To Divorce Or not to

chixchix

New Member
Hi all , i was going through an abusive marriage for 12 years but I did not do anything as my kids were very young then. My spouse has abused me physicaly,verbally,mentally and emotionally. After 12 years i decided to take a PPO .He doesnt want to sign on the divorce at all. We had a matrimonial flat where he sold the flat and kept all the money that came from the joint account. He is more financially stable than me, stays in a rented condo, and gives my 2 teenage sons a good life, has a helper too . I dont bring home much salary and i have no friends and no support.
During one of the aggressive fight, i left the rented condo unit, in the middle of the night after I called the police. I came back to my mum place. I been living with my mum for 3 years now . I dont have much savings and my bring home salary is about 1500. My mum feels that I am stupid ,she thinks i should just divorce and get a 1 rm flat.Now I cant even get a flat, cos if i do so i will need to include his name, since still under married status

I normally meet my kids outside as he has stopped me from coming back to the rented house to stay with my kids or visit them. The tenancy agreement doesnt have my name . I feel hurt that everytime i see my kids, they seem like big boys and it makes me feel like a loser cos I dont even know their favourite food, and suddenly i have boys who are looking so different , it just hurts me to say bye everytime i meet them for the few hours. :( my spouse is not seeing anyone at all and has never been that type. However i am turning 44 next month and I cant be living alone all the time. I need someone to care for me too. I already have a boyfriend who knows all about my situation. And my husband knows about this guy too .

I really dont know where I am heading to in life. My question is , should i just divorce & move on ?I feel guilty that while i have found someone he has not and doesnt have the intention to do so, My husband told me once that he does not want people to see my kids as kids with divorced parents but I dont see any point of hanging on, and i have discussed about this with my kids that all this years i have not taken any step simply cos of them .
Does my husband have any right to stop me from coming back to the rented house ?
 


Your teenage boys want you to be happy? Yes?

Those differences with your hubby are irreconcilable? Yes?

You no longer have feelings for your hubby? Yes?
 

chixchix

New Member
My older son doesnt want to talk about anything related to me and my husband's problem . My younger one who is 15, says go do what you like as long as I am happy. Yes the differences are irreconcilable. He has a huge ego problem ,and during this 12 years I have tried my very best to change his hot temper and abusive ways but he rather bring out my flaws. I dont think i have that love feelings for him but i care for him .

He has also told me that he will not accept me and is not going to change his mind. I wa running a foreign worker agency before and few of them became my good friends . He feels that I been having an affair with them.
 

searchrome

New Member
doesn't matter what your husband thinks as long as you and your kids are happy. its no good for you to be stuck in the middle like this with no proper conclusion eithr. Pray that things will get better for you!
 

MyENV

New Member
Hi all , i was going through an abusive marriage for 12 years but I did not do anything as my kids were very young then. My spouse has abused me physicaly,verbally,mentally and emotionally. After 12 years i decided to take a PPO .He doesnt want to sign on the divorce at all. We had a matrimonial flat where he sold the flat and kept all the money that came from the joint account. He is more financially stable than me, stays in a rented condo, and gives my 2 teenage sons a good life, has a helper too . I dont bring home much salary and i have no friends and no support.
During one of the aggressive fight, i left the rented condo unit, in the middle of the night after I called the police. I came back to my mum place. I been living with my mum for 3 years now . I dont have much savings and my bring home salary is about 1500. My mum feels that I am stupid ,she thinks i should just divorce and get a 1 rm flat.Now I cant even get a flat, cos if i do so i will need to include his name, since still under married status

I normally meet my kids outside as he has stopped me from coming back to the rented house to stay with my kids or visit them. The tenancy agreement doesnt have my name . I feel hurt that everytime i see my kids, they seem like big boys and it makes me feel like a loser cos I dont even know their favourite food, and suddenly i have boys who are looking so different , it just hurts me to say bye everytime i meet them for the few hours. :( my spouse is not seeing anyone at all and has never been that type. However i am turning 44 next month and I cant be living alone all the time. I need someone to care for me too. I already have a boyfriend who knows all about my situation. And my husband knows about this guy too .

I really dont know where I am heading to in life. My question is , should i just divorce & move on ?I feel guilty that while i have found someone he has not and doesnt have the intention to do so, My husband told me once that he does not want people to see my kids as kids with divorced parents but I dont see any point of hanging on, and i have discussed about this with my kids that all this years i have not taken any step simply cos of them .
Does my husband have any right to stop me from coming back to the rented house ?

Parents play a role model in every child’s life. To stay in an abusive marriage for 12 years was never for the benefit of your sons. Witnessed the father abused the mother, it scarred them for life. They may grow up to be abusive themselves.

You have a boyfriend now and you are still legally married. You should divorce and move on with your life. FYI, at least 4 years of separation is needed for divorce without consent from your husband. Your husband has the right to stop you from going to the rented house.

My advice : Any conflict between you and your husband, do not involve your sons. Do not make your sons to choose one parent over the other. It will make them feel sad and depressed. The less you can involve your sons in justifying or resenting a situation, the less damage they are. Always prioritise their emotional well-being over yours.

Read :
Singaporelegaladvice.com
1) A Singaporean Woman‘s Rights Under the Women Charter
2) Divorce : All you need to know
3) Can’t Afford a Lawyer? How to Get Legal Aid in Singapore

All the best to you and your sons!
 

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