to let go or not

[lostguy85]

Hello.

I am a 30 year old guy that was recently dumped by girlfriend of 4 years. She is 25 this coming June.

She broke up with me the night before our anniversary. She told me she decided to do it because her best friend told her that I might propose and she did not want to reject my proposal. She also did not want to leave me before we get married and a kid.

I am an Aries, as described by horoscope, I am naturally snappy and short tempered. She cannot take my attitude towards her anymore. Prior to that, she wrote me a letter last year to tell me about my anger issues. I addressed the issue and my anger management did get better, but not for the best (not fast enough for her/expectations). Shortly after the letter, she even instigated me to go buy our wedding bands and engagement rings TOGETHER.

On the day of the breakup, she told me she cannot take it any more and has thought through it clearly before initiating the break up. She also mentioned that she want to move on to see if there's anything better out there for herself. Staying on in the relationship (me begging for a chance) would be because she pities and feel sorry for me. She claims that she does not feel any love for me any more (she claims that she does not know what is she feeling). She says she cannot see the next 40 years of her life with me.

I really need assistance from some of you guys/girls here for help. I do not know if I should let go or chase her. And I do not know how to do either of it.

If I let her go, I am probably letting go of the best girl I have ever dated in my entire life. I love her too dearly to even think about letting go. I have only dated 4 girls in my life and she seems to be THE ONE, my soulmate. (i used the word "seems" because I do not know how does THE ONE supposed to feel like).

If I chase her back, there's probably a chance that she might walk out on my life again (reality check).

I sincerely will appreciate all advises given to me.

Please do not advise me on my temper and stuff (because I already know...)

Thank you.

Yours sincerely
Lostguy

 

[ooosh]

I advise you to look forward your anger issue will be hard to shake off. If you love her let her find a better man that she deserves.

Else in the future you and her and have lots of unhappiness

 

[buddhabar]

i believe she have been thinking about it much more than you given the fact she said she can't see the next 40 years with you. she probably had thought about the future before coming to the conclusion. i think you should let go because she has already let go on her part. Working to get her back would be fruitless if she had already shut her door on you. Her opinion of your temperament ain't going to change within the next couple of years to be honest.

 

[Mid0r1]

If you really love her, it's best to let her go.

It seems like she wants to see what's out there. Let her try, no point holding on to a one-sided relationship.


Look at it this way, if she comes back to you after it blows over. You guys are meant to be.

However, if she doesn't; then you will have to move on. I know it's hard to let go of someone who you think it's your soulmate, but I believe everyone comes into our life for a reason.

Also try to evaluate yourself, though you seem to know what the problem is in yourself but the question is how you are gonna improve on it?


Lastly, I don't know if I am stepping out of point here, but have you ever hit her physically before??


P.S. When one door Closes, another Opens.

 

[miloice]

Dude, the decision to let go is not yours, she has already let go. Persisting will not help. Rather, respect her decision and spend your time focusing on what you already know about your anger management. Take micro steps to improve on it. The issue isn't just going to ruin this relationship, it is going to affect your life on the whole if you don't improve on it. Nothing is stopping you guys to maintain the friendship if you can demonstrate that you are able to do that.

 

[meimei1601]

sometime an answer is there but yet we still hold on to that pinch of hope, but one thing I agreed is that, if both of you get back this time, the history will repeat itself. you already know what is the poison, why dont you just get rid of it. If she is yours, she will be yours, if she is not, no matter what you do, what have u been changed into, she will never be yours.

I feel that sometime the person we married to is not the person we love, but we must learn to love the person we married to.

She is very sure what she wants and very obviously, she is not with you anymore, she dont love you anymore. You cannot make a person to love you and having a person to be with you without her/his will. Happiness is never going to be happen.

Be strong... face yourself, accept the facts, and move on.

 

[sadman2009]

Well, I think you didn't realise the critical part of your problem... Which is your anger issue.. You told us not to advise you on that. But you failed to realise that she left you mainly is because of this issue. If you can't make a total change, then don't even think of getting her back ... And you are right... If you don't have a total change, she will still leave you one day even if you two are back together now and the problem lies in you. Infact, may be she deserves someone better. It has been four years and she must have had undergone a certain degree of distress when you let go of your anger on her ... And I think she had been suffering. You said you know you have this problem but in this four years you have done little to change... Your excuse? Your horoscope... 'I'm just like that.' Well, you can continue to say that to yourself and just do nothing... But don't expect any girls to put up with your sh*t.
You are already 30 years old and she is only 25. Of course she deserves someone better... You think you love her.. But there will be someone who will love her more and has good temper.
So the conclusion of the matter is ... Leave her alone... And until you have a total change of yourself, don't think about getting back together with her. And of course, telling you to change and manifest self-control is for your own good as this will also affect your next relationship or any other future relationships...


Using SingaporeBrides app

 

[lonely_desire78]

"Knowing and doing".... and "knowing and no doing" are two different things. The question that comes back is, whether we all know what we want.

It is freedom of choice to decide to hang out. But, is it necessary? Or an appropriate use of time? Many do not realise that if a ship is sinking, there is little that can be done. So what if one keep the ship afloat, but though extraordinary measures which are untenable over the longer term.

Yet again, letting go is never easy. Failing is really fine, so is giving up. There is never anything wrong with letting the other party choose. What is wrong is when one tries to decide for the his/ her half. Thats where the relationship begins to lose itself and its sanctity. I myself am guilty of that and also victim of it.

Question is, would we be happy by holding on? Life is a like a brief moment in time. Before you know it, the hair on our head would grey and the leaves of summer yellowed for the last time. Does it matter if you are to "win" this time? Sometimes, I also ask whether the way we behave is a result and the function of ego and pride? Perhaps, it is and that there is a "perceived" something which is too great to lose. But, is it too "great" to lose?

If one never learns to lose, how would he/ she appreciate that moment of winning? Falling is only temporary and a good reminder to put our paces right and get better than ever. Not failing or falling is worrying because it may also be a sign of not learning from life's greatest lessons which are best learnt from failing.

Paul Getty once said that companies cannot get better, if there are no problems. Having no problems leads to an absolute lack of an impetus to change and improve. If we put the process of failing and falling into context, is it not more meaningful to fail or fall and learn from it?

PS: How do you know that this has to be the best gal in your life? Many of my married friends found better than "best" gals after marriage.... *no offense intended* When we think we know, we often do not know. Think hard and understand what you really want first.