Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by 4sgbrides, May 27, 2017.

  1. 4sgbrides

    4sgbrides New Member

    Hi all.

    I just found out that I was being two-timed. He was concurrently seeing someone from his work place.

    I am so angry at myself for being so stupid. He said he broke things off with her. I don't know if I can or should trust him now.

    I am so tired. I'm 29. Was with him for 3 years and broke up for around 9 months. Recently got back together for around 2 months. He wants another chance.

    I'm not smart enough to listen to myself - I made so many mistakes. Can I ask what would you do if you were in my shoes?

    Thank you all.

  2. Staypositive

    Staypositive Active Member

    Hi.His actions tell others that he is not serious abt u,esp when he just got back together with u.just leave him bah.pls do not be in a relationship becos of age.29 years old is still can still start afresh and find a new guy.nowadays women marry late not drag until a point when ur too old to break off with then it's too late and ur trapped.with his behavior,there are possibility that he might betray u again.leave while you can..break and patch back many times is tiring and active in social activities and know more ppl.who knows you might find your lifetime partner in the process.
    jovinatzq likes this.
  3. littlepinkpointes

    littlepinkpointes Active Member

    I'm sorry to hear of ur predicament.
    U are already (actually) doubting this relationship.
    Unless he can do something to prove and deliver his promise of change, I guess u already know the answer.
    Talk is often cheap. Ask yourself if he or this relationship is worth the wait for change.
    Don't hang on to it or feel that is wasted to end it just because of age or duration of the relationship.
  4. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    Some more details please?

    You broken up one time 9 months ago. Why?

    Then you got back together 2 months ago? Why?

    Then you found he two timing you?

    When did that relationship start ?maybe was between the time you two broken up?
  5. JaneLi

    JaneLi Member

    Better to move on. there's still alot of fishes in the sea. Expand your social circle by going to more social activities.
  6. 4sgbrides

    4sgbrides New Member

    Broke up because he did not know how to handle finances, and lost a huge amount (annual salary) on the stock market. I loved him but I am not able to support his gambling habit and his ageing parents. I just felt like there's a stone weighing on my back and it's just going to be heavier if the relationship continues.

    Got back 2 months ago cause I couldn't find someone I am attracted to. There were guys who wanted a shot with me, but I wasn't physically attracted to them (I'm shallow I know). He changed too, and my earning ability increased, so more able to shoulder any burden if it comes to that point. He also tried dating around, but couldn't find anyone like me. We did have a crazy time during those 3 years. :)

    The relationship started when we broke off. I felt very stupid that he was dating two girls at the same time and I didn't find out. And I was declaring this rship to my friends and he was still keeping us a secret.
  7. candyapple

    candyapple New Member

    Since the relationship with his colleague started when you 2 broke off, he wasn't two-timing you back then. Did he immediately break things off with her the moment you patched things up?

    You got back together because you couldn't find someone else to be together with. Do you still love him? Do what you think is best. It does not matter how much you or him earn. If he still seems secretive, unable to plan his finances and his vice habits are still there, chances are you guys are going to go down the same road again. But if he has really changed, perhaps give this relationship a few more months to see his determination.
  8. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    Yeah funny definition of 2 timing. You broke up with him so he's free to date anyone.

    My guess is you broke up with him because you felt he won't have any resources to provide for you, so he go find someone else (the way you write he must be quite good looking ) and he quickly did.

    Then just 2 months later you came back and he didn't know how to break up with that other girl yet.

    Then end up "2 timing" . Is that what's happening? Or did he break up immediately with the other girl and you still call it 2 timing ??

    But regardless of this I still don't think highly of your chances together.

    Sorry. I agree with other poster , you came back to him because no better choice. Does that mean with better choices you will leave...

  9. miloice

    miloice Well-Known Member

    Ball is on his court to regain your confidence. Do you see a future in this relationship. Your life, your happiness, your call. You cannot blame him anymore to cling on a rotten tree expecting to bear fruits. Get your expectations on the current relationship right and decide with your eyes fully open. If you bet on him, you should expect and accept the consequences knowing the risk up-front now. Emotions can cloud your perception, time to be pragmatic about things and take charge of your own happiness.

    You mentioned abt the finances issues. Have he demostrated his ability to better manage his finances. His risk management on stocks and gambling are both alarm bells. The addiction hits to the roots. What's impt is he should never in debt because of it. It only shows his lack of priorities and inability to control. When I had the buffer, I played big and won big and also lost big before. When the buffer is low, the stakes have to be proportional. Its a game that many get lost in. I have been gaming for many years and never in debt, wear a hat his size.
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2017
    4sgbrides likes this.
  10. 4sgbrides

    4sgbrides New Member

    Thanks everyone! The guys who were interested during the break were all earning (way) more than my ex/current. So I don't look at how much a guy earns to determine if I'm attracted to him. I got back together with him cause I wasn't attracted to anyone else. They can be super handsome and rich but nothing clicks. Something biological. He didn't break off with the girl after being with me for 2 months - I thought we were exclusive.

    He promised to save a big chunk of his income in a joint account. If he wishes to play with whatever that is left, then so be it cause it would be "within his means". And yes I agree that that stakes have to be proportional - he didn't realise it.
  11. buddhabar

    buddhabar Active Member

    If it's too hard then it's not right.
    Why does life have to be so difficult?
    Were your life so difficult when you were younger and single? Have some sense pls.
    Why keeping banging into the wall knowing it's a wall. Trying to be sure you are still alive and feel more pain?
  12. Infernolord

    Infernolord Active Member

    From what you said, he can get attached shortly after you both break up.You continue to fall for him after months and you can't find someone as attractive like him. I think he must be quite good looking or at least he is confident of himself.
    Based on my personal opinion, good looking guys who are confident and "nice" usually have alot of temptations. To me, most importantly is that is he willing to settle down soon??

    Timing is criterial for good looking guy. If his mindset is to settle down in rs and he want focus on work then u can give a try.
    Likewise, his mind is swaying with all the temptations. He dunno if he can settle down soon. You shld think twice lah.. you are a depreciating asset to him. haha
    Trust me, confident guy can easily find a ger if they want, be it they are attached or single. (And he is appreciating asset as he gets older, wealthier)
  13. 4sgbrides

    4sgbrides New Member

    Thanks for all your advices. I think we are good. :)
  14. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    You should know infernolord knows what he is taking about.

    He's a ridiculously handsome guy. No joke.
    4sgbrides likes this.
  15. 4sgbrides

    4sgbrides New Member

    Hahaha well thankfully I don't dig handsome guys. So infernolord is safe. Thanks everyone!
  16. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    He's obviously taken already. You want also no chance.
    4sgbrides likes this.
  17. 4sgbrides

    4sgbrides New Member

    That is true! :D Must have a lot of girls queuing up to date him. I won't stand any chance (not that I am wanting any) haha!!
  18. Infernolord

    Infernolord Active Member

    haha com'on i am a failure in rs.
    I wont be here if i am that good.. o_O
  19. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    You *were* not are. Things are going smoothly now right?

    Now you are here sharing your hard earned wisdom.

    Like many regulars here, we all went through hard learning experiences to emerge stronger and wiser.
  20. Jbaby

    Jbaby New Member

    Once a cheater always a cheater. He cannot control himself now even before marriage what makes you think he can after marriage?
  21. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    Interestingly I think the poster of this thread did get married to this guy I think?
  22. sketched kisses

    sketched kisses New Member

    really? how come?!
  23. Adrian7878

    Adrian7878 Member

    You are still young. Be strong .... many good guys out there.

    You give him chance again .... he will try hìs 'luck' agsin with younger lady.

    Can you handle this?

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