Violent abuse

i just got together with my bf of 2 months. somehow i did not treat him well and care for him much although he did always treat me good and is tolerant of me

last night, we had a heated argument in the car as i said something that anger him , and out of sudden, he just slapped and bash me on my face real hard , also pulling my hair
it was not once, but several times n strong bash on my face
i was v shocked and try to retaliate, and he scolded me real badly while bashing me on my face n pulling my hair

then he got out of the car and i wanted to follow him back to his house as i felt i just cant let him go off just like that, is not easy for him already . when i step to his house, i told his family member what he did but they have no comments and cant do much

now i thinking how should i take revenge and make him pay for what he did ?
after that , he did feel sorry and apologise to me but in my heart, revenge is all in my mind now

should i report to the police or tell all his friends what he did?

I wanted to break up with him but b4 that, i wanted to make sure he dun get away so easily out from bashing me

any idea?


New Member
What did you say that provoke such strong reaction in him? You must have made him real furious. Anyway, do you love this person?


New Member
Is this the first time he used violence on u or u experienced it before ? Have u talked to him about this before ? Is he usually a bad tempered person ?


New Member
During a road rage, if a person bash up the other party, it's a police case.

Do you mean if the person is your boyfriend, he can bash you up and it's ok?

Decide for yourself if you like to be his punching bag.
no, b4 last night, he always appear to be a very sweet and nice person to me and i was very shocked.

this is the first time he used violence on me
e thing is , he bash and scold me at the same time, cos usually i thought once the guy first bash the gal, he would have sudden realise that he did something wrong and stop immediately

what i said to him is not verbal abuse i can swear. i just said in a not so good attitude that we may not be suitable for each other and i do not love you for now, i only trying to develop more love to you dun come in any vulgarities

i just feel that i cant let him go off so easily, although on surface, i dun c any bruises on me, do u think i still can go to the police claiming that he bash me when people cant c any signs of being hurt ?

do u think i should first tell his friends first cos he always appear to be a Mr nice guy in front of them


New Member
Tell his friends for what? It's your words against his. Who do you think HIS friends will believe?

Just breakup with him.


New Member
perhaps u have not known each other long enough thus certain attitudes might appear as a surprise or shock. It takes time to learn more about a person in fact some ppl take a lifetime even couples who r married are still trying to learn more about each other. perhaps the words u have said had hurt him deeply and sounded very unloving to him. but still that he should not beat u up. Do u still love him or u said those words in a moment of fury ?


New Member
"should i report to the police or tell all his friends what he did?"

- Kena whacked hard on your face??? Due to no visible face injuries (this part abit questionable leh...), the police may take not take further actions other than filing your claims.

- Tell his friends also useless... what can they really do? Be reminded that they might realise that you are treating their own friend badly all this while. Could it be one of your stunts, they may wonder.

"I wanted to break up with him but b4 that, i wanted to make sure he dun get away so easily out from bashing me"

- If what you said is accurate, do you mean that you are going to be another round of punching bag and collect evidence?


New Member
2 months into the relationship and he start to bash you? Come on, i think u noe what you shld do already - just break lah.

don't bother telling his friends or take revenge - forget it - just move on. As to reporting to police - it depends on the gravity of the injury and incident - if you are just hurt superficially, i will suggest forget it and move on bah...


New Member
there isn't much to really think about this right?

In fact u should have gone to the police straight after he bash u up. Only 2 mths & he started bashing u? OMG!

But like what Vios had pointed out, its impossible for ur face to go unbruised if he really did bash u up hard. U can still go to the police if u want to just file a report against him.


Well-Known Member
forget about revenge. It gets u no where.

If you want to report to the authorities. Do it, but not for the purpose of getting back at him but because its criminal to hit someone.

About telling his friends, that's so childish. Move on.
100% break up with this heartless guy.

Never ever forgive guys who hit their gf (its unforgivable) there will always be a scar in the heart.

After abusing u should go directly to police station so u can file a case on him. U shouldn't let him off so easily (not for revenge of course) but for the pain and trauma he had given u.

Since it had already pass and u have no bruises I guess its too late for u to file a case. (U can try)

Agree with (milo on e rocks) its really childish in telling his friends and what is the purpose ? discriminate him ? who will believe? got any use?

Wish u luck and leave this guy at all cost.


Well-Known Member
hi Jocelyn, it really depends on what is the definition of forgiveness for the individual. Forgiveness for me is for myself and no one else.

Scars will surely be there. But, I am not going to bring up the scar to remind myself everyday. I will learn to move and live on despite the scar. With time, scar mark will lighten and we stop minding it so much.

I believe there is a need to separate forgive and acceptance. We don't condone violence but there is no need to hold on to some hatred because he had been violent. Forgiving someone isn't letting him/her go easy. Its simply us letting go of useless grudges on people. This is regardless if our choice is to move on without them or to accept them again. Either way, holding on to the grudges makes it hard for ourselves.


New Member
lol. no point getting revenge. what are you gonna do? bash him back like how he bashed you? come one, useless lor.

1 thing for sure that you can do. break up with him.

just move on with your life la. all abusers are always like that. like what we'd seen on TV. always appeared to be nice, then 1 day started bashing up the gf/wife, then kneel down to apologise, saying that it was a moment of folly or whatsoever, but the bashing up never stops. it will only happen again before u know it.

well, instead of telling ur friends, u should tell ur parents. it's childish, but it's better than going to HIS friends and start telling them bad things about him. no use.


New Member
no use reporting to police, at most they will just take note cos it's another case of domestic violence to them, not murder.

live and let live...keep revenge out of ur mind, take it as a bad experience and move on


New Member
He must have felt that you deserved it when he threw those punches at you. He must be hurt and fumming mad at you. Anyway, forgive him and move on. No point creating an issue out of this.


Well-Known Member
"He must have felt that you deserved it when he threw those punches at you. He must be hurt and fumming mad at you."

That's quite true. Most abusers tend to push the blame on their 'victims' with the 'they made me do it' reason. Like a 3 yr old kid excusing themselves when caught in a childish fight.

Its quite impossible to teach an adult with 3 yrs old childish mentality but a pride of a grown up. Only they themselves can reflect and grow. NO ONE needs to be their punching bag. So, don't stay around and kenna his blows and blame. Whether he learn his lesson from it all or not, its really up to him.
well, i hasnt been talking to him since but he keep sending him sms but w inconsistency

yesterday, he can send sms to say that he is really sorry abt what he did

today he can send me sms to ask me to reflect on myself on my treatment to him, on how bad attitude i had etc
tell me he really do love me b very much and i should choose my own destiny

he make it sound like he is e victim and since he is the only man in this world now that truly love me, i should cherish and stay with him to enjoy his love ....

i feel v irritated by his sms, i never reply a single one of them , thinking no point just argue and sending to n fro

is best that he dunno what i m thinking by keeping silence


New Member
i always advocate that ladies should be well is the only thing you put into yourself which no one can take away from you...with it, you have the power, independence and freedom to do whatever you set your mind to....change your handphone number and forget about this guy...many ladies get weakened by incessant contact by could have been in the wrong too but this is not the life you should restrict yourself wishes..


New Member
It's going to be hard.. He's probably angry cos he loved you much and there you are..saying that you dun and are still trying to love him. He probably felt hurt and short changed there and then.
Forgive him and have a good trash out session. From there, conclude if you guys shld stay on together or break it off in a more peaceful manner. Dont have a revengeful heart.. it will get to nowhere and fights will just carry on..


Well-Known Member
So what if he really loves you? No one deserve to be beaten up like that. As I brought up earlier, his pride is in the way. If he cannot bring down that defensive wall, there is actually nothing to talk about.

No revengue... nothing. Just you protecting yourself from a violent and unrepentant MCP.

If u guys are sincere to trash things out, then don't victimize nor blame. Or else, it will be another fight. I assure u that. Its really a no brainer.
i only want to remain silent and not respond to him in any way

any reply from me will only end up in more argumentative disagreements that will be endless

its so so scary sometime to think that a person can hide his true self so well
cos b4 this, he really appear to be such a wonderful guy to me , really scary


New Member
yeah, i agree with Milo..

so what if he really loves you?? if he really does, he won't even have the heart to see you get hurt, let alone hurt you with his own hands! it's too much, you know.

so, don't get fooled again.


New Member
I do believe that he really cares a lot about you, and that's why he was so devastated by what you said. He lost his cool at that moment and, in fury, did what he felt was right. Sorry to say but no one will bear to attack an angel or a innocent person. To certain extent, your own behaviour, speech and actions called forth such reactions from your boyfriend. I personally do not advocate the use of violence. However, when violence is being used, both parties need to reflect.
i do admit that i do hold some fault in term of my speech and behaviour, but i never used violence nor any vulgarities

once he lay hands on me, things will never be e same again and he should know that and not childishly thinking that he could just get away with everything after bashing people up easily

what he thinking ? thinking that even after bashing me up, i should turn good and should crawl back to him and beg for his love since he is e only person that love me now?

he is so childish to think that violence can resolve issue


Well-Known Member

actually, to be fair, he doesn't think violence can resolve anything. NO ONE in anger is really thinking like this. I'm telling you this as someone brought up in a highly violent and loud family. My dad used to beat us up and my mum cane us too. I threw things and yell, screamed and cruse them with things I always regret.

A person that turn violent simply loses it. Its not about reasoning and thinking that it can resolve something. Its an explosion of emotions bottled up.

The thing about most conflicts, both parties will think they are right. This is completely natural. To go on and on fighting over who's right will only end up making it worser. Its like waving red flag in front of a bull. Sure, u didn't use violence, but you provoke that crazy bull in him.

If someone has major anger management issues, it is very serious. It has long term impact on his and the family culture, upbringing and life. So, you seriously need to consider this relationship. Again, not because of revenge or childishness on whose part or who's right / wrong. But because it will directly impact the relationship, family, marriage. i.e. your future life with him.

Talk over with him objectively and align your thoughts. Don't dwell on the blame and how wrong or childish u think he is. That's as good as attacking and provoking him.


New Member
to a large extent, i agree with milo.

denial, almost every man has a temper problem, it's just how well they manage it and the kind of stimulus surrounding that may provoke a strong and violent reaction. obviously, you do not know how to manage your bf well. put it this way, he hurt you physically, but you hurt him emotionally. You inflicted pain on him and he inflicted pain back on you. You may feel that he has use violence on you and that is wrong. have you considered the pain you have inflicted on him on his vulnerable emotion? No point blowing this matter up. From what I see, both parties are at fault.
i do agree that i inflicted pain on him does it mean that it is worth considering a patch back with him ?

well, i think e scar is v deep and i do feel fear n anger if i c him again ..i dun even wanna any contact with him now


Well-Known Member
hi babylon,

no one can really tell you what is the right thing to do. Main point is, open your eyes and look at things objectively. Don't let the emotion cloud your mind with anger, vengence or fear. His anger management is clearly a serious issue that must be taken into consideration. Are you guys even compatible? Living with someone like this isn't easy, u need alot of patience and TACT. Are you up to it? And also, is this the kind of marriage and relationship you want for your future.

Think about these instead of how deep the scar is.


New Member
baby lon

Whatever is it, I doubt you are ready to patch back with him so soon. It takes time to heal your inner wounds. Learn from this espisode. Do not take the care and concern of the people around you for granted. Learn to appreciate and be grateful for all that you have. No one likes to be taken for a ride.
one of our common fren told me that he called and complain alot to her about me, and she feel he not only talk to her, but to alot of our common friends,

OMG, he is behaving like a woman, sobbing around telling people whatever is happening of cos will sure hide the fact that he lay hands on me

relationship is btw the 2 of us and that the rest of the friends should not be involve i feel.

He even told his friends to support him and boyscott me
he is so damn childish .....faintz

i feel angry of cos, but i will remain silent and will not say a word of rebute or whatsoever
i am not exactly upset la
just that it allow me to really understand him much much better after going through this incident..

so glad that it is only 2 months wasted


New Member
kent & lois lane,

i think if that happens, you should start a new thread, to avoid confusion. hehe.. j/k.. :D


New Member
denial, the two months will indeed be wasted if you learnt nothing from the incident. if you continue to care only for yourself and take people's kindness for granted, the cycle is likely to repeat in your next relationship. Whether two months are wasted or not, depends on you


Well-Known Member
Does it matter who is wrong. Correctness can be grey. Most conflict don't end up with agreement on who's right or wrong.

Instead, both should be reflecting why things got so bad.
Thanks milo and everyone here that offer their their most objective and sincere opinion that had really help me alot in straightening my thoughts

He has not contacted me for the last 2 days and guess i will just leave things as it is and we will just stop seeing each other.

The physical pain in me had subsided but the humiliation remains and i still had nightmares
over the incident.
Friends around asked me on my blue black bruises on my arms n palm etc caused when i try to block him from the continuous attacks on my face. I did not say anything but it remind me
of the truma

i guess from the way he hit people show that he has prior experience and definately not his first time.


New Member
when guy beat gal.. there's first time ther will b second ,third ,forth etc.... it bcome a "xi Guan" "used to it". abit abit beat.forgive n continue with them will let them think tat we cant live without them n love them no matter he beat us we oso won leave n they know nth will happen, beAT us oso like tat , we let him beat oso like tat. now as gf alrdy for few month already get beaten .imagine how to hv future n after marriage how? more worst ... so "chang tong bu ru duan tong"


Well-Known Member
"when guy beat gal.. there's first time ther will b second ,third ,forth etc."

this is not a gender thing. When abuse becomes habitual, it will not stop. Gal beat guy too.


New Member
See this:;jsessionid=97C63A40E19BFB783A6773CA2FF901A3.01

Assaulted by 'girlfriend'

A MAN was hit repeatedly in the face and private parts, but he did not retaliate throughout the assault.

His attacker, a woman who appeared to be his partner, hit him with her shoe on a road shoulder in broad daylight.

A netizen James captured the incident on his camera and sent the videos to citizen journalism portal STOMP.

The STOMP entry, posted on Wednesday, drew more than 50,000 hits and 150 comments in less than a day.

Many STOMPers wondered why the man could swallow his pride and others questioned if there are more and more alpha females in Singapore.

RazorTV hit the street to check out people's reactions to this incident.


Well-Known Member
Actually, the hurt of a abused victim is not so much on the physical. The true scars the hurt to the heart. To be hurted and abused by the one we love most. That's cruelly painful.


Active Member

It depends .. as long as we understand why someone would hurt us.. at times in a fit of anger.. this we can understand and forgive easily..

It is the intentional, malicious hurt that will haunt us much longer..