Dear TS, just to share with you how we handle our financials as a couple.
Prior to wedding, every expense is 50-50, we each pay for what we eat and want, we go dutch most of the time. When we feel generous, we treat each other. We also have a joint account where we contribute monthly.
We used to give equal amounts but subsequently, he is giving $200 more each month. That $200 + another $100 is supposed to be our 'emergency funds'. Now he is using the 'emergency funds' for his school fees, which is fine with me. This means that I am actually paying $100more every month. In addition, I also give him a interest free loan to cover the balance of his fees.
We are also in the midst of preparing for our wedding which is at the end of this year. I have decided to forgo honeymoon as we intend to use the honeymoon funds to offset part of his second semester's fees.
By the way, my si dian jin is the traditional type and it cost $1k (which he paid) and his mom is also giving me one of her "obiang" gold piece to complete the si dian jin set. My parents, on the other hand, bought me 2 gold bangles worth $4k. Though his mom is giving me one of her old gold jewellery, I appreciate her gesture. I know it means alot to her that she can contribute to the si dian jin. I understand that you are feeling sore that your in laws have the money to invest but would not buy you decent bridal jewellery. Frankly speaking, you do not know for sure if that would be the case, so why not wait for the time to come first. Some older generation actually view their gold jewellery as heirlooms and see nothing wrong to pass it down to the next generation. Besides old pieces are usually bigger and heavier than the new designs, worth their weight in gold woh.
Currently, we are staying in our flat. Every single bill, from mortgage, utilities to conservancy fees, groceries to insurance is all from our pockets. In addition, I have to give monthly allowance to my parents. This means that I have to continue paying my old expenses and at the same time, pay new bills. Our parents also did not help us in any way financially to set up our place. We were lucky to get a resale flat with live in condition.
Currently, I earn $1k to $2k more than him. Most people would think that the one who earns more should pay all if not alot more, but I am glad he doesn't think so.
My mom used to quarrel with my dad over money matters, who should pay more etc etc. I think it is not feasible that we stick to the previous generation mindset that guys have to pay for everything in the house. If they are able to afford it and willing to, kudos to them. I personally feel that it is ok to share the financial burden with my hubby and help each other. I have some friends who are fortunate to marry guys who are able to provide for them 100%, need not work, frequent holidays etc. Nothing wrong with that, but one cannot expect every guy to be like the rich hubby. You would only end up comparing and feeling miserable and short changed because you are not living the tai tai life.
I feel that every gal should be financially independent and have her own savings and investments. Not rely on her hubby to bail her out. Also in every marriage, husband and wife should help each other out and not be super calculative. Help each other to save and plan finances together.
Of course, when it comes to childbirth and child bearing, that one cannot 50-50 lah... he only contributes 50% of the raw materials and he has done his part. But it would be sweet if the hubby is more attentive to the wife and make as much time for her as possible, attend pre natal courses, go for the monthly checkups together.
It takes more than money to make a good marriage.
Just my 2cents worth.