quite bored because shopping centres closed at 5-6pm and most of the restaurants closed by 7-9pm. in orchard road, boat quay/clarke quay or anywhere else, there's still loads of people walking around .. there, it's like a ghost town.

but it made us communicate more with each other - by the time he gets home from work, i'm ready with dinner .. or sometimes i'd walk to the train station to wait for him for the walk home together.

so really it's not the activities la, if you can communicate without the need for this, then it's good.

 

[hapimint]

I can add... during the two years plus tat I am with my hubby, then BF....

we only watched less than 10 movies... mostly busy with our assignments for our University...

So another idea, study together? haha....

 

[blackpoisonousbtutterfly]

thanks for all the advise. seriously i like to chat over the dinner. but he just doesnt seems interested in what im saying. mayb im being too talkative? we did talk abt this before. and he dun realli comment much. he is a guy who thinks but dun say it out, which is big issue also. always trying to dig out what's in his thoughts.

to me, im happy enuff to be jus together and lying on his shoulder like tat. but, i think he would b rather bored bcos he is a active guy. sometimes he do make the effort to spend more time with me, but jus duno how. bcos he's not the 1 who would like to go window shopping esp when he doesn wan to get anithing. typical guy. so whenever i pull him to go window shopping, it's more like he's pulling me to go from 1st floor to the highest and down. done within 30mins time.

 

[miloice]

hi bufferfly,
maybe you are trying too hard. Take it easy and set the mood right to talk instead. Even if the relationship fails, its a good experience for you.

 

[blackpoisonousbtutterfly]

actualli we've been tog for abit more then 2yrs. like what a books say 'i love you but im not in love with you'

we both love each other dearly and wan to cherish each other. but seems like that sparks is no longer there.

 

[cherrygirl]

Hi Butterfly.. I know what u mean.. I am with my bf for more than 4 yrs, our sparks almost diminish 2 yrs ago and we almost lost each other then we realised how much we love each other and we start creating sparks...

I think it take 2 hands to clap. If u are trying to create the sparks with more activities, ur partner have to do the same too.. chemistry then can be developed

 

[cuclainne]

sparks will eventually diminished in a relationship, especially when a couple has settled down and are comfortable with each other's habits, quirks, etc .. some people are ok with it whereas others seek ways to relight those sparks.

 

[blackpoisonousbtutterfly]

i duno abt him. but i feel tat he is rather stress recently too. esp when we have conflicts. it seems tat it is harder for both of us. we're holdin on jus bcos we love each other. but duno the waes to create tat sparks between us animore

 

[star_dust]

butterfly,
i know what you mean.. was with hubby for 10 years before we got married, n during those days also kept thinking of where to go.

didnt stay together until marriage so even worse, no comfy home to hang out, unlike now.

some of the things we did, although some ppl mentioned some of the stuff and u already commented on the feasibility.

-KTV
-bowling
-pool
-hang out with friends at cafes and talk rubbish (we don't drink and we don't go clubbing, one good place we went to was the lounge at marina mandarin - quiet, comfy and got band to listen to)
-drove around singapore for food - east coast, pasir ris, geylang, west coast..etc
hung out at places like yishun dam, etc..
-join a car forum club and join in their activities, quite fun actually, everyone drive the same car and go to places like neo tiew, sembawang, punggol jetty, mt faber
-visit night safari. he hates it but sometimes really can't think of anywhere else he'll go with me.. haha..
-settlers cafe for board games

sometimes when u think there are no longer sparks, to him it may mean that he's comfortable with you and have settled in. You don't have to create sparks. by thinking you have to keep the sparks you may well fall into the danger of overcompensating and stressing too much on this that u fail to see the other important parts of a successful relationship - committment, comfort, loyalty..etc

and also don't make the assumption that he's bored. he may very well be happy just doing nothing with you.

 

[kessie83]

butterfly... if he donno how to spice things up, u can always spice it up... My bf is not those romantic type, and don give surprises, he is rather those follower rather than those who initiator.

For me, i am the opposite, i like to initiate and plan activities, i like to give him surprises...

My friends used to ask me why my bf and i can click so well, i am those pple who like surprises and romantic, but he is those wooden block type.

I will tell them proudly.. if he is not romantic, i am. If he don give me surprises, i can give it to him. Whatever he don have, i have, whatever he might have, i might not.
That is why heaven bring us together, to fill each other's life...

I think it is just a matter of effort to rekindle the sparks...having a romantic dinner, and telling him how much u love him can also rekindle the sparks....depends on how u do it...

 

[blackpoisonousbtutterfly]

stardust: i dun think he is comfortable wif me lehs. because he dont like to spend time doing nothin wif me. whenever he realise that there's nth for us to do he will keep askin and askin until i tell him to send me home. and even if i jus sae sae 'call ur fren go out wif them lor, i go home' he will sae dun wan, accompany me will do. but, he will call them. what does it shows/ tat he realli wan go out wif them -.-

kessie: sometimes i try romantic, but he wet blanket lehs. i can sms him sweet sweet ting. he like never see. break my heart. LOL.

 

[kessie83]

look like ur boyfriend got no "zhu Jian" one. U plan his schedule for him lo....

sometime, maybe he can act like he nv see, but inside his heart he could be smiling away and feeling happy lei?
I think he just acting tough ba..

 

[summer_ice]

my HTB and I have been staying together for the past 5 years or more.. after he started working, our usual night activities would be meet for dinner, thereafter we will either
1) catch a show (if there are good shows)

2) drive to east coast, take a slow walk together, enjoying the breeze and holding hands and making little talks, or if in the mood, just rent a twin-bicycle and cycle (even if im in heels!!)

3) go walk ard in the malls until the shops close and then hang out in those coffee bars

4) go home and spend time with our family or 'nua' together

on days when we do not feel like going out, we will simply stay at home and spend time together, even if it's just simple acts like watching tv and stuff, afterall the next day we all need to work, we feel that there is no need to stay out so late until after 11 or 12.. reaching home ard 10pm is just nice for me, coz after a hot bath, wait for hair to dry, time to cuddle in bed and watch some drama serials then sleep! bathing too late isnt a very good practice according to my mum.. wahaha

we always try to make the meet-ups with frens on the same day, so that we wun leave the other person at home alone or sthg like that.. however if that happens, the other party will just go home and spend quality time with the family!

 

[powder]

funny no-one mentions sex.

 

[powderful07]

sex






Happy?

 

[star_dust]

hi butterfly,
erm, try not to fall into saying 'you can go and meet your friends, i'm okay, i can go home' with a disappointed face. he'll either go with a guilty conscience, or think u're trying to make him feel guilty.

i've got a friend who also always did that to her hubby, and when she tells me about it, she'll always end her side of her story with exactly what u posted ' what does it show, that he really wanted to go'.

then what? u'll start feeling that his friends are more impt to him than you, he neglects your feelings, he's not sensitive...etc etc. which is the beginning of the downward spiral.

if u don't mean it, don't say it.

you can try some of the suggestions given by some other forummers here.. don't say cannot work without even trying it out. at least while trying, you have something to do right?

 

[blackpoisonousbtutterfly]

sex is not everithing. so nobodi would wan to sae sex. u can have sex with someone whom u dun haf feelings for.

stardust: i duno what to sae if dun sae that. but i dun give him a disappointed face. bcos i know guys dun like their gf to give them 'that' face whether isit their fault or not.
i will try to act cute when i sae tat or pretend to b happi and aint bothered by it.
i tried asking him to go ktv, he sae is exp and boring bcos there's onli 2 of us. i sae wan to go east coast sit sit talk talk. end up go there he started plaein his psp and dun realli talk much to me. sae go home earlier, he would go straight to the computer and use it. sae watch movie, he sae exp or no movie to watch.

im afraid to plan tings bcos im afraid he wun like wad i like. for me, simple ting like jus talkin over dinner, watchin tv together. talk abt funny news etc is gd for me already. but he doesnt like that. he likes to b in a group and plae billiard. even if there's nth to do, jus hanging out wif his frens, he feel better then being alone at home with me. wad should i do?

 

[cuclainne]

it seems that you're planning all these activities but your bf is not even meeting you half-way, you know what i mean. you're making all the effort but i don't see any coming from him .. i think it's time you re-evaluate what you want and only you would know what is right for you.

 

[powder]

just wondering why nobody mentions it... not referring to how important it is... we're talking activities and it's an activity.

anyway, pple all have different ways of winding down and spending certain times in activities they like. for some it's fishing, for me i hate fishing in spore. his preference is just 'his preference'... it's in his mental make-up.

it's not the activities u should be looking out for, but rather - the psyche he possess in spending time with u... i always tell pple - "10% activity, 90% company". of cos, dun expect him to enthusiastically wanna spend time with u All the time... cos some guys have tough jobs and need to wind down, which means - Frens, not gfren.

takes time to change tat, if he wants to change. cos after so many years of winding down with a group of frens playing pool and pubbing, it's hard to suddenly switch to widning down with 1 person...

see if u can look deeper into his mind... it's really not so much the activities... just as sex isn't everything, neither are activities...

 

[summer_ice]

butterfly, what about you going with him to meet his frens for billiard / pool and drinks? im sure the guys will be happy to have you ard and its not always a "guys only" event?

 

[idealone]

Govt wans more kids nowadays so guai guai singaporeans will do wat the govt say.... procreate! Ha ha

But i agree that night time have no place to go to. even not many choice for dinner or supper!. Sian ar... boring Singapore.

Next time got casino. I think I'll be there to gamble the time away... But to think of it... if it becomes a routine, also become sian. wa ha ha ha

 

[kennyg7]

At night go jogging is the best. Can feel the breeze and when the car zoom pass, you can feel it pushing you to run faster. After the run, go back bath and sleep. Healthy and meaningful.

 

[star_dust]

butterfly,
seems like he's a guy's guy ..
back then my hubby (then bf) was also into pool, billiards..etc.. i did try accompanying him but i never got the hang of it.. end up just sitting around watching him play with his friends, who i also know but nothing to talk abt. bring a book to read or play psp while waiting for him? if u don't like hanging around then no choice, u gotta find your own activities with friends or find something to do at home.

from what u say, seems like he prefers group activities, can try to gather common friends, or get his friends to bring their gfs along and u get to know them better so can organise group activities. if they dont have gfs then offer to invite your single friends along, who knows, u may end up bringing some couples together then will have couple friends to hang out with. =)

 

[cuclainne]

but there's only so much group activities that you can do .. if your guy cannot spend time with just you, then i think it's a problem.

 

[sherrycherri]

Mm, try to get along well wif his fren & ask them to join in the fun such as E.g. nite cycling - which dun cost much..

Plus,

If there is any festival/occasion, plan something to do together.

E.g.Halloween ->
My bf bought a pair of pumpkin - dun cost much either and crave it. (Okie, E fact is he do, i see lol ) see below pic: Our arts???!! lol

But if you keep makin e effort to plan thing or make thing up & he dun appreciate.. mm.. tink you must haf a good chat wif him.

 

[blackpoisonousbtutterfly]

i did try to hang out wif him and his fren. bring newspaper read, plae psp and such. but he sae im giving a black face 0.o

actualli im not giving. but i alwaes frown and look angry thou im not when i dun smile or am concentrating. so he sae im giving black face. but that's me right! so i duh when he sae tat. he sae im not active enuff to join in conversation of his frens. but he alwaes go out wif them in a group where dey alreadi know each other, somemore all guys! and dey talk among themselves, pretending im invisible also, then i also duno wad to sae to them. so alwaes sit there while he's not around me lor -.-

i dun haf much frens.. so he sae jus bcos ive few frens doesn mean he haf to do the same, he told me he haf alot of frens. duh.

aniwae, yesterdae he told me tat we both have to plan out wad we wan, needs and tings we wanna do. then discuss after tat. each list their own wants, needs and tings we wanna do. got use mar? i duno leh. sigh.

 

[vallous]

planning it out is more of awareness so at least you both dun keep guessing

 

[star_dust]

i think planning is a good idea.. at least he's trying .. just try lah.. even if u see no point. otherwise he may think even if he gives suggestions to solve the problem u are not open to it, and in future he may not do so anymore.

u're so lucky loh, your bf still will suggest planning, my hubby won't suggest such things 1 .. even now, when we're out, he\'ll leave all the planning to me.. so stressful eh! in the car he keeps asking go where go where.. n when i suggest something he'll say, huh, again? or too far, don't want.. isuspect he's just waiting for me to say go home n sleep.. then he'll say 'good idea!'

n whenever his friends or colleagues calls him, he'll be so happy loh.. although i must give him the credit coz he'll look at me n look as if he's not looking forward to it and ask, can or not.

i've got a friend who says she's got the same problem as you.. n she says they intend to sign up for a dancing class. perhaps u you can find some classes to join together? i think my hubby'll say i crazy if i suggest such things loh. ..

 

[star_dust]

lovely,
wow you guys really have the creative streak!

 

[blackpoisonousbtutterfly]

vallous: mayb. try it for once and see how it goes. hahas. hopefully it is for the better!

stardust: i actualli feel that u and me the same lor. my bf will keep asking me go where go where. even if i sae duno he will ask again after 1-2 mins. damn irritating -.- and also like u, if i suggest something he will also sae far, exp, boring etc.

my bf dance in club can liao. dun need to go dancing class. and yes, he will also sae im crazy if i suggest to. he onli will be happy when i say i want to play mahjong. because he love mahjong. LOL

 

[star_dust]

butterfly,
haha.. yeah, so pek chek right? but no choice, we've chosen our guy so gotta live with it..

there u have a good way of passing time! mahjong is fun! too bad now our mahjong kakis not free anymore, coz we've got a kid and they just had theirs.. not even free to go out for coffee n supper anymore..

i notice that my hubby goes thru periods of 'i'm so bored with everything' .. not sure if that's true with all guys? and during that time, no matter what u suggest he'll just find excuses to say no, n then still complain abt being bored. so i just lie low and wait for these periods to pass.. coz i notice that i can suggest the same things to do, but get different responses at different times. if he's just bored in general, then probably he just wants to meet his friends and just sit there, do nothing, and listen to or participate in conversation, which is something he cannot do with you and you only.