What Are The Options?

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Hey Jonah, you have joined this -- "My hubby must give me an allowance. Why?" IMMEDIATELY WITH "When we were growing up, once we earn money (I don't know about you) but I need to give my parents allowance. Employed or jobless, it's your problem. Even if you're working and supporting yourself through studies, you gotta find a way around it. It's to instill responsibility". Now, you telling me they are not linked. Very well, concept not flawed. What is flawed? Cognitive thinking or language, you tell me how about?

I did not misunderstand the context. I believe you are the one not putting it in a way that's easy for others to understand your thoughts easily.
 


alcifertoh

New Member
Jonah, the whole paragraph read more like using this part:

"When we were growing up, once we earn money (I don't know about you) but I need to give my parents allowance. Employed or jobless, it's your problem. Even if you're working and supporting yourself through studies, you gotta find a way around it. It's to instill responsibility"

To address to this part:

"My hubby must give me an allowance" because of the Why? That's before it.

You might have misrepresented what you wanted to say because your claim thereafter seems to address to why your husband need to give you allowance in what you had presented, in this case to instil responsibility as per above para read.
 

simpleman

Active Member
Wanting an allowance from HB is up to the couple to agree... there is no such thing as should or should not. Naturally if the wife is not working, then the allowances is a given. If the wife is working, the allowance will really depend on the agreement.

But don't say to instill responsibility. What has responsibility got to do with giving allowances to a working wife?
 

vios

New Member
"The reason why I said my husband should give me an allowance bcos he will be away most of the time. Hence I will be the one paying the bills and grocery."


i believe jonah is trying to share that she gets the hubby to set aside certain amt of money for the monthly bills and stuffs...
hence it is basically for the household, not for her "pocket money".

so, 'allowance' is not the right term whatsoever...
 

siobhanlee

New Member
Even though my ex was earning much more than me, our contribution to the household/child was almost equal..However, his own expenses was much higher because he has to service the car loan too. And for items like our regular family holidays, he will pay for the bulk of it.

To be honest, back then..i really didn't mind doing so even though it ate into my savings many times.

When I told my lawyer about the way our expenses were distributed during our anciliary discussion, her comment was "How come you did not ask for an allowance when he was earning so much more than u! You should have protected yourself and your finances". I was actually rather flabberghasted when I heard that..It never occurred to me to be calculative about how much each of us contributed as long as we are comfortable with the arrangement. Well, I never expected that our marriage would breakdown too. Her comment was that based on how the expense was split, it would look like I do not need any help financially from him at all..and it would be difficult for me to seek for alimony/child maintenance.
 

jonah_jo

New Member
simpleman

Can you also read the quote I asked Doll to read. I already said that I DID NOT SAY by asking him for allowance, I am instilling responsibility. Can you guys read properly before jumping to conclusion?

Quote: "When we were growing up, once we earn money (I don't know about you) but I need to give my parents allowance. Employed or jobless, it's your problem. Even if you're working and supporting yourself through studies, you gotta find a way around it. It's to instill responsibility"

What I meant is, in my family, whether I'm employed or jobless, working or working and supporting yourself through studies, you gotta give allowance to your parents. Why? The bills need to be paid. The grocery need to be bought.

As for why I felt my hubby should give me allowance, it's up to me. Do I have to quote every reason?
 

jonah_jo

New Member
Doll

For eg. you said things like "train" your hubby ..., even if you don't mean train theoretically, can you blame people for thinking that way? I was not the only one who think that way. Cow cow even mentioned it. I may have fault the way I phrase it, what about you?

By putting them in a paragraph, (first my hubby then mentioning my parents) it does not necessary mean that everything I said implies to both my parents and my hubby.

How do you like it if I ask you, how do you "train" your husband to be punctual or tidy? How do you "train" your husband to be frank
 

vios

New Member
jonah,

to be honest, i am not too surprised that u have been misquoted or misunderstood....
i would have been too if not for your latter sentence that changes the whole tide.

the first point to note is that for many of us, the "allowance" simply equates to "pocket money"...

like what hbh has mentioned, it would have been clearer from the onset if u mention that "the allowance" is actually to pay the bills and groceries....
not for your own benefit as per misconstrued by the readers.
 

simpleman

Active Member
jonah,

I don't know if you are now telling every we misunderstood you. NO. I don't think so.. and your quote.. please QUOTE in full and not selecting quoting. You begin that paragraph with: "My hubby must give me an allowance. Why?"

Why are you removing this from your latest response to me? It is important.. because then you went on to say about allowances to parents.. then you ended with "It is to instill responsibility"

It looks like a logical answer to your "Why?" And you use 'it is' present tense to refer to a current situation - logically we infer is for your hb.. wrong?

If that is not your intention, you should explain and not try to do selective quoting.


You FULL Quote:
"My hubby must give me an allowance. Why? When we were growing up, once we earn money (I don't know about you) but I need to give my parents allowance. Employed or jobless, it's your problem. Even if you're working and supporting yourself through studies, you gotta find a way around it. It's to instill responsibility."
 

simpleman

Active Member
"As for why I felt my hubby should give me allowance, it's up to me. Do I have to quote every reason?"

Precisely. You don't have to give a reason. You are the one asking why and then talk about allowances to your parents and such.. If those are not relevant, why are you even explaining it. We did not ask you why..
 

tweetwee

New Member
Dear TS, just to share with you how we handle our financials as a couple.

Prior to wedding, every expense is 50-50, we each pay for what we eat and want, we go dutch most of the time. When we feel generous, we treat each other. We also have a joint account where we contribute monthly.

We used to give equal amounts but subsequently, he is giving $200 more each month. That $200 + another $100 is supposed to be our 'emergency funds'. Now he is using the 'emergency funds' for his school fees, which is fine with me. This means that I am actually paying $100more every month. In addition, I also give him a interest free loan to cover the balance of his fees.

We are also in the midst of preparing for our wedding which is at the end of this year. I have decided to forgo honeymoon as we intend to use the honeymoon funds to offset part of his second semester's fees.

By the way, my si dian jin is the traditional type and it cost $1k (which he paid) and his mom is also giving me one of her "obiang" gold piece to complete the si dian jin set. My parents, on the other hand, bought me 2 gold bangles worth $4k. Though his mom is giving me one of her old gold jewellery, I appreciate her gesture. I know it means alot to her that she can contribute to the si dian jin. I understand that you are feeling sore that your in laws have the money to invest but would not buy you decent bridal jewellery. Frankly speaking, you do not know for sure if that would be the case, so why not wait for the time to come first. Some older generation actually view their gold jewellery as heirlooms and see nothing wrong to pass it down to the next generation. Besides old pieces are usually bigger and heavier than the new designs, worth their weight in gold woh.

Currently, we are staying in our flat. Every single bill, from mortgage, utilities to conservancy fees, groceries to insurance is all from our pockets. In addition, I have to give monthly allowance to my parents. This means that I have to continue paying my old expenses and at the same time, pay new bills. Our parents also did not help us in any way financially to set up our place. We were lucky to get a resale flat with live in condition.

Currently, I earn $1k to $2k more than him. Most people would think that the one who earns more should pay all if not alot more, but I am glad he doesn't think so.

My mom used to quarrel with my dad over money matters, who should pay more etc etc. I think it is not feasible that we stick to the previous generation mindset that guys have to pay for everything in the house. If they are able to afford it and willing to, kudos to them. I personally feel that it is ok to share the financial burden with my hubby and help each other. I have some friends who are fortunate to marry guys who are able to provide for them 100%, need not work, frequent holidays etc. Nothing wrong with that, but one cannot expect every guy to be like the rich hubby. You would only end up comparing and feeling miserable and short changed because you are not living the tai tai life.

I feel that every gal should be financially independent and have her own savings and investments. Not rely on her hubby to bail her out. Also in every marriage, husband and wife should help each other out and not be super calculative. Help each other to save and plan finances together.

Of course, when it comes to childbirth and child bearing, that one cannot 50-50 lah... he only contributes 50% of the raw materials and he has done his part. But it would be sweet if the hubby is more attentive to the wife and make as much time for her as possible, attend pre natal courses, go for the monthly checkups together.

It takes more than money to make a good marriage.

Just my 2cents worth.
 

jonah_jo

New Member
Quote from Dolly: It doesn't make sense to me. Why are we only putting efforts into "training" the husband after having married him? Shouldn't we put in more efforts to look for a responsible man in the first place instead?

1st, perhaps I haven’t been clear with the way I phrase the sentences but I’m wondering – what has instill gotta do with “train?†Instill means inspire, encourage but does it in any way imply training???


Quote from me: Nope! I agree with Albee that bcos of the way my parents handle finances, I was brought up that way. I don't train my guy to be responsible. He has a mind of his own.

Then I went on to explain my stand.


Quote from me: The idea of instilling responsibility by giving an allowance each month was from my parents. I did not say when my hubby give me allowance, he is being responsible.

I even went on to elaborate. I believe by now, it should be pretty clear.

But it’s pretty weird why she goes on and on about “training†and “instilling responsibilityâ€. I admit I’m not that good in expressing what I have to say but isn’t it clear by now that I have said twice that I do not mean that?

Allowance can mean payment, pocket money, stipend which the latter means take-home pay, renumberation or salary. Either way, you are right but I’m not wrong either. There could be a better word which I’m not aware of.

As for instill, it’s to encourage, inspire but does it mean train? I have already explained it’s bcos he’s often away so I’m the way paying the bills and doing the accounts.

I think was a huge misunderstanding. Sorry guys I take a peek and write some short comments when I’m free at work, perhaps that causes the misunderstanding. Well, in the first place, we were supposed to offer some suggestions to Closet.

Doll, sorry if you misunderstood me but please don’t say “trainâ€. I’m ok but when cow cow mentioned it, I was like... It wasn’t pleasant. You get what I mean?
 

jonah_jo

New Member
Yeah I definitely agree girls should have their own savings. Anyway men also have it these days. It's more like standby for kids' education or expenses for rainy days in future.
 

ariebeth

New Member
To be frank Jonah, I don't blame Doll for seeing it that way because that's what I thought you meant too. From the way you phrased it, you made it sound as if the only reason your hb must give you an allowance is becos that's the only way to train him to be responsible.

Also, I think you lumped 2 different points into the same paragraph, which further confused things.

Don't forget, the written word is very static esp over the net and sometimes what you mean may not come across exactly the way you mean.
happy.gif
 

simpleman

Active Member
Seriously, I don't think we have misunderstood you at all.

Or perhaps you have shifted your position? It is ok to change our position but not asking us to read CLEARLY as if we read wrongly.

Can you explain what is the intention and meaning of this paragraph:

"My hubby must give me an allowance. Why? When we were growing up, once we earn money (I don't know about you) but I need to give my parents allowance. Employed or jobless, it's your problem. Even if you're working and supporting yourself through studies, you gotta find a way around it. It's to instill responsibility."
 

jonah_jo

New Member
Hey guys

Forget about the "why" can? I was in a rush when I type so I didn't really explain myself well.

I have explained umpteen times.

Losingher, why did you call yourself losing her when you're trying so hard to win your wife back? Not being superstitious but what you say is what you get.

So why don't you call yourself sthg more motivating?

Just a thought for the day. No offence.
 

simpleman

Active Member
Sure, we can forget about it.. after all what can we do right?

I posted because you replied to me to "read properly" before jumping to conclusion, implying that I DID NOT READ properly. Which I am disputing.

You have explained umpteen times but have ignored my post..

You are always in a rush and yet can post in different threads..

Anyway, it is friday.. and I have bad memories.. so I will forget it real soon.
 

jonah_jo

New Member
sometimes I am in a rush. As for different threads I have posted, you will notice the timing is different. Somehow, for this thread I have posted the most.

Sorry lor... can???
 

losingher

New Member
Eh, i already asked them to let it slide. No worries, we can all understand that some nuances in written communication is difficult to capture.

Thks for the thought...when it happened, i can hardly think straight, so the last thing on my mind was to find a correct nick. Will change it when that chapter of my life is closed.
 

jonah_jo

New Member
Huh ... when that chapter is closed... Hmm...how about she's back or she's mine???

My England not powderful as before esp at work. It's ok... sm is simple man. Simple man is simple basically.

It's alright, I'm in the same position as you right now so can't really think straight.
 

ariebeth

New Member
haha i also cannot wait to knock off work and go home. so sian, switched off already. I got ... 50mins more!
 

pinktweet

New Member
sky dark dark only la .. view from shenton way .. keep my fingers crossed, don rain .. me knocking off 5mins' time .. .. yawn ..
 

mum_of_2_girls

New Member
Hi all,

Some of your friends have hubbies who pay everything and also give them an allowance.

I don't think the wives demanded that from their hubbies. It could be their hubbies are happy to do it.

Anyway the allowance my hubby gave me all ended in my savings account.
Other than essentials, there is hardly anything I wish to buy.

I only love to read and play my piano.
Books are free to borrow from the Library.
Piano scores are free from the internet.
Piano books are available at the esplanade library.

Isn't it great that Singapore libraries are very well-stocked.

Since I don't travel often, can anyone tell me which country have the best library?
 

powder

Active Member
the Lack of money is the root of all evil...

i guess being lazy and uninitiated in working towards one's own financial needs And having the mindset to rely on spouse is a sub-root of the evils in a relationship.

let's face it, as much as some ladies want this financial support, i'd want it as a husband too... But i was not trained to have this expectation, nor was it instilled in me. Even if it was instilled in me, it is not a reason for me to go looking for a lady to support this Thinking tat's instilled in me, tio bo?

Allowance... Alllowance... why the fcuk would a sporean lady who is working need an allowance? Let's not be lame and use the 'past practices' to support modern Wants, and leave out the fact tat modern day women actually work and have been given almost-equal opportunities compared with women of our mothers' era. *(Allowance here EXCLUDES grocery money n money for daily necessities for working women, in case the definition is lost in translation).

why fight so hard for women to be equal, then still wanna retain some of that 'weaker gender' priviledges... AND Not see how warped one's thinking is. u can quote history, u can quote upbringing, u can quote whatever u want as long as your conscience doesn't prick u and u dun see the self-centredness in that request.

did i see wrongly? that "Some girls want a branded bag yearly. Some a vacation. Some whatever diamond ring or something else"? - what do i get as a guy? SEX??? if u set yourself up for a yearly/monthly reward-system kind of relationship for simply being a wife, then u will expose yourself to the Evils of expectations brought about by media coverage of luxury goods... the man who gives a 1-carat solitaire, tat lady strutting in town with tat 5k handbag or 20k diamond-studded watch.

i have only 1 advice on this, if u want something - work for it and buy it Yourself. anything from your spouse is a bonus, a priviledge, an act of love - an inspired gesture and totally voluntary... making it a demand negates the very Purpose of it, and is self-deceiving as a proof of love. it's Fake!

the less my wife expects of me, the more i would give her... likewise the more she expects, the less i'd wanna give her... it's a marriage, not a freaking bribe to make my wife stay.

i am not pinpointing anyone, but sharing my general opinion against one of the ugliest blemish i see in local women. if u're guilty, u will know. if u're not then this post isn't intended for u.
 

cutebride

New Member
Okay, this is interesting.. may i ask anyone of you who willing to share; is the "allowance or pocket money" for wife that you guys talking about has the same meaning with allowance/pocket money for kids?
I mean, surely hand it over to wifes in the same amount or percentage every month?
And may i know is what is this pocket money for? for paying all the household or for the wifes to spend for her own?

And may i check if singapore law doesnt have 50-50 rule for ppl who get divorce? I wonder, if sgp does have half half policy, then why many wifes mentioned about keeping allowance in case divorce happened?
 

powder

Active Member
all the more guys should keep money n not give allowance should it end in a divorce...

i dun know man... all these 'just in case' seems to depict the wives as some default-victim when there's a divorce... it seems to sensationalise the women as victim and magnify the disadvantages, but isit really that bad as most ladies would wanna depict it?
 

infojunkie

Active Member
"why many wifes mentioned about keeping allowance in case divorce happened?"

if u r talking abt women who can make a decent living and fend for themselves, then the reason could be to get a winning edge to feed their insatiable need for vanity? or simply Greed :p
 

cutebride

New Member
Junkie, i mean, if there is a half-half rule for divorce case, then wifes no need to die die want to get allowance for this purpose rite?
I'm not familier with sgp marriage's law. But in my home country, when you're divorce then both part will get half-hald for everything.. means no use you want to keep allowance and all, since everything will divided by half.
Can anyone enlighten me? i only know that sgp law doesnt recognize prenup.
 

infojunkie

Active Member
i dun know sg got half-half rule or not... but, it's always gd to hv extra rite? it is the thought that counts... and they can only think this far :p
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
"But in my home country, when you're divorce then both part will get half-hald for everything.. means no use you want to keep allowance and all, since everything will divided by half. Can anyone enlighten me?"

Then private savings should be left in your mom's name, but provided that she and dad don't divorce, or else half your savings in her name would go to your dad?

Don't think there is a "half-half" rule in Singapore's law governing marriage or divorce.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Some women of this generation seem to want to keep past practices that are to their advantage ONLY. For example, "allowance or pocket money" from the husband as already "defined" by some forummers. That's rather opportunistic.
 

tweetwee

New Member
Frankly speaking, I do not see why the modern working women need to have an allowance from the hubby, especially if you do not need the money in the first place. I think saying that he earns more and therefore, he should hand over an allowance is a dangerous demand from the wife. Some women want the allowance simply because they are the wives and feel that they are entitled to it, this thinking is rather outdated to me. I also agree with doll and powder that it is opportunistic on the women's part but I guess the people around them and those lovely dovey rich man + cinderella drama serials also play a part in influencing the mindsets that prince charming exist and can sweep you off your feet with money, love and tender care. Sometimes it could be due to the mother in law's expectations which are imprinted onto the wife's mindset. Seems like been a very good provider means you have fulfilled your basic responsibilities as a hubby and the daughters get pressurized for not marring well if the hubby does not provide for her needs as well as wants. I find that laughable; would they want their sons to behave like their ideal son in laws? In most cases, I don't think so. Different standards for the same scenario, who wins? Shrug
 

mum_of_2_girls

New Member
Some hubbies just love to pay everything and give allowance to their wives. It makes them happy.

In our early days of our marriage, I initially reject the allowance, expensive meals and presents from my hubby since I'm a working lady.

I discovered my refusal makes him unhappy so nowadays I just sweetly accepted and thanked him.

However, he find it amusing that I just put it in the bank account and never spend it.
 
So amazing to see so much arguements esp on jonah's post.. jonah post really is so amusing....

Never knew such a woman like jonah really exist hmmmm ......
 

vios

New Member
jonah,

of course it's noteworthy to the readers if the monies is for the groceries, bills, children's tuition fees, instalments etc...
or simply served as additional money to a working wife...

in fact, i wouldn't attempt to conveniently lump all the above-mentioned or individually termed any household Expense as "allowance" cos it's far distinct in terms of intention...
and for the former, it's undertaking a set of financial responsibilities - but not so for the latter, if that is like, being demanded.

of course, i know that guys such as albee's hubby, are not forced nor blackmailed by their wives...
they believe in it as an expression of love - not so much like a breadwinner's responsiblity, with the past generations of men.

hence, like i said earlier - u shouldn't be all that dismayed or frustrated that the readers actually read your posts in the "pocket-money" direction...
as most of us understand that an allowance is in the dependent form.

so it's important to understand this part first - if u are still interested in exploring the ever-conflicting opinions in the midst of describing/explaining your situational factors.
 

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