Wedding $$$$ giving and returning

[Mangoteen]

Dear sisters and maybe brothers out there,

Recently I had a brief but deep conversation with my boyfriend regarding our future.

Firstly, some background of my boyfriend. He earns quite a lot despite being only 1 year+ in the workforce but I still earns about 2 to 2.5 times more than him. His family is not very well to do and according to him, he is paying some of the bills for his family but also responsible enough to save a big percentage of his paycheck for the future. I would say he is a very good boyfriend and I am very lucky to have him. We did not have any major fights before.


So continuing my questions, we had a conversation about marriage. He started talking about the affordability and also some of his expectations.

He mentioned that I had a big family and also many family friends, the numbers of tables will be quite substantial and on top of that, since my father was a businessman, he will definitely wants a good hotel to hold the banquet. (True to a certain extent). Therefore it will be quite tough for him to be able to afford the banquet at the same time giving x number of tables to my family and letting them keep the angbaos.

This gift to my parents alone is already taking a toll on him. He is a strong believer of making a loss in wedding.

Also I always wanted overseas photoshoot and I know it will cost more but I don't mind splitting 50/50 with him.

We did not come into any conclusion, just some ranting and he suddenly asked me about the proposal ring.

He was already quite upset over the cost of banquet and he asked, if he gives me an expensive ring, will I get anything for him in return?

I was caught off guard, it never once crossed my mind. Then I told him that if you gave me a $X ring and I give you a $X dollar gift, they just cancels out and mean nothing right??

Am I wrong to think this way?
Or is it normal to give back. I mean love can not be measured by money, but he is being calculative or actually I am the one being calculative...

All in all, should the couple split 50/50 in everything including gifts to each other??? Split in terms on ratio because I earn more and i expect more??? Or guys must pay most????

Sorry if I offended anyone. I really don't know what to expect and how should I tell my parents. I don't want them to view my bf badly.

Thank you :'(

 

[ing1]

Quick question, will u still marry him if he never give you any engagement ring?

 

[Mangoteen]

Quick question, will u still marry him if he never give you any engagement ring?

But giving engagement ring is symbolic right?

 

[miloice]

The thing about finances, there isn't one way for everyone. What is impt is for the couple to be aligned.

For me, the level of trust between couples must be strong till a point, where both parties are willing to chip in their resources to stretch the dollar to the max to reduce wastage on the wedding. When either party is not trusting or out to exploit the partner, it will create more distrust and need to protect ourselves against the person we are supposing to want to live with for life !

Needs are unlimited, being young and preparing for marriage, you need to still keep for rainy days. Both of you should maintain healthy buffer despite all the wishes you have in your marriage. The relationship and marriage is not the wedding. The wedding is a one day thing, not worth to over stretch yourselves. Do what you guys can afford comfortably.

Now, there are people that are more calculative, while others that are terrible with their finances and having no discipline. Only you know your own strength, weaknesses and personality. It might not be possible to ask someone calculative and stingy to be generous. Likewise, for someone financially careless to manage every detail of the their finances.

 

[ing1]

But giving engagement ring is symbolic right?

Hihi, if the act of giving engagement gift is symbolic to you, then why would you feel that by giving him a $X dollar gift in return would "cancel out and mean nothing"? Does your symbolic has a $ value? He thinks the same too? If you guys already have different views re how the wedding shld be financed, how abt life and bills after the AD? Jus throwing out some questions for your thinking.

 

[Infernolord]

You shld wake your bf up.. lol I think you are a nice ger, given that you actually think so much on his side of story and still positive about him.
I just feel that he is just thinking of himself than "us" ? Abit selfish.
I thot most sg gers would usually say, "his money is my money, my money is my money"

Well why dont both of you work a few more years before settling down? As U mentioned he only in workforce for a year and he is earning well?? Mean as years goes by, he shld be earning more and be better off.
Accumlate more wealth then settle down lor. Think about BTO, housing then if got extra then goes to ring and dinner tables.

My gf dont even hv CPF, wiped of due to some reasons. Not much cash too. I paying for most stuff. If i demand a fair share back, we dont need to get marry liao.
Its because I cherish her, i dont mind paying more. so i feel your bf is kinda of selfish.

 

[helloyou]

But giving engagement ring is symbolic right?

Personally, I feel that engagement ring has no meaning. Wedding band is the one that's meaningful and symbolic as it represents both parties and it's worn by both parties. Engagement ring to me is just a waste of money. But if engagement ring means a lot to you, then you should let your bf knows and work it out.

In my case, we are doing 50/50 but not to the single cent. Although parents might feel that I'm losing out as traditionally, guy should be the one paying for most of the things. But I feel that since we are already marrying, why bother calculating. It all depends on how much you are willing to share this with ur bf.

 

[Mangoteen]

Personally, I feel that engagement ring has no meaning. Wedding band is the one that's meaningful and symbolic as it represents both parties and it's worn by both parties. Engagement ring to me is just a waste of money. But if engagement ring means a lot to you, then you should let your bf knows and work it out.

In my case, we are doing 50/50 but not to the single cent. Although parents might feel that I'm losing out as traditionally, guy should be the one paying for most of the things. But I feel that since we are already marrying, why bother calculating. It all depends on how much you are willing to share this with ur bf.

This is my concern, my bf sure can afford. But he will wipe out his entire savings just for this wedding whereas I still have most of my savings for rainy days. But this thought alone make me wonder if it is really okay.

 

[pikachuuu]

This is my concern, my bf sure can afford. But he will wipe out his entire savings just for this wedding whereas I still have most of my savings for rainy days. But this thought alone make me wonder if it is really okay.

are you ok with him being wiped out?
if yes, then this is a trouble relationship.

i don't see why a guy has to pay for all these things when he is earning lesser and just starting out.
back to ing1's question,does this symbol have any $ value to u? how much are u expecting him to pay?
i have a friend who budgeted <$1k for that engagement ring, are you ok with that?

some couple's arrangement is that the guy pays for the engagement ring and the girl gifts his wedding band in return.
i think before you guys get into more misunderstanding, maybe work out the estimated sums to see exactly how much it cost the guy and the girl. also take this chance to assure him at what point u will be contributing

if u are ok with your life partner losing his entire savings for the wedding, not mentioning he needs to get his cpf wiped if u are getting house... then... okay lor. personally i will be extremely worried if i leave my husband this broke

 

[newproject]

Curious how come you earn 2 to 2.5 times of his pay? Are you older than him? Assuming same age, Even with disadvantage of NS same age 2 to 2.5x seems excessive.

Add the fact your background is more well off than him he may feel inferiority complex.

Sg guys a lot got frail egos. Infernolord case is acceptable cos he's more capable and rich than his gf but if position reversed I think inferno might find it hard to accept.


How old are the both of you. As someone said you may want consider wait a few years for his pay catch up.

 

[newproject]

This is my concern, my bf sure can afford. But he will wipe out his entire savings just for this wedding whereas I still have most of my savings for rainy days. But this thought alone make me wonder if it is really okay.

Simple adapt a "one box" approach.. Pool all your money together.. Then there is no mine or yours issue.

When I got married my wife and I adopted a system where we had a joint account plus our own savings but over time somehow ended up pooling everything..... But I know these days couples don't trust each other that much so.....

 

[Mangoteen]

Simple adapt a "one box" approach.. Pool all your money together.. Then there is no mine or yours issue.

When I got married my wife and I adopted a system where we had a joint account plus our own savings but over time somehow ended up pooling everything..... But I know these days couples don't trust each other that much so.....

This sounds good but then the same question again. Do we put it same sum or ratio according to pay. Not that I don't want to put in more. But what I earned is actually mine right?

I know I can't get a conclusion out of this but just need some ideas to help to guide me to the right decision

 

[Mangoteen]

Curious how come you earn 2 to 2.5 times of his pay? Are you older than him? Assuming same age, Even with disadvantage of NS same age 2 to 2.5x seems excessive.

Add the fact your background is more well off than him he may feel inferiority complex.

Sg guys a lot got frail egos. Infernolord case is acceptable cos he's more capable and rich than his gf but if position reversed I think inferno might find it hard to accept.


How old are the both of you. As someone said you may want consider wait a few years for his pay catch up.

Both of us are in sales but selling different things, hence the difference.

Both of us are in our late 20s, well definitely can wait but will not be long. I guess after reading and considering, it still boils down to how much I want to contribute Vs how much should I contribute.

 

[Mangoteen]

What about buying something equivalent to the engagement ring. What are your views on that??

 

[helloyou]

This sounds good but then the same question again. Do we put it same sum or ratio according to pay. Not that I don't want to put in more. But what I earned is actually mine right?

I know I can't get a conclusion out of this but just need some ideas to help to guide me to the right decision

Yea, joint account makes things easier. It all boils down to how much are u willing to put in to make yourself comfortable. You should not feel that you're losing out if not there will bound to be arguments and it will affect relationship. If u think that it's not right for u to put more than him despite earning more, then just put 50/50. It's important to protect yourself from being too broke next time. But it's also important to protect your family (I.e the family that you are gonna build with ur bf). It's gonna be "ours" and not "him" and "mine"

 

[newproject]

This sounds good but then the same question again. Do we put it same sum or ratio according to pay. Not that I don't want to put in more. But what I earned is actually mine right?

I know I can't get a conclusion out of this but just need some ideas to help to guide me to the right decision

Ha your last line betrays your thinking..

Split 50-50 is okay if you both can afford it but here you want a more expensive wedding than he can afford.

In such a situation,
Put in by earning ratio is usual way. But then again usually guy earn more, then it's "fair". Lol.

Look at it this way, if your policy for everything is based on pay ratio it "protects" you too in future.

You never know if tomorrow you get fired or your pay gets less than him than he pays more by ratio.

 

[newproject]

Both of us are in our late 20s, well definitely can wait but will not be long. I guess after reading and considering, it still boils down to how much I want to contribute Vs how much should I contribute.

Actually 2 questions are same. No amount of facts will determine what you "should do". Aka the naturalistic fallacy you can't derive an ought from an is.

Honestly this doesn't bode well if such a small matter as finances are causing issues. This is a man you presumably love and if say he got struck down and lost everything you would willingly spend all your assets for his operation to save his life right?

So what's paying a bit more now cos you earn more now?next time if he earn more you trust he will dote on you right?

If you are so selfish and still think about your money is what you earned and is yours maybe you should reconsider if you truly trust or love him.

 

[ing1]

This sounds good but then the same question again. Do we put it same sum or ratio according to pay. Not that I don't want to put in more. But what I earned is actually mine right?

I know I can't get a conclusion out of this but just need some ideas to help to guide me to the right decision

Hihi, does your bf know about your "what I earned is actually mine" thinking? Do u mind if he has the same thinking?

Since what you earned is actually yours, then will you offer your savings that u saved for rainy days shld your bf needs the money, since he would have wiped out his savings for the wedding? I can understand that you may be trying to protect yourself but I guess this must work both ways, to be fair to your bf. Just some more questions for your thinking.

 

[miloice]

are you ok with him being wiped out?
if yes, then this is a trouble relationship.

i don't see why a guy has to pay for all these things when he is earning lesser and just starting out.
back to ing1's question,does this symbol have any $ value to u? how much are u expecting him to pay?
i have a friend who budgeted <$1k for that engagement ring, are you ok with that?

some couple's arrangement is that the guy pays for the engagement ring and the girl gifts his wedding band in return.
i think before you guys get into more misunderstanding, maybe work out the estimated sums to see exactly how much it cost the guy and the girl. also take this chance to assure him at what point u will be contributing

if u are ok with your life partner losing his entire savings for the wedding, not mentioning he needs to get his cpf wiped if u are getting house... then... okay lor. personally i will be extremely worried if i leave my husband this broke

Agree, when I was dating my wife, then gf, I was in debt bailing my old man out of bankrupcy. I was down to my last few hundred. I thought, it is probably the last gift I could get for her for a while, I spent it all on a handphone to match mine, as a bday gift. Instead of feeling happy about it, she cried. Telling me how could she trust me if I couldn't even prioritized and manage my funds. She broke up with me that day. It was then that I realize she was a keeper. Someone that would genuinely care for my interest. My ex made me borrow from my mother to sign up the M1 bundle promotion. It was a wake up call. A woman that is fine with the guy suffering so that she can benefit from it, is no wife material.

It made me change, to become responsible and assure my family that I am capable to prioritize and take care of them. With her, I know, she will always back me up. There is no turning back. That was 16 years back in 2001.

 

[4sgbrides]

Hello. Similar situation here whereby I earn around 2.5x of my fiance.

I reckon I will be footing around 80% of the wedding expenses. And probably sponsoring him the honeymoon (I really want to fly in the SQ suites). Not a big deal to me. We both get to enjoy life together - that's all that matters. The money just makes it easier.

 

[newproject]

Hello. Similar situation here whereby I earn around 2.5x of my fiance.

I reckon I will be footing around 80% of the wedding expenses. And probably sponsoring him the honeymoon (I really want to fly in the SQ suites). Not a big deal to me. We both get to enjoy life together - that's all that matters. The money just makes it easier.

Your husband to be ok with that?

I know got some guys can't accept.

 

[4sgbrides]

Ya He knows it from the start given the line I'm in. We knew each other in Uni, so started off on the same level. He did have some issues with it but we spoke about it (broke up for a while) but all's good now!

Your husband to be ok with that?

I know got some guys can't accept.

 

[newproject]

Ya He knows it from the start given the line I'm in. We knew each other in Uni, so started off on the same level. He did have some issues with it but we spoke about it (broke up for a while) but all's good now!

Good to hear.

I know got a lot of guys who call themselves traditional on this forum who can't accept girl earn so much more.

But these people tend to have a very backward mindset.

 

[4sgbrides]

Ya! I'm very very thankful.

Those guys who cannot accept a girl earning more than them are just suffering from lack of testosterone (aka male ego problem). A truly confident man knows that salary is just another number and he knows he is good in other things she isn't good at! So why compare?

Good to hear.

I know got a lot of guys who call themselves traditional on this forum who can't accept girl earn so much more.

But these people tend to have a very backward mindset.

 

[Staypositive]

Hello. Similar situation here whereby I earn around 2.5x of my fiance.

I reckon I will be footing around 80% of the wedding expenses. And probably sponsoring him the honeymoon (I really want to fly in the SQ suites). Not a big deal to me. We both get to enjoy life together - that's all that matters. The money just makes it easier.

if 4sgbrides did not contribute more than the guy in this circumstance,she would be labeled selfish,materialistic and certainly non wifey material by newproject...

Hi 4sgbrides,you should not pay more than the guy all the time just becos you earn more than him.as time goes by,he will take things for granted and rely on you to pay most of the stuff all the time.this will in turn become a bad habit for him.it is important that he seeks to improve himself instead of remaining status quo as it is.
You may love the guy but do learn to protect urself in the face of any form of uncertainty in the future.im not trying to scare you but love may be sweet but reality is cruel.learn to make more realistic and wiser decisions.

 

[newproject]

if 4sgbrides did not contribute more than the guy in this circumstance,she would be labeled selfish,materialistic and certainly non wifey material by newproject...

Hi 4sgbrides,you should not pay more than the guy all the time just becos you earn more than him.as time goes by,he will take things for granted and rely on you to pay most of the stuff all the time.this will in turn become a bad habit for him.it is important that he seeks to improve himself instead of remaining status quo as it is.
You may love the guy but do learn to protect urself in the face of any form of uncertainty in the future.im not trying to scare you but love may be sweet but reality is cruel.learn to make more realistic and wiser decisions.

Here we go, the guy who thinks girls are all weak things and needs to be protected.

If a guy earns more and pays more all the time will you warn the guy not to do it cos it would make the girl "take things for granted" etc

Will you say "You may love the girl but do learn to protect urself in the face of any form of uncertainty in the future.im not trying to scare you but love may be sweet but reality is cruel.learn to make more realistic and wiser decisions"

No right? You would say it's normal.

Fact is guys like you have huge egos who can't handle that woman are equals to guys or who earn more. So you come up with rationalization on why 4sgbride shouldn't pay more.

All this is Bs. The real reason is your ego can't take it.

 

[4sgbrides]

Ok chill both. Let's not measure things financially.

@Staypositive: he is improving himself! earning above average and he has a very promising career. I'm earning more cause I am just lucky in what I do. I think this is sufficient for me. I don't spend a good chunk of my salary. So why not use that to make our lives better? I have him to share my moments with. So that's worth it!

@newproject: hahaha we females have learnt to (try to) be good in both our careers and families. But we need the guys' support. I guess we tend to quash the typical rship / family dynamics. I foresee him taking a greater responsibility at home taking care of the family + children if required. He's good at that and that's so sexy. HAHA

Here we go, the guy who thinks girls are all weak things and needs to be protected.

If a guy earns more and pays more all the time will you warn the guy not to do it cos it would make the girl "take things for granted" etc

Will you say "You may love the girl but do learn to protect urself in the face of any form of uncertainty in the future.im not trying to scare you but love may be sweet but reality is cruel.learn to make more realistic and wiser decisions"

No right? You would say it's normal.

Fact is guys like you have huge egos who can't handle that woman are equals to guys. You can only accept girls who don't threaten your ego.

 

[newproject]

4sgbride I believe you know best what you are doing. Have a good wedding and marriage.

 

[miloice]

Good to hear.

I know got a lot of guys who call themselves traditional on this forum who can't accept girl earn so much more.

But these people tend to have a very backward mindset.

There are ups and downs. I started my career before my wife, she was just doing contract work and earned much lower around 1.6k-2k monthly. Then, she moved in to corporate banking and started doing very well. With her huge bonuses, there were times she made twice my annual package. What is there to accept or not? I just pulled up my socks. Worked harder, nego hard with my boss on the right opportunities, moved within the corporate and caught up. Moving management helped grew the package. Ego is a neutral thing. It can motivate or demotivate us. Right now, we don't really bother who earns how much anymore. More appreciating family, remaining parents are all ageing and struggling to cope with their health. Already in the 40s, the drive is not the same anymore, I work hard to ensure I stay relevant and employed. Not trying to climb anymore.

I did shared that I was in debt when I was dating my wife then gf back in 2001. So, basically, the wedding, she chipped in mostly financially. We setup a joint account, started with same amt. She didn't had the discipline to contribute regularly. For me, it was more a commitment to save up. After marriage, moving back to care for her mum, we rented out our place and the account is growing by itself. We use it for renovating her mum's place, travels and school fees for the kids. We stopped contributing to the account regularly. When the float slips, I just top it up. Never ever needed to calculate how much we contribute.

 

[Staypositive]

Here we go, the guy who thinks girls are all weak things and needs to be protected.

If a guy earns more and pays more all the time will you warn the guy not to do it cos it would make the girl "take things for granted" etc

Will you say "You may love the girl but do learn to protect urself in the face of any form of uncertainty in the future.im not trying to scare you but love may be sweet but reality is cruel.learn to make more realistic and wiser decisions"

No right? You would say it's normal.

Fact is guys like you have huge egos who can't handle that woman are equals to guys or who earn more. So you come up with rationalization on why 4sgbride shouldn't pay more.

All this is Bs. The real reason is your ego can't take it.

Erm all these talk by u Guys in the forum is all abt how to prevent guy from being taking advantage of,no meh?to be fair,the girls also have to prevent themselves from being taken advantage of by guys who takes things for granted.fair mah.

 

[Staypositive]

Ok chill both. Let's not measure things financially.

@Staypositive: he is improving himself! earning above average and he has a very promising career. I'm earning more cause I am just lucky in what I do. I think this is sufficient for me. I don't spend a good chunk of my salary. So why not use that to make our lives better? I have him to share my moments with. So that's worth it!

@newproject: hahaha we females have learnt to (try to) be good in both our careers and families. But we need the guys' support. I guess we tend to quash the typical rship / family dynamics. I foresee him taking a greater responsibility at home taking care of the family + children if required. He's good at that and that's so sexy. HAHA

Hi gal,I like ur big hearted attitude. However,staying at home and become a "houseman" would injure his pride in the Long run unless he Really dun mind.previously you mentioned he have issues relating to u paying more than he because you earn more.issue relating to this might surface again in the future.take care to manage his pride also as it might affect your relationship.gd to hear that he has a promising career with prospects.remember,dun spoil him even though you love him.he might get lazy and decide to rely on u.

 

[newproject]

Erm all these talk by u Guys in the forum is all abt how to prevent guy from being taking advantage of,no meh?to be fair,the girls also have to prevent themselves from being taken advantage of by guys who takes things for granted.fair mah.

Well what do woman have to worry about? There's always the woman's charter.

Besides most guys do indeed foot more of the bill including me and nobody blinks an eye.

Why you never warn guys like us? That girls will take for granted etc? But in *one* rare case you so worried?

 

[newproject]

Hi gal,I like ur big hearted attitude. However,staying at home and become a "houseman" would injure his pride in the Long run unless he Really dun mind.previously you mentioned he have issues relating to u paying more than he because you earn more.issue relating to this might surface again in the future.take care to manage his pride also as it might affect your relationship.gd to hear that he has a promising career with prospects.remember,dun spoil him even though you love him.he might get lazy and decide to rely on u.

If you ever get a wife, you will pay more right? Dote on her etc. Do you ever worry she will become lazy? Take things for granted and rely only on you?

Why or why not?

 

[ing1]

Hi guys, I think we are deviating from the topic..

 

[newproject]

Hi guys, I think we are deviating from the topic..

Are we? Basically you can choose the Staypositive way and as a female refuse to contribute more or even 50% or you can be like those of us who feel as a couple no need be so calculative. If guy earn more he pays more etc

 

[Staypositive]

Well what do woman have to worry about? There's always the woman's charter.

Besides most guys do indeed foot more of the bill including me and nobody blinks an eye.

Why you never warn guys like us? That girls will take for granted etc? But in *one* rare case you so worried?

Women charter or not,ppl still get cheated,irregardless of male or female.guys like u all here are already 'experienced' in money matters,judging from all the posts here abt getting cheated or some other negative experience.im sure once bitten twice shy,do we need to say more?

 

[Staypositive]

Are we? Basically you can choose the Staypositive way and as a female refuse to contribute more or even 50% or you can be like those of us who feel as a couple no need be so calculative. If guy earn more he pays more etc

You dun have to be so defensive.ing1 is not taking side here but just reminding you that you are deviating from the subject at hand.simple as that.

 

[Staypositive]

If you ever get a wife, you will pay more right? Dote on her etc. Do you ever worry she will become lazy? Take things for granted and rely only on you?

of course I will pay more.that is a silly qn to ask.if she ever becomes lazy,I will motivate her instead of putting her down.

 

[newproject]

You dun have to be so defensive.ing1 is not taking side here but just reminding you that you are deviating from the subject at hand.simple as that.

Er. I am not saying she is taking sides.

I'm saying you and I have the right to discuss these issues. The issues we dancing around is, girls shouldn't pay more cos the norm is they don't (despite what others post here) which TS mentions.

Though I don't agree with you, don't like your views and think you are just a keyboard Warrior with no experience, I do value that you play a role is bringing up these issues to the forefront.

 

[newproject]

Women charter or not,ppl still get cheated,irregardless of male or female.

I agree, girl or guys both can get cheated but if divorced the guy suffers more.

But let's put that aside.

guys like u all here are already 'experienced' in money matters,judging from all the posts here abt getting cheated or some other negative experience.im sure once bitten twice shy,do we need to say more?

Huh? So you agreeing guys shouldn't pay more either? So you are advocate of everything 50-50? Even if guy earns 2x?

BTW I paid almost everything for our wedding.. But I earn more.

If my partner earns a lot more and refuses to chip in even 50-50, I would be really unhappy and reconsider the relationship.

After all this whole "protect yourself" business is BS. You getting married! If you so scared until nerd protect yourself (whether you guy or gal) you probably shouldn't get married.

My problem is with people like Staypositive that only jumpin and tell girls to protect themselves but when guys do it, say it's ok.

 

[newproject]

Why "of course you will pay more"? You say you will motivate her to ensure she don't get lazy so why do you think if positions reverse the gal pays more she can't motivate the guy?

In fact knowing most guys don't even need to motivate they will work like mad cos of their ego and current social mores.

Is the girls who tend to have the mindset that guy should pay more who are far more likely to need motivation.. Yet you warn the girls who pay more but not the vast majority of guys who pay more.

Why.

 

[Staypositive]

I agree, girl or guys both can get cheated but if divorced the guy suffers more.

But let's put that aside.



Huh? So you agreeing guys shouldn't pay more either? So you are advocate of everything 50-50? Even if guy earns 2x?

BTW I paid almost everything for our wedding.. But I earn more.

If my partner earns a lot more and refuses to chip in even 50-50, I would be really unhappy and reconsider the relationship.

After all this whole "protect yourself" business is BS. You getting married! If you so scared until nerd protect yourself (whether you guy or gal) you probably shouldn't get married.

My problem is with people like Staypositive that only jumpin and tell girls to protect themselves but when guys do it, say it's ok.

Haiz.what I meant was you said I always defend the girls but not the guys.guys already have so many "valuable experience",still need to protect them meh?im sure they learn.

 

[foolishguy]

Hi Mangoteen, A man is willing to pay down to his last cent for VALID causes for a good woman and his family if he is a good man.

Hesitation kicks in only if he feels the other half is asking too much and not empathetic about his financial situation...in this case, he will be losing his entire life savings on the wedding leaving him with no financial security fallback..worse if he knows that you still have savings after this whole expensive wedding that last only one day, in his mind there will definitely be something holding him back..

Money to man is like beauty to a woman, money gives confidence to a man...you might say it's ego, but it's entrained in men I guess, we are born to be providers, without resources, we tend to feel inferior...

You already say he is a strong believer in making a loss in a wedding means that he does not expect to earn from the tables, this shows that he has a good character and wants to stand on his own...by pushing him to pay for stuff that is beyond his capability might prompt him to say stuff like "why don't you give a X gift in return" kind of statement...

End of the day, you know your bf best.. don't be afraid to have serious financial discussion with him..by letting him know how much you value this wedding (for yourself and also for your parents) will actually let him realise how all these are really important for you...wedding plannings are stressful, the real marriage starts after your wedding which is years and years of tests, happiness and also some sorrows along the way...here's wishing you having a blissful wedding..

Just letting out some of my thoughts as a guy..

 

[Infernolord]

TS- its all boil down to Trusts
My previous comment, i thought it was your bf seem to be calculative. (I was wrong)
If you cant trust him. If you cant share what yours.
Why must he be kind and generous toward you ??

I think Foolishguy have a point. Are you guys being honest about each other.?
Why must he wipe his entire saving when u keep yours?

 

[CelynJui]

Quick question, will u still marry him if he never give you any engagement ring?

My fiance does not give me a propsal ring at all.. We work tgt as delivery now and before he work as house mover.. Our wedding is this Nov and we pool our $$ tgt for work, expenses and wedding.. My parents n my family n his sisters are helping us out with our wedding expenses for now and we work harder to return.. I dont see the reason and rational why guys have to pay every single thing.. Our wedding is only 10-15 tables which majority tables are my family and we are stress as well but luckily everything works our smoothly now..

Personally i feel and think that dont expect guys to fork out everything for wedding, no matter he come from well to do family or average family or who earns more than who..

 

[miloice]

My fiance does not give me a propsal ring at all.. We work tgt as delivery now and before he work as house mover.. Our wedding is this Nov and we pool our $$ tgt for work, expenses and wedding.. My parents n my family n his sisters are helping us out with our wedding expenses for now and we work harder to return.. I dont see the reason and rational why guys have to pay every single thing.. Our wedding is only 10-15 tables which majority tables are my family and we are stress as well but luckily everything works our smoothly now..

Personally i feel and think that dont expect guys to fork out everything for wedding, no matter he come from well to do family or average family or who earns more than who..

Kudos to you!

Unfortunately, many don't think like this. The need to exploit their spouse and protect themselves. We hear alot of stories and complaints from both gender. The world is never fair. Women's charter, women losing their youth and value etc. Marriage is always a gamble. We gain some lose some. What's impt is we gamble on what's worth for us. Even when we lose, we accept. no regrets. To begin a marriage already in a bargain and defence, the trust is not there to begin. There is no perfect relationships, some people just cannot let go of their defense and will never trust. Their partners just need to accept and be really understanding on this part.

 

[CelynJui]

Kudos to you!

Unfortunately, many don't think like this. The need to exploit their spouse and protect themselves. We hear alot of stories and complaints from both gender. The world is never fair. Women's charter, women losing their youth and value etc. Marriage is always a gamble. We gain some lose some. What's impt is we gamble on what's worth for us. Even when we lose, we accept. no regrets. To begin a marriage already in a bargain and defence, the trust is not there to begin. There is no perfect relationships, some people just cannot let go of their defense and will never trust. Their partners just need to accept and be really understanding on this part.

Alot of girls tend to protect themselves and its natural for them to do so.. But its the understanding part when comes to marriage.. Either party will just show their 'true self' and its shows how much they 'love' their partners.. Even though now my and HTB are struggling alil now we are still striving for better..
Sometimes i as a girl, think that some girls are way too selfish when comes to r/s or marriage..

 

[newproject]

Alot of girls tend to protect themselves and its natural for them to do so.. But its the understanding part when comes to marriage.. Either party will just show their 'true self' and its shows how much they 'love' their partners.. Even though now my and HTB are struggling alil now we are still striving for better..
Sometimes i as a girl, think that some girls are way too selfish when comes to r/s or marriage..

Lol you are like the Polar opposite of another poster who had an affair with a French bf cos she complains her husband is a failure at work, got retrenched and now doing Uber.

This "lady" is complaing her husband is a total failure and she's justified in doing what she does and want advise on using woman's charter to own her soon to be ex husband so she gets the house and alimony as compensation because he wasted 7 years of her youth.

I'm 90% sure she's a troll though.

As for you, Staypositive will be coming in soon anytime soon to tell you not to be so nice and protect yourself and don't be so nice to your husband.

You too nice / not selfish enough the guy will get lazy etc

 

[CelynJui]

Lol you are like the Polar opposite of another poster who had an affair with a French bf cos she complains her husband is a failure at work, got retrenched and now doing Uber.

This "lady" is complaing her husband is a total failure and she's justified in doing what she does and want advise on using woman's charter to own her soon to be ex husband so she gets the house and alimony as compensation because he wasted 7 years of her youth.

I'm 90% sure she's a troll though.

As for you, Staypositive will be coming in soon anytime soon to tell you not to be so nice and protect yourself and don't be so nice to your husband.

You too nice / not selfish enough the guy will get lazy etc

Ya i agree with you not to be too nice to the guy.. But he helps me with housework and other stuffs.. He strive hards for our future too.. But the moment he is home he is like the King hahahaha

 

[newproject]

Ya i agree with you not to be too nice to the guy.. But he helps me with housework and other stuffs.. He strive hards for our future too.. But the moment he is home he is like the King hahahaha

You guys sound young. Don't sound like the typical late 20/early 30s local grad type.

I find girls like that are the ones who likely to struggle between western ideas of gender equality and yet feel pulled toward more traditional "guy should pay more /all" modes.