Very confused... Duno wat shd i do.....

wat_are_dreamz

New Member
Confused, i think sm's post is v well written. Maybe u find it hard to let go cos u gave so many yrs of ur life to love ur husband. But if its bringing u so much pain, unhappiness, lack of peace n eroding ur hapi self away, then i think u shd seriously think about ur future.

If u really need a PI report to give u a final peace of mind, then maybe u shd. But u must be sure abt urself n wat u want.
 


confusedsad

New Member
and my hb kana std... he got genital warts...
he said he didnt hv sex and dare not to hv sex with me bcos he has genital warts ..is confirmed he got it from TOW...

TOW work in a pub and so young , already got pregnant, have kid,not married.. how decent can she be...

it made me feel even more disgusted about him..

he really make me feel he is such a failure as a man...
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Confused, how sure r u about that?

TOW could have gotten it from your husband. He might have gotten it elsewhere and just pushing all the blame to TOW now.

u better go for screening.
 

kittenpie

New Member
Confused,

imagine you have caught a deadly STD from your husband, who had caught it from TOW

if your body is now harbouring a deadly disease, do you think all this tiresome talk about love-love-love and relationship would still matter.

get a grip on what is most important to you - your health and go for a screening immediately.

just read in today's newspapers about this very famous German pop singer who knowingly infected her ex-boyfriend with HIV. the man sued her and she didnt even need to go to jail.

who knows of the TOW would do the same thing? pls go for a body checkup immediately.
 

kittenpie

New Member
TS,

throw him out together with his belongings, dust your hands, grab a broom and sweep your doorway clean.

some people are still so yaya papaya even after they have done wrong. time to wipe the smug looks from their faces

as a father, still act in this way. is this fit to be a father? such people cheapen fatherhood
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Actually, mostly, they don't even know who spread to who because most have more than 1 partner and all are infected in the messy sexual network.
 

confusedsad

New Member
before he know TOW, we stil hv sex and he got no warts..and i believe he got it from TOW, is bcos he really hv feelings for TOW, and he wont do anything behind her... but he can let me down..

after tat somewhere in aug08, he didnt touch me.. cos he already hv sex with her..wont be interested with me..

i did go check when i found out his affair..and i asked him is bcos of her, so u dun wan hv sex with me..then he said is bcos he got phobia of passing to me etc... but now it doesnt bother abt the sex thing already...

anyway i am safe for my checkup..i got no warts and free from HPV...

sometimes i think is his retribution oso..
heavily in debts and hving warts...
 

powder

Active Member
the conclusion is foregone to me. Wart's the point having a husband who isn't a husband, nor a fren, nor a dependable acquaintance, nor a support pillar, nor anything.

so many reasons to leave this marriage... almost ridiculous if one stays. the kid will suffer with this father Than without.
 

confusedsad

New Member
he has gone for freezing for his warts..
from wat he told me, he has removed his warts..

this is one thing i am hesitating oso..
if ever we can reconcile, am i really can forget wat he has done with TOW and the warts, HPV he has...

am i safe to hv sex with him again????? i tend to think in long term if i reconcile.. wat are the possible problems i might face..
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Confused, a person can have feelings for than one person. And could be sleeping with more than 1 partner. This is not something in theory only. It is very real. In many such situations, the person cannot be really sure the source as they have slept with more than 1 person and its the same for their partners.
 

kittenpie

New Member
at first i did not want to respond to this thread. there are tons of threads in this forum with similar problems. if i were to respond, i would be harping on the same point again and again.

but now, i am prompted to respond because STD comes into the picture.

he is confirmed to have STD, but you are still willing to consider staying with him.

if it were the other way round - you go out and catch an STD, do you think he would kicked you out a long time ago.

sometimes people treat us unfairly, because we do not know how to treat ourselves fairly. some women tend to be stupidly soft-hearted, and invite abuse as a result. is this absence of self-esteem or what?

now let's think about this issue from a different angle. what does he have to do in order for you to leave him? are you waiting for him to physically abuse you or to borrow from loan shark using your IC, before you would cut off ties with him?
 

confusedsad

New Member
i vry naive and stupid.. he is not my 1st bf.. but my 1st time given to him, and his 1st time oso with me... i am very naive, tout we only have each other for the rest of our life ...thru out the 14yrs+, he is my only partner...never tout tat he really such daring to do such thing...
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
u r not stupid. People change. Think back and figure out if its a bad selection and poor integrity in the first place though.

From your description, this man has serious character flaws to begin with.
 

sundownprince

New Member
i think the main worry here is STD... did he get a full check? did u also mention he is in debt? is he able to provide for the family? have you thought of getting a job? how are you going to support urself?
 

shirleypoise

New Member
I dun get it... Confused, you are really not confused... You know you are Ready to leave your husband, and you have came out with thousands and one reasons to do so, and you have gotten lots of support for that... So what's holding you back?
 

confusedsad

New Member
during the 1st yr of courtship, i found out that he was with another gal...tat time i feel tat we are all still young, only 17yrs.. so tout that can give one more chance.. thru the yrs, he remained faithful... but of cos when we reach certain stage, sure hv challenges like he went to army etc, out to society to work.. so far during tat time didnt find out anything..

he all the while is very playful, likes to club a lot.. for flirty, i tink still ok ...

but if i have a chance to choose, i will not choose him again.. we got married partly oso we have been together for very long 10yrs tat time, and bcos too long , cant bear to give up the r/s then got married..

he told me he went for blood test etc..but i didnt ask for his report...
i didnt hv sex with him again.. i not so worried for that STD.. unless i wan to commit i then will ask him for a full check up..
but i tink is not so impt for me now..
 

confusedsad

New Member
hi jz,

he nw very hard to support the family...bcos he keep paying min pyt to at least 5 banks every mth..even get lawyers letter from banks...

haiz...the best part is last mth he took his salary to go casino.. end up lose 2k+... he can afford to win and cant afford to lose...

and i am very disappointed.. so many things happened alraedy..and he is heavily in debts, still dare to use his salary to try his luck..

and his own mum lagi good..encourage her son to go casino .. she oso regular of casino... she can go gamble and lose til no $ to go market....and take $100 from my hb the next day...

and when i found out the affairs, his parents and my family know oso ...his mum turned back and blamed me in front of my parents ...said is my fault.. i not being a gd wife tat is y his son has an affair, cannot totally blame on his son..

tis is called shang liang bu zheng, xia liang wai...

currently i am working and been working since feb 2009 til now...
 

confusedsad

New Member
Hi breakingfree,

i really duno y i am still holding on...
when i list out the pts that he has done, i oso feel y am i holding on ?????

for $, mental , physical, he all cant give me.. .

i can only think the only 2 reasons can explain y i am still holding on...

1) I still love him, despite he has all this bad pts, and the pain he has given to me..

2) my boy.. i wish him to give a complete family

b4 i start this thread, i feel my boy is the only reason y i am holding...
but after advices to me, and asking me y i am still holding me... i have been thinking, is it bcos i still love him..

honestly i ask myself do i love him, the ans is i really duno..maybe not as deep??? duno...
 

confusedsad

New Member
yes, maybe is together for 14yrs, used almost half of my life to love him.... results now even how bad he is, and i still cant let go... fang bu diao....
 

sundownprince

New Member
you are weak too. just rather stay and accept whatever than dare to change your life. maybe your boy but is such a fatherly figure what you desire for him? you are the adult make the correct decision.
 

confused09

New Member
1) I still love him, despite he has all this bad pts, and the pain he has given to me..

2) my boy.. i wish him to give a complete family.

you love him but what about loving yourself? inflicting pain on yourself will only create resentment and harm in the long run for both parties...

as for bringing up a child, i feel that nurturing them in a positive environment is more important. growing up with 2 unhappy parents isn't.
 

powder

Active Member
unfortunately not many pple realise that loving someone and being with them are Two different maters... most pple think that loving someone requires them to be physically together... this is the result of thiing without depth of mind...
 

xylon

New Member
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confusedsad

New Member
i didnt confront him at all..

i have caught him for stil contacting TOW. and is the 3rd time.

All the while , he has been blaming me..
he feel that i didnt do my part in comforting, caring for him etc...

he feel tat the marriage is weak and i didnt do my part ... as i always go club once every 2 weeks and i get to know some guys thru frds...and we really purely frds...he previously always fetch me after club, and i do intro the guys to him..make sure he dun anyhw think..

but he will always say me back, like i not close with the guys, y have go club with them etc...

is he feeling insecure?? tat is y he giving himself excuses and reasons to go back with TOW??
 

confusedsad

New Member
i tried out a test ...
i know he is still with TOW. but i didnt confront him..

in fact i treat him even nicer now..i wonder if he will feel guilty or watever..

and my kid keep saying he wan daddy and mummy.. out of sudden.. duno y..

then last sun i teared. and asked him are we going to stay forever as a whole family.. . then he replied yes, forever yes...

and i know the nx day he met up with TOW ..to tel her to break off..they quarrel for 2 hrs, TOW has keep pulling my husband, but he pushed her away for few times and eventually he drove off, left her alone there.. .
 

confusedsad

New Member
at nite he come back, he look moody and xian.. .
and he said he feel very xian and stressed..
he duno when we will quarrel etc..
 

confusedsad

New Member
nw i asking

AM I NOT DOING MY PART?
sad.gif


y is it i treat him nicer , be more caring..
then he will break off with TOW...
 

confusedsad

New Member
does it mean, i forever cannot quarrel with him or cannot have my own temper, i cant hv my own fustrations.. . once i have it, he fed up , he go back to TOW..

and if we are ok, no quarrel, he wont go back..

does it fair to me?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
No such thing as cannot let go. In honesty, u don't want to. That is the real reason why despite everything u haven't moved on. You refused to let go. And to make yourself feel better for your stupidity for the self-inflicted misery, you are trying convince yourself that you just cannot let go.

Wake up and take responsibility over your life.
 

confusedsad

New Member
Milo milo, i know wat is my decision already...

bcos i cant allow myself to get hurt again...

now i can see, when the husband goes stray, the wife oso plays a part...
 

nichie

Member
I am not sure about the wife also play a part as I only hear one side of your story but based on your writing about him breaking his promises several times, gamble, debt, STD, still have sex with TOW, he never change and basically is a burden to you, you will never be happy with him under such distrust and giving in to him situation, divorce him and you will have peace and happiness. I can't imagine living with a person that cheated on
me even once...no way for 3 times!

I know it will be hard for the kid but this is the best senario for all.
 

powder

Active Member
Confused,

if your husband dies this week, life goes on. in fact i do believe life will be better psychologically, and of cos the insurance money will help. your son will be so much better off without the influence too.

like i said, go back to basics...

right now if u have a bfren who just proposed to u to spend the rest of your lives together... and he has STD, Debts to clear, fcuking around still, psychologically abusive...

will your answer be "Yes"?












i hope u realise that by staying, u are saying "Yes" over n over again.

for u, i dun even hope. it's not gonna happen... it's a waste of hope, prayer and well-wishes.
 

confusedsad

New Member
ya,i decided to divorce as my final decision..

this marriage teach me a lesson, to learn how to love and care for someone you loved...and not take him for granted..
i duno if i will dare to hv any r/s or marriage..didnt dare to think so much and long term... but if ever i have another r/s, definitely i will do a better job..

the most innocent and most hurt person is not me...is my kid...and adults fault..

once i divorce, i can no longer hv this burden.. and i can fully concentrate on my career and my kid.. .
i dont ned to think everyday, did he lie or where he go..

is a painful decision..but i have to do it..
 

confusedsad

New Member
my husband has hurt 2 woman at one time...

TOW truly loves him.. when he told him abt the break off, she cried very long and til very sad..

at the moment, i feel sad for her too... stupid me..
 

nichie

Member
Confused...are you serious...you felt sorry for the TOW? Ok lah...not too late...you can invite her to stay together with you and share you hubby..each one take one nite and sunday rest day for all....oh ya...this is a much better ending...no one is hurt...
 

babystorm

Member
Xylon, where did you find these meaningful Chinese passages? Can send me the link?

P/S: You do not accept PM. Perhaps you might want to deactivate it.
 

umechan

New Member
Confused, you have done all that you can to save this marriage. Now is the time for you to move on. It takes courage to step out of your current situation. But it is all done for the betterment of you and your child. Good for you!
 



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