Very very depressed

[baby_lonblue]

i feeling v depress now..need a space to release.
me and my bf in a LDR for almost 6 years. In between we been through alot of ups and downs but still together as ultimately we still love each other alot (I tot so)

last week on thursday ,i had a chance to take leave to visit him for a week n told him 2 days b4 i go on sat...and he got real mad and even sms n call scold me say if i go,he will break up with me and he had suffer enuf of my thoughtlessness,without considering his feeling and he also wun be around that time cos he need to go nearby city to work.
Last few years, i also visited him on last min notice 3 times n i know he dun like sudden visit.

but since i already took e leave n e air tickets bought,i thought can just be around to wait for him return.and also in my heart, i dun really can believe that he really not around and wanna know whats wrong with him.

i arrive late and did not manage to get a hotel room that night,i sms him and he just continue say i m crazy and deserve it if i loiter the streets and this can teach me a lesson.....

no phonecall etc later from him to even care to wanna find out how i end up doing...
he call me a crazy woman and a psycho and wun even let me c him even if he is back.

i really had e shock that he can really be so heartless and whats e matter with him. b4 i say i come, we are ok and sweet,no quarrel etc.e 360 degrees change is so much

even if he is hiding another woman etc, if i come, he should handle and not create such a weird response to make him appear so weird? m i right?

we r engaged 3 years ago n can consider half "wife" already.

can i ask if i really m wrong to go visit on such short notice or his character is just so weird?

i know he should return already but i wun go look for him anymore. i would rather be alone and to save my dignity then to beg him to c me

after this experience, i think i had no choice but to move on already . he obviously is not serious about me n had never loved me truly

 

[cuclainne]

is this the boyfriend whose email account you hacked into?

 

[applepie2]

If he loves u, surely he'll be more than happi that u r visiting him. It seems that he could be having another partner overseas and do not wish your presence to "disrupt it". Nonetheless, i find his action really "heartless", he dun even show u the basic care that one's will render to a friend, esp when u r alone overseas....I think u shd really move on. U deserve a better partner.

 

[betty81]

i think somethg is definitely wrong, not on your side but his... i think he is hiding somethg from u.

u may confront him for the reason for not wanting your visit or u can just wait for him to spill it. but to save yourself time and youth, move on

 

[lovingyou]

Piggy: U mentioned that throughout the years, he doesn't like surprised visits... Have you guys came to a compromise on this subject? My hubby dislike surprises in the past, I guess the last straw for me was he throw a tantrum with me for surprising him with an extra present before V-day and as expected, there was an argument but things improved after we talk and compromises our expectations about it. Guys and gals have different perspectives about the way we handle things at times..

Coming back to your matter; i guess there is something rather not right with your fiance; he being so heartless is a little... Hmm.. are u clear of his background? Was he also being treated like this in the past? Do you know where he lives? Either that, he could be hiding something...

 

[baby_lonblue]

well,i send him a sms tell him that obviously a 3 yr old kid can come out with some easy explanation for his over reacting behaviour. He reply me say he feel very pressurise n breathless when with me as i m acting like a detective...and he had decide to break up with me cos i did crazy things again..

i reply ask him to use his brain to think if a detective nature gf would accept a LRD for 6 long years.....

something is really v wrong with him. no matter what i say , he can point back the fingers at me

when i was hesitating if i should really come last week, i was thinking that i should purposely come and create some hurt to myself to give a chance to c how he will treat me and i can give up this reln completely. if i had not come, i would not have seen this side of him and just continue to drag this no future relationship...hynotise myself that i m happi...

 

[lookingback]

Agreed.
From a guy point of view, why do we need to be so agitated/ pressurized if your love one come and visit you?
Agree that you should move on rather than hanging on to this LDR.
Hope that you r not holding on just to prove that this LDR would work or to proof to someone.
When its time to let go, let it go.
Easier said than done, well, time heals.

 

[lovingyou]

Hmm.. further explanations makes me agree that he is overreacting.. surprise visit = crazy things - Wonder what is he thinking... did he contact you after you came back to SG?

 

[sgbabydoll]

You have seen his true colours, move on. Don't even ask why he has behaved so badly.

 

[lovingyou]

It is always scary to know that the person u know are so different in his / her true self..

 

[baby_lonblue]

ya, thats what scare me alot...
i just cant trust things he said even if it is the truth..but while i m there, i did not went to his house to check as well if he is really around and is just avoiding me . ..guess i didnt really want to know the truth ?? or is just too disheartened tat i didnt feel like wanting to find out anymore.

I just got back to sg today, as his phone is off and i really didnt know if he is around or not, i send him an sms ask him to come my hotel to send me off if he can ... and we can thrash it out once n for all then i can leave n end this reln to make myself fill better..

Late at night, he switch on his phone and saw e sms and said he went to the internet cafe to sms me online said that he wish that he can c me and send me off as well but couldnt as he had not returned from his trip.he said that he is very angry that why i waste my money to come and stay in a hotel as it is not cheap..

he feel angry that i waste money like that when he already told me he away for biz trip and yet i didnt believe him and still come, then end up waste money when it can be put into better use for our winter vacation .

He say he is angry with my character saying that i am someone that simply dun listen to people and just do whatever i want . End up i had no hotel to stay and roam e street make him feel even angrier that i dun listen and end up miserable and has to make pp worry for me , cant be in total peace

 

[baby_lonblue]

he said that he feel v pressurised and angry that i simply dun listen and go knock my head against e wall knowing that he is not around and i just come .. and even say how is he going to answer to my parents if i mit any dangers?

Then i ask him , " then how come i didnt receive any checks from u that i m ok ? "

he said " u send me sms everyday although is to scold me, at least i know that you are safe , and what can i do when i m thousands miles away ?? "" I should just buy the next available flight back home and i wouldnt end up in a sad stage , like roaming e street, waste $$ in hotel etc "", he feel v angry i m so impulsive and do whatever i wanted and we had v different values in life....he feel that i just come and just expect him to drop all his work to play with me is very inconsiderate ..

he said if we stayed on, we might just end up killing each other and we should just move on

Now that i m back , i need some time to think through carefully. He has his point and i has mine , just that we cant compromise on our expectations of each other.

I think at the bottom of my heart, i dun trust him ,

Also, i think that when i end up there, he will come back no matter what to at least c me just like last few surprise visit, end up we still had a good time together thinking that it will be the same this time .

If he is around, i think that since he know i b leaving this morning, he will come to my hotel to send me off if he is really around,afterall he dun have to spend much time... his heart is not that hard kind , but like what little woman said, i really dunno if is true or not or is that he just wanna act all e way ....


I am really confused, i felt i love him v much and we had already moved to this stage when the reln is v comfortable and " strong " ( i tot so ) , yet it can make me feel so breathless sometime.

b4 this sudden trip, we get along real well last few months and we just met 1 month ago and went for vacation together and he treat me even better than ever, his sudden change in attitude is really due to my thoughtless impulsive action tat irritate him or is really due to him hiding something from me ...

 

[jojo28]

Hi piggy,

Do not think so much. Do not think why he has become a different person. your bf act like my ex.

Just that even we quarrel, he would say he will go drinking alone and that i would end up waiting at his house downstairs and he wont bother about him. I hate him drinking so much that in my heart, i was thinking if this is the kind of expectation i want in my husband...

I personally feel as long is human being, any kind of patterns can be show up irregardless of how educated a person is, and that is his true colours.

To think your bf can actually leave you behind , in a foreign place, not concerning you if you were ok, You still can accept?

Don't be blinded by love.Sometime,Reality has to be face it. You 2 have come to the stage of ' stagnant' . It either you let go or move on...

In this case, i would suggest you will think carefully and not be soft hearted when he tell you those reason. I have been through it and finally.. the outcome.. we ended it....

 

[baby_lonblue]

hi snowy,

we did spoke alittle in msn.he keep saying that there is nothing he can do when he is not around.
and also i been to the place more than 10 times, am also v familiar with the place

i really trying my best not to be soft hearted

how r u dealing w now? feeling ok ?

 

[jojo28]

Hi Piggy,

I am feeling ok, feeling very down occasionally, i think it ok for me to feel this way. I just forcus with my friend, or let myself cool down.

I used to go bugis ask for kwan yin lot, but somehow i feel that the answer is still by myself.

Your bf do have his point.. but i am sure you have a better answer to your heart.. Follow your heart, cos i feel sometimes when you are still in the hole, you are unable to listen to anymore advise but still follow your decision and yet, you cant let go and neither you are happy..

You are going through a hard time.. it depends on you.. Sometimes girls do face a pressure when we reach to a certain age for marriage but was worried, once this is gone, you be left single and lonely, but then who can predict the future?

 

[daish]

move on piggy...if it is already this bad now...dun wait till u tie the knot and that will make you more miserable.

There are better people out there. Get to know the new one with the criteria set in mind. Well, realistic ones of course.

Good Luck!

 

[baby_lonblue]

getting to know new people can get rather hard now especiallly when your social circle is so small...

i guess i m not ready yet, my heart is still sobbing..
throughout these years , we have attempted to break several times but always end up patch back after a few months... i will need extra strength n determination to do it this time

i will try... wish me luck

 

[phantazia]

Hey Piggy,
like wat Grace said, its better to let go of that guy nw than suffer a divorce later. I was once wif a jerk. I suffered more than u did. Physical to emotional to mental abuse. I m glad i left him finally wif all my frenz support. I deliberately went online to dating website to noe ppl. N wif much distraction n convincing myself tat there r really many other better guy out there, i pluck up all my courage n leave that horrible ex. I m now the happiest woman on earth.

 

[baby_lonblue]

hi mel,

so now u have already met someone else better and love a new man now?

had PM u

 

[lovingyou]

piggy: He has put his job, his career as his top priority, whether is this is the truth, only u have the answer to it.. Follow your heart and your mind to decide what is the best for you.

 

[bigfatbear]

communication is important.... if two person can't even talk no point being together.

 

[wing_gundam]

Happy bear,

I totally agreed with u, i cant communicate with my hubby too. mayb the fact is i am too organized and he is too sloppy. i cant stand that he is always late for appointment, no ideas for weekend, nv chase after his boss for his CPF contributions, nv chase for his degree cert, nv ever enen to bother that he has no company benefits after working for the stupid company for 3yrs!
And whenever i touch on the above topics, we end up quarreling!! i am really so tired and exhausted after all these yrs (2yrs ROM + 8yrs courtship).....feel like giving up <sign>

 

[green_tranquility]

Gundam,
I'm curious... Your hubby has been behaving like that during the 8 years of courtship. Why do you only start to mind about his sloppy nature now after 10 years?

I know you care about your hubby. But don't you find yourself moulding into an over-protective mother for your hubby? You are bothered by his every single thing, no wonder you feel mentally exhausted. Your hubby isn't a kid, let him take care of his own things. If he has no plans for weekends, then arrange your own plans with your family and friends, go out and enjoy yourself.

 

[bigfatbear]

i used to quarrels with my bf, wanting him to get a job with a CPF contribution but he still prefer to be his own boss. Why he always has no plan for weekend. Half way with his degree. When i ask him what's our plan for our future, worst he plan for his fav niece future...
Some topics if we talk about we will end up qurrelling. So I assume he has their own plan just that they dont like to discuss if me.

However I feel comfort and still love him. So i decide not to bring these up and make our r/s sour. But maybe I will start to grumble again after our married. haha like most mums do, nagging at their husband. I agreed i'm quite stupid lah.

 

[ftotti]

The best way to get over stress and depression is to take a break from your regular schedule, go out, and take good sleep. This helps in clearing the mind and try consulting a specialist who can suggest you as how you can get over your problem. There are various prescription drugs to get over anxiety and depression, but these should only be used in accordance with the instruction of a physician. There is a lot of fake selling of such medicines on internet, so before you can order it online just make sure it is a real pharmacy. You can have all necessary information about this on http://www.xanax-effects.com Rather than going on drugs, one should look for the reason behind there problem . Keeping your self busy and changing the schedule also helps sometimes to get over stress and depression.

 

[wing_gundam]

Well his boss starts calling u for his work progress, i start to get pissed off and tatata....and the whole thing start again with....so now trying to sort thing out with him and hopefully things can work out.