Wedding Dowry Matters.....

JohnNPG

New Member
Hi Everyone,

I need help and advise on the Dowry issue, Here are some question that i would like to ask around:

1) Does anyone had any problem regarding the dowry that is to give to the Bride and family?


2) Does anyone knows what's the price or is there even a market price on the amount of dowry to give?

3) Is it too much for the bride's family to demand $20k for the dowry?

Hope to anyone can share his or her story, and also suggestion and advise.

Thank you all ;)
 

Aj.tan

Member
2) there's no such thing as a market rate. Usually the bride's side will decide how much.

3) I think 20k is a lot BUT, usually the bride's family will return part of it to signify that the groom's family has been generous.
If they demand 20k, then perhaps they won't ask for tables.
 

Clzh

Member
Hi Everyone,

I need help and advise on the Dowry issue, Here are some question that i would like to ask around:

1) Does anyone had any problem regarding the dowry that is to give to the Bride and family?


2) Does anyone knows what's the price or is there even a market price on the amount of dowry to give?

3) Is it too much for the bride's family to demand $20k for the dowry?

Hope to anyone can share his or her story, and also suggestion and advise.

Thank you all ;)
Is dowry same as pin Jin?
 

Clzh

Member
Hi Clzh,

Dowry = Pin Jin
Wa... Pin Jin 20k seems quite a lot.. My family only asked for $3k (I'm the bride) and they didn't take my table money either. Maybe because they know my hubby and I fork out all the wedding expenses.. But even if you're asked 20k dowry, maybe they will return half cos that's usual how this whole guo da Li works (half of the gifts returned to groom). Don't think there's a "market rate" though.
 

JohnNPG

New Member
Wa... Pin Jin 20k seems quite a lot.. My family only asked for $3k (I'm the bride) and they didn't take my table money either. Maybe because they know my hubby and I fork out all the wedding expenses.. But even if you're asked 20k dowry, maybe they will return half cos that's usual how this whole guo da Li works (half of the gifts returned to groom). Don't think there's a "market rate" though.
Hi Clzh,

Thank you for your replies, I do agree with you but What if the bride's family especially (Mother In Law) intended to pocket the dowry 20k totally without returning to the groom, Is it normal or is it very bad for the bride's mother to even do that? I am asking this because this is what actually happens, The bride was raised up in a single parent family, Mother was a master graduates and is very nasty, She objected the bride's marriage and eventually threatened, So She demanded for a $20k dowry. She claimed that she had the credit of raising her daughter single handily , So she felt it's a debt to the bride and groom, So she demanded for $20k dowry as a compensation. What do you think?
 

cjnsal

Member
Hi Everyone,

I need help and advise on the Dowry issue, Here are some question that i would like to ask around:

1) Does anyone had any problem regarding the dowry that is to give to the Bride and family?


2) Does anyone knows what's the price or is there even a market price on the amount of dowry to give?

3) Is it too much for the bride's family to demand $20k for the dowry?

Hope to anyone can share his or her story, and also suggestion and advise.

Thank you all ;)
I think $20k is crazy. My mum is only asking for $3888. $20k is like selling daughter
 

JohnNPG

New Member
I think $20k is crazy. My mum is only asking for $3888. $20k is like selling daughter
Thank you for your replies, I do agree with you but What if the bride's family especially (Mother In Law) intended to pocket the dowry 20k totally without returning to the groom, Is it normal or is it very bad for the bride's mother to even do that? I am asking this because this is what actually happens, The bride was raised up in a single parent family, Mother was a master graduates and is very nasty, She objected the bride's marriage and eventually threatened, So She demanded for a $20k dowry. She claimed that she had the credit of raising her daughter single handily , So she felt it's a debt to the bride and groom, So she demanded for $20k dowry as a compensation. What do you think?
 

cjnsal

Member
Thank you for your replies, I do agree with you but What if the bride's family especially (Mother In Law) intended to pocket the dowry 20k totally without returning to the groom, Is it normal or is it very bad for the bride's mother to even do that? I am asking this because this is what actually happens, The bride was raised up in a single parent family, Mother was a master graduates and is very nasty, She objected the bride's marriage and eventually threatened, So She demanded for a $20k dowry. She claimed that she had the credit of raising her daughter single handily , So she felt it's a debt to the bride and groom, So she demanded for $20k dowry as a compensation. What do you think?
So what is the bride's involvement in this? Did she not say anything to her mum? If MIL wants 'compensation', its as good as selling daughter. she will have to bear the consequences of taking that $20k. Your wife to-be needs to have a good talk with your MIL to let her know that marrying you is her choice and her mother needs to respect it. By taking that $20k, it will show the groom family that her mum is selling daughter and will put your wife to-be in a bad position to marry into your family. Does your MIL bear to put her daughter through this?

My advice to you is that, if $20k is all it takes to cut relations with MIL if she is so unreasonable, then do it. But if she has her concerns and is using that $20k as a threat, try to resolve her concerns and work things through amicably.
 

octobride

Member
My mother is a single parent. She did not ask for pin jin, but she's taking her 6 tables' money.
 
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JohnNPG

New Member
So what is the bride's involvement in this? Did she not say anything to her mum? If MIL wants 'compensation', its as good as selling daughter. she will have to bear the consequences of taking that $20k. Your wife to-be needs to have a good talk with your MIL to let her know that marrying you is her choice and her mother needs to respect it. By taking that $20k, it will show the groom family that her mum is selling daughter and will put your wife to-be in a bad position to marry into your family. Does your MIL bear to put her daughter through this?

My advice to you is that, if $20k is all it takes to cut relations with MIL if she is so unreasonable, then do it. But if she has her concerns and is using that $20k as a threat, try to resolve her concerns and work things through amicably.
Hi Cjnsal,

Thanks for replying, for your info, The bride hasn't been in a talking terms with her mother due to this matter, They have been in a very serious cold war against each other, The bride's mother was very stubborn, She even disallow the bride to me married from home and forced them to do it all in hotel and skipped most of the traditions, Worse still she even used god to threatened to break the couple apart.

It is really a very sad case afterall.
 

cjnsal

Member
Hi Cjnsal,

Thanks for replying, for your info, The bride hasn't been in a talking terms with her mother due to this matter, They have been in a very serious cold war against each other, The bride's mother was very stubborn, She even disallow the bride to me married from home and forced them to do it all in hotel and skipped most of the traditions, Worse still she even used god to threatened to break the couple apart.

It is really a very sad case afterall.
Then jolly well ignore her if possible.
 

octobride

Member
Hi Octobride,

Thanks for your reply, can you share more about your mum? No offend.
She said even if she take pinjin, she also use the pinjin money to buy gold for me. She said might as well ask my in laws to buy it for me.
As for her 6 tables angbaos, she's very firm on that. No negotiation.
 

JohnNPG

New Member
She said even if she take pinjin, she also use the pinjin money to buy gold for me. She said might as well ask my in laws to buy it for me.
As for her 6 tables angbaos, she's very firm on that. No negotiation.
Hi Octobride,

Thanks for sharing, I always wonder is it all single parents are very stubborn and hard up on stuff like this? For mine, The MIL is even worse, She do not want to even acknowledge her son in law nor her daughter and she tried all ways to break up the couple, And worse still all she wants was money without Negotiation, But really don't understand why would somebody want to insult her own daughter and demand 20k as dowry pin jing, And even claimed that 20k is already very cheap and In laws should fork out anything she demanded?!
 

octobride

Member
Hi Octobride,

Thanks for sharing, I always wonder is it all single parents are very stubborn and hard up on stuff like this? For mine, The MIL is even worse, She do not want to even acknowledge her son in law nor her daughter and she tried all ways to break up the couple, And worse still all she wants was money without Negotiation, But really don't understand why would somebody want to insult her own daughter and demand 20k as dowry pin jing, And even claimed that 20k is already very cheap and In laws should fork out anything she demanded?!
Not really, there are stories of both parents being very unreasonable for demanding also. As for my mum, she claims it is 'law' that girl's family should take the tables angbaos. I had asked around and some of my friends mothers do that too. I am lucky she only had 6 tables.

Frankly speaking if I were you. And she is being soooooo difficult, I'll skip all the traditional stuff. That way, no need to give her that pinjin or whatsoever.
Just ROM and get a nice venue to celebrate with close family and friends.
 

JohnNPG

New Member
Not really, there are stories of both parents being very unreasonable for demanding also. As for my mum, she claims it is 'law' that girl's family should take the tables angbaos. I had asked around and some of my friends mothers do that too. I am lucky she only had 6 tables.

Frankly speaking if I were you. And she is being soooooo difficult, I'll skip all the traditional stuff. That way, no need to give her that pinjin or whatsoever.
Just ROM and get a nice venue to celebrate with close family and friends.

Thanks for the suggestion Octobride, Yes indeed the couple has already skipped almost all the tradition as like how you mentioned but the baddest thing is because actually the MIL was the eldest among the uncles and aunties in bride's family, So she demanded and forbid all the other relatives not to attend the wedding anyway, I was wondering why would she wants to do that if she herself do want to attend but also forced people not to, As everyone are so scare of her so they didn't dare to voice out. Bare in mind that the MIL is a master graduate.

This has been making the couple very depress and difficult.
 

pipitbj

Member
Hi John. this is getting dramatic. the highest amount I heard of was 16888 and that's my friend's brother-in-law. So for my friend, he managed to get away with 8888. in any case, both amounts are already monstrous!!!!! another way is, elope. We are supposed to get blessings from our parents in this joyous event and nothing else.

Why is it a master degree parent got to do with anything here?
 

JohnNPG

New Member
Hi John. this is getting dramatic. the highest amount I heard of was 16888 and that's my friend's brother-in-law. So for my friend, he managed to get away with 8888. in any case, both amounts are already monstrous!!!!! another way is, elope. We are supposed to get blessings from our parents in this joyous event and nothing else.

Why is it a master degree parent got to do with anything here?

Hi Pipitbj,

Thanks for sharing, Yes indeed it is getting very dramatic and ridiculous, Yes we all knows that educational level has got nothing to do here, Big problem is the MIL is having the mindsets that because she holds a master degree so she has the rights to call the shots to everything, And she stubbornly thinks that she has the most rights to demand and ask for anything and even forbid relatives from attending the wedding as well.

Which is why the couple has been suffering and ended up in a depression, Thou they are still getting married soon later this year.

I really could not understand why would a single mother that is so highly educated can actually behaves in such a way?
 

pipitbj

Member
Hi Pipitbj,

Thanks for sharing, Yes indeed it is getting very dramatic and ridiculous, Yes we all knows that educational level has got nothing to do here, Big problem is the MIL is having the mindsets that because she holds a master degree so she has the rights to call the shots to everything, And she stubbornly thinks that she has the most rights to demand and ask for anything and even forbid relatives from attending the wedding as well.

Which is why the couple has been suffering and ended up in a depression, Thou they are still getting married soon later this year.

I really could not understand why would a single mother that is so highly educated can actually behaves in such a way?
if you think you can elope, then elope. do without her at your wedding. live without her. she will get to know the taste of her actions and miss the precious moments of seeing her daughter off and welcoming the new baby and all the memorable stages of life with her daughter n family. life's too much to think about negativity and live what you want to live.

even the bank robber created history, why not you?
but pls think carefully abt the repercussions of this decision.
 

newproject

Active Member
Not really, there are stories of both parents being very unreasonable for demanding also. As for my mum, she claims it is 'law' that girl's family should take the tables angbaos. I had asked around and some of my friends mothers do that too. I am lucky she only had 6 tables.

.
Not true. This take table thing is more from olden days. These days if couple pay everything themselves it's just pinjin can already.
 

newproject

Active Member
Thanks for the suggestion Octobride, Yes indeed the couple has already skipped almost all the tradition as like how you mentioned but the baddest thing is because actually the MIL was the eldest among the uncles and aunties in bride's family, So she demanded and forbid all the other relatives not to attend the wedding anyway, I was wondering why would she wants to do that if she herself do want to attend but also forced people not to, As everyone are so scare of her so they didn't dare to voice out. Bare in mind that the MIL is a master graduate.

This has been making the couple very depress and difficult.
Bit confused is this your story or ?
 

octobride

Member
Not true. This take table thing is more from olden days. These days if couple pay everything themselves it's just pinjin can already.
No choice if my mother wants it this way. Anyway she never take pinjin. This practice is still going around for most of the chinese in Singapore.
 

JohnNPG

New Member
No choice if my mother wants it this way. Anyway she never take pinjin. This practice is still going around for most of the chinese in Singapore.
Hi Octobride,

I understand what you are saying, And yes it's true this is the tradition that is still going on now for most of the chinese family, In china it's even worse than us, But nevertheless it's never good to quarrel over money as marriage is still a very happy occasion after all.
 

octobride

Member
Hi Octobride,

I understand what you are saying, And yes it's true this is the tradition that is still going on now for most of the chinese family, In china it's even worse than us, But nevertheless it's never good to quarrel over money as marriage is still a very happy occasion after all.
But luckily for my husband she did not demand for high pinjin. I just let her take her 6 tables money as 'gratitude' that she single handedly raised me and my siblings all these years,
 

JohnNPG

New Member
But luckily for my husband she did not demand for high pinjin. I just let her take her 6 tables money as 'gratitude' that she single handedly raised me and my siblings all these years,
Yes your husband is very lucky enough indeed, Thank you so much for sharing. ;)
 

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