What Are The Options?

[closet_outpour]

Hi all,
I would like to ask all married/soon-to-be married couples out there how do you set up a home together? Before my bf proposed, he told me previously that he would pay for all the household and grocery bills. Now he's telling me that we should have a joint account, and use this joint account to pay for all the bills. I agree for big purchase items like furnishing, we can split the cost. However, I hate to "see" myself chewing on an apple, knowing in mind that half is paid by him and half by me.

I don't expect him to pay for meals all the time. I do chip in appropriately and he appreciates the fact. Money is very dear to him and to be honest, he hardly sends me home after our dates, let alone take a cab and send me home after a late nite. He'd rather place his money in stocks and shares.

Since preparing for marriage, we have gotten into many arguments especially the part of finances. He's earning more than me.. easily 1.3K more.. lives in a condo and has lesser financial commitments than me. Majority of my male friends and colleagues told me that guys usually pay for the household expenses and some even give their wives a monthly allowance.

I know I have to be very independent in our marriage as he is not known to be a generous guy. Some of my cousins' husbands will not hestitate to buy their in-laws stuff nor bring them out for a meal.

One day, he was asking me what I'll expect for the bridal jewellery. I mentioned that it's usually up to the MIL, what they would like to give their DIL. In most cases, it'll be the MIL will give the DIL a budget and she'll then choose. That's what most of my friends told me... some of them don't have very rich in-laws, but it's the sincerity that counts. Do you know how he replied me... I don't think my mother got money. She'll probably give you from her collection (i recokn it's those obiang kind). Don't you all think it's absurb that such statements are made when the family is buying condo and shares for investment.

When I relate this story to my family and friends, they conclude that he's a very calculative and miser guy. Do you think such a guy is ready to start a family?

I'm stuck at the moment as we have purchased a DBSS flat.What are the consequences if we were to give that up. About 20% (close to 100K) has been poured out already.

Please enlighten me!

 

[pinktweet]

Just curious. How does he behave when he first courted you? Does he pay for all expenses? First date? Did he send you home on your first date? When you first discover his miser-behavior? (sorry for using so blunt word 'miser')

 

[cuclainne]

question is, since you know he is the way he is, are you prepared to start a family with him?

 

[losingher]

This is one of the sore points my wife raised. I value $$$ a lot because i came from a poor family. I'm constantly planning for my family's future, and i don't want to be held ransom by being forced to be in the rat-race cos i would much prefer jobs that give me satisfaction. While the degree of 'miserness' may be different, the issue is pretty much the same. Part of the reason is also because she is quite spendthrift...small things, like buy stuff back to keep till expire, and never use or eat...that kinda thing. Don't really matter to me, but in my own warped logic? i thought that by making her contribute a share, she'll value the stuff more. Apparently women don't work this way.

If it's such a big deal to you, I would suggest that you sort out the $$$ issues first. Tell him honestly your thoughts, and don't sugar-coat what you're trying to tell him. Don't go in thinking he'll change in the future, or thinking that you'll be able to tolerate. Next time when you go compare with your girlfriends, you'll feel shortchanged and get increasingly angry at him. Then again, why compare? Everyones' circumstances are different, and we typically compare just one data point, and then feel bad about it.

 

[green_tranquility]

Closet Outpour,
Your bf may be a calculative person but you are also comparing so much to other people. There're bound to be people better off & worse off than u. Do u enjoy listening to your bf comparing u to his other friends' gfs, e.g. "Why my friend's gf figure is better than yours?", "Why my friend's gf chip in more $$ for their wedding expenses?"

If u wants a hubby who foots 100% of the expenses, this guy doesn't fit the requirement lor. Why are u not choosing a more generous and richer guy to date in the 1st place? He doesn't change his character overnight right?

 

[simpleman]

Money and financial issue should be settled before marriage. If you can't find agreement on this then it will be miserable all the way.

This guy is definitely stingy with his money on you and he won't change after marriage. So you got to accept it this way or work out a compromise.

 

[advisor00]

To TS

Let's put the issue of money aside first in discussing the possibility of 2 ppl living together.

In any relationships, there are different characters coming into play. Some may say, for most relationship to work, there must be a 'give and take' approach.

You, by now, know what sort of person your htb is going to be and I can frankly say, so does your htb know what makes you tick.

Even if your htb accepts you, as you are, are you willing to accept what he is to you, now that you know him, for the long term?

In truth, there are also certain aspects about you that your htb finds not acceptable.

Are both of you willing to work out the 'unacceptable aspects' and make it work for the long term?

If you know the answers to the above, then you would have answered your post.

Cheers

 

[findingnemo]

Hi Closet, what do you see in your hb in the 1st place? I mean, what about him that makes you attract to him? Since marraige is on the cards now I presume you know each other for quite sometimes, you love him as he is, money habits and all?

Why do you mind so much about what your MIL will give you? Does it matter whether the jewellery are new? It comes from her heart that is what matter. For me, my MIL gave me some brochures and asked me to choose. She didn't give any budget so I also paiseh to choose. So in the end, she decide on her own and bought me several pcs of gold, ya, those obiang type. I think like most DILs, I keep these gold jewellery locked up. I think few of us wear them, so it doesn't matter.

Most important thing is your love for each other and your willingness to iron out the issues and your committment to make the marriage work.

 

[mum_of_2_girls]

Hi Closet,

Unless you can accept him for what he is, you are better off finding a traditional guy who loves to pay everything.

My hubby is quite traditional. He pays for everything and gives me a monthly allowance even though I work too.

 

[jonah_jo]

Hi Closet

I believe you don't really mind even if you have to share the bills and grocery but what shocked you is the before and after revelation you have acquired. If he really mean what he says, why would he be so calculative now? If he doesn't mean it, why does it say it in the first place? Is it lip service or he's changed?

Some girls these days believe in equality. My sis and her friends split bills with their hubby and don't take allowance from them. Yet I believe there's no equality. Women go thru 9 months of pregnancy. When it comes to housework,why not we split everything equally? Yet how do you define equal status?

Frankly speaking, I believe money matters must be settled and agreed before marriage or it will give you lots of heartache. I don't mean men gotta pay for everything but if everything gotta be half half but you're paid more, no money then don't court girls. Don't even marry in the first place.

Don't be surprised when the wedding day draws near, you'll be asked to even split the costs.

My hubby must give me an allowance. Why? When we were growing up, once we earn money (I don't know about you) but I need to give my parents allowance. Employed or jobless, it's your problem. Even if you're working and supporting yourself through studies, you gotta find a way around it. It's to instill responsibility.

Someone who's stingy about money, chances are they're also stingy when it comes to love. I don't mean he must lavish on you money, gifts etc. but action speaks louder than words.

Once you're married, he will be like this 10 times or even 100 times more calculative, stingy. Can accept? No right or wrong, but you gotta think carefully.

Bottomline I think both of you need to really talk face to face in order for you to straighten out your doubts or else you'll be driving yourself nuts by playing guessing games.

I think it has got nothing to do with background altho it may play a part. Some people are super rich but super stingy. Some rich people are generous. Doesn't mean you come from a poor family you must be stingy. Take me for example. There are areas in my life I'm not willing to splurge on but some areas I would never hesitate to think twice. Why? Bcos it's important to me.

You got my point?

 

[powder]

well closet,

looking from where i am, i'd think that u're more concerned with sharing how great a husband u have from a showy point of view, than from within u.

 

[wjchiang]

powder,
addressed the correct person? bit confused leh...

 

[powder]

yup i did.

i'm saying tat she's likely to be more concerned with telling pple how great her handbag is, than to actually appreciate the handbag itself. no doubt the branding might draw envy, but envy is useless if u dun appreciate the product which u want pple to envy.

in other words... her objective isn't the right guy, it's a guy tat the pple around her would 'approve' in the way which she's feel happy abt.

 

[green_tranquility]

Wjchiang,
See the way she keeps comparing her hubby non-stop with other people's hubbies etc. I agree with powder. She wants a hubby who she can haolian to other people.

 

[green_tranquility]

"When I relate this story to my family and friends, they conclude that he's a very calculative and miser guy."

Which guy dares to marry such a woman? She will announce your things to her relatives and friends. Basically the whole world may know your personal things! Beware... If she's unhappy with your d*** 's erection becos other friends' hubbies can erect longer, she may announce your erection problem to the whole world too. Then you will suddenly notice why her relatives and friends keep pointing at u, as u walk past them.

 

[wjchiang]

powder,
understand u well.

green,
using powder's analogy, i totally understand what u're saying if TS was completely happy with her handbag until she realized people around her didn't approve of the brand. But i would give her the benefit of doubt that even if the situation was different, with friends and relatives singing praises to the brand and design, she's genuinely concerned and unhappy about the inner pocket of her handbag. If so, she'll need more constructive advice.

 

[miloice]

errr... it depends lah. I would give her the benefit of the doubt. I believe she is relating her story to family and friends not to show off but because she is genuinely concern over the lack of generosity her husband is displaying.

But u r right about the comparing part. One should have understand their partners enough and willing to accept his character before even deciding to marry. Women tend to want to talk about their problems. It isn't so strange.

 

[simpleman]

I also don't see any "clear signs" of showing off..

 

[sgbabydoll]

"her objective isn't the right guy, it's a guy tat the pple around her would 'approve' in the way which she's feel happy abt."

I am with you on this. Instead of asking if she is marrying the right guy which I think should be a more pressing question, she seems more concerned if this guy whom she has decided to marry is able to do as would feel happy.

People are so "funny". Before they decide to get married to bf/gf they don't ask for the opinion of family, relatives or friends but when certain things don't go their way, they start to ask around.

 

[powder]

basically it's not how wrong the hubby is in his miserly ways that should be given the priority in decision BUT how much she needs a hubby whom she can be proud to share about, that makes it HER priority in realising.

it's like our relatives during gatherings... Some of them feel the need to 'show off' their kids' achievements during conversations, some who Want to - are unable cos their kids may have little achievements for them to tell others about.

in such cases, do we address the kids... or the parents who have this inner need to share? For me, the emphasis is on the parents' need to share, and not the kids' lack of achievements.

so same here, it isn't the hubby i wanna address, it's her need to have a hubby to boast the virtues to the world about.

IF she is not such a person, then no issue on this and we move on to the hubby and whether he can adjust towards being abit more generous with her (as his wife). IF she finds an inner need in her to have a hubby that she can be absolutely proud of, then perhaps this guy needs Alot of encrouagement to change, or he is not the guy at all.

 

[lovingyou]

Closet: Sorry, if i might sound a little crude over with my comments.. how long are you in this r/s? If you have so much "grievances" in this financial issues, shouldn't all these be raised before both started planning for this major change in legal status? Financial issues could be one of the reasons that leads to the breaking down and the ruining of the love and marriage, hence, why step into it even before the planning? It is realli up to the individual to perceive on the value of monies, the importance of savings/ future monies etc. You perceive it as a little unwilling to spend on you when your future MIL might be passing you the jewelleries from her collection, why not think in another light; elders perceive passing on their jewelleries is meaningful; to pass on what they deemed is important to them to their future generations. There is always 2 sides to a coin. Moreover, try not to compare; "ren bi ren qi si ren". Everyone is unique in their own ways, there mus be some good qualities in which you value / fell in love with your HTB in the first place.

 

[mum_of_2_girls]

Hi closet,

I don't think you are trying to show off at all.

Rather, I'm curious to know if your upbringing may have influence your mindset.

Did you have a Daddy who pays for everything and gives your mum a monthly allowance?

Your mum may have unconsiously instill in you that your future husband must pay for everything, give monthly allowance, if not, he will be seen as someone who " chi ruan fan "

For your info, I do have such Daddy and Mummy. They may kind of unconsciously influence me in a way so it is hardly surprising to them that I will end up marrying someone like that.

 

[mum_of_2_girls]

Hi all,

My Mum doesn't spend much and save up most of her monthly allowance since my Dad already pay for everything.
She says her savings will only be used for rainy days.

So when my hubby wanted to set up his own company, I gave him all my savings so he doesn't have to take a bank loan.

He was pleasantly surprised that I didn't spend much of the monthly allowance he gave me and was very touched.

To all the guys : Do you think your wife's savings should only be use for rainy days?

 

[powder]

our parent's generation and our generation got HUGE difference in practice & education leh... obviously back then the women either dun work, or work very part-time n simple jobs. a monthly allowance would be a Reasonable affair... in the current era where both work, this Reason no longer holds much weightage.

as for Albee's question - my wife's money is not my money and i would never draw on it. as far as rainy days concerned, it's wat i put aside for the family, not what my wife put aside for me.

 

[losingher]

Second powder on that. I don't give my wife an allowance, but i pay the lion's share in our expenses, especially the big ticket items. My wife can spend her $ however she likes. I'm the one that worry about the rainy days, so i don't need to count on my wife having a nest egg to tide me through.

 

[lovingyou]

Guys who plan well make a good husband usually.. thumbs up...

 

[rubbishcow]

closet,

actually i don't understand what is the big deal of having to share the cost of living after marriage. My fiance jolly well earn 2k more than me and i am fine with sharing the cost with him. Similar to you, my fiance's family stay in condo and they are much better off than my family.

I think the only expensive thing my fiance is willing to pay for me is my proposal ring and our honeymoon. Though initially he wanted to pay for the whole wedding, i rejected him since it will be a huge financial burden on him and i don't wanna make him a poor many by marrying him. Even for honeymoon, i had decided to use part of our joint account money as payment.

As for household expenses, i had always thought of starting a joint account after marriage to pay the expenses so both of us can contribute our share. Vice versa for furniture and renovations. If i don't have enough, i will ask my fiance to pay first and i return him by installment. My fiance will not hesitate to collect money from me. He will even start calculating how much i still owe him every month. See, he is also very "cat" and I don't mind. My friends and family knew that he is "cat" and they think that this is a good thing since he can manage money more than me.

Honestly speaking, most of the time those jewelleries for the wedding will not be worn daily or most of the time will be kept in the safe or cabinet. Whether your MIL buy you the jewelleries or give you her collections, it is just a tradition for the MIL to give the DIL jewelleries.

 

[sgbabydoll]

"My hubby must give me an allowance. Why? When we were growing up, once we earn money (I don't know about you) but I need to give my parents allowance. Employed or jobless, it's your problem. Even if you're working and supporting yourself through studies, you gotta find a way around it. It's to instill responsibility."

Jonah, are you one of those who believe it is your responsibility to "train" your husband and make him into a responsible man?

It doesn't make sense to me. Why are we only putting efforts into "training" the husband after having married him? Shouldn't we put in more efforts to look for a responsible man in the first place instead?

 

[miloice]

well, my wife did ask for allowance initially even though she was making more and having much lesser commitments financially. So, i gave.

After a while, she realize is quite pointless too. We maintain our own savings without the need to probe or question.

I don't think there is any fixed rule. Be flexible and respect each other. No need to die die must have allowance etc.

 

[pinktweet]

Just realised TS hasn't posted since her first post ..

 

[sn0w]

Just sharing our spending habits.

Me n bf has been contributing same amt to our joint a/c mthly. So far, all wedding preparation expenses have been coming from it. Our future expenses (as in hse renovation, furnitures etc) will be from that a/c too. For future utility bills, we did not have a detailed discussions yet. But mostly likely will be paid from joint as well. If not, we will split bills as in, maybe he'll pay for utility while I pay for tel bills etc.

Currently, he pays for most of our meals when we go out, though very occasionally i'll treat him. Sometimes, he pay for meals, i'll pay for drinks/desserts etc. And when we go supermarket, I'll usually pay for groceries. But probably in future when groceries add up to a higher amt, we might use $$ from joint a/c as well.

I have friends' whose bfs pay for their shopping purchases (bags, shoes, clothes etc). We dun do that.

Different couples have different spending habits. Other ppl do that doesnt mean u must follow. Of cos, initially, it might make u envious of ur friends (I did for split seconds and I think its natural to feel so) but after awhile I knw diff couples work differently. No use in comparing and making urself miserable. All I hope is that he appreciate that I can fund my own shopping expenses.

As for him giving me allowance.. Seriously I didnt really thought abt it (though i always joke that his $ is my $, my $ is my $, and our $ is my $ also!) lolx! Let's just keep my fingers crossed that if he does, it'll be a bonus to me!

I believe TS did not want to show off her hubby, her asking around is just to find out wat the "norms" are. And I think Albee makes sense that maybe its her upbringing that affects her.

TS, u got to acknowledge that ever couple is diff and dun compare urself with them. Everyone is unique! All the best to u!

 

[simpleman]

But I don't think there are "norms" so to speak to compare. We can't compare apples to oranges to pears.

She just need to discuss with HB and both must agree and be comfortable. And then compromise if cannot agree completely.

 

[jonah_jo]

Hi Doll

Nope! I agree with Albee that bcos of the way my parents handle finances, I was brought up that way. I don't train my guy to be responsible. He has a mind of his own.

However, bcos he's not good with finances, we are very open about what we have and what we're gonna plan for our future. Like I'll be managing the finances cos he'll be away most of the time so I'll be the one overlooking the family. He's a pilot.

I told him stuff like you can't expect me to give you allowance like what your mother did cos you're lousy when it comes to money. It won't look nice if you open your wallet and you've only got say $100 or $200. Or would you like me to transfer money into your ac every few days then you go running to the ATM money? If you're bad with finances, even if you have a credit card or sub card, you'll be equally bad. You gotta learn how to manage with what you have. It's a habit and habit takes time to correct but they can be done.

We talk openly about finances so that's something I trust him which I find very few guys can do that.

Chat with you again. Gotta go!

 

[closet_outpour]

Hi all,
Thanks for the advice given! Allow me to clarify, I'm not trying to show off or anything to that extent. Just want to find out more about how couples manage finances as many of the forumers here are experienced wives/husbands.

One of the reasons why we were quite divided about this was because he told me all his friends have joint accounts that pays for all household expenses.My friends on the other end belong to the other extreme - the man usually pays for everything except big items like house, furnishings etc...

"Miser" is perhaps too strong a word to use. I shall rephrase it as financially prudent. Maybe, that's what I lack. The values incalcated in me was perhaps the man should bear a bigger financial responsibility for the household like what some of you have pointed out .

With regards to jewellery, I guess some of your opinions have enlightened me. It's probably how the message was put across to me. Anyway, I did tell him that it's really up to the individual.

Having read through the comments and praying through this difficult time, we did find a compromise eventually and I'm really thankful for that.I do treasure this relationship.

Once agin thank you for all your sharing!

 

[wjchiang]

if "cause" is disapproval of family/friends/colleagues, and "effect" is dissatisfaction of hubby's priorities and lack of generosity, then TS shud hv a feel of what many forumers think by now.

on the other hand, if "cause" is the genuine concern of hub's lack of generosity, and comparing with others is just the "effect", then what TS shud consider is her own needs n wants.

Don't think it's the husband we wanna address coz that wouldn't be too meaningful - nothing right or wrong with having or not having an inner pocket/layer in a handbag. Question is, does TS want it? does she prefer it on the left, right or centre? big or small? enough or more pockets? (powder, i misunderstood that u might be addressing another forumer, not betw TS/hubby)

closet, what do u really need? If u want a man to provide, then that's what u want, it doesn't matter even if everyone else doesn't agree with how right/wrong it is. Of coz u can make adjustments/alterations, u can even stitch a stand-alone pouch to the inside of your bag which doesn't have an inner pocket, but too much effort, it may not even look nice anymore (hubby may not be happy though he might oblige). In that case, powder is right about the man not being the correct guy for u.

 

[closet_outpour]

Hi wjchiang,
Thanks for your advice. we ironed it out after sharing each other's concerns and it was an amicable conclusion.

After thinking through, i think there are pros and cons in any relationship. For my case, it's the financial issue. someone just shared with me that at least my boyfriend is not someone who just chalks up bills and the gf ends up paying for all the debts...

 

[powder]

to be honest, i'm actually one of those who pay for anything and everything as long as i'm there... i'm not counting for sure. even big ticket items like a million dollar condo, i'll just pay the 20% downpayment without even needing to go thru the process of discussion. my wife Does actually ask if i need her to chip in, but it has never occured to me tat she needs to pay for these things...

the only big ticket item which i let her chip in is probably the 2nd car we bought earlier this year, to me it's to give her ownership... i call it her car even though i subsidised quite alot of it and we paid in cash. she basically just paid for her insurance and the transfer fee... currently looking at a 2nd property and i'm abit short, she again offer to chip in, but becos it doesn't cross my mind for her contribution, i'd prefer to wait abit before buying.

it's just to share my instinctive thoughts on such matters... it really doesn't cross my mind that she needs to chip in or pay. and her natural affinity to want to chip in - is Enough for me. she's not pretending of cos, it's just tat i'd rather she pay for the dailies n weeklies. as for education fund, monthly fees for our kid - i'll just pay. same with expenses on food with family and frens...

NOW one very impt point i must stress here is - Money IS more impt than most pple care to admit. the reason why money is seldom an issue that requires me to think about, That really clears any possible conflict tat some couples might have. Both me and wifey are able to support the household single-handedly, so we've never needed to discuss nor quarrel. she's the more thrifty between us, i'm the one always saying 'Buy lor'... we have never actually quarrelled to be honest.

so my advice to all couples is - Work hard individually at your finances, and Dun even have a mindset of Shared-finances nor financial responsibility. Work towards being able to support the household by yourself and i can assure u tat u won't even think of who's paying what, it really doesn't matter. to me, finances dun have to be shared, but all ownership is shared.

oh we have never had a shared account. i find tat psychologically, when u Share expenses - u will somehow work for lesser and do lesser than if u simply concentrated on your individual ability.

lastly, Allowance is a vulgar word to me Unless u are my mother, my non-working housewife, or my daughter. in this day n age, nobody should be harbouring thoughts of my money not even my wife... how different would u be from the kids who fight for their family inheritance? wanting something that u Do Not earn yet think u deserve? i will breakup with wifey if she ever wanted an allowance, it is a very disgusting thought to me.

 

[miloice]

Financial problems occurs normally when either partner expects / demands / spends beyond their capability. If both are able and plans well within budget, there is no issues.

I spend quite a bit on the wedding and when she wants a car, I couldn't afford to chip in the down payment. But, the monthly expenses etc I can manage. There is no issue because we did not die die buy the car. Instead, we pool resources and work out something comfortable. Its the same with house, children etc. We need to exercise common sense in managing our own finances. Don't demand or expect our partners to sponsors our goals / wants in life.

 

[mark78]

imho, if both parties are working, why talk about having allowance. Geesh... The concept of Your money is mine and my money is also mine was still encraved in some woman HEAD / HEART.

Why get swayed by ppl words of my hb pay for all this and my hb give me much of allowance for me to spurge and yes i am still working. Is provision of allowance important to such an extend equate to love or maybe to some, its do answer to their security needs.

 

[jonah_jo]

My father used to give my mum a few hundreds a month and don't care a thing about bills, grocery etc. In this instance, altho my mum is working, I don't think it's too much for her to take allowance from him bcos what he gives is just enough to substantiate his champagne lifestyle instead of bringing up the kids.

 

[lovingyou]

Closet: glad that you have sorted out your thots.. There are always "ups" and "downs" in a r/s, life is nv a bed of roses, that's what makes the r/s interesting in one way or another.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Jonah, it was you who said your husband must give you allowance because it is to instill responsibility in him. You further likened it to how you were raised to take responsibility whereby once you stepped out of school to work you had to give family allowance. Isn't that "training" your husband to be more responsible like how you got the training from your folks?

Now you are saying I have misunderstood your point?? How so???

 

[miloice]

well... its no big deal as long as the husband is fine with it. Its really something between the couples. Who are we to question and challenge this? Unless Jonah is having issues and fighting with husband over this and coming here for advise. no?

While I do agree with u doll, but I think its really depending on the couple. For the case for Closet, she better forget the idea since her husband isn't agreeable to it.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Milo, I am not questioning whether Jonah's husband should give her allowance. That's between the two of them. I am questioning her concept of "instilling responsibility" with allowance giving.

 

[miloice]

doll, as long as she keeps it her own personal concept and it works for her marriage, I really think its fine.

 

[sgbabydoll]

It is still a flawed concept.

 

[jonah_jo]

This concept of instilling responsibility was brought down from my mother. The reason why I said my husband should give me an allowance bcos he will be away most of the time. Hence I will be the one paying the bills and grocery. It doesn't mean that allowance is a dirty word. It's on a case by case basis. Like Milo said, it's dependent whether the husband agrees to it. Some of my friends have parents taking 800 or 1000 from them a month, some merely 200 or 200. When it comes to parents, can you question them or bargain with them?

I did not say you misunderstood but like you said somewhere else, do not take the words out of context without understanding the full picture.

The idea of instilling responsibility by giving an allowance each month was from my parents. I did not say when my hubby give me allowance, he is being responsible.

I believe every wife has certain expectations from her hubby. Some girls want a branded bag yearly. Some a vacation. Some whatever diamond ring or something else. I personally felt there's no right or wrong. Why? Bcos it boils down to individual. I'm nobody to judge.

So if by asking an allowance from my hubby, I'm training him to be responsible, then when those girls expect something from their hubby, are they also training them?

No offence but that's my perception. It's ok if you think likewise.

 

[rubbishcow]

jonah, maybe you should not use the word "train". it made your hubby sound like an animal.

Quote: "So if by asking an allowance from my hubby, I'm training him to be responsible, then when those girls expect something from their hubby, are they also training them?"

 

[jonah_jo]

cow cow,

I did not use the word "train". Doll was the one who mentioned it.

Jonah, are you one of those who believe it is your responsibility to "train" your husband and make him into a responsible man?

Doll, please read through this -
"My hubby must give me an allowance. Why? When we were growing up, once we earn money (I don't know about you) but I need to give my parents allowance. Employed or jobless, it's your problem. Even if you're working and supporting yourself through studies, you gotta find a way around it. It's to instill responsibility."

I mentioned my mother after my hubby. So understood right?

 

[ariebeth]

I believe every wife has certain expectations from her hubby. Some girls want a branded bag yearly. Some a vacation. Some whatever diamond ring or something else. I personally felt there's no right or wrong. Why? Bcos it boils down to individual. I'm nobody to judge.

I find it rather disturbing that people actually make these demands or have such expectations. Why are there such expectations in a marraige? It's one thing for the hb to surprise his wife. It's another thing to expect it. No wonder some marraiges don't make it. The men can never measure up!