Very confused... Duno wat shd i do.....


New Member
Hi All,

I know there are a lot of regulars in this forum. And they have gone through a lot too...
I hope i can get some advices here...

Gonna to be a long story...

Last yr Nov, i found out my hb has an affair.. TOW called and told me. And my hb has admitted as well. he decided to cut off contacts and want the family... so i decided to give it a try.. but In Jan tis yr, TOW called me again... said they are still in contact etc..told me even more stuff about them. my hb oso admitted ...but he said they are not together... he dun wan TOW to disturb me , she only wan updates about us.

then he called her, in front of me. asked her not to call him again... as time goes by, everything went quite ok ...

but perhaps i have been cheated by him twice.. i feel insecure and suspicious of him..he too feel fed up... and i went clubbing more often and drank... get to know more frds etc... he did suspect of me hving another man as i went out like maybe once every 2 week to club...but i didnt do anything unfaithful.. i just wan to chill and relax..dun wish to think so much at hm..

in may, i again found out they are in contact..
from there, i am very disappointed...they been contacting a mth ... his promises are all empty promises... the reason he told me y they get TOW called him, ask how is he etc... but he feel tat i didnt commit to the marriage...always go club etc...and he suspect i got other guys outside...therefore he continued to keep contact with her.... it seems bcum my fault oso...
but he insisted he didnt meet up with her

we give each other time to think wat we want...
we got 2 options..and choose one...

1) no divorce bcos we got a boy..but each has own gf/bf outside...reach hm will still my boy parents

2) both commit together again... try on the marriage again...

end up we decided to commit together... he told TOW straight dun find him anymore etc, going to reconcile with me...

my hb said since we decided to commit, he hope i dun bring up the topic again and dun alwys suspicious...

during jun, everything went smooth...
but i duno y ... i will still keep suspicious on he use his mobile a lot..

perhaps is a phobia oso ... cos the last round i found they are stil contact is thru mobile skype...

in jul, we almost quarrel every wkend... til now our r/s have been in the rocks...

i told him i will give him an ans after my boy bday in early oct...whether to divorce or commit again..

i am very confused... my boy is the one made me hesitate in getting a divorce...
he only 2yrs+, coming 3... he has seen us quarrel so many times... he is so innocent...whenever he saw us quarrel, he wil say STOP.... really break my heart.. y his parents behave in this way...

he will tel me he wan daddy mummy...he love daddy mummy... i really cant bear to separate him from his daddy...

but i really not happy to stay with my hb... perhaps the pain is too much...til i cant really forgive and forget...resulting i cant commit and keep suspicious...and i am very mentally tired... i wish to put to an end...
and i am staying with his parents... my in laws oso not so gd, not easy to stay together..

i really wish to get away from them , have my own life...thinking to give myself a chance , if i can find a better man whom can truly love me and my boy...can find my happiness again...

but i really worried my boy cant take it..if bring him away.. he always say he wan daddy mummy gonggong, ah mah... he is too young.. am i selfish if i get a divorce...$ is oso another thing i worry if divorce

i duno if i still love my hb... maybe there is , but not much already.. i dun care for him so much .. maybe i know too much about him and many lies...

can you all advise me wat shd i do...


New Member
A lot of my frds feel tat i have changed a lot... they duno wat happened to me...i used to be very cheerful , likes to laugh a lot... nw i bcum not as cheerful as last time.. i hope i can find myself back...


New Member
ya i join this program, or go seek a marriage counsellor for you both. sometimes a 3rd party may provide a different perspective. there are many around - touch community services is one of them.

i applaud you and hb's decision to work on the marriage. it is not easy but you have taken the first step. all the best.


New Member
Hi both,

thk u... but i dont know if i can make it if i choose to commit again..

i feel tat he no longer love or dote me...i somehw think is no point... the only thing i hold on is my son..

i duno if i got the courage to go thru the tough times esp when my boy is separated from his daddy...

there are one time, i move back to my mum hse with my boy ...he at nite slping, keep wan to find my hb, and his grandparents..
think he used to slp with me and his daddy..
and he wil cry, wan to find them..
i am guilty cos i made him feel so depressed and separated from them..


New Member
Your situation is quite same as mine. I stay on also because of daughter.

A lot of forummers will advise you against staying on the marriage just for the sake of the kid, just like what they advised me in my thread.

I can't offer much since I am in the same bad shape as you. But I still feel we hold on to the marriage for a very sacred mission - a sacrifice which is worth it because you are a mother. My daughter is my motivation. I feel good to put my girl's happiness above my own happiness, especially your boy same as my girl, wants both daddy and mummy. Because the kid wants daddy and mummy together, if you want to stay on for the sake of your kid, the best is stop all the quarrelling. Not a good example to quarrel in front of the kid.

One consolation for my resolution to stay on for my daughter - she still has the love from daddy and mummy plus the physical presence of both in the same house but there must not be constant quarrels between you and your hb. I think this is crucial to lessen the inferior feeling that she might have as compared growing up in a single parent family. But one word of caution, to stay on a marriage for just the sake of kid needs a lot of courage and endurance to sort of close one eye to many things your hb does or not do.

Anyway, a lot of forummers disagree to my thinking. Different people have different thinking and I am not saying I am right, and you have to follow my advice. So think and decide yourself.

Forummers, don't hammer me on this same old topic again. I am really not here to argue with all of you that I am correct. I am just sharing my experience with TS. It's up to her to decide for herself.


New Member
Hi Hope,

are you really can open and close one eye on wat ur hb do???
u dont hv the comfort and physical touch from ur husband..and u can tolerate all this?

i duno if i can do it.. previously i always tink i put my boy happiness above than my happiness... but i realised i am getting unhappier each day..

my hb might really wan to change for the better.. maybe is me whom cant commit anymore..


New Member
Hi Confused, i can feel how painful it is for u. Its really a terrible n tough period for u but the road ahead is long n u can decide to make it better.

From ur post, it seems as though letting go of ur marriage will be a better choice for u to have ur peace of mind n to give urself a new chance to face life w/out ur hubby n the hurts he has bought to u. Dun feel guilty towards ur boy. He is young n needs time to accept a new lifestyle. Plus he doesnt understand wat is going on.

Ur boy's bd is in early oct. Tats ard 1.5mths time. Maybe u shd consider giving urself n ur hubby space n time apart to think n decide. U can move back to ur mum's place to stay w ur boy on wkdays. Wkends ur hubby take care of ur boy at his place, then u can rest n go out w ur parents or gfs. Its not easy to move on n feel secured after ur trust n love has been betrayed. To continue the marriage takes a lot of courage, faith, love n effort. To let go to seek peace n a brighter future ahead is not wrong as well.

Build a strong support circle ard u. Make sure ur heart n mind is clear b4 giving ur hubby an ans in early oct. Either u give the marriage a genuine try or u dissolve the marriage. Dun be in a marriage n have bf/gf outside.

Stay strong n dun blame urself for too many things. Chldn will cry, they will be confused n lost. Seek the help of others to console them n explain to them, assure them tat regardless of ur marriage status, the parent bond can nva be dissolved.


Well-Known Member
No one can tell you what to do. But if you choose option 1) no divorce bcos we got a boy..but each has own gf/bf outside...reach hm will still my boy parents,
then u need to close your heart and stop getting all emotional and hoping for anything.

There are many different possible arrangements, u just need to have the right mindset for it.


New Member
Hi Evon poon,

my hb's reason hving an affair oso partly from the stress from me, and his parents...and i quit my job after my boy 3 mths a full time mum.. and we are all staying together..he bcum a solewinner..

as a result, a lot of problems, conflicts arised.. my hb cant take it the stress... he found the hm has no warmth ...

i do understand i oso hv faults, i focus too much on my newborn boy tat time.. and neglect him... tat is y i really willing to try the last round even though i found out he stil contact with the gal...

but now i think is too late... bcos whenever i get suspicious, he will fed up and flare..
everytimes it happens, i bcum hate him a lot...
his attitude is very bad..resulting now i dun really wan to try any more..

and i cant control myself not to be suspicious...


New Member
Hi Confused
As what I said, it will be v tough road. Not all can take it.

Anyway, my hb promised to stay, I guess also for the sake of our daughter. So I have just to take it.

I only offer what I am going thru now. Most people will think I am too stubborn. I tell myself to have minimal or even no expectation in hb. Lesser/no expectation = lesser/no pains and you will not feel so hurt, also will minimize quarrels. My best friend said I will go crazy one day. I take it one day by one day.

You think for yourself. Not all can endure what I am doing now.


New Member
Hi Milo,

i know if i choose option 1, i got to close my heart and dun expect any emotional and hope from him .. he did mention b4, he dun wan to choose option 1.. bcos he said he might not be able to take it if i have another guy..


New Member
Hi Hope,

i oso scared i will go crazy one day..nw i oso like take it one day by one day..
tat y from my posts,u may feel tat i am actually more on letting go..

cos i am someone need comfort and physical touch...if lets say i stay on, but open/close one eye etc...duno how long i can endure...

tat is y i am so confused on wat i want...


New Member
Like what evon poon suggested "Dun be in a marriage n have bf/gf outside. " It is really not worth to be involved in another r/s while still married. It will not solve your marriage problems but will only cause more problems, especially with a kid in tow. Go read the many threads on similar topic lately - of those involved in a r/s outside marriage but have a kid in tow and the headaches they have.

So think carefully whether to stay in or out of the marriage. If you want another r/s, then out. If you want in the marriage, don't start another r/s outside.

As what I said, these are only my opinion and a lot of forummers disagree with me. I do not wish to continue argue with them on this. You think for yourself what you want.


New Member
Hi Hope

i know where u stand.. diff pple hv diff thinkings.. i pei fu u tat u can be so firm in staying in this marriage and open/close one eye, even though ur hb has strayed..


New Member
Please stay calm and sane for as far as you can to think carefully what you want. Don't pei fu me, I also don't know when I will go crazy but trying very hard. Also it might be the constant quarrelling and nagging which is partly giving your hb the stress. You cut down these quarrelling and nagging, maybe the r/s with your hb might improve when he sees you not so domineering and more demure.

I stay in my marriage for my daughter only, in fact I am badly want out cos' I also don't feel love. But I know I got to endure to give my girl her daddy.

So good luck and all the best!


New Member
Dear Hope and Confused,

I fully understand your sentiments in the marriage, and enduring for the sake of your children. Years ago, I did the same as your situation. Years later, which is now, I decided that if I've evolved to be another person just for the sake of my child, there's a high possibility that I will become grouchy and might even harp on the topic to my child in future, 'I stay on in this marriage with your daddy because of you!' Everyone will disappoint us to some extent, including our own flesh and blood. Are you ready enough to tell yourself, that even when your children disappoint you next time, you won't lament on the fact that you stay on in this loveless marriage because of them? Are you strong enough to face the real you?
Give some yourself, especially. Not about your children, it's about you.

All the best.


New Member
Dear Hope,

wish u all the best too... hope one day u may find ur happiness too...

Dear Serene Yam,
i am thinking y cant i give my boy a normal and happy family just like wat other kids hv... i always tout i endure can give him least he can c both parents at hm etc...but i realised i not happy ...wondering does my boy know tat i am not happy..

a lot pple told me if the mother not happy,or the parents not loving, the kid will sense it.. so there is no difference if he is from single parent family...


Well-Known Member
Dear ladies...
for yrs my mum has been fighting my dad and telling us she held on for us. As children, we would also want happiness for our parents. For sure, kids will be affected by the divorce. But, they would still be affected even if you guys are unhappily married and suffering.

Not encouraging you to not care about your kid but you have every right and need for happiness too. Your kids will grow up and be understanding. And there is a limit to how much you can bear only. So, don't see kids as a blocking point. It isn't in the long term. I would agree that its one significant point for consideration and the transition needs to be ironed out.


New Member
Hi Confused, I agree w Milo's statement 'they would still be affected even if you guys are unhappily married and suffering'.

I come from a single parent family. Do i feel inferior to other chldn? Yes, cos when i was young, divorce was a taboo n i was blamed for the failure of my parents' marriage though i was only 5yrs old. I was blamed for the divorce n felt like i was a jinx. Over the yrs, i grew up n i understood the real truth - the dissolving of a marriage has nothing to do w the child or in-laws or third party. It has everything to do w the 2 pple in the marriage.

An ideal situation is for a child to grow up in a hapi n loving family. If tat is not possible, dun fake the circumstances cos u didnt give birth to a dumb child, remember? Ur child can feel n sense n mite wrongly think tat marriages are all sucky n fake like urs. The next best situation is for the child to grow up w both parents' love in separate houses. Nothing wrong w tat, but make sure to explain to the child as best as u can about the new arrangement n give the child time to adjust.

Dun lie to ur heart wat u can or cannot do/accept. Dun feel guilty towards ur son. Think about it fairly - ur son will leave u one day cos busy w sch, frens, gf, work, get married, move out etc. Then u mite be alone facing a spouse u do not love. Also, if u were ur child, wld u blame urself cos ur parents gave up the chance to be loved n appreciated by others cos they wanted to give u a pretend hapi family?

I know tat letting go of a marriage is not easy. Take some time n space alone to seriously think about it. U have to be strong enough n be sure tat ur decision will be a happy one w no regrets.

My personal opinion is tat though u neglected ur hubby after having ur child n u quit ur job, thus the finances were heavy on ur hubby, tat is no reason for him to look for other women outside. He shd have been spending more time w u n the child since he committed himself to u. Feeling neglected n tired n frustrated is fair enough. He has the right to feel tat way. But to look for another woman is just an excuse. Temptation is everywhere. As his wife, u can also say tat he was busy w work, so u look for another man. He made a mistake. No point to reason or give excuses now.


New Member
i did try to reconcile with him and save the marriage...but i just cant to stop suspicious..watever he do, i wil oso feel he up to something... i feel tat the problem may not lie wit him.. is with me... i cant forgive and forget.. i not sure if i stay on, are we really able to go back just like the past.

i did think of getting of a PI, to confirm my suspicious or i am being paranoid....
but i got to tel myself wat if the results is positive or negative...

seriously if is positive results, i will be very happy..cos i can have concrete proof to file for divorce and get maintenance.. and i will feel better and feel wont let my boy down... cos his daddy is hopeless.. wat my boy going to go thru the tough patch with me is worth it. ..

and if is negative, i will back to square one..duno wat shd i do... am i just paranoid and causes quarrel? and now is negative, hv confirmed my paranoid ..and shd i give my him another chance...

the best part is i think i cant forgive and forget the past... regardless whether is he still with TOW seems dun bother me anymore...

i getting PI to get positive results in fact just to support me to get divorce...

am i very contradicting ... think i really confused, duno wat i wan


Well-Known Member
To work on the marriage, u will need him to also commit. Your insecurity is also contributed by his actions.

And if he is really committing and putting in the effort, appreciate it. If he is finding it so hard to break off ties with the woman, it only shows how confused he equally is himself. Both of you need to take some determination to stick with your decisions to reconcile else, it will be a see saw.


New Member
Hi confused,

I will encourage you and your husband to go for marriage talk things out and resolve your conflicts and problems with each other. Note that this does not mean that you are going to commit, I feel that it will be better to explore your options with an expert, instead of doing what u2 have tried, which you know did not work.

Hope this helps!


Active Member

do u really want advice or a hug? if it's a hug i'll just stay away... if it's advice then i'll spend sometime. dun mind me, as u can see the afterefects of advice... u get ms Hope here mentioning in almost every post abt how Other pple dun agree with her blah blah...

i'm gonna go back to something even more basic, like the very fabirc that dresses Life... what do u want out of life?
the marriage prevents u from after Life n living it Wonderfully, then do think long n hard.

whilst it is common to think your kid needs a complete family like others, nothing can be further from the truth.


Active Member

I wanted to post earlier but was extremely busy. Actually I had typed half-way and then had to rush off to do something.

While I cannot deny a family perfectly intact - with father and mother HAPPY, in love and together loving and taking care of their children - is the ideal situation. This is the situation in which we all strive to be.

However, the next "desirable" situation may not be a couple, not in love, and staying together grudgingly for the sake of the children.

The critical thing is the parents behaviour when they are together with the kids. Are they merely tolerating each other. They are not genuinely happy with each other? Are they just parental shells? The child is intelligent enough to sense and to feel.

So you can stay married and stay together in a the family - with both parents not happy. Only spend time with child together when required. No genuine love and concern for each other. You think the child will be happy and grow up well adjusted. They may grow up, showing a "fake" face and pretend to be happy so that parents won't quarrel. It is even far too complex to analyze.

On the other hand, the parents can be happily separated - lead separate private lives but still come together to care for the child. If they genuinely love the child - they can come together to spend time and care of the child. It is not the most ideal condition. The child most probably will be living with one of the parent. But at least the child learns of the reality of their lives. And yes, adults may not be together, it does not mean cannot be happy. Such an environment can be filled with love and not resentment and hatred. What do you think is a better environment for the child?

There is yet a 3rd scenario but it is rare in SG. I have only seen one single example. The parents remained married, stayed together - but they have no more feelings for each other. However, they remained as "true friends" showing genuine concern for each other. They continue to be great parents to their children. It is rare because most people cannot tolerate living together when there is no love. And most people who want another life when they are no longer in love with their spouses.

Many a time, parents thought they "sacrifice" their happiness to stay married in a love-less marriage is a great thing. Or a good thing for the child. It may not be the case. The adage that parents know best is not true. What you perceived to be best for the child may not be best for them. You got to be in their shoes.. and feel it.

Of course I can tell you that children in a divorced situation are extremely traumatic. They are even worse than their parents. For them, they are related by blood to both parents and the pain for them is actually much greater than that of the parents when they divorced. But in a environment of love, they can learn to cope. They can learn that even one of the parents may not be there physically for them 100% of the time, it does not mean that the love and relationship needs to be broken. But shielding them and staying in a "fake" marriage may just give them momentary respite and temporary happiness. Their resentment of the family and of their parents may grow through their formative years. Having divorced earlier and in a properly environment of love will give them more time to cope and come to terms - so when they will learn the lesson of lives - to accept things as they come.

But it is important that even the parents do divorce - do it amicably. When there is no love, there is no point for hate. Let go of all resentment and hatred. Come together to give your all to your children.

I am a living example. After separation and divorce, I am a much much much better father than before. My ex-wife too - she became a much much better mother. Irony isn't? We divorced but we became better parents - treasuring more the moments we spent together with our children.

Yes, it was traumatic for the children but in the end, they got much much better parents as compensation for the "split" of their "ideal" family. It is not 100% of the ideal family but we can close the gap.

My relationship with my ex-wife is very good. She has separate house and she comes to visit the children almost every other day. Once or twice a week, she may take some of the children with her to stay overnight. She has a sets of keys to my house. In fact, she does the marketing for me.

On special occasions, we spent time together as a family. Other times, we simply have dinners / lunches. And yet at the same time, we are free to pursue our own personal interest.


New Member
Different people are entitled to their different opinions and the purpose of posting in forums should be to gather different opinions and share experiences. That's why I said I only share my opinion and experiences and keep stressing I am not here to argue who is right, who is wrong. Who's there to judge who is right, who is wrong? And so what if you win?

I read how you and Watching quarrelled over many posts who is right or wrong in the other thread. I see no point in arguing non-stop over and over, which is a childish and divert too much from the purpose of each thread.

I think it is more fruitful in such forums to just offer your thoughts and let TS decide, not keep digging at what other said sarcastically.

Sorry if I have offended you. Anyway, I have given TS my thoughts and will stop here under this thread.


New Member
confused, are you still a stay-at-home mother now? u know, sometimes when at home when faced with the pressures of kids and in-laws, it is not difficult that the mind will run wild with thoughts.

i have a feeling your suspicious/paranoia is due to this. do you have other things to occupy with? like other friends who are in similar SAHMs who you can meet up with during the day?

i don't know if you still love your hubby at all... or you can very firmly proclaim that you do not love your hubby anymore.

if there's still love, and if he still cares about the marriage, i would say give it a go and seek a 3rd party's help.

if no more love, then really, eventually your child will realise it no matter what.


Well-Known Member
hope, there is nothing wrong about voicing out. However, on the extended voicing out over the 3rd party part, its basically using your personal morals over situation and people beyond one's control. But, well, that's not what you are not doing that in this thread but in several other threads.
I question how is it useful in anyway to solve any problem by having negative opinions of the spouse and TOW. No matter how logical our own set of morals are to us, we cannot impose it on anyone other than ourselves in reality.

As we voice out, we need to see the relevance, is it a sharing and pouring session to console each other or to really contribute in helping TS to arrive at her own solution? That is basically Powder's point. He isn't offended, he is asking TS on what's her intention of this thread. To be less confused and arrive in a solution she can be at peace with or does she wants to cry over it with others in similar situation.

Both are addressing very different objectives. You are touching more on the empathy part. Being that understanding listener that feels for the TS.

Lastly, let's not dig the worms of each other this way. Powder had some misunderstanding which he had apologized for with Watching. So, let it pass. Is he really arguing with you here? I don't think so. Isn't it childish to suggest that here out of the blue.


Active Member

i was asking her what she wants before i share anything. But i warned her the afterefects of advice... "u get ms Hope here mentioning in almost every post abt how Other pple dun agree with her blah blah..."

as to why i use u as an example, let's just say u decided to start it first. in any case i realise more and more of u give criticsm, but cannot accept criticsm. and when in argument, u use irrelevant crap.

below all yours... i do not wish to argue. so i'll just Reason like i always do. (U SAID "I think it is more fruitful in such forums to just offer your thoughts and let TS decide, not keep digging at what other said sarcastically.")

tho not sarcastic...

post 1
A lot of forummers will advise you against staying on the marriage just for the sake of the kid, just like what they advised me in my thread.

Anyway, a lot of forummers disagree to my thinking. Different people have different thinking and I am not saying I am right, and you have to follow my advice. So think and decide yourself.

Forummers, don't hammer me on this same old topic again. I am really not here to argue with all of you that I am correct. I am just sharing my experience with TS. It's up to her to decide for herself.

post 2
I only offer what I am going thru now. Most people will think I am too stubborn.

post 3
As what I said, these are only my opinion and a lot of forummers disagree with me. I do not wish to continue argue with them on this. You think for yourself what you want.

for the number of times u mention others, u are obviously asking for it... since u made such a good example of yourself, and u're already in this thread as a shiny example... why shouldn't i use u as an example in my post?


Active Member
oh ya, if u can give advice and constantly bring others in... why can't i Ask before giving advice, and bring You in?

by the way, u will be so royally screwed for the rest of your mortal life when your daughter moves on in her 20s, and u're ALONE and Destitude.

rem my post. altho i prefer u dun and have a Happy Life.

many of u think of Now, Today, Socially-acceptable sacrfices. Most of u will be in Tomoro and realise what a dumbo u were today. but hey, dun let me stop u from your decision... i'm just presenting the Other side u dun see.

i certainly dun think i'll be seeing u and hubby holding the kid's hands and swinging her around walking down east coast, sharing breakfast in bed with the kids etc... Yes, nice images.

i POINT OUT the possible ugly future to pple... it is the least popular of most posts... but it is what i do. Life is yours, but if u place it in the forum, be ready for pple to say something.


New Member

i greatly appreciate for the thoughts here...

i started to work last yr feb til now..
i think he keep break his promises til i bcum unable to trust him anymore.. previously when i suspect him, he also denied. but end up oso found out he still contact.. perhaps it made me even more doubtful...

i used to love my hb a lot..everything i do, he and my boy will be my 1st priority..
we hv been together for 14yrs+...pai tou 10yrs + married 4 yrs...

married for 2 yrs, my boy not even 1 yr old, he has an affair..and in between too many lies ...he brought her during his biz trips to enjoy... and me as a wife, being left at hm...
and bcos he has sex with TOW.. TOW dun like him to hv sex with me... and he indeed tried to avoid me bcos of her...
it seems he do a lot of things for her...the more things i know abt them, the more resentment...

i post the thread here... not to cry with other pple whom in same situation.. just hope i can get some advices from here... to spark off some of my get my mindset correct..

sometimes i do hate him... for love, i think is not as deep as last time... for care and concern, hmm... for eg he will tel me he got injured when playing sports.. i just listened..i never tout of apply any medicinal cream or watever...wat i trying to say is the love and care are not longer as deep ...

whenever i reach hm, my boy was playing with his grandparents or his daddy , my heart softened...

my mum ask me to get a PI to gather envidence.. 1) if can get concrete proof, i can sue him for adultery and get maintenance... (he is heavily in debts now, close to 100k to banks... i did ask him b4, in the event of divorce , how much he going to give ... he said the 1st few yrs he wont give.. cos he in debts) the moment i hear it, my blood boil to the max... wth.. and u can afford to bring to overseas and spend $ to buy things..

2) if the results are negative, then probably i shd consider to recommit cos it shows i am over paranoid ..i may go for marriage counselling...

since nov last yr til now, we hv been ding dong bell... wan , dont wan ... contact, no contact...


New Member
i am just a simple gal... i wan a hb whom love me, dote me , faithful, nice to kids.. and wkends can bring us to spend the nice moments...

now is like he dun hold hands, or hug... we arent behaving like a normal couple...tat is not wat i wan ... i dont know is bcos of TOW, he refused to touch me, cos he feel he let TOW down... or he scared i reject him ..or he feel step by step, settle emotional problems 1st...

i just wan to be a normal couple...

sometimes when i shopping outside, i saw few scene...
the father one hand carry the kid, one hand hold the mother hand... it was so touching...


New Member
nw he tel me he just wan peace at hm...

he said he has been chased by calls from banks everyday..he just wan peace at hm

when i ask him abt suspecting qns, he will get fed up and flare...he feel he always being accused by me...when he flare, he make sure his parents hear it , cos he shout loud...

end up his parents will say me give him a break and give them a break...dun always quarrel...

but when we didnt quarrel, everything ok ...he talk normal...

once i ask abt suspecting qns, we quarrel...


Active Member
biz lunch cancelled... now gotta think... hehe.

make it short first... honestly i think that it's really hard to not have affection living as a couple whether married, as frens, as roomies or whatever... to deprive myself of a hand held, a hug, a kiss, a touch... hmm, it's a pretty terrible life... especially when i need it most.


Well-Known Member
Confused, actually there is no such thing as love very deep or not so deep. Either you love or you don't. However, there is more than love in our decisions and emotions. The reason why you do not express your emotions without reserves as in the past is simply because you simply don't trust him anymore and is too tired and fearful to be hurt yet again.

The thing about emotions is, it is like waves. One day, you can feel so much in love and another, you can be cold and unfeeling. Is love just emotions to you?

Now, on your husband, he is frankly a selfish man. He wants his affairs but is too up-tight about letting you go. Its plain selfishness. See through his bullshit and tell him straight what you need for the marriage to work. Without his cooperation and commitment, face it. It will never work. You can hold on and try 10 days or yrs. It will still not work. Don't put yourself in a situation where you have no negotiation power, its just self degrading and it only work to destroy your self esteem further. It will not savage the marriage.


New Member
sometimes i feel my hb is hopeless...

3yrs back, his car licence being revoked due to drinking... and he likes to go club and drink once a week...and he gamble too... all this i accept ..

i never expect he has an affair..

is he really still worth for me to stay?

eat, drink , play all he has...

bcos now he is heavily in debts, he cant $... and bcos i know his affair..he didnt go club and drink anymore...

does it mean he is changing for better or he dun hv a choice...


New Member
yes, i need physical touch.. i need kisses, hug... to give me comfort...

he is very selfish ... he can have other womans outside without thinking.. for me just bcos i go out more often, he suspect of me ... use my phone more often to play games...when i go out, he insists to fetch me hm etc...

and he told me b4, he duno whether he can take it if i have another man...


Well-Known Member
his issues isn't with indulges in vices. Rather his lack of priority on what's important for him. i.e. he is a irresponsible loser.

I drink and gamble too. Drink with friends, colleagues and bosses when there is a social need for. Or when in overseas where it is cheap like dirt. Same with gambling, its can be a form of entertainment if one is disciplined.

Initially, my wife was worried too but she has learn to trust me. I never allow myself to get into any debts from gambling. And whatever spare cash I won, I normally spend them with my wife. I thinking of getting her a Burberry as I have been on a good form of late.

there are alot of misconception about vices like gambling... linking them to addicts that get into debts and trouble. Many people are not like this.


Well-Known Member
"and he told me b4, he duno whether he can take it if i have another man..."

he cannot. that's a fact. another evidence on what a loser he is.


Well-Known Member
Confused, even if it isn't the pub, it could be his colleague, supplier, vendor or biz partner. u get the point? It points back to your loser husband. So, you need to get this right. The only way you can work the marriage is by both parties.



You can't give what you don't have. If you remain in the marriage, you're gonna spend all your time being miserable and resenting your hb for wasting your youth and time. And that in turn, is gonna translate onto your son as

a) anger that comes from the built-up resentment within you
b) over-reliance on your son as a source of comfort

When you're angry, you're bound to take it out on something or someone and it could be your son. When you see your son as the only source of comfort, you will create a heavy burden on him and this will in turn create resentment on his part.

Love doesn't have to come from a complete family. A child from a single parent family too can be well-adjusted. Contrary to what you think, your son will soon be able to adapt to the fact and accept that his father has to live apart from him. Kids are adaptable that way.

The most important thing right now is to pick the solution that benefits both YOU and your son. Martyrdom is well...stupid when it serves no purpose other than creating a whole new set of problems.


New Member
i know if i choose to divorce, i will be definitely happier.. and i can hv peace, dun need to keep suspect or doubting.. it has been very tiring...


But of course, you yourself will have to make sure that you've done all you can to salvage the marriage. If there's truly no way out and no amicable solution, then regrettably you will have to make the next best decision.

Good luck.


Well-Known Member
Confused, start negotiation and pushing for the respect you need and deserve from your partner. If he is not willing to treat you fairly, u already answer yourself, u cannot remain in a loveless marriage without intimacy and affection. Then, the view is actually very clear for you.

Do what you need and do not compromise on the very essential things you need. These are the fundamentals for you to literally continue breathing in the marriage. The reality hurts but you can take control and stop it long term. Or you can choose to remain a victim of the situation and cry all you want.


New Member
I just cant help it not to suspicious...watever single things he do, i oso suspect... i xin ku, he oso xin i tend to think more on divorce to free myself...


New Member
ahh...21 year old and with a kid in tow?

what's he thinking? hmmm....

and he tells u he cannot take it if you have another man. yet he is thinking YOU can take it when he has another woman. wth!


New Member
hi flyingstar,

TOW got pregnant and nearly ROM..but duno y end up didnt get married..

my hb duno she got a kid.. is just one day think he sent her hm, and realised actually she is not staying in tat block... is staying another block..and found out she has a kid..

ya he told me he scared he cant take it..
i didnt say him out...i hving same feelings with u .. as if i can take it when he has other woman...

tat y earlier we are saying he is selfish..
he can hv other woman but his own wife cannot touch by other guy.. then when i start to go out more often, he bcum more kan cheong..