Of Children:
I assume, Doraemon, that you are local and Asian, so it is usual to settle down and go the family way. Our families and society also have such expectations of us. But let me share with you a perspective:
Unless you and you spouse simply love and adore children, they are more a liability. Yes yes they are cute and everything when they are small, and they will be the joy and pride of your life. But the downsides? For one, children are very expensive to upkeep in Singapore. But the really hard facts are: When they are all grown up and have completed their tertiary education, don't expect them to give you any part of their paycheck (you should count yourself lucky if they don't ask you for pocket money to supplement their paycheck) They need money to go tours or buy and maintain a car (cars very ex in Singapore, of course everyone knows). When they apply jobs, it wouldn't be restricted to local ones. They apply online, go anywhere in the world to work for years on end, and most likely will settle down abroad. This is already happening with some of my "older" friends. What more in 10-20 years' time, when our children gets more educated and globally mobile, and the world gets smaller?
The traditional "Asian values" that you keep with your parents (if you are keeping any at all), are unlikely to govern how your children will treat you. You wouldn't have all your children coming home for dinner, siting around the round table nicely and smiling and greeting you, like what you watch on TV8. The kids may come back for dinner, yes, for Christmas, perhaps, because they are working in UK or Guangzhou, for example. This is essentially the empty nest syndrome and many parents have a hard time adjusting to that. It's really quite shocking and heartbreaking to them, after all that they have done and for so many years, their children were the centre of their lives.
They didn't realise having and loving children also means letting go and giving them the freedom to leave. Whether they come back is another matter. Having children in Singapore now is only about giving unconditionally and sacrificially. Many of my friends stopped at one. Some do not want to have kids. Some have two or three but are making plans to take care of their own old age and retirement. They are doing something to expand their social circle knowing that when the children grow up, they wouldn't be there for them to nag at, to pamper, to look after, or to have afternoon tea with them when they are lonely. So they are taking some hobbies now and meeting up old school mates. They know what is coming.Â
I am not saying all your kids will do that to you. But most of my friends like to refer to their children as "liabilities" behind the kids' back, of course. Why do you think Singaporeans, esp the more educated ones, are not keen to produce and produce (with all those Tax Kickbacks and all)?
You need to know what you want. How many children do you personally want? At which age will you want to see yourself as a dad? For men, there is really not much of an issue where age is concerned. If so, the alleys of Geylang will only be frequented by young men. Also, you need to know what parenthood entails. If you want and love to have children, be aware of the cost and the expectations, so that you will not suffer disillusion in time to come.
