To end marriage after 3 months!


New Member
I was only married for 3 months but have been with hubby for more than 8 years. We are total polar opposites; with different characters, perspectives, passions etc. And because we have so much differences, we often clashed with each other.

During our dating days, I would suggest that its better that we go separate ways but he would never fail to say ridiculous things like "in that case, i must reimburse the money he spent on me/us during these few years, such as money spent on food and movies!" each and everytime. I am not a materialistic woman so he never had to spend money to buy me gifts etc since I dont fancy jewellery, watches, handbags or shoes etc. Special occasions are usually celebrated with a meal at Sakae Sushi and the likes and movies. The only big ticket item he spent during our dating days was a holiday trip to Australia some years back and mind you, I paid for my own share for air-ticket/lodging/food/expenses etc. Mostly I find the repayment part too absurb so we always put off the breaking up issue to another day and subsequently, we would patch back and this has been an ongoing cycle since.

With our relationship so uncertain, you may wonder how and why did we get married after all? And no, its not shotgun. His only kin, which is his grandma is critically ill. Her only wish is to see him settle down and start a family of his own. Hence, I was pressured into marrying him. We have never mentioned about settling down prior to his grandma's condition and he only proposed marriage right after. I did not want to agree to the marriage initially because I feel that we are marrying for the wrong reason but he insisted that even if his grandma is not sick, he would still want to marry me someday since we have been together so long and are both not young.

there wasnt a proper proposal either. He just brought me to a store and ask me to select an engagement ring. I chose one that cost a little more than $500 because he is financially tight and has to pay his grandma's hugh medical bills. And we choose a bridal shop and wedding banquet at a 3* hotel, all within 2 months so we can get married within the doctor's advice. Shortly after our wedding, his grandma passed on. We postponed our honeymoon to Hokkaido till late last month because he was taking her departure very hard.

I like to stress that travelling has been my only passion since young but hubby actually hates travelling. During the honeymoon, we would quarrel every other day. It did not feel like a honeymoon at all. During my 8 years+ with him, we had only travelled to Australia and Hokkaido and both trips (including the honeymoon) only went ahead after major quarrels and arguements with me wanting to end everything. Even after he agreed to go ahead with the holidays, I would plan everything singlehandedly such as booking air tickets, accommodations and trip planning etc (ours are free & easy). He never bothered with anything and basically just pack and go on the day itself. I can accept all our differences etc but I am very upset that he cannot share my passion of travelling at all. He wants me to bear him a child so we can start a family soon and I should forget about travelling because according to him, there are much more important things in this world than travelling.

Perhaps you may think this is all very trivial when compared to issues faced by other forumers here but I am very passionate about travelling (I travelled to many countries with my parents as a child and even on my own before I met my hubby). I used to travel at least once a year before I met my hubby and I have not been travelling much since I was with him and this is very tough for me. I told him there are many places I wanted to visit before I leave this world. Put it this way, I can live without him in my life and I cannot live without my passion. And we have been quarrelling every other day. He wanted a child which I had no wish at this point in time because I did not have much faith in our marriage and I did not want a child to complicate matters.

During this 3 months that we are married, I stayed over at my parent's place more often than I stayed at his place (his grandma left the house to him so we did not get a new flat). I am still staying at my parent's and have not seen nor spoken to him in a week. I told him I wanted an annulment which he told me he will only agree to it if I repay the money he spent on our wedding, honeymoon and the dowry he has given to my parents and of course my engagement ring and wedding band too!

I am just so frustrated. I am currently jobless and even if I am not, I dont see why I need to repay these money that he spent on our wedding (to which I also contributed, albeit not as much as him). And asking the dowry back from my parents are too much! He pocketed all the tables' angpaos. My parents did not keep any.
I am at my wit's end. I felt that I have wasted more than 8 years of my youth on this man. I am now in my thirties. I just wish to break free and lead my own life. What can I do? I have not told my parents about this yet, I imagine they will be very shocked to hear this after only 3 months of marriage.


Well-Known Member
Cut the blame on his side. Ask yourself, why did u marry him? He is a petty guy from the very beginning, even break up, he expects compensation from you. So, what are you expecting from your marriage when you decided to marry him??

Time to really reflect and take some responsibility over your life.


Active Member
oh, isn't this very simple than? just breakup without being bothered abt the marriage cert. once u're separated for 4yrs, u're as good as broken free from him...

in the meantime just live as a single girl again, date, be honest abt your status nad have fun!

u know, alot of pple are so hung up and rule by statuses and stuff, dun fall into this. u can do anything u want in life as long as u know u're not wrong to do it.

u dun have to pay him back, your greatest gift to him would be to waive away any alimony rights, if any. dun feel bad, dun bother abt what he say and the most impt thing - Dun have sex with him EVER.dun even have a 1% chance of pregnancy...

this is a marriage that's poorly matched, impulsively decided, and purely a habit tat's hard to break free...

does't even sound like he's a worthy fren, let alone a bfren or husband/ i'm not saying he's bad, i'm saying he's a Bad Match for u.


New Member
It's gross to even hear him mentioning about the reimbursement. Just strike off the cert. Everything was started on the wrong footing and the both of u should have ended long ago before that.


New Member
if he doesn't like to travel, DON'T force him to. If you guys can quarrel over matters as trivial as these, I can't imagine what would happen if you two come across other bigger issues in life.


New Member
Hey I'm a Man here. ... I dont think we Man should behave like this...Base on what u had written, I think u need to have a good talk with him and take the next course of action u deemed necessary... time to follow your head. .. just my 2 cents


New Member
the coupling was mismatched from the get-go .. the blame should be shared equally .. you knew how your husband was, yet you chose to still go ahead and get married. life is about making decisions, good or bad - you just have to learn.

i'm surprised that your parents are not amazed that you're spending more time at their place than being at home with your husband, now that you're married. don't they find it strange?


Well-Known Member
"the coupling was mismatched from the get-go .. the blame should be shared equally"

exactly! I don't understand what's with this 'hope' attitude. Getting married in HOPE things will improve, partner will learn to accept them blah blah blah.

Why don't go buy a condo with a toto tix in your pocket HOPING it will strike 1st prize? And when it doesn't complain its all Singapore pools fault for not letting you win? Very dumb right? But, that's exactly what so many people are doing with their marriage and lives. DUMB things in the name of emotions. Yes, we can be swayed by emotions. But, the responsibilities and realities doesn't get sway away.


New Member
This is an example of how incompatible couples continued to be with one another due to being in the 'comfort zone'.

Frankly, he can ask for compensation till the cows come home. You don't even need to return him any $. If he loves to have the ring and wedding be it. Return him and ask him to pawn them himself for $. Just becareful that he doesn't turn violent if you simply refuse to return him the rest of the $.

Leave the sore loser as soon as you can. You're so right. Your life will be better without him. It's pretty obvious that you can live without him, while all his threats on compensation just shows how insecure he feels. No matter what he says to you later on, don't give in. All the best!


New Member
anyways, having a child does not stop anyone from travelling .. you can still go with your child/ren or as a couple .. it's just a matter of choice.

i have two kids and i still go away once a year with just the husband for some 'time off'. even though we missed the kids like crazy, we both understood that we also have to maintain the relationship between husband and wife as well .. every role are like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, have to fit together.


New Member
based on your account, you've compromised on many occasions. ask yourself, what has he done for you? no one can take a one-way relationship, might as well live life happily single, right?


New Member
actually the root of the problem happened way before you guys married. Why wasnt the issue solved throughout 8yrs of dating? and still ended with marrying despite knowing these differences, note it is in plural.

I think you have to take responsibilities for the way it had turned out now.

Yes he seems like a miserly, gross standard of how guys should behave and i dont think you need to pay him back $. But could this be one of the reason why he keeps saying it? Maybe he thinks you're very reliant on him financially and by doing so he will tie you down to him, knowing that you will never leave cos you will not pay him back. But legally, no prenup was signed. U can separate and take off.


New Member
IF cannot agree, why force to stay together
Move on with your own life.

Option 1
If you carry on,
you cannot travel.
He cannot have children.

Option 2
If you move on,
You can find a new soulmate who like to travel
He can find a newhalf who want to have children

Say sorry to the JP whom u swear to that u will blah blah till old........

May you can start ur travelling passion again.


New Member
Mrs Agony (mrs_agony) : hows things with you now ? Although i do not encourage divorce but if both of you qurrel...its really not worth it to carry on. It a wrong step you have taken.Really mis match...

Just separate from him and don need to return him the money...he is just crap..and may be he is using that to bound you down...

Have a talk with don work..then forget it.


New Member
Hey there..

Growing up, I watched my mom hoping that my dad will change his ways for the better. Thirty years on, things have only improved a very tiny little.. Each and every single person in the family was and still is affected by my dad's role in the family, or lack of it.

My point is, don't stay on with the hope that he will change and things will improve between the both of you. Life is too short. Live happily. Or at least try to.

All the best..


Wa seh... very kiam leh... very thick skin also. Although men and women have equality in sg context, it's still gentlemanly to foot some bills and not be too ji jiao about it.

So kiam, I think his family also very kiam so much so that it influence his character. Note that kiam people are quite rich cos they are like squirrel, squirrel $$ away...

If thats the case, find out how much he is worth and take a share when you leave. Since you are not working, dun give face...


New Member
I agree with Roger that you should make plans immediately to leave this grotesque man. You are really not that old after all and sometimes it is much better to be alone than caught in an unhappy marriage. Walk away now while you can, but do bear in mind it will be a difficult process as the legal fees and his ugly nature sets in. Gather your parents and friends support to see you through! All the very best!


New Member
Just to share another story of my mum's friend's daughter. She was an air stewardess who was dating a china guy with a doctorate. But that guy who apparently earns quite a bit, is stingy stingy to the max. He make the girl set aside a sum of money for their "dating fund" and when they got married he gave $12 (yes! only $12) to the mum for the dowry. They were married for about 3 years with a baby boy and even after having the baby, she makes the wife pay for everything for the baby, refusing to shoulder the financial responsibility. Eventually the woman divorced him and is now raising her son on her own. You will be luckily than her not having to raise a baby on your own


New Member
Hi Agony,

I think u shud just leave him. he doesnt worth yr love at all. divorce him ASAP, so u will hv more time for yrself and get on with yr passion of travelling. who knows u will find a soul mate during yr travelling and happy ever after etc ..

but to cut story short, this guy is hopeless, asking for reimbursement, he already not a GUY. shame on him. pls leave him for yr future happiness


New Member
Hi Agony,

I feel u should not push all the blame to him.. even i feel very sick to hear wat he is asking for those reimbursement. But i must say u jolly well know him well for 8yrs of your life right?
at the moment when you decided to marry him.. u already know he is like tat.. and i mean u should know that characteristics cannot be change since we are not young gals like in 18 or 20s right... so stop blaming him.. this is wat you chose and now you just have to bring up some courage and face the problems now.

Since you have complain so much about him i wonder why u marry him? bcoz together or
for too long or isst bcoz age is catching up so just get marry this kinda of tots? If you really think tat he is not the one u can imagine holding on to when you get old then your ans is already there. If your unhappiness is only on travelling then why cant u go with ur frds? since he dun like it why bother to force him? if he force u to do smthg u hate so much but u know he enjoys it.. does it makes u feel happy? If you say yes means u luv him alot more than urself which this cant be happening.. I meant try to think in his shoes i meant be reasonable..

I'm not taking sides anywhere but i like to say.. you are the best to judge whether or not he got any gd points in life as u are the closet one to him for 8yrs u get my point. not as if he strays or watever.. i say so bcoz i use to have a ex for 4yrs whom dotes me alot and very caring.. but in the end i caught him straying. smtimes things dun have the best of both worlds.. Weight it yourself and you will get your ans. Not ready for kids just tell him nicely he also cant force you to have one.

Take care and i wish you all the best in this new year.


New Member
Agony: We will know a person's character throughout the years when we were in the courtship stage. You know his character well enuff and stayed on for the wrong reasons n eventually stepped into the marriage for the wrong reason. You didn't agree to marry him coz you love him but more for the reason to fulfil a wish. No point to pinpointing who is the one at fault now but how to remedy the situation. If you are certain you want out now and you do want to go for annulment, try to do it before the lapse of the 3 months to prevent further complication. Don't have to bother on the repayment issues, the solicitors will be able to advise u accordingly.


New Member
I am the OP.
Thank you for all your advices! Unfortunately, what I did not realised was that I was already pregnant at the time of my first post. The pregnancy was not planned of course (protection was used).

I thought of having abortion for the initial month because I didnt want the child to suffer along with our marriage. I gave up on the idea because its a life afterall.

Anyhow, my boys (I'm carrying twins) are dued in Sept this year. By then, we would have been married for a little more than a year. I'm still spending most of my time at my parent's.

I'm planning to file for divorce after the boys are born. Does it mean that we still have to file for separation for 3 years before the divorce can be finalised? I intend to let the boys live with the father. I dont have the confidence of being a good mother. To be honest, I never fancy kids hence I think the boys will be better off with the father.

I have plans to work and live overseas. Do I need to be in Singapore during the 3 years separation period?


New Member

your decision might change after you gave birth and all your maternal love will return after you gone through childbirth seeing your children in front of you...

i think is pretty cruel of you to dump your newborn children as this is the period when they need their mum most ...


New Member
personally i think it's a bit selfish of you. you made the decision to keep the children, yet you want them to live with the father. have you sought to find out whether this was what he would have wanted??


New Member
Hi dear,

i believe that after you give birth t your boys, you wont bear t let them live with your hubby. some couples tried so hard and go all ways t have kids, but God blessed you with a twins!

im sure all mothers in the entire universe are the same. they all want the best fer their children. carrying a child fer 10mths arent easy. do what you think it's right. you can always bring up your kids first and decide what t do when your boys grow up. your hubby may not be a good husband but who knows if he's a doting father.

good luck t you love.
Mrs agony,

I agree with rachael. Childbirth and motherhood may change your mentality. I'm one of them and my baby is going to 5 months. Would advise for you to decide whether you want your babies to be with you or not only after you have given birth. Don't decide so fast and live with regrets.

Good luck too..


New Member
I think marriage is important,
and thus, you could really ponder it over.
Think of the whole replationship...

I totally agree with "don't live with regrets"
It's never too late now.


New Member
Mrs Agony,

I think if better that you had a second thought after giving births to your boys. Kids is God blessing... Think it over & Do take care..

Me too, totally agree with "don't live with regrets"
It's never too late now.
LEAVE him for 4 years. then u r free. no need to repay him anything. find a better guy.

it's your mistake. u should not have marry him. his grandmother die? he marry because he want her grandma to die happily. and u r just a tool for that.