Time to Move on ...

jojo28

New Member
Hi all, Would like to seek opinion.I know that many people would tell me to give up, move on , and in fact i am trying to do my best.

The things are.. Me n my bf meet one year ago, he came into the picture right after i broke up with my ex. I was sad and he was the one giving me moral support that time . Soon after he express his interest in him, and i decided to give him a chance and try this relationship.

Everything was fine in the past, and we discovered we have many differences? I would say differences or rather say communication break down?

I am some one when problems arises, i would want to solve and close and move to the next step.. I know that i am processive and suspicion by nature but i am trying to change that. When i told him, he should accept me and minimise the suspicisiou by communicating with him.. But he? he is the type who run and hide.. he think that when problem arises, don thik and problems will go away. and he is very stubborn .the more u ask to clear the doubts, the more he refused to say..

Many time, i mentioned that we are not suitable, he will pull me back and until one day, he start to take back all his words and hurt me .
He never want to talk on the phone. Phone call to him was unanswered, sms to him no reply, and wat he want , is only msn. He say through msn, he can read and think at the same time.. n i the one who is so unrelunctanly to on my pc after work especially after a tedious day at work.

We have not meet for one month, I remember during the past quarrel, We have not meet and we mention break up. and he wanted to meet as a friend and i think i not ready as a friend. He can say he regret meeting me , he regret having to call me, he regret having xxx with me the very next day.. i was torn apart and devasted.

The incident came about, when we have some difference in art, he was so into art and he treat it as his career. he is into culture and he wanted to be a well owned artist. He is stubborn in his thinking. When i told him, if in future, if he was to be a full time artist, drawing at home, waiting for ppl to buy art, i cant possible support the whole family. he get frustrated and say i look down on him, thinking he is someone who feed on woman
Many time, there are many conversation which i think we have solve, he understand my reason but months,later, he will bring up and quarrel again..

he is very passionate into arts and finally yesterday he told me , he accused me that he cant accept girl who hate art while he love art, i told him, i am ok with art , but i hate art cos this is always the topic of why we are quarreling.. He used to say art is important than me, he choose art. by the way, he has a full time job and on weekedn, he go for his art class, i would admit his art was good and he join in some art socitey..

Things came to an hault after quarreling for months. Until national day that week, he ask me, u really do not want to patch back? he been playing with my emotional stress again and again, till in msn , he can bring up vulgarites.

so lst week, i go to kl alone, shop, sort out my thoughts, He called and ask me to come back to singapore. It been barely a week.. and

Last 2 days, he sms me to leave him alone, he hate me, i not the girl he want, if he is with me, he cant reach his artistic goal. yesterday , in msn, he bring up past quarrel, and accused me, say he hate me , and bring up things which has been solveed and tell me not to contact him and move on. he even beg me to let him go and say he has no more feelings, and say since no more feeling, why should we meet. I was shocked. it was only last week, he wanted to meet me, and now i am back , he say i wanted to meet as friend, i never want to ask for patch back..

What should i do now?
 


ginasjm

New Member
What do you want to hear? I think you already know. Both cant accept each other, different priorities. If there's too much unhappiness, what's the point of holding each other back?

A great couple does not mean there's no differences. My hubby is very much into sports, in fact it is all year round, all season. Sports is always on TV, i know the season by the TV programme. But we share the same values. If you are a practical person by thinking of future where he places interest above everything else, where's the midpoint?

I don't understand why you are frustrated about, is it to let go or to hold on? What do you want from this relationship? More verbal abuse? Alot of assumption and mislead from what's said above. He sounds manipulative and its all about him from what you put - mode of communication, his decision to ding-dong you=stay+leave, and come back from KL..... r u truly submissive? or just lack of mutual respect....? thats my interpretation,.
 

ariebeth

New Member
What opinion are you after? It seems like you already know what to do, but you just ding-dong here and there, and you're back to square one.

If you're sick and tired of being treated like crap, then stop being so available to him. Just make up your mind and stick to it. You can't change him. Don't expect that he will change for you. It's either you accept him the way he is, or just make a clean break.

From where I stand, I don't understand your dilemma at all. He swears at you, tells you he hates you and to leave him alone, and you still say you don't know what to do?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
"He is stubborn in his thinking"

Both of you are very stubborn. And have extremely limited view of art. My brother is very passionate in art. He is a product designer by qualifications and is specialized in teaching Art in school now. He has led the school to win awards and is highly recognized by his boss and peers. You might be thinking he is in some arts school? No, he teaches in a primary like all other teachers and went the extra mile to excel in his talent. So much so that the principal decided to make him lead the Art department fulltime. Art is into more aspects and dimension than you imagine. Don't just think of art as painting FULL STOP. Instead of being a wet blanket, why not suggest him to explore how he can pursue his interests in more practical ways? You know, you spoke just as how many typical Singaporeans think about Art. That it has no prospects at all. It isn't true at all. All the products, media, advertisements etc that you get in the market, are carefully designed by professionals that look beyond the technology alone. The line between industries are blurring. A successful web designer needs to be artistic rather than just good in coding.

As for your relationship, u guys are not suitable and cannot even respect each other enough and hence the resentments building. No 2 persons manage conflicts the same manner. And not every conflict has a solution for you to trash out and fix on the spot. You asked him to accept you but could you accept him yourself?

"he accused me that he cant accept girl who hate art while he love art"
It is not an groundless allegation. Rather, his honest and frustrated feedback and outcry. And you still don't get it.
 

smileguy

Active Member
What you should do??
Hmm, From what you mention ,Its seem tat u knw what u should do,Know he is playing with ur emotional stress,and even know what others will tell you.

So its "Time to move on " as per head line

Try enlarging ur circles of frds ,I am sure you can find someone better..All the best!
 

babystorm

Member
Snowy, all I can say is treat yourself better.. If you cannot even do that, how do you expect others to? Think about it.
 

mrs_chew

New Member
Since you never have the intention to patch back anymore, just ignore him completely. Why bother to be friends if he still treats u like dirt.
 

amex

New Member
tell him that your friendship with him is over and dont bother to contact u anymore.

review your past relationship and current and ask yrself why it failed and what is lacking in the relationship or what sort of personality the guy possess that suit yours.

dont hurry into any sexual relationship, take your time to understand him more before any commitment. have confidence in yrself. good luck !
 

jojo28

New Member
hi all,

Thanks for your advuse, I jsut come back after a meeting with my gals friends and i feel so much better now...

Yes,i kinda know of what kind of answer i am seeking for , and yes,it is time to move on . I wrote in cos that time i was feeling lost and feeling emotional.

we should have break off months ago, and things drag for so many months and finally it has ended.

I Do love him, just that we have different opions and thinkings and we have different goals.
I am clibling the coporate ladder and for him, he is into more culture and artistic goals, and yes, Milo, you are right, I admit i have very limited view of art and no matter how he explain to me about art, i never seem to understand. Perhaps, different industry , or maybe u can demn me as practical, He has his dreams, his goals, but i do tell him, not to be too ambitious, it is good to have goals. He ever has sell his artwork in his art society. I admit i must have think too much . he studies artictecture in NUS and he is an achieture in a government job. His dreams is to open an interior design firm plus art , wheere he can share his art works, or sell his art work to ppl. I also told him don force me to like art as art to me is neutral and i myself was from chinese cultural dance and i love music instruments.

Now it is obvious that we have different thinking , different direction, he need a girl who support him, i admit i am stubborn as well.. but deep inside my heart, i always care for him, I can be tough in my words, bt my heart is otherwise.

anyway, it came to a standstill and now we have parted. Before i end it, i would like to say he is a nice guy and i even wish him all the best, hoping he will success one day n become famous. Cos for him, fame is important to become a well known designer and reowned artist..

Our mistake is our stubbornes, wanting to win and lastly communication has break down , finally that well. it has ended..

time will eventually heal the pain.. that i would say.. Thanks everybody who share yr advise in here. Jia you!
 

cococherry

New Member
passionate into arts and over obsessed abt arts is two diff things. Both of you are not suitable for each other. My hub is art director, he needs alot of time to think of what to draw/ need alot of concentration into creating new sketches and products, can't afford to have a insecure gf.
If you can't accept his odd behavior and temper than just leave him for good. Doubt he can treat you any better in future by making comments like Art is more important than u, my hub won't do that to me even when he's stress up. there are better guys out there for u.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Beyond this relationship, what's the point of hiding your emotions and tough on your words. Learn to express your emotions. If u care for him, let it be felt. We live only once. How long do u need to hide them? And for what?
 

powder

Active Member
i feel tatpple who have a true passion for an artistic pursuit, tend to subscribe less to social norms and expectations, as such, it would not be wise to have 'normal' expectations of him, but better to have something tailored to the relationship n to him. being a couple, the one with more demanding career requisites Should be given more understanding, But to be honest this is very very hard to do... it almost borders on being self-sacrifical at some points. the relationship will feel one-sided more often than u like.

at the. moment, i would think that remaining as frens with infrequent meets might be the best... cos he is afterall an amateur in his pursuit, and since he is keen to pursue, best to give him that freedom n choice.

Thing is, If u stay in the relationship and Even if he decides to be more normal and share ideals with u... there may come a day where he might hate himself for having given up his current ideals, and he might feel a sense of contempt towards u and the relationship... i dun think any of us. would want that in a relationship... where our partner can't love us, but instead feel animosity towards us for affecting their Life.

have a good thought abt it... most artistic pple will tend to have to forego abit of the social. commitments expected of relationships... i have alot of respect for them.

wish him well, love him from afar... this would be the best form of. love to. give him.

u will find your life soon enough... dun feel like it's u, most relationships dun work becos of BOTH... but not faults, rather, a mismatch in priorities And the Timing.
 

jojo28

New Member
Hi Chocolate,

wah, your hubby is a art director. too bad, i am not with him anymore. I believe he would like to know and catch up with your hubby.

Yes, i think he is passionate about arts.Able to succeed in art need a lot of preserveance and tolerance. I think i think too much when he ever say once art is more important. it could be i say in an act of impulse. But neverless, it has all ended.

I don want to look back on this rs.If were to blame, blame it on my narrow minded mind..

Thanks everybody..
 

jojo28

New Member
Powder,

You are right, This is what he do. I think he has a weird temper, weird thinking which my friends and i couldnt understand him, Give comments on that how we look at art, not easy to become famous, he will throw temper and say, we look down on him, and he will say he hate my best friend.. i do not know if he say in the fit of anger or rather he say what he thinks.

He is someone who cannot think fast, and a lot of decision, he would say he takes times to think..

He ever once angry and fed up with him, when i causually say Museum is boring when he suggest to go.. To me, it is like a causal conversation, and say Huh.. Boring lehz..

He also angry when i say Art is stupid when i meant it is stupid to quarrel over art..

He put the blame on me, when i say his activities are boring.. what can i do about his activites, when he go for calli class on tues, and qigong on wed? and yet, i love sun tanning, and at first, he say he is ok acoompany me,he say, no, he don like it, he should have spend his time drawing....

Later part, he told my friend, he is not interestted in my activities and i should find my own friends.

when i ask him to accompany me on sundays, he agree and say he can give up his sunday art class accompany me and turn out he blame me for hindering his time for art..

I give up really.
 

powder

Active Member
snowy,

Art is a passion and a religion to those who pursue and have tremendous love for it... it is almost like a religion, and it's like if your best frens insult your fav singer Jay Chou.. u might not be too happy too, u get wat i mean?

maybe u said a few things in jest or heated moments that makes him feel u disrespect his love and 'religion', or should i say it's likely he feels very offended and disrespected, thus the times he feels u guys can't be together. it's the same when our partners dislike our dad or mum whom we adore...

learn to be more tactful n considerate if he tends to be sensitive on how u describe his loves...
 

infojunkie

Active Member
artistic ppl get along better with ppl who never give up on them...

ppl who understand them and accept them the way they r
 

jojo28

New Member
ya, junkie. i agree so..

Right now, i just wish him that he is able to find someone who can accpet him. I am just not suitable for him.

Milo, It has ended. We come to a conclusion, no contact, not even friends status.

Think this is the best way to achieve a clean cut.. yet, it is good also. instead of going circle and circle
 

cococherry

New Member
Snowy,

Museum is indeed a boring place in my point of view. hehe
calli class on tues, and qigong on wed??

sounded like an old soul trapped in a young bodie. =p

It seems like a mismatch
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Snowy, my previous post to u isn't abt the relationship. Rather beyond it. Why do u need to be tough on your words With the person u obviously care? Is your pride coming in between? He isn't part of your career path up your ladder. He is not your competitor. But a soulmate... Someone that complements and bring balance. It is not true that different industry is difficult. I feel it bring more balance in fact just have to be compatible in the way they manage their differences.

Abt taking time to think, my bro is exactly like that. Haha. From young, I got fed up and impatient with his slow reaction. They really have a different thought process. But, what they can creativity never fails to impress me. My bro is a terribly slow mj player, one complete round will take one night. Really drive me nuts in mj. Same with chess.

While I don't have the talent in music and art. I do enjoy and appreciate it very much. I love to visit the museums and Paris to slowly appreciate all the works etc. Something my wife finds so meaningless and boring. I would love to visit them with my brother who will spend time explaining and analyzing the technique and composition and his thoughts on why it's a master piece. It's truly enriching.
 

denise80

Active Member
Snowy,

I think it's best you two part.
Firstly, it is very clear that you two have differences and that you two cannot accommodate one another.

I may be wrong but don't mind me saying the following:

1. I feel that your bf reacted this way as in not wanting to talk to you on the phone because he is really really afraid of offending you and is tired of quarrels already. You yourself mentioned you are one who can be quite suspicious etc. I used to be like you a long long time ago and indeed, men really really hate (yes, must use this word to show the effect) women who are suspicious, interrogative, quarrelsome etc. You really need to change that or you'll find that every relationship does not seem to work.

2. I also feel that you are rather controlling and dominating...as in you seem to be trying to change his thinking and interests. I don't see why you should or have the right to tell someone that Art is not a practical interest or job. I think this is ridiculous. Even if you are a mother in future, please don't do so because you'll only drive your own child away. Don't be so dictating - which man or even human being likes it??

The fact that you mentioned Art cannot earn much $$$ shows how little you know about Art. If Art cannot be a job in future, why is there SOTA? Do you even know about SOTA? Do you know that someone who is in the artistic line can earn astronomical $$$? Or...are you really not confident that he can achieve that? If that's the case, then indeed, you ARE looking down on him! He's not wrong about you then.

Also, you said that he is accusing you that he cannot be with a gal who hates art? I don't think that's an accusation - you seem to take things the wrong way. That is more of a relevation my dear...as in he's telling you how he truly feels - are you even listening to that?

You are climbing the corporate ladder...so are you looking for a banker, an accountant, a doctor, a lawyer or any other high flyer? Milo is right. If it's all about pride and expectations, then of course you should look further. But before you do so, I think you need to really analyse what you really want. Sometimes in life, we cannot have the best of both worlds. The next lawyer or banker you are with may not be able to give you something this man can for instance. Or...if you're lucky or that it's all fated, you may meet someone who meets your expectations and at the same time is someone you truly love.

Anyway I believe relationship is all about mutual respect. He probably felt you have disrespected his passion in Art earlier and therefore became less tolerant when he hears anything negative about museum and the like.

Lastly, there seems to be a communication breakdown. By saying Art is stupid, of course one will take it as an insult. How can he possibly infer and know that you meant to quarrel over Art is silly? I can't too. Neither can the rest I believe. Snowy, okay..this sound sarcastic...but I think if you are climbing the corporate ladder, you ought to brush up on your command of language first because that can both affect your job and personal relationship if you do not choose your words appropriately.

Okay..really a LAST but not least...you need to bear in mind that even in a marriage, people do change ...as in have their ups and downs. Will you be able to take it then? Or...will you have a divorce because suddenly you have to become the breadwinner? I give you one example. My hubby is an engineer. In half a year's time, he's going to venture into a business. Income will be unpredictable. To support him, this what I said to him. "Luckily I'm a civil servant as our family income will be stable. You can go ahead and give your best shot at your business without any worries."
 

sundownprince

New Member
i guess there are lots of different ladders to climb. i chose a well paying profession but i know of other friends who are earning way more doing something they like. they dared to follow their dreams i chose the safe route.
 

infojunkie

Active Member

jojo28

New Member
Denise,

I have already mentioned that we have break up, i wrote in here , not because i want some comment..

1) He doesnt like to talk on phone, cos he say by talking on the phone, he cant think fast, and he prefer msn cos he can read and think

2)I am not controlling or dominating. when he tell me, i just tell him my thoughts, yes, i am not into really arts, i told him frankly and have little knowledge of arts, and he accpet it.he is just not happy that my thinking that art is not pratical. His teacher ever sell an art piece for more than 50k.And yes, i know SOTA, and i even ask him for more info, so don assume i dont know anythin.

3) He has his own stubborn thinking and assume, When i explain that wat i actually meant , he accept that, but in long term run, he will bring it up again and then, stick to his stubborn thing and assuming. he is also someone who think a lot..

4)I not looking for any lawyer or banker, If i am, i wouldnt be with him

5)yes he may think that i felt disrespectful towards his art. I did told him, i am netural and am phobia of art cos we keep quarreling aboutit, ask him to minimise the quarrel by not bringing it up , cos it is such a sensative topic, he say ok, he understand but later part, he bring it up and cause quarrel, what can i do?

Yes, it is obvious, that communication break down , but when i explain art is stupid, it is all in sms and not by phone , or meet face to face.. for example.. i msg.. can we not quarrel over the stupid art topic again. it tiring.. hE can blown up when i just mean it is rather stupid to quarrel over art. i explain and apologise, he accept my reason then later part, he bring up and say i say art stupid. so what can i do?

I am with Jz, i am someone who choose jz.. my bf is nice guy , he has good planning but then , i would say again, our values and goals are different...

and yes, in life, many ups and downs in life, i believe i gone through many life experience than u , Denise, You never know what happened in my childhood, in my adult hood to this stage,...
Anyway, i thank you for the advise,as i mentioned in my thread, we have break up and i agree to let him go to pursue his artistic goal and i want him to be happy.

Thanks everybody. good night
I would like to close this chapter as i feel the more we talk about it, it is never ending as different ppl has different views.

3)
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Snowy, so what if you break up? The comments for not so for your previous relationship. But, something that you could reflect and probably benefit from in future. You spoke of yourself as someone that is ready to solve problems right on. Then, all the more you should realize these problems u have encountered in this relationship could occur again in future ones. It always takes 2 to tango. No one is faultless in a relationship. You could definitely think about that.
 

jojo28

New Member
Hi Milo,

Thanks for the advise. There is no big deal in the break up.. Yes, i will reflect and benefit from in the future.

The reason why i do not want to talk on this topic is that i am tired physically and mentally and certaintly i need some break and some peace in mind.

I am trying to get terms with it and i hope i can recover from the pain. I have run out of my patience with him, crying to sleep every night and even lost concentration in work and studies.

I admit i am not so supportive as Denise.She really support her hubby and i admire her. She is a civil servant. she earns much, not like me, a normal office girl, who earns little.Many times, as i mention, most of the time is on msn and i am so tired of talking and chatting in msn.. So when he say he wants to be full time artist.. of cos i would say , but to put it this way, i tell him nicely face to face.. I cant possibly handle the family if you just quit your job and just staying at home and paint and waiting for people to buy yr work. He has future for his plan, one is which he wishes to be like his teacher , teaching art . To him, he is lucky to find a good teacher who teach art and he happened to be a last time lecturer in NUS and thus after that semseter, he go for drawing class under him cos he know he has the passion for drawing, and of cos, because of the drawing, he choose to sign up for Architecture. He also ever tell me , that his teacher is from China , a predesor of famous china artist, WU Guan gong and he feel honured to be trained under him.. If he train under any normal singapore art teacher, he believe he wouldnt go this far, getting the end result of his gd drawing. He is also happy that he was trained additional when he was still in school. In fact, i would say he has been with this tracher for 7 years? and he wants to go all the way for it. Of cos, yes, i know i have limited knowlege of art.My last drawing was in O level times which after which i go into Poly engineering. , where arts was not involved. My surrounding friends was so septical in arts and when i am trying to find someone to support me, to change my mindset about art to compromise him. I cant. I has even go to the extend to ask my ex finance manager when my bf told me that he believe my ex finance manager will understand about art as he is into culture. Too bad, again, i call and discover, no doubt he is into culture but he himself is in a corporate industry where art was not involved. I glad Milo, Chocolate for sharing with me on arts..

Junkie, - Thanks for your video clips , it really helps.

I really tried my best, Not only mentally and physically tired over it. As the best thing now, is to wish him all the best, love him from far apart, and let him persuit his artist goal..

He is just not that into me...
 

jojo28

New Member
last and not all,

Thank you everybody for taking your time in reading my post.. and appreciate every advise..

I hope i am not being rude but rather, i am really tired.. He claim i has never listen to him, but every of his sentence , i have been listening to him...

Have a good day
 

confusenism

New Member
yea... not many artist can actually succeed in wadeva he/she is doing..

i know of 1 remisier who loves doing those clay pots etc etc... she loves it so much that she wet full time into it.. i heard she has accumulated enough wealth to retire already.. few mths back i received an invitation to her art exhibition at fort canning.. sadly i didnt hav the time to attend.

wad im trying to say is i feel passion is one thing being practical is another. this friend of mine accumualated enough wealth den she went to do her passion. maybe one day this guy will wake up his idea and realised passion aside one still has to eat
 

matka

Member
The world is interesting because passion fuels people. If everyone is all too consumed with money, then there would be no Van Gogh, Picasso, Monet, Bach and Beethoven.

While not all artists can 'succeed', not all remisiers succeed either. It all depends on their definition of 'success'. If one is content even though the road is tough, that probably is all it takes.

It is the true artist who is driven by passion, and not money.
 

jojo28

New Member
Hi Confused,

Thank for your advise. Yeah, To be honest, you do think the same as me and my gal friends. Passion is one thing ,and being practical are one thing. I do not know whether he is obsessed or practical.. Haha..

I did spoke to him. You see, many people when we talk about full artist.. We will think that He will quit his job and become a full time artist, doing painting, using his creativity to be create some ideas. I told him, if there is the case, with one solid income, he would be hard to support the family. With my income, i couldnt possible support..

But then his thinking,is An artist is an artist, There is no full time or part time linked to it. A person who draw is a artist. even a person who draw a cat is the artist of the drawing..

However, he did told me nicely, he will only become a full time artist when he feel he can achieve fame and his drawing can sell more than what he earn in his annual income now. or rather he open his design firm + arts where he can design and sell his arts at the same time ( for decoration) or he can pass his artwork to his friends, or even pass down to his children. He just love to share the artwork to ppl outside.

He did ensure me he is pratical and he wont quit his job as he is the only child in the family and that he still have his full time job. What he wants is that he give himself 2 year to achieve the 100 pieces drawing of art work he want to achieve and hope to have his own exhibition one day...

I ever told him , just do well in your job as an artitech and that when the times comes and you can become an artist, then we talk about it. I even told him, Hmm, when u tell me u are aki, i admire you and i love it.. Artist, I don really have a fancy.. ha...

Then problems come, He start to say i cant accept who he is.. He say i love him because of his present job, he say i cant accpet artist and he cannot be with me..he even blame me that i refused to listen what he tell me about arts but others. He even send me email on articles ,stating akitech is artist also... You see, i couldnt possible just listen to him right. I have to ask others and listen to more views and ideas right and he will keep telling me he is an artist. arghzzz........

Now i just want to have peace, he beg me to let him go and he has move on.. and ask me not to contact him. So now, I have to let him go..

Too much emorional struggle in my heart to fight with and i hope I will eventually find a way out
 

jojo28

New Member
Hi Matka,

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The world is interesting because passion fuels people. If everyone is all too consumed with money, then there would be no Van Gogh, Picasso, Monet, Bach and Beethoven.

While not all artists can 'succeed', not all remisiers succeed either. It all depends on their definition of 'success'. If one is content even though the road is tough, that probably is all it takes.

It is the true artist who is driven by passion, and not money.

--------------------------------------------------

Yes you are right, He is driven by passion and not money. he love to share his art work.

It all depends on their definition of 'success'. If one is content even though the road is tough, that probably is all it takes. <====== Yeah, you are right. he has even told me his definition of" success" doesnt mean he want to be famous like those TV artists. But just wanted to have a fanous name like when ppl heard his name, would know he is an artist.. and know he is doing his interior design firm in future. He ever say he know that the key to success is hard work, but if he doesnt succeed, it doesnt matter but it is the process of the hard word that he been striving for. and he enjoy the process.

He is a nice guy, with planning and ambitions. just that we cant cope and click with the thinkings.

He is someone who think a lot, think a lot of things that havent even happened in relationships and i too think too muuch also..

Whatever it iss, I be happy if he succeed
 

jojo28

New Member
To all,

I have been reading all the advise in my post and I am feeling Confused...

I would like you guys to stop replying this thread and opion, Cos it hurts when i am looking the post and writing what he told me before..

We are in different thinking and thus, we are just a mismatch...

Let me move on from here.
 

thommy

New Member
snowy, u can't stop anyone from replying here as this is an open forum. just practise filtering will do.
 

confusenism

New Member
snowy.... gd luck to u... all i have to say is that i feel we're more practical people. so do move on to someone who isnt so obsessed and can think straight. :D
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Learning to move on comes with acceptance with the reality. You guys are not compatible and you need to accept this fact. So, each time you remember of him, there is no need to regret but just the appreciation.

We cannot literally forget someone. The brain is not like a computer where you can delete memory. Memory lost only happens when there is some form of damage to it.

And memories are important to us. It mould the person and character we are today and tomorrow. So, learn the life lessons well. Learn to face it without getting so upset and confused.
 

jojo28

New Member
Milo,

You are talking about me?? I never post anything here liao lehz... Ya, i have know the reality and i know we are not compatiable and accept it.. that why i wouldnt say so much that i know we are not compatiable.. Right now, i do not want to speak to any of my friends right now, cos i am feeling the peace in my heart and do not wish to trigger..

Junkie- You are refering to me? biased and confused? I am not confused and biased. It depend how different people think. There is no right and wrong actually.. hahaha..

At least i know the problems of 2 of us are communication break down and cant compromise.. It is just like you know, if i know u don like A actually, and want to avoid it as a topic, but i still purposely bring up A and talk, triggering u and quarrel.. Tiring lehz.. this kind of life.. HAha...
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
snowy, your reactions puzzles me. I wrote to you because from what you shared about, u seem to be taking it very hard. Its only intended to be comforting words for you to get over it.

If you are coping well, then good for you.
 

infojunkie

Active Member
"Junkie- You are refering to me? biased and confused?"

nope. that's for Confused Crossroads


"i feel we're more practical people. so do move on to someone who isnt so obsessed and can think straight"
 

jojo28

New Member
Okie, Junkie &amp; Milo .. Thanks..

Milo, Yes, now still Emotional statte. Sometimes good , sometime bad. When i feel bad, I wrote here and frustated out or playig with my piano..

If i feel good.. I would just tok Cock with my friends .. haha

Take time,, Now is the period that i am can be heywire in sometime..
 

wat_are_dreamz

New Member
Hmm, snowy seems like a young, immature n v sensitive gal. If u have really closed the chpt n wish to have a gd rest, then no1 is forcing u to come to tis thread n keep reading.

Many a times, pple say tat they tried their best, they are tired, they want to let go. Nothing wrong with tat. But have u really tried ur best? Tats the real qn. Dun know much abt art? Not an artistic person? Cant really appreciate art? Tis are all excuses.

Learn. Open ur heart n mind to learn more abt it, to learn to like it n accept it. Dun have to talk to frens or find frens who like art. Go to the museum, library, art galleries. Pple we meet in life allow us new perspectives.

My bf is v keen about cars, i only care tat a car drives me from point A to B. When i look at a car, i just have 2 comments - pretty or non pretty. He can take one look n tell me which part of the car has been mod, wat model, which yr etc. Over time, i learn from him. His passion will nva be my passion, but i admire n respect him. Sometimes he will quiz me for fun when i see a car n i feel proud when i answer correctly about the car model. I can understand various car terms n the parts of a car. I can appreciate why drivers like to personalize their cars for better performance as well as pride. None of the above i have to ask my frens. I can read car brochures n pay attn to my bf when he talks.

Love the person enough, u will naturally respect n accept the person's passions. If u as a gf who claims to love him so much is unable/unwilling/uncomfortable to support him n encourage him thro thick n thin, wat abt the rest of the world?
 

jojo28

New Member
yes, evon. I am young a, immature and very sensitive gal. Yes, you are right, I should closed the chapter and not coming to this thread and keep reading


Yes, i know i try my best, I really don know about art and i am not an aristic person. I am very frank to him, and i did told him that to me, when a drawing faces in front of me, it is either nice or not nice.

Ha, I love cars and i love to explore. In fact, my bf knows much about cars , through me and we will talk about cars, which model on the road.

I did try my best , i know, I has never stop him from his passions, but it is just that communication has break down.. many time, i explain when a misunderstanding arises, he understand, and few weeks time, he will stitck back to his own mindset and start to bring up the incident and the misunderstanding happened. It is such an emotional coaster... I learn, I ever been to gallery with him, and whenever i pass by a gallery, i would ask him to go in... and when i comment that the drawing is nice, he would say , not nice, so so.. don have that type of feeling... i would just smile and say.. ok la, i can see what the artist drawing. Yes, i go libray, but doing research on my own.. I don go museum as i think everybody has the rights to decide where we want to go.. If he don like to see dance, i wont force him to watch with me, i would go with my friends. I ever told him nicely, that i don like to go museum, and he ever say, museum is not that boring as i think and even got dance. I told him nicely i know, and that he was so sweet and say that he understand and wont ask me to go . But when we quarrel, he would say, u don like museum ,but i do, I keep thinking, in future, when we go for holidays, then museum we cant go, then how am i supposed to do.. Hello, i did told him that i love to go rome.. and even we go for short trip, i did go museum with him.... I just don understand why he think so far far away to the extend holidays that we cant go museum. Holiday are different mah..

Now,is that, he ever told me, he himself know he is not suitable for the relationship, he will think about himself more, he is more selfish, and he want to concentrate on his career, He do not really need a gf but a companionship.. and he say he don need my company when i want to accompany him. Maybe in a week, when i need his accompany, he say i am processive.and he say, no feelings why meet and u are not suitable for me.. All these hurt, when i let him go, and i cry hard, finding peace in my heart..

Yes, maybe i do not love him much, but does he love me as much?

Evon, thanks for your comment. I will listen here , and wont come to this thread any more..

Smile guy!! You there?? Thanks for yr time in chatting with me, and Milo &amp; Chocolate.. Thanks for your valuable advise in art.. Junkie, I love the music...

He would then tell me , he is confused and then problem is still not solved. remain there and ding dong here and there. and he will tell me, don think so much, u don think, problems will just go...
 

jojo28

New Member
hi everybody, i have last post my problem 2 months ago and yet .. now i am still struggling with this problem... many times i told myself not look back and dont be soft hearten...

Here are the problems been going round circles...and i am just just so tired. Here goes...

we end it last august.. In the month of septemeber, beginning of the month, i have been patiently telling him and explaining every quarrel... and ask him not to have wrong interpretation. Again, not picking up of phone , but just sms. so in the begining of the month, he say and insists he want to break and do not want patch, i told him ok and he say he need time and space to think. There goes.. i give him the time and space to think..

So on the 12th Sept, i see him online and he start to chat with me, as i was busy , an preparing to attend a wedding dinner, he ask me whose wedding dinner, and causal chat. the next day is his birthday so i just wish him a happy birthday to him. he reply thanks and i am the first one...i even reply.. welcome, hope you enjoy this special day with your friends. again, no reply.

Again, on his birthday, he msg me at 6 and ask..
'not meeting right". i was shocked but at that point of time, i was still kinda love him, i reply,u want to meet me? why didnt u let me know? i rush down , where r you. i am still in the office. He reply, no need, i hate you, if you have the intention to meet me, you wouldnt work late...i was shocked and sad. i never arrange to meet him on that day when he want peace and time. i rushed down to his place with a cake and our common friends to his place. I sms him and throughout the journey . he keep hurting his words on me.saying i do not understand him and he do not eat cake..blah blah...

Then the next very day, he msg me saying that he is sorry and he really didnt meant to hurt me, and that he is sorry and want me to reply. i ignore as i want to cool off...

so the whole month of sept, was hell to me. really hell. i would say that it was a emotional torture to me.. As that days passed and i see him on msn on that sat, he say too late cos that time, his heart has soften and i too so long to reply him and he say no fate. then that sunday, he come and speak to me and i keep in a neutral way and he say that if i know how to speak to him in a nice way, things wouldnt be this way, making u guilty. the following monday, he speak to me in msn and say it seem like i am doing fine and moving on well.. haiz,, that whole weeks after weeks, was just quarreling, wantin to explain al the quarrel and make it as if i am in the fault.... just as i finally enough of his words and sms that hurt,and all the vulgarities and i told him i letting go , i not looking back on the Ist oct....

he start to email me how am 1? what should he do? and try talking to me in msn. I avioid and appear offline and the next day, he nsg my friend and ask what is the situtation now... and then next week, he start to sms me,asking me to take care of myself and asking how is my medical check up and till last week, we start to quarrel till now. everything is about arts, saying he remember wat i say ..

Why do guy behave this way? when he say it is all over but why did he have to make me explain and explain and yet he refused to listen to me and has his own thinking. and why msg me in the middle of the night, ask me why i am so objective?
what is his motive in doing that? revenge?

Now thinking back, i realised how stupid i am, really stupid right? to think i keep asking to patch back and not to let go of the issue we are facing, just solve and encounter but wat i have now. is hurt and sorrow and his vulgarities..
 

Top