Unreasonable/abusive in-laws

mum_of_2_girls

New Member
Hi moonprincess,

If your finance allows, maybe you can consider,
getting a unit next to your place for your parents.

This works well for my friend. My friend's hubby bought a house next to theirs for her parents.(sembawang area)
So far so good.

For my case, my mum have to stay in with us as the area we are living, the property price and rental is too high, can't afford.
 


sgbabydoll

Active Member
Eliz, since you know well that your mom has been unreasonable with you, don't be so hung up on trying to prove to her that you are not living off your bf. While you don't have to tell lies, there is absolutely no need to be transparent with her.

Like SM has said, she doesn't need to know where the money comes from as long as wedding expenditure is taken care of. Alternatively, you can opt for a smaller wedding affair.

I can almost guarantee that even if you have the money today to throw a lavish wedding celebration, your mom will still be able to "prove" that you are inadequate in other ways.

Our life is finite, so as our youth. Why waste five years to do something that you want to and can do now?
 

elizann

New Member
Hi moonprincess, I have a stable job, but cos I had to pay off huge university loans (for my undergrad studies and master degree studies) much of what I earn (I dun earn too much) goes into paying off the interest and loan, so money is kinda tight.

Hi Simpleman, I do fear my mum and sometimes I am afraid to insist on having my ways, esp when she will start screaming and shouting if I dun listen to her.

After reading the threads here, the more I think I should not be wasting my time by waiting 5 years. After all my mum will not appreciate at all. Sometimes the way she talks is like she can't wait to 'offload' me cos she thinks that if I don't listen 100% to her, it means I am a burden.

I was a very sick child so my mum had to give up her career to look after me. And when my parents divorced I think she felt I was a burden. Till today she tells me she should have aborted me. She likes to put me down to make her feel better. So some time ago, when I told her that my bf will foot the entire bill of the wedding, she had to throw hurtful words at me and say that I am riding on him, just like how I ride on her when I was young. Sometimes I feel that my mum treats me like an atm...she keeps bringing up that she had to spend money on my medical bills when I was young, and this and that...so maybe she is senstiive to money?

yes, on hindsight I should not have told her who is going to pay for the wedding.

does anyone know any venues where I can hold a small, simple yet meaningful weddings? Ballrooms are expensive though bf is ok with it. I just wanna know if there are venues where I can have smaller and more affordable weddings.


I know it is not fair to my bf to have to wait for me. He brought up marriage again...will talk to him about an earlier wedding if he brings up marriage again ;)



Hi Moon Princess, I totally agree with what u said. I totally feel this way too:
"but after living with her for nearly 20 years (when I was younger), I have had enough of her tyrannical and controlling ways. I really do not wish to stay together with them after suffering through years of physical and emotional abuse..... I would rather stay away from them. But that does not mean I would shirk my responsibilities as a daughter"
 

flyingstar

New Member
Eliz, if you are holding a small wedding, can try restaurants. i know peony jade has got quite good reviews, they are good in small weddings. Can try.

on other hand i feel that you should get married soon. if having a baby is in your cards then you shouldn't wait. coz the biological clock is ticking by...

as for your mom, well, i feel that she's just bitter about everything. so anything you tell her she will use it and slap it back into your face. better not give her so much information now.

i feel that you have a very good and understanding bf. you should cherish him. as a bf, he knows your situation and still sticks around. that speaks a lot! but don't let him wait too long though.
happy.gif
 

elizann

New Member
thanks flyingstar. din think of chinese restaurants too. good, now I have a better selection of hotels and restaurants.
happy.gif


yes, I am blessed to have my bf. hee.
 

thommy

New Member
eliz: nice restaurants which u can try:

peony jade clarke quay, qian xi, pioneer spring etc.

there are value for money hotels too, places like novotel clarke quay, orchard parade hotel etc. Do some homework first before committing. have fun.
 

ariebeth

New Member
Eliz, I'm holding my wedding dinner at Peony-Jade as well. The food is delicious and the ambience is really nice, I think it's even better than a hotel as my first priority is good food. The package prices are reasonable too.
 

elizann

New Member
wow...Peony Jade sounds nice. thanks AB and Thomas, will google Peony Jade and check this out! ;)

AB, wishing you a blissful marriage and eternal happiness with ur hubby!! :D
 

worldangel

New Member
Lol seems like this thread has become Eliz's thread instead...

Anyway today I told my superior at my workplace about my parents and the possibility of them coming over to create trouble...my superior totally understands and says she will be on the lookout for them.

By the way, I am having my AD in Peony Jade in December this year
happy.gif
 

flyingstar

New Member
it's for everyone who have the same problems ma.
happy.gif


but i'm glad you worked something out with your superior though. at least she's aware. by the way any security guards at your workplace? usually can inform the security guard to "block" them from turning up in the office.

but i really feel that your parents are amazing...they don't mind travelling to sg from m'sia just to create a scene, etc. etc. they must be full of energy.
 

cynical

New Member
totally understand. Some in-laws are coined "monsters-in-law" for that reason. Very unreasonable..and self righteous..everybody else makes mistake except for them and they are always right. Everybody should listen to them even though they are ignorant. My in-laws are educated but behave like old school. Have tried to tolerate them but time and time again they have let me down. First they didn't even help to look after their grandchild and got the cheek to criticise everything. I got a great maid everything was fine and dandy and I was supposed to go back to work and they pop by on weekends and were secretly bribing my maid (give her extra money) to do things behind my back with my baby. For example I've been breastfeeding my baby and training her to sleep on scheduled times. But they didn't like the idea and use my child's crying as a n excuse that she was hungry and manipulated the maid to formula feed her instead when I'm out buying supplies. Of course I found out later and gave my maid a warning that she works for me and not them and should obey my instructions and not theirs. Also found out that they gave the maid their personal handphone number to contact them if my baby was crying and feedback to them if I was deemed to be ill treating my baby. What utter nonsense!! Just because I insist on breastfeeding her and let her sleep on scheduled times does not make me a bad mother. It makes them a bad parents-in-law firstly for not helping to look after my baby and when I've trained the maid well they come and interfere and do all these things behind my back. They really are "snakes in the grass". In the end, I got rid of my maid cos she's already corrupted by them and their briberies and her loyalty has swayed. No point keeping her. Because of their interference, I had to quit my full time job to look after my baby. Monster-in-laws!! That's not the worst part. They didn't help to look after the baby at all but got the cheek to tell all their relatives that they have been helping me out...yes...help to stir things up and make things worse for me. Also when my baby is sick and needs to sleep they purposely come over and play with the baby. My father in law said to me " Playing with the baby is good ...helps to break the fever" Have you ever heard such a stupid remark??? Really cannot stand them...worst still they are highly educated. Bunch of morons...didn't even look after their own children ...they know nothing and try to interfere this and that without lifting a finger to help out. They are just plain ignorant and selfish and still want face. Anyway my marriage to my husband is badly strained because of them and they are still oblivious. Still got the cheek to ask me for a 2nd child. No way!!
 

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