To Choose Btwn Bread or Love

hub_hub_wee_wee

New Member
Dear All,
Just to check with all of you, would you prefer to choose your partner for bread or love??
I have this situation, there is 2 guys in my life, one is i known n on-going dating, who is with great future but there is no common thing between us, no sparks or chemistry, just the secure in financial and i got nothing to worry about $$.not rich but he can provide me everyting.
Another one is which i met in a friend outing, where we get to know, and from there v started to b fren and contacted each other n hav feels to each other.With this guy, there is a lot of sparks n chemistry, where v know what v want but to bad, currently he dnt hav extra $$ to splurge on me, he even mention whether i can suffer if i am with him, and he know my spending power is high and he worried v might end up in divorcing and argument in future, thus v are reali open in discussing. He ask me to think carefully as he dont want me to regret.
How would all of you choose. I am in dilemma.
 


susanna_low

New Member
I will probably consider the person who's genuinely interested in me and not rush to commit into a r/s.

Take your time to know them better. Who noes as times goes by, u might develop feelings for the financally stable guy or rather the 2nd guy will get richer?

Time will tell everything.
 

blingbride

New Member
Nobody can tell you what to choose in your life. Its ultimately what you want and what you are willing to live with and without. Do you want to be with a man who you dont have feelings for and possibly has no feelings for you and in time to come, find him straying and having affairs or even worse, leave you for a woman he LOVES. Or you can be with a man who loves you and you love and go through thick and thin with. End of the day, you lose one thing to gain another. You may have the love or the money but just make sure that the one you love for the money doesnt leave you for someone else.. Remember the saying "Dont leave the one you love for the one you like cos the one you like may leave you for the one they love."
 

thommy

New Member
"currently he dnt hav extra $$ to splurge on me, he even mention whether i can suffer if i am with him, and he know my spending power is high"

Even if he owns a goldmine, one day it will also dry up if you are a spendthrift.
 

hub_hub_wee_wee

New Member
hi susanna, yah time wil tel but when??i feel like dragging both.feeling unfair for both of them.
lya, yes to choose love, but i myself duno wil i regret one day.now i say no i am willing to b suffer wif him, to giv him all my fully support, n i believ 1 day he wil success.but i scare, i am scare i could not bear wif d pain i might endure. i believ as parent, they might tink, why am i so stupid. to choose a guy who is not rich and leav a guy who can takecare of me forever.
lya, both guy love me. its hard to choose as i feeling sympathy to leav the 1st guy even tot no love. i feel he wil b lonely n sad. n i jus hope to know wat is his life is.might call myself selfish.
thomas, i spend on wat i earn only, but he knw as a gf n wife future, i wil hav some expectation n he wil expect to giv me some $$.
 

thommy

New Member
It is better to be self-sufficient than to depend on others to provide you with $$$.

You are currently two-timing both of them and that's indeed very selfish of you. Better clear up your feelings and thoughts before the one you are dating right now finds out.
 

hub_hub_wee_wee

New Member
I could not choose, i am in dilemma.
End up i scare both of them get hurt, or 3 of us get hurt.
Says is easy but to do is the most hardest thing.
Yes, I am working n hav my own $$, but i would be able to help to support my FHTB wif the family v built together.
 

pinktweet

New Member
Don't choose first, since now you are unsure. Decision made from a state of confusion is often subject to regret.

1st guy: Got money. But no sparks, no love. How to survive? Unless he loves u so much that besides financially, he can also give you great love and TLC that touches you one day .. Cos love is not absolute. Love changes with time and situation.

2nd Guy: How to go through thick and thin where you lived a life of luxuries? He's already throwing the ball to your court. If you say 'yes' that you are willing to suffer with him materially, then next time during quarels, he might bring this up and rebuke you that it's your own choice .. who to blame? Will you regret? Are you sure you will not look down upon him years down the road if he still remains the same financial status?

Think carefully.
 

mayimayi

New Member
just choose according to ur feeling? what does ur heart wan? material or being in love?

guy 1: he might be broke the next day.
guy 2: he may strike toto during the CNY draw.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
It is never easy. Saying how difficult the decision is doesn't mean u can sit on the fence. You will get burnt and it just point back to you.

Life is never a bed of roses. Do you choose to face your difficulties and take control or leave things hanging and let the issues accumulate and come and haunt you, its your call really. Don't look for excuses. Look at things at it is and choose when u r ready to make the decision and accept the consequences. Taking no decision is also a decision with its consequences.
 

hub_hub_wee_wee

New Member
yuuki, my heart???definitely want love, but does love itself enough??i told the 2nd guy, i am willing, so long we have love, and i believe we will work together for a better future n our love. but again say is easy, when the situation is worst, i might not think like that.am i rite??
milo, yes i know, but i need sometimes to think carefuly and decide and i will not hold on both guy. i just wish both i will still contact even though we are separate.i just wish to know how they are doing.is that thinking wrong?
 

hub_hub_wee_wee

New Member
pinktweet, 1st guy, i think he has done a lot to win my heart but i am not touched. he feels i have some other guy in me, but he just dont want to say anything. 2nd guy, yes he is telling me now bcoz he told me, he dont want future i argue with him that. he dontwant a love which at the end fail.if i can bear then ok, else he will not blame me for materialistic.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
"i just wish to know how they are doing.is that thinking wrong?"

ask yourself, are you holding on for your own sake or for them. For most people, the best way to move on is to cut the contact. If both of u can move on maintain friendship, why not? But, if he is suffering and held on, then it is selfish for you to keep that emotional attachment. If you truly care for him, then think about his interests. Let him go if you see no future with him.
 

hub_hub_wee_wee

New Member
milo, i believe it is hard not to have emotional attachment. but again, it will be painful to let go, and he or me might be guessing, once there is love, now there is like just stranger. the feeling is awkward.
 

alcifertoh

New Member
If you think u can support yourself go for love lor. If not you go for the meal ticket lor. If you still don't know drop both and wait for someone who you will love + wealth to come along lor.
 

hub_hub_wee_wee

New Member
i care for 2nd guy more. i want him happy. so long he is happy, i am happy. i feel sad when i see him sad. the feeling is so hurt. hard to explain. and i believe he feels the same.
 

hub_hub_wee_wee

New Member
but does this decision seem unfair to 1st guy that he has done so many thing for me to win my heart? yes HBH, i am trying my hard to less spending n save more, but 2nd guy feel how long can i stand on this. he still think i am super weak in this. how to gain his trust?
 

pinktweet

New Member
just wondering how 'poor' is this 2nd guy? is he able to support a decent family in future? Is his income much much lower than yours?
 

lovingyou

New Member
hub_hub: How long u know both guys? It could still be a honeymoon period with the 2nd guy and thus, the feelings is that strong.... Moreover, U shld spend within own limits and not exceeding it... Does the 1st guy comes from a rich family? If yes, he might not be able to cope with financial issues if one day he end up nowhere? Like what Milo says, life is never a bed of roses, and what the 2nd guy is earning now might not be what he is earning in the future... Think carefully what do u realli want? Being practical or being true with the heart.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Marriage and relationship is not about 'fairness'. Doesn't mean someone does alot for you, he is somehow entitled to be with you. It doesn't work this way. So, don't bluff yourself. Its really WHAT YOU WANT. If you really want to be fair to this guy, be cruel and let him realize it aren't working. You have no feelings for him!

On your question on how to make the 2nd guy trust you, 1st u need to be more firm and sure on what you want and take the decision and stick by it. It is your actions that is making him insecure.
 

alcifertoh

New Member
WJ I am always rather humourous hur hur.

TS, if the first guy claim from you, just write a cheque back to him lor. Hopefully you don't kenna suicide threat. Because if he dies for you, you are gonna remain single for the rest of your life right?

Being unfair to the both of them would be your action of continuing to mislead them and not clarifying the entire situation by sorting yourself first. Now conscience pricking liao...

Both guys seem pretty sure what they want. It's you who does not know eh. So stop leading them on and claim that you don't wish to hurt the both of them. Make a decision. Arbo drop both.

Whats with the don't wish to hurt everyone that you had spoken earlier? You would rather the both of them kenna hurt of your expense from being indecisive?
 

hub_hub_wee_wee

New Member
thank you all for all the advise.
it indeed very nice giving me a clear picture.
but i believe as normal human being, it is just hard to decide. and we tend to always make wrong decision. i believe a lot forumer here is the same.
HBH, i never take a single cent from them ok. Mostly is they will pay my meal, maybe sometimes what I want, they will take initiative to buy it for me. just that nothing much.
pinktweet, 2nd guy is more to need to work super hard to earn $$ n he is can say super kiam siap to spend each and every single cent.to the extend worth it or not. some sort like that.
 

alcifertoh

New Member
I never say you take a cent from them. But you seem to be very worrying of what guy A had been doing for you and you felt indebted to him. What I am pointing out is, you do not feel the need of obligation if they are doing it out of their own free will unless otherwise
happy.gif


You also need to align your expectation of what to come say, if you are making any choices.
 

thommy

New Member
Being stingy and thrifty are totally different. From what I've read, your 2nd flame is the latter?

Let me ask you a question then, if one day the bubble bursts, will you still stick to your 1st flame or will you leave him cos he's no longer able to provide for you?
 

lovingyou

New Member
u may take this "habit" and spending perspective of 2nd guy now but u might not be able to in the future... esp when both have spending habits...
 

pinktweet

New Member
agree with littlewoman. Now you are still in dating stage with 2nd guy, everything lovey dovey. Anything also can accept. BUT, in the long future after you married 2nd guy, are you still able to accept (or tolerate) his super thrifty habits? Will you revert to your spending habit? Are you able to take it if he were to nag at you for whatever 'useless' ('useless' as defined by him) things you buy from your own money?
 

hub_hub_wee_wee

New Member
hmmm, he ever mentioned that so long i use my own $$ is ok, n if allowed he wil give me half of what i asked, not full. he is thrifty but not to me la.he stil wil bring me for luxury restaurant,buy me gift etc. but he said he cant be like tis always, he need to save more $$.tats all.
 

chilliinketchup

New Member
Hub_hub,

Where are u from? Your Engrish is beri funny. ("!)

From your discussion with the 2nd guy, looks like u have already chosen him. But yet clinging onto the 1st guy as a back-up, just in case the 2nd one is a wrong choice.
 

denise80

Active Member
yea, I can't help but to query too...where are you from? You don't sound local.

Sometimes it's important to find someone of our own 'level' and 'status'. Give u an example. All my life I'm been looking in the wrong direction. I'm a Uni grad and therefore I aimed for men who are intelligent. Worse, I can only date men who used to study in top schs such as RJC, NJC etc. I also only date men who stay in private housing or who are professionals such as doctors, lawyers, bankers etc.

However, I forgot that I myself came from neighbourhood schools and am of humble background. No doubt we're all Uni grads and despite the fact that I've obtained my Masters to this date, the type of communication between me and them is clearly different. After so many failed relationships, someone came to tell me that perhaps I've been looking in the wrong direction. He or she said that I should date ppl I usually wouldn't think of dating and I may gain a totally new experience. He/she was so right. I started dating my ex classmate and hey presto, we're married today. And the best part? He may seem to come from a humble background like mine but he's definitely more generous than most men I've dated. His family, though may not be well-to-do, surprisingly has been very supportive (even financially) so much so that I didn't have to fork out a single cent for our wedding. I feel really blessed to have looked beyond material wealth and educational background in my quest of a future partner. If I had continued my relationship with that doctor or banker today, I think I'll be most miserable to be trapped in a loveless relationship.
 

cottonball

New Member
Most importantly.. The guy you choose will not hae any "bad" hobbies.. eg.. play in stock, gamble in soccer, a regular buying 4D/Toto (an investor, i mean in here)

If you have feeling on 2nd guy yet he doesn't have such hobbies i have mentioned, then you shld choose him then.. However, the sparks may not be there after a few more years.. and maybe he may change his heart also.. Hard to say...

Many guys are very nice before marriage.. but then...
 

shirleypoise

New Member
"if allowed he wil give me half of what i asked, not full"

Hmm.. why would u be asking the 2nd guy for $ when u said that u are self-sufficient??
 

joiedevivre

New Member
altho the first guy sounds more stable, i think it is hard to live with someone when u don't feel love for him. and it is also unfair to him to hang on.

who knows? maybe after u, he can find someone who will really feel the sparks with him and feel happy when with him.

i think u should make a choice that will leave u no regrets, even if (touchwood) it doesn't work out in the future.
 

lootcart

New Member
I have a HB who provides me luxury.

But.. after a while... I find those luxury... not really necessary... I rather I have someone who can gives me sparks everyday.

Well... If my HB is someone who is full of surprises everyday, probably after a while, I may get bored of it and want something more practical.

IMO, the most important thing is have to find someone with the right balance. If you find both guys cant satisfies u in some way, then probably both are not for u. U ought to find someone u loves and able to give u the life u want. They are not the only 2 choices around issnt it?
 

lovingyou

New Member
Agree with breaKingfree...

TS: if you are referring to the contribution of household allowances after ur marriage, I suppose the 2nd guy will be doing it w/o asking ya? Unless it is the otherwise? If you are referring to the monies to purchase other items that u like, isn't it better to use ur own self-earned monies? Don't allow urself to indulge in thots of being supported in a way; it isn't that healthy...
 

blingbride

New Member
Nice one Albee..

I think basically its what you think is important to YOU. Each of us have different priorities and values. You may not think or feel the same way that we do. There are of course people who deem money to come above all and not appreciate the value of emotional bonding. There are also the sort that give bonding the priority than money and choose to overcome financial difficulties. Either live a rich, loveless tai tai or a financially-comfortable woman happily married with a loving family.

We dont exactly know whats your guideline of rich and poor. Your man could be earning $10k per month but be considered poor to you cos you compare him with another that's his own boss and sees $100k profit monthly. The 10k earning is considered a handsome salary to many out there. Likewise, what is YOUR expectation and lifestyle? If you really come from that example above, then you gotta be ridiculous.

Ultimately you just seem to want to live off your man, thus the question about who can offer you a better package. People who cant earn that money themselves but use others for the sake of that luxury are immoral. You should probably know where your heart lies. If you did, you need not be confused now.

Since none of the both has earned your true love and commitment, both are obviously not suitable for you. Do not make use of man A for his money and luxury and man B of his emotional weakness to you. Any human would want to be truly loved, wanted and treasured. Not taken for the kinda luxury and package they can offer. You are being selfish choosing a partner just for your needs. Life, marriage, love, consists of 2 people. Dont enjoy a free ride out of another's hardship.
 

moistfaucet

New Member
if you can not choose one, either don't choose or choose both of them.

talking about married, married the rich one, if divorce will have money. and at the same time dating with the poor one. so you life will be complete.

don't worry about future, no one know what happend. don't be like act so smart and intelligent people that always think know what happend like those work in financial sector. like to have vision what future will like if you do this and that.

it is sound cruel, in fact it is. either one you choose you will not happy so grab both of them at once and ride the consequences.
 

lovingyou

New Member
Since TS might not be happy in choosing either as she can't make up her mind and heart on one, why not don't choose both and see how things develop from therE? Though love is never a fair balance but at least treat a person with respect... Isn't it?
 

blingbride

New Member
I dont quite understand what you intended to say littlewoman but I think that it's not respectful to both if TS was supposed to give both a chance and see how things go. Its literally belittling them both and utmost selfish. Just like a woman reacts so strongly upon being treated like a backup and cheated on and kept in the dark, bla bla.. a man would feel it too. It is just immoral to do that.
 

lovingyou

New Member
Lya: what I am trying to mean is don't start any r/s with any one of the guys and see how things develop further as the days gone by? I am not asking TS to 2-time both of them...

Love is never a fair bal = there is no balance quote as in we will certainly be love by how much love we gave to our partners but it is impt to treat the person we love with respect... Never make use of the person...
 


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